I don't know why, but I have a feeling that you're not taking enough baths. Am I right? I feel like I'm right. And if you're trying to tell me that you're too busy or your tub isn't clean enough for such activities to take place, I'm disappointed in you. The luxuriousness of a bath is something that we all have access to (provided you own a tub). Why are we constantly passing up the opportunity to bask in some hard-earned peacefulness? Do you feel that you don't deserve it? You're not worthy of a twenty minute dip? Nonsense, I say. You do deserve such a life. Quite honestly, maybe you're just unaware of how to specifically make the most of having a bath. You know, a proper bath. So here's what you need to have:
- Candles. That should be obvious, but maybe it isn't. The strong, harsh lighting of most bathrooms simply won't relax you to the fullest, so you'll need tiny little tea lights that surround you. They're crazy cheap from any dollar store, like those ones shown above.
- A cold drink. This complements a hot bath more than words can describe.
- Bubbles. Not the shitty drugstore kind, but, like, an Avon brand or better. Those bubbles are the money bubbles.
- Scrub mitt or exfoliation glove. Since you'll be soaking it up anyway, you might as well scrub some of that old, dirty skin off.
- Body scrub. This just makes sense if you're trying to come out of this tub soft as hell.
- Scrunchie. If you have long hair, it just makes sense.
- Face mask. What better time to use a face mask?
- Pumice stone. For the feet!
- A pad of paper and a pen. These'll be useful 'cause your mind will be so clear that you'll remember things that you need to do or ideas that come to you or other things of that nature.
- More than one clean towel. I love getting out of a tub and having a ton of clean towels at my disposal. Maybe that's just me.
And most of all? Keep your cell phone OUT of the bathroom. You should bask in the time away from it and most importantly, you don't want to be one of those losers who drops it in water. I feel no sympathy for those goons. Happy Tubbing, tubby!
(P.S. I hate that 'tubby' is a mildly offensive word. It's so funny and lighthearted, I wish we could all just use it lovingly and obliterate any negative connotation with the word. Let's work on that.)