Russell Baker - Commencement Speech

by Liz Heather in ,

Here’s another excerpt of a commencement speech that I really liked:

“All right, let’s plunge right ahead into the dull part. That’s the part where the commencement speaker tells the graduates to go forth into the world, then gives advice on what to do when they get out there. This is a ridiculous waste of time. The graduates never take the advice, as I have learned from long experience. The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess. “

“Listen once in a while. It’s amazing what you can hear. On a hot summer day in the country you can hear the corn growing, the crack of a tin roof buckling under the power of the sun. In a real old-fashioned parlor silence so deep you can hear the dust settling on the velveteen settee, you might hear the footsteps of something sinister gaining on you, or a heart-stoppingly beautiful phrase from Mozart you haven’t heard since childhood, or the voice of somebody - now gone - whom you loved. Or sometime when you’re talking up a storm so brilliant, so charming that you can hardly believe how wonderful you are, pause just a moment and listen to yourself. It’s good for the soul to hear yourself as others hear you, and next time maybe, just maybe, you will not talk so much, so loudly, so brilliantly, so charmingly, so utterly shamefully foolishly.”

- Russell Baker, at Connecticut College in 1995

Valentine's Day

by Liz Heather in ,

Dear People Who Think They’re Better Than Valentine’s Day,

Y’AINT.

Yes, this day encourages people to be nice to other people. Yes, people shouldn’t need these specific days to FORCE someone they care for to do something nice for them, because yes they should do those things on any old day of the week/month/whatever. But you see, the thing is – NOBODY DOES NICE THINGS ON ANY OLD DAY. That isn’t how it works. Or rather, it’s rare. We’re all so busy, it appears. People typically don’t have the energy to be kind all the time, and that’s just the way it goes for the most part, which I understand. Each of our daily lives get clouded with junk that consumes most of our hourly thoughts and in turn, time goes on, and so does stress and worry and that doesn’t ever stop, I’m assuming. So yes, I think it’s great that we have these kinds of days to force others into remembering how great certain people are. I’m past my early twenties now and I no longer can respect anyone for saying, “Oh nah, so-and-so doesn’t BELIEVE in Valentine’s Day and neither do I and BLAH BLAH BLAH we’re better than that.” ‘Cause NO ONE is better than that. No matter what you say or who you are. You may honestly think these are stupid days to celebrate, I understand that, but to put yourself above it – is so far past unattractive to me now and should be to you as well. The only way I can understand someone adhering to that policy is if that someone is telling their loved ones at least once a month how utterly fucking amazing they are, then I’ll understand. And I am in no way saying that a person needs a gift from their partner as a sign of affection. I am saying that when that person can give a shit enough so that they can spend two minutes out of their day trying to think of something/some act that may possibly make their mate’s day a little brighter, well, that I’m on board with. It has nothing to do with money, it has nothing to do with whatever is given. It has to do with the fact that we are all busy. And everyday life DOES get in the way of thoughts unexpressed. (And as a tiny sidenote, I think it’s so strange when a man gives a woman a gift on an anniversary or Valentine’s day but the woman does not give him anything? That’s fucking weird to me.)

And more importantly, when did this day become just about your partner? What the hell is with that? Yeah, my boyfriend’s lovely as fuck, but there are tons of other people in my life whom I care for as well and should fucking be celebrated today. 

I think it’s very clear that our society needs these days to make individuals feel great for a moment since we’re all so goddam consumed with the meaningless minutia of being on certain paths that blind us to the great people in our lives. 

(Just re-read this post, didn’t realize I sound angry as a madman in it. Sorry about that. It’s a beautiful day, and you’re sweet for reading.)

xx,

liz

Jerry Zucker - Commencement Speech

by Liz Heather in ,

I really like reading commencement speeches. Obviously they can’t all be great, since that would be impossible. But once in awhile, I’ll come across a really fantastic one and then save it in a file. Here’s an excerpt from one of the ones worth reading, in my opinion. 

My brother David and Jim Abrahams and I were having pie at Rumpelmeyer’s Coffee Shop in New York on the day after our third movie, “Top Secret,” opened. The reviews were terrible and it was bombing at the box office. We were really getting into some serious moping and self-flagellation when John Travolta walked in. We knew him from the Paramount lot and he could see right away that we were in a funk. We immediately poured out our heart to him, explaining the pain of our humiliating misfortune.

I’m not sure what we were expecting, but John just smiled and said, “Guys, the thing you have to remember is (that) nobody else is paying as much attention to your failures as you are. You’re the only ones who are obsessed with the importance of your own life. To everyone else, it’s just a blip on the radar screen, so just move on. By the way, are you going to finish that pie?” Think of the world as a big glass of water with some salt in it. You have a choice. You can try to pick out all the salt or you can keep pouring in more water so eventually it gets less bitter. As you begin your new journey, you can try to remove everything that you find distasteful in the world, or you can just pour in more love. It’s the only thing that the more you give away, the more you have.

So take all that warm, fuzzy stuff you’ve been hiding and spread it around a little. And then judge yourself not by your accomplishments, but by the happiness of the people around you. If you do that, you can do anything, you can go anywhere, you can fail at anything, and wherever you are, you will find a “there” there, because you’ll bring it with you.

– Jerry Zucker, Commencement Speech, University of Wisconsin