Tip of the Day - Change Your Bedspread

Something that you should do at least once every season (so at least four times a year): change your bed sheets. Now I’m not talking about “having clean sheets”, silly. This isn’t what I’m saying. I mean the main bedspread that you have on top your mattress, that needs to change with the seasons. Why? Because everyone needs a bare amount of variety in their lives.  I only started adhering to this policy last year, and I’ve got to say - it makes a difference. Mentally. 

I don’t want to get too metaphysical on you right now, but doing this just feels important to  avoid ever feeling stale or dated or basically just less happy, surroundings-wise. 

I like to change them up as the seasons change, since that just makes sense logically to me. Whenever you’d like to do it, just make sure it gets done. You don’t feel the same way consistently every month, week or day - so it only makes sense that you shouldn’t immerse yourself with monotony. 

This may seem like a dumb tip, and if you firmly still think that it is, well, cool. What of it. This is just something I feel pretty strongly about and with the nicer weather coming up, I wanted to propose the idea to you. 

Mom Says

“When someone’s lying down, never walk across them. The person lying down will not continue to grow if you walk across them.”

The Old Farmer's Almanac

This is a reference book that is pretty dominant in my life. I primarily use it for the dates and times that it tells you to do certain activities - these times are supposed to be the most advantageous times to do these things. Does that make sense? If I’m unclear explaining the book, maybe it’s better to just go on over here to read about it. 

There’s a website (which is easier to browse as opposed to the book) that is pretty useful, if you’re… what’s a kind word for it… *unique* and you place a lot of value in this kind of stuff. I, unfortunately, do. Thanks to my mother, who has read it for years. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been as into this stuff as I am now if it weren’t for her influence. 

I really only go to the site to see what days I should wax my legs on, since there are specific days when you can cut your hair and it’ll grow less/more depending on what you want and what day it is. If that sounds like witchcraft, well, it sort of is, I suspect. And I don’t know how hardcore I believe in this stuff, but I still do it, so I guess that says it all really. 

For example, the upcoming days you should cut so your hair so it won’t grow quickly are:

March: 5th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 27th, 28th, 31st

April: 1st, 5th, 6th, 27th, 28th, 29th

May: 2nd, 3rd

And there are a ton of other specific dates to do things other than cutting hair, such as the perfect days to go hunting, quit smoking, harvest, buy a home, host a party and even slaughter. There are a few nutty ones like that last one, but I didn’t want to list all the absurb ones ‘cause I thought it would lessen the validity of me telling you, “Hey! Try this! It’s neat!”

But seriously, c’mon, take a look, it’s pretty neat.

“When sweeping the floors, do little bits of dirt stick to your feet or socks while you do it? Wear heels. A cleaner and sexier solution.”

— #lizadvice

Mom Says

“It is bad luck to sing while eating.”

Secrets of White Teeth

If you’ve seen me in real life, have you wondered why I have such white teeth? It’s genetics.

(That’d be really funny if the post just ended there.)

Ignoring the fact that I compulsively like to talk about when I’m “being really funny”, the real answer is because of whitening toothpaste and mouthwash. Colgate Optic White, to be precise. The toothpaste and the mouthwash. Over the years, I’ve tried a bunch of different ones but, in my opinion, this one is the cheapest, the best tasting and the most effective. I was going to put a side by side photo comparison of my before teeth and after teeth, but then realized that I have been using this stuff so long that I only have after photos. I know, it’s a hard life.

Also, if you’re reading this and you’re a smoker? Wow. That’s cute. Stop smoking, dummy, and then you can benefit from my inadequate years of experience. 

Mouthwash Tip of The Day:

Don’t pour a whole lot into your mouth when mouthwashing, that’s a waste. Just put, say, less than 1/4 of a cup (why am I using baking measurements? Sorry, but those are the only I know). Anyway, just pour a tiny bit in your mouth, but then swish it around like a madman for double the amount of time it says on the back label (usually about a minute). You’ll go through your mouthwash much slower than you regularly do, but with double the results. 

I know this post sounds like a commercial. Frankly, someone should take these words, make it into a commercial somehow and pay me some money. It’s a great line of products.

You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.

“It’s good to have one really great go-to impression of someone. And if that happens to be a Maggie Smith one, well, you’re absolutely tops.”

— #lizadvice

Mom Says

“Stumbling on a staircase is a good omen.”

I gave this book to my thirteen year old niece and if I ever give this book as a gift to someone again, I’ll say the exact same thing on the front page. THE LAST CHAPTER IS SO UNNECESSARY. And maybe this is rude/bold/ignorant/silly of me to encourage, but this is my blog, not yours. So back off. 

Why do I feel so strongly about this? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because,

“God, I wish you could have been there.”

is the greatest final line OF ALL TIME.

“If you’re making out with a woman who has some kind of clip in her hair and you’re intending to have sex with her, gently take that clip outta her hair. She will go insane. It is a very hot thing to do.”

— #lizadvice