“Wouldn’t it be funny if the first time you gave birth - it turned out to be a hamburger? (And you turned to the nurse, exhausted, and asked for some ketchup.)”
My Dad
Look at that face. Look at it!
Look at that face. Look at it!
The kid in the middle? That's my Dad. His 90th birthday is today. He shot this ad in the early 1930s. This wasn't quite the beginning of his show business career since the hot lighting in the studio made him pass out in exhaustion - so this was his first and last ad. Lord love it, though.
Happy 90th Birthday, Dad. You're the greatest man I know and no one will ever hold a candle to you.
Karl Shirt
This is on a shirt that I own that was made for me by one of my lovely brothers Gary and his wife Amanda as a Christmas gift years ago.
Still one of the best shirts I own.
That's Right.
This is probably one of my top three things I'm most proud of.
Age 9, killing it.
Nieces
Maya (who's a year old) takes her diaper off and wont let me put it back on.
Me: "Ugh! Why won't she let me just put this on her? Why is this so difficult?! She must really just hate me."
Layla, six years old: "Mimi, she doesn't hate you. She's just a baby."
Fury of the Day - New York Post
I think I can sum up my hatred for the New York Post in two images:
If you don't know the story of that second cover, you can read about it here.
There aren't many words to describe how despicable this daily paper is, considering these are ACTUAL DAMN COVERS. I don't even love Hillary Clinton or anything, but are we serious here? The fact that such blatant sexism can pass as an acceptable tactic in getting more people to buy your trash? Wow. Sometimes I think women have come a really long way, and then I'll see something like that cover and just think, "Well. Fuck." The rage I felt at seeing that published still lingers inside me and is infuriating.
And that second cover? I understand that "newspapers" are supposed to cover current events. But at the same time, is there not an amount of sensitivity that should go right along with that idea? That man's fucking family had to see that cover - which is so beyond fucked. I didn't want to see that photo and I didn't even know him!
Just a lot of hate for the cretins who work at the New York Post. Absolute trash human beings.
You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.
Letter From Dad
This was the beginning of the latest letter from my dad. Maybe this isn't that funny, but it made me really laugh.
RE: Rats in Subway Stations
Me: "Do you think there are people who aren’t afraid of them?"
Marla: "I think if you’re not capable of screaming, then you’re an ally."
Just so we’re all clear on this, let it be known that I’ve been a longstanding member of the Canadian Wildlife Federation for twenty-three years and counting. What the hell have you done with your life?
Annoyance of the Day - "It Used To Be Better..."
If I’m ever in another conversation and someone tries to explain to me that The Simpsons and/or Saturday Night Live “used to be better”, I’m just gonna walk away. I just… I can’t. I refuse to entertain that kind of talk anymore. If that is your only response to a, “Hey, do you like that show?” type question, well, that’s moronic thinking and is usually uttered by someone who’s long given up watching any of the current season of whatever I’m talking about.
Why does this make me so mad? Well, mainly because people who say this usually have the guise of seeming like an actual fan of said show, but clearly are not. I’m not saying you can’t hate a show’s new stuff, but your opinion cannot be deemed as VALID if you “just don’t care to watch it anymore.” I can only politely ask you to shut up and stop talking, please.
And I love it when people continue to watch something they love and opinions change over the years, I’ll discuss the ups and downs of something until the cows come home, I really will! Just can’t get over that awful, empty excuse of “it used to be better.”
I read this quote a few years ago, and still love it to death:
“You always hear that the show isn’t as good as it used to be… But people always compare the new shows to the memories of their favorite episodes, back when the show surprised them. You’ve got to have an open mind, and for some people, it’s impossible. Nostalgia clouds their thinking.” – Simpsons creator, Matt Groening, to the Los Angeles Daily News, July 2007
You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.