e.l.f. Mineral Eyeshadow Primer

Did you know that e.l.f. stands for eyes lips face? Do you even care? Well, I did/do so that's why I passed it onto you. 

ANYWAY, in a world where you can spend upwards of $40 on a MERE PRIMER - I always applaud the day when someone turns me onto a product that's actually quite useful and not a billion dollars. 

If you ever wear eyeshadow, please buy this primer. Not only is it amazing, but it's three dollars. Three dollars and it lasts about six months with casual usage. And I, in no way, fully support all e.l.f. products (my favourites so far are this primer and their lip exfoliator), since their "blushes" are a little cake-y and scream fifth-grade-play to me. 

Keeping Pets Cool in the Summer

Do you have any idea how important it is to make sure your pet doesn't sweat to death this summer? I don't want to lecture you here, but please take some kind of precautions here, people. A vet once told me that taking a dog for a walk on a crazy hot day is the equivalent of a human walking around barefoot on piping hot sidewalks - and expecting that to be normal. So the best times to walk them in the summer? When the sidewalks are coolest - mornings and evenings.

And maybe these products below are unnecessary, but I love that they exist. 

Self Cooling Pet Pad, available in different sizes on Amazon

Look at how cool that dog looks! I've bought this dog mat and it does actually stay pretty cool. The problem is trying to get a dog ON it. The box doesn't tell you how difficult that part is. Also, the fact that is looks like a pee pad doesn't help things along here.

The Frobo, keeps a water dish cold for an extended period

Now... will I buy the Frobo? I really want to. But I think I sort of have a problem with buying smaller-scale-luxurious items. So maybe I'll ask for one for Christmas.

Keep those bitches safe this summer, please!

The Pet High Chair

“Satisfying a mutual desire for companionship, this high chair permits your dog or cat to accompany you at the dinner table. The high chair clips securely to tables up to 2” thick and its height adjusts without tools to elevate your pet to near eye level. It has a frame of powder-coated 5/8” steel tubing and its arms are rubber-coated so they will not mar table surfaces. By providing an alternative to sitting on your lap, running disruptively underfoot, or outright banishment, the chair assuages a pet (and its owner’s) frustration, and promotes more refined behavior. The chair’s 600-denier tan/brown nylon fabric cleans easily. Two tethers on the chair protect your dinner guests against any lapses in etiquette. Folds for convenient storage and travel. For pets up to 10 lbs.”

— Hammacher Schlemmer

The people who brought you the dog umbrella are now touting this contraption. Am I writing a post about this item because I think it's ridiculous or because I think it's amazing? Honestly, I don't even know anymore. I used to think that I'd never be the type of person to carry a tiny dog in a purse before either and that's now a reality, so WHO KNOWS. I can say for sure that I wouldn't buy this high chair solely because I don't run with an eat-food-at-the-dinner-table kind of crowd. But if I did? Man, this might have to get bought. LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE.

Also, don't judge me for carrying a dog in a bag because:

1. I don't like the idea of tying her up outside a grocery store and leaving her alone since that seems kind of mean and also SHE'S GORGEOUS AND SOMEONE WILL TAKE HER.
2. She likes the air conditioning that she gets to experience inside said grocery store.
3. I do not do it for fashion, I do it for necessity. If we're outside, she's walking on her tiny paws, always.

Baseball Glove Scented Soap

Pretty self-explanatory title up there. Who would buy this, you ask? I'll assume anyone who grew up playing baseball (or, in my case, grew up around a sibling who played). I never had any real skills when it came to sports (even before my eye issues), so I was limited to pretend-playing in my backyard. I definitely remember the smell of gloves like this, so I'd definitely use this soap once or twice. I doubt that it would dominate my bathing routine since I'm not a maniac - but a one time use every so often to be gently reminded of a simpler time? Sure.

Shower From Below

If I'm ever lucky enough to live near a beach while simultaneously having access to oodles of money, I'm getting this. You hook it up to a hose and step onto it to get rained on from the ground up. All you need to do is step into it and your body weight makes the Viteo’s shower jets turn on, so water gushes up from below and over your head.

Is it worth $850? In my parsimonious opinion, fuck no. But I guess it's that expensive 'cause of the body weight sensor - and I suppose that kind of technology warrants the high price. I'd be just as happy with a little switch to turn it on in exchange for it to be a bit cheaper, but I suppose that's just peasant-talk.

Balea Face Masks

Are people supposed to exfoliate their face more than once a month? Who knows. But that's what I do. And when I'm doing it - I use these babies. For three reasons mainly:

1. Cheap as hell (3 for $5)
2. The flavours are fun.
3. They don't overly dry out my skin.

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Maybe one day I'll become loyal to some fancy brand that will do all the things that face cleansers are supposed to do, but until that day arrives, these masks are my everything. You can find them at Shoppers Drug Mart, usually at the end of the hair products aisle. They also have some hair, body and foot masks that are pretty killer, too.

Water Fillable Ankle Weights

You're thinking one of two things right now:

1. This is the best idea for a product in the world.
2. Who the hell would buy something so stupid?

Assuming you're in the category #1 of people, here are some of the details (as listed by Amazon).

• "Great for workouts away from home." (This is the main reason I would want to own them. You can take these anywhere you go and still do your body business? Amazing.)
• "The perfect travel companion." (The PERFECT travel companion? God, I hope not. Bit sad of a thought. I still want them, but nobody should yearn for them.)
• "Each holds up to eight pounds when full." (Eight pounds is ridiculous and amazing.)
• "Guaranteed not to leak." (Sweet.)
• "Aquabells empty in seconds." (Love it.)

I was on the subway and thought of the idea of water fillable hand free weights (those exist too, but the ones I found looked too meaty, these ones seem better), and of course the product already existed when I did a Google search for them. Such a smart idea. You can get them on Amazon for $28.50.

Orajel for Mosquito Bites

I think about this tweet maybe... once a week. Just love it.

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Anyway, Pinterest/Buzzfeed/Tumblr have all been telling me for years to put Orajel onto my mosquito bites to make them stop itching. I finally tried it and - fuck. I've never found anything else that works like this stuff. Literally in a matter of seconds. I think it has something to do with the numbing ingredient in it - I don't know, let's not get technical. PLEASE carry this with you wherever there are mosquitoes looming near. This stuff is goddam magic.

Wood Watches by JORD

I've always felt that a person who wears a watch is an extremely well put together kind of person and I've been yearning to align myself in that category of people for many years now. (There's just something lame about someone having to look at their phone for the time.) When I came this to conclusion, I could have just bought the first watch I'd seen, but if you know me (and you do, by now) then you know that I like to wait until I find something that's just right and exactly what I want. And since I can be pretty picky about the things that I like, it's taken me awhile to find one that's good enough. 

My favourite thing about this JORD watch is the fact that it's made of wood, not plastic since there's nothing more gross than having accessories stick to your warm body throughout any given day. And it isn't a heavy kind of wood, so you can wear it as long as you like without really feeling the weight of it on your wrist. 

And maybe this doesn't have have anything to do with anything, but the box that it comes in? Man. That box is gorgeous. It's sturdy as hell and you'll definitely keep it to store it in when you're not wearing it. 

You can see all of the different models they offer over here. Oh and also? JORD is generously offering the same watch I'm wearing above as a giveaway for one lucky reader - all you have to do is send a message with your name and email address by going over here. I'll randomly pick the winning entry on Monday June 30th, so send me a note if you're interested! 

Dip Warmer and Dip Cooler

In a perfect world, I would host endless dinner parties. In this world? I have a lone napkin ring that I happily use on the weekends. 

I just saw this Dip-on-Ice Stainless-Steel Serving Bowl and I think I might be yearning for it. Keeping a dip cold?! I never even knew that could be a desire until now. 

Dip cooler!

They're $20 on Amazon and it's a pretty neat idea. Have you ever tasted a warm, almost-sweaty salsa before? I have and it ain't a party. 

I already own this guy (below) and he's made me very happy. 

Dip warmer!