The Old Farmer's Almanac

This is a reference book that is pretty dominant in my life. I primarily use it for the dates and times that it tells you to do certain activities - these times are supposed to be the most advantageous times to do these things. Does that make sense? If I’m unclear explaining the book, maybe it’s better to just go on over here to read about it. 

There’s a website (which is easier to browse as opposed to the book) that is pretty useful, if you’re… what’s a kind word for it… *unique* and you place a lot of value in this kind of stuff. I, unfortunately, do. Thanks to my mother, who has read it for years. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been as into this stuff as I am now if it weren’t for her influence. 

I really only go to the site to see what days I should wax my legs on, since there are specific days when you can cut your hair and it’ll grow less/more depending on what you want and what day it is. If that sounds like witchcraft, well, it sort of is, I suspect. And I don’t know how hardcore I believe in this stuff, but I still do it, so I guess that says it all really. 

For example, the upcoming days you should cut so your hair so it won’t grow quickly are:

March: 5th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 27th, 28th, 31st

April: 1st, 5th, 6th, 27th, 28th, 29th

May: 2nd, 3rd

And there are a ton of other specific dates to do things other than cutting hair, such as the perfect days to go hunting, quit smoking, harvest, buy a home, host a party and even slaughter. There are a few nutty ones like that last one, but I didn’t want to list all the absurb ones ‘cause I thought it would lessen the validity of me telling you, “Hey! Try this! It’s neat!”

But seriously, c’mon, take a look, it’s pretty neat.

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) By Mindy Kaling - Review

Loved it. Duh. 

That really could be my complete analysis of this engaging and lovely-as-fuck little book. No, “little book” sounds condescending. And I won’t (errr, I’ll try not to) taint this post with any sort of hidden envy that is seething through my bones after reading such an extraordinary first book by this woman. (I say “first” book because honestly, if there aren’t more to come in the future, then she’s harming us all. Yes, harming.)

Observations While Reading

• Apparently, I laugh out loud while reading now. New. 
• If I ever meet this woman, I will forcibly make her talk to me about what specific lyrics from Joni Mitchell’s Blue album she loved and why. And I will then discuss mine because that album is magic.
• She mentioned the movie A Fish Called Wanda somewhere (in a very non-important way), and I made a note to watch it because I feel like people were constantly talking about that movie at some point in my life and I’d never seen it. Anyway, just watched it last night. No idea how Kevin Kline won that Oscar. Suck-fest.
• Her chapter about specific, odd things that make her cry? God. I loved reading that almost too much. I want to make a whole book devoted to those things. Infact, that might be an idea.

Here are a few of my favorite parts:

I don’t think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they’re “bad with names.” No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people’s names isn’t a neurological condition; it’s a choice. You choose not to make learning people’s names a priority. It’s like saying, “Hey, a disclaimer about me: I’m rude.” For heaven’s sake, if you don’t know someone’s name, just pretend you do. Do that thing everyone does, where you vaguely say, “Nice to see you!” and make weak eye contact. 

Without knowing me at all, Gail nicknamed me Minz. I respond very well to people being overly familiar with me a little too soon. It shows effort and kindness. I try to do this all the time. It makes me feel part of a big, familial, Olive Garden-y community.

A note about me: I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn’t conversation. It’ll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, “Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake.”

Why didn’t you talk about whether women are funny or not?

I just felt that by commenting on that in any real way, it would be tacit approval of it as a legitimate debate, which it isn’t. It would be the same as addressing the issue of “Should dogs and cats be able to care for our children? They’re in the house anyway.” I try not to make it a habit to seriously discuss nonsensical hot-button issues.

That last one is my very favorite. Anyway, such a great book. Please read it. I never read (well, rarely) and I read this in a day and just loved it. You can buy it here. 

(Ugh, I wish I didn’t tell you I never read. Fuck, that was stupid. I’m actually trying to make more time for it. It’s just hard sometimes ‘cause of, like, the internet fucking up my time.)

Nathan Macintosh

I like to think that I’m right about a lot of things. Is it because I’m really smart and have a high IQ? Possibly. Could it be that I just know what’s up? Even more likely. 

This man is one of the funniest humans I’ve ever seen and/or known. His new website looks amazing (that main photo? c’mon, that’s gorgeous) and I’d be a fool not to share that with all of you kind little beauties who are currently reading this. I could go on and on about why he’s so talented, but you wouldn’t hear me. Nobody listens to why someone’s funny - you just watch a link and figure it out on your own. So just go watch any of these videos and you’ll see. He also writes great blogs.

There is no personal bias in this post, I assure you. (You really expect me to have a blog and NOT say anything about this man?! Wow. Get real, toad.)

Spa Castle in Queens, NY

I just went to a “bath house” and it was wicked. I’d never gone to one before, so I didn’t really know what to expect. I thought it would mostly be lounging in hot rooms and pretending I was relaxed. What was it actually? TONS OF POOLS! Outdoor ones, ones where you can take your drinks into, ones that have tons of different underwater mechanisms to relax your muscles, etc. There were also a ton of saunas, which I managed to enjoy after a little while. The outdoor pool was the best part of it all, in my opinion. 

The place I went to is in College Point in Queens (Spa Castle), which is probably closest to the last stop on the 7 train (and the place has a shuttle that runs to and from that subway stop). Definitely worth the trip, even if you don’t live near there. 

If you live in New York, and you aren’t currently at this establishment, well, that shocks me. Only because you’d be doing yourself a disservice by not going. It’s $35 for a weekday and $45 on weekends. 

UPDATE: There's a new location opening in Manhattan, you can find more details here. 

Secrets of White Teeth

If you’ve seen me in real life, have you wondered why I have such white teeth? It’s genetics.

(That’d be really funny if the post just ended there.)

Ignoring the fact that I compulsively like to talk about when I’m “being really funny”, the real answer is because of whitening toothpaste and mouthwash. Colgate Optic White, to be precise. The toothpaste and the mouthwash. Over the years, I’ve tried a bunch of different ones but, in my opinion, this one is the cheapest, the best tasting and the most effective. I was going to put a side by side photo comparison of my before teeth and after teeth, but then realized that I have been using this stuff so long that I only have after photos. I know, it’s a hard life.

Also, if you’re reading this and you’re a smoker? Wow. That’s cute. Stop smoking, dummy, and then you can benefit from my inadequate years of experience. 

Mouthwash Tip of The Day:

Don’t pour a whole lot into your mouth when mouthwashing, that’s a waste. Just put, say, less than 1/4 of a cup (why am I using baking measurements? Sorry, but those are the only I know). Anyway, just pour a tiny bit in your mouth, but then swish it around like a madman for double the amount of time it says on the back label (usually about a minute). You’ll go through your mouthwash much slower than you regularly do, but with double the results. 

I know this post sounds like a commercial. Frankly, someone should take these words, make it into a commercial somehow and pay me some money. It’s a great line of products. 

A Hamm A Day

These drawings are consistently funny and great. They’re done by Andrew Hamm, who is a darling of man. He’s been doing one a day for over a year now. If that’s not impressive, I don’t know what is. What have you done consistently every day for over a year? Nothing? Yeah. 

See for yourself. 

iMAginNiff Board Game

All right, if we’ve spoken in real life before, you may already be aware of this game’s existence. It is possibly the most fun game there is on the market (what market? The board game market, of course…?). Mind you, it’s especially fun if you’re playing with about four or more people.

Here’s how to play:

It’s simple to play. A set of names is chosen, usually the name of every player plus those of several absent friends. When it’s your turn, one name is selected as the subject of the question. You pick a card—one of hundreds—that poses a question and six possible answers (for example, “Imaginiff _____ were a crime. Which would he/she be?”). Read the question aloud, plugging in the subject’s name. Then read out the six answers (in this case, they range from “homicide” to “indecent exposure”). Each player picks an answer to fit the subject; those who have picked the most popular answer move forward. But though you win by advancing, winning is obviously not the point: laughter and arguments are. The questions on the cards range from the ridiculous (“Imaginiff _____ were a body part.”) to the provocative (“Imaginiff _____ had to decide which of the following values is most important.”). The game is a fun cross between Scruples and True Colors. —Elisa Murray, Amazon

There are a bunch of different versions with different covers, but they’re all the same game essentially. 

I can’t remember who, but someone I know was all, “I hate board games. They’re useless  and they waste time,” so I brought this baby out and they it took them five minutes to get totally into it. I don’t know if they’ll admit that, but their smiles were vast. 

Buy this game. Have a ton of fun. You’re not above board games. Maybe you think you are, but Y’AINT.

Snug Harbour in Mississauga

This is my favourite restaurant in Mississauga, Ontario. It was closed down for renovations a few months ago, but has just re-opened today, I’m told. The only thing I ever eat there is the Penne with Roasted Chicken. Been eating that for years. Ain’t gonna stop. That chicken tastes like nothing else. Maybe it’s due to the fact that it’s roasted? I don’t know, really. “Roasted chicken” doesn’t really sound that complicated and/or delicious, but boy oh boy, it is. Oooo, and that sauce? MAN. When I heard that they were changing up their menu, in fear, I emailed the owner to see if my pasta would make the cut. It did. Only now with fusilli instead of penne. I don’t want to express the relief I felt in that moment. It was only slightly pathetic.

Anywho, if you live anywhere near Mississauga, you should probably go if you haven’t already. It’s on lakeshore and it’s busy as hell in the summer (for good reason). Just amazing food. You can take a look at their new menu, if you like.

GO!

GIRLS (HBO) Review - PART TWO (One Man's Trash episode)

All right, I just read a review that made me physically “UGH” numerous times, so I have to include a part two to that original review.

…I just deleted fifteen minutes of writing. Not because I didn’t think it was well written, but because I don’t want to emphasize any more negativity surrounding this episode (One Man’s Trash) that I feel like I really strongly want to defend, for some reason. 

The two men who wrote the review that I will now only briefly comment on clearly can’t be of sound mind considering how it reeks of misogyny. These writers are not very well known, which leads me to believe that they’re each just really trying to make a name for themselves. And I’m not saying that no one is allowed to say anything bad about the show - but the review is so wretchedly hateful towards women that I can’t fully take it seriously and must force myself to believe that it was meant as some kind of farce. And honestly, to write something that would clearly upset a lot of people (women, specifically) and have people be outraged enough to talk about constantly - would make these guys even more relevant and noted. And I don’t want to do that, so I’m not gonna tell you where I read it or who they are, since it’s really the ideas put forth that made me so angry - and not the two who wrote it. So I’m only going to say a few things.

Excerpt from the review: 

 Hannah’s rude (“what did you do?” she asks Joshua, referring to his broken marriage), self-centered (“I’m too smart and too sensitive”), sexually ungenerous (“no, make me come”), and defiantly ungraceful (naked ping-pong). 

“Sexually ungenerous”?!?! I could write pages and pages on why that phrase alone is abominable. But I won’t. If a man says, “Make me come first,” that is typically seen as assertive and so fucking commonplace that no one raises one question about it being uttered. But a woman says it and she’s fucking SEXUALLY UNGENEROUS?! Wow. That’s so far beyond fucked that I don’t want to get into it too deep because the foam frothing at my mouth from anger will short circuit my keyboard.

I gotta say that when I heard Hannah say that to Joshua in the episode I thought, “Fuck! Yeah!” - ESPECIALLY for her character to say that considering past situations when she has just done whatever the man she’s with wants to do, in whatever position he wants, etc.

Her character is said to be “defiantly ungraceful” while playing ping pong naked? Personally, I didn’t find that scene unrealistic. I like to do stuff naked. I’d be fucking naked all the time if I didn’t have roommates. It’s obvious that the men who wrote that  just have such an issue with the constant sight of her body combined with the fact that, SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS, she’s actually pretty comfortable with her own fucking body, too. 

The review goes on to mention how unbelievable the whole episode felt and how ludicrous it was for Hannah to get with such an intensely attractive man. Honestly, I didn’t find any of the episode unrealistic at all. I’ve been with men ten times better looking than me. IT HAPPENS, assholes. Get over it. And I absolutely have over-shared with emotional ramblings in a situation when I maybe shouldn’t have — and then was met with a brick wall-type face of, “Umm ok…” or even just silence. 

And the thing that really pisses me off is that I have yet to read a review written by a woman who’s hated it. I’m sure they’re out there, I’m not saying that some women won’t hate it. It’s just the fact that, a day later, the majority of my Google search came up with a dozen reviews/articles written by different men condemning the whole episode and talking about how they “didn’t believe any of it” or “tuned out after the first five minutes”. That bugs me immensely because man… maybe it wasn’t fucking written for you to enjoy? Maybe the fact that you aren’t a woman in your twenties might hinder you JUST A FUCKING BIT? Or maybe, God forbid, you get a little bit of insight into the horrors of how it feels to BE a goddam woman in your twenties who hasn’t quite figured out her life yet. And maybe I wouldn’t be so mad about any of this if I weren’t also hit with a mountain of musings on Lena Dunham’s fucking weight or beauty or how ugly her clothes are. If you’re going to negatively criticize something, please don’t start with, “What was with that romper??” ‘cause you’ll likely sound like a simple moron. I’m not asking anyone to enjoy this episode. I just don’t understand why the criticism has to be a personal attack on someone who’s really fucking talented. 

I know I said I wasn’t gonna get negative, but then it happened. I really should’ve just spared you and wrote this in a journal or something. Next time.

Bill Cunningham New York (Documentary)

This man seems like the nicest man on the planet. The whole thing centers around this fashion photographer who works for The New York Times, and is known for his candid and street photography. I don’t follow fashion stuff, but this was so enjoyable to watch. And I think about this line from it often:

"Fashion is the armor to survive the reality of everyday life."