Epic - A Review

I just saw Epic with my seven year old niece, Layla. Here are some thoughts.

Thoughts After Seeing The Trailer

• Did that girl’s dad shrink her down ‘cause he’s a scientist? 'Cause Honey, I Shrunk The Kids is a classic and if kids today haven't seen that movie... well, that's a damn shame and I blame the parents.
• Wait, is Beyonce’s character white, just with a wicked tan? 
• I will forever love red haired main characters. No reason for that - really, no reason! I just like it so much more than plain Jane brown haired ones or too bright blondes. Animated red hair just makes my eyes smile.  
• Fuck, this is the second Owl City song I like. If there's a third, that's gonna be rough to deal with.
  
• The line: “Just because you haven’t seen something doesn’t mean it’s not there” – already been used, buds. The Santa Clause. With the incomparable Tim Allen. 

Thoughts After Seeing The Movie

• Everyone, young and old, likes Aziz Ansari.
• Happy to realize that the dad didn't infact shrink her down. What did cause that? Beyonce's magic. Okay, cool. 
• Kids really like to have conversations with you during movies. And I think I really like it. Just 'cause, like, they're not trying to be dicks or anything - they just have thoughts they needa get out, so they use their normal speaking voice to let you hear them. Lotta respect for that.
• Amanda Seyfried sounds identical to Zooey Deschanel at times.   
• Okay, maybe I'm way out of line here, but I feel like the people over at Blue Sky Studios really wanted me to come out of the theatre with an overwhelming urge to serve my country. The whole movie reminded me of that Simpsons episode where Bart joins a boy band that secretly is trying to enlist kids to join the Navy. In Epic, the whole leaf men storyline of them being protectors of the forest? And how no one is alone if there's someone fighting next to them? Are we kidding here? Just a theory, but come on. It was weird. 

All in all, not the worst, and not the best. Layla enjoyed it, so that's all I need at this point. And I had no choice but to see it in 3D. Still no love for that "feature", but that's a whole other topic. Carry on with your day. Thanks for reading.

(Sidenote: I will sincerely and dearly love Mr. Tim Allen probably for the remainder of my days. Man’s dynamite.)

Frances Ha - (Not Really) A Review

Not sure I can call this a review since all I really want to say is: GO SEE IT!  

It's really good! And I was in a terrible mood before having seen it, too! So that's gotta mean something if it was able to pull me out of my misery. It was charming and so well written, please go see it.  

Edit note: From now on, I will not call eager suggestions "reviews" in the future. 

Crêpe Cake at Lady M in NYC

I've tasted heaven and it comes in the form of crêpes.  Twenty crêpes, to be precise. Twenty, paper-thin, chocolate crêpes that are ensconced in a pastry cream that's infused with banana, to be even more precise. This is the Chocolate-Banana Mille Crêpe cake that I ate today at Lady M in The Plaza Food Hall and it is finer than 95% of the cakes I've had in all of my time on this planet.

Also, relevant fact of the day? I hate crêpes. I feel like they have the texture of what skin would taste like. Always thought that. Never saw the appeal of them. Even now, I'll still never be that woman who drags her boyfriend to some crêperie for a charming night out. Gross. But this cake? Fucking nuts. So tasty. This is the one exception I will ever make.  

A slice will set you back $8, and a whole cake runs for $80. Now, if you're a human with a normal understanding of budgets and common sense, I understand that $80 is ludicrous to pay for one, lone cake. I wouldn't dare spend that much on something that I could possibly eat whole in under five minutes. But you? Maybe you're loftier than I. Or perhaps you're just living a fuller life than most, in which case - go buy this cake. Lady M has two locations in New York, but this flavour is only available at The Plaza location. Eat this, man. Eat it now. 

Jennifer Faylor

Buttons

by Jennifer Faylor

When she loves someone it’s the worst— they wake each morning to find a new button sewn to their jacket, until one day they’re covered in brightly colored bits of plastic and metal, the occasional pearl button swimming with city light. Her lovers never want to hurt her feelings, so they walk around all day looking ridiculous, constantly getting entangled with peoples scarves, dangling necklaces, loose hair. Then, they return home to her every evening with bits of the world still affixed.

People often ask why she’s sewn so many useless buttons to her dresses and sweaters. She tells them they aren’t useless. No, there’s an opening in the world where one of those buttons will fit perfectly someday. There’ll be a perfect man out there with a hole inside him just big enough for one of those buttons

She dreams of having a little girl, of naming her Coco. A name with buttonholes already built in, so people could hook their loving fingers into her, pull her out of sadness if she fell in. Even the idea of bearing a child seems simply a process of buttoning and unbuttoning another body from herself.

They are more useful than people understand. If someone inside her apartment is very, very sad, wants to jump out the window, she buttons them to the drapes so they have time to think about things. Or if someone who loves her wants to leave, she buttons them to the floor.

If you ask her why she has buttons everywhere, she will place a button in her mouth and kiss you. If you tell her you love her, she will swallow that button whole, never let it go.

That is one of my favourite pieces by the ridiculously talented Jennifer Faylor. Just a beautiful writer. 

The above was taken from here. 

And you can purchase her newly published work, The Case of the Missing Lover, through Dancing Girl Press. 

The Greatly Disappointing Gatsby - A Review

I didn’t hate The Great Gatsby. And I know that a lot of my reviews tend to get really angry really quickly, so I'm not gonna go crazy over-analyzing this one. But here are some things that bothered me:

• No way you can play a 32 year old anymore, Leo. No way. 
• Tobey Maguire. Yeah, just his essence bothered me. How has he lasted as an actor? He has one face! You know the face! This face! 

And that's it! There are no other expressions! I don’t understand why people keep putting him in movies. He’s like a houseplant or something – just someone who sort of hangs out near other stuff happening. 

• There were lots of really corny parts, especially that first "reveal" of Leonardo DiCaprio’s face at the party.
• Hated the way lines from the novel were plastered across the screen. Hated that so much.  
• Also, in almost all of their scenes together, I kept thinking that Gatsby and Nick Carraway were about point three seconds away from some hardcore making out. Which would've be great. Just the tension of it all was way too overacted and weird.  
• TOO. LONG. 

And yeah, the clothing and set design were great. But that's it. I heard some teenage girls leaving the theatre afterward and they loved it. So maybe this just wasn’t a movie that I was supposed to enjoy? That’s probably it. 

Anyway, suckfest.

Running Or How I Learned To Grow Up And Become Healthier

All right, I run. I know I don't seem like a runner, but I am. It's definitely a relatively new thing, since I only started about a year ago. And it's not like I've always hated running, I'm actually really fast (well, really fast at night... I know that seems like it doesn't make sense, but really, something about the night makes me run faster).

Why did I want to start to run? Well, I never used to exercise at all. Really, it never happened. I would fake sprain my ankle for every single track tournament we had at school, so I wouldn't have to move an inch. I got a year-long YMCA pass when I was 16 with my best friend Harmeet and every time we went, we'd spend thirty minutes in the "warm-up" room and then go five feet outside of the Y exit to get some TCBY. That yogurt is still the best in the world. So now that I'm a full-fledged adult, I need to do stuff like this - and running is the easiest, non-invasive thing to get into. Eventually I'm sure I'll get a gym pass, but for now this is the best thing with the least amount of effort that I can bring myself to care about.

Tips That I've Learned About Running

• If you run on a treadmill and you don't want to lose your ass, then make sure you set it at an incline (read about that here, and all that whole piece is so true)
• People seem 10% impressed to hear that you're a runner
• You can run for longer periods of time (without strain) if you use replacement insoles

What kind of soles? I've tried Dr. Scholl's Active Series ones and they're pretty magical. They're only $20 or so and I've taken them out and used them in different shoes when I need to. They feel ridiculously more comfortable than just the default insoles. 

I was recently at an event where I got to work out with Dolvett Quince (the celebrity personal trainer from The Biggest Loser, who was a sincere delight and is amazing as what he does) and I used these insoles. And to be honest, I figured I'd have some problems since I broke my foot last year - but they felt great against my feet. Sidenote: have you ever worked out with a personal trainer before? Go do it. This was my second time (my first time I threw up in the bathroom in the middle of the session, but that was mostly from nervousness, I think - nervousness and excessive movement) and this time, well, it was exhausting, but a tolerable amount of exhausting. But my feet could handle it all, which is my main point here. 

You are not better than new insoles. They are better than you. Try these out to see what I mean. 

*Special thanks to Haasan Morse at Morse Code PR for inviting me to work out with Dolvett.

Trader Joe's Coconut Body Butter

If I were a celebrity, I’m pretty sure the only thing I would endorse is body butter. We all benefit from body butter. It is cream’s cooler, older brother. If you haven’t tried it, I'd encourage you to give it a whirl. 

While I am a fan of the specialty stores that sell it (mainly The Body Shop), I am not a fan of their ridiculous prices. An eight ounce container can go for north of $20. For one container. And in the past, I would pay that! I foolishly thought that was the only way. NO MORE! 

This Trader Joe’s body butter is definitely as good, if not better, than anything at The Body Shop. And it’s eons cheaper. And it also doesn’t leave that oily residue that I’ve experienced with other, more expensive butters. 

Seriously, give it a go. And just as a sidenote: it’s way more fun to say I’m “buttering myself up” as opposed to “lotioning myself up,” just rolls off the tongue easier. 

It’s $12 on Amazon. And it’s $5 at Trader Joe’s.  

Best Soup in Albany

One of the best soups I've ever had is the Potato & Arugula soup in Albany, NY at Elda's On Lark. If you find yourself in Albany, go eat this soup. I know, this seems like a weak post, but man... if you've tasted this baby, you'd understand where I'm coming from right now.

Honorable Mentions in the Category of Fine Soups

• Lobster Bisque at The Original Soupman in NYC
• ​French Onion at Cinema Cafe Restaurant in NYC
• Asparagus and Shrimp at Aquagrill in NYC

Pink Ribbons, Inc. - A Review

My boyfriend is the one who told me that I needed to watch this - and to be honest, I didn’t really get why he was insisting repeatedly. I know that he watches a lot of documentaries, but I thought, “Ugh. That sounds just… boring,” as awful as that statement is to admit. I didn’t feel like sitting through an hour and a half of hearing just how terrible breast cancer really is and listening to stories and specifics on why. I know these things. Not know them like some others do, but I’m as little aware as I thought I needed to be. (Most of this paragraph makes me sound like a monster, and I’m aware of that.)

This is not a movie solely about breast cancer and those affected by it. I initially thought that’s what it was about, and it could not be further from that. 

Here’s the best description of it that I could find (and even this does not quite do it justice):

“Breast cancer has become the poster child of corporate cause-related marketing campaigns. Countless women and men walk, bike, climb and shop for the cure. Each year, millions of dollars are raised in the name of breast cancer, but where does this money go and what does it actually achieve? Pink Ribbons, Inc. is a feature documentary that shows how the devastating reality of breast cancer, which marketing experts have labeled a “dream cause,” becomes obfuscated by a shiny, pink story of success.” Written by The National Film Board of Canada

It took me about fifteen minutes into the film to finally understand what this was going to be about, so I can only suggest you sit through that first part and wait for it to really begin. 

The whole piece is crazy well done, in my opinion, and I’ll probably continue to tell people that fact for maybe about a week or so - or however long the sensation of seeing something really great lasts.

Here’s an excerpt from it that lingered in my mind, for whatever reason:

“I particularly reject the word survivor as a label for myself. Not only because I’m a little superstitious, since who knows - but also because it seems to me to be a put down of those women who don’t survive.”

There were so many things covered that I’ve never been even slightly aware of, so I’m just glad to have seen it. It’s just an extremely eloquent, unbiased (but in the classiest kind of unbiased way) documentary. Definitely see it.

New Place To Online Shop

This place is not new, but rather new to me. I’ve only bought a few things here and I’ve been very happy with all my purchases. Granted, some of the stuff is extraordinarily trashy, but some of the other stuff is beautiful and are things that I haven’t to been able to find anywhere else. 

Anyway, if you’re a woman, take a look. If you’re a man? Sorry to have this focus on my gender. I know it’s hard for men to find clothing places that are actually good. Have you tried the men’s section at Zara? That’s something. Or take a look over here (but I have a feeling a lot of that list will be way too expensive for any normal human man). Yeah, actually that list sucks. I’ll come up with a real list aimed at men after I do some research.