“If you’re making out with a woman who has some kind of clip in her hair and you’re intending to have sex with her, gently take that clip outta her hair. She will go insane. It is a very hot thing to do.”
Russell Baker - Commencement Speech
Here’s another excerpt of a commencement speech that I really liked:
“All right, let’s plunge right ahead into the dull part. That’s the part where the commencement speaker tells the graduates to go forth into the world, then gives advice on what to do when they get out there. This is a ridiculous waste of time. The graduates never take the advice, as I have learned from long experience. The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess. “
“Listen once in a while. It’s amazing what you can hear. On a hot summer day in the country you can hear the corn growing, the crack of a tin roof buckling under the power of the sun. In a real old-fashioned parlor silence so deep you can hear the dust settling on the velveteen settee, you might hear the footsteps of something sinister gaining on you, or a heart-stoppingly beautiful phrase from Mozart you haven’t heard since childhood, or the voice of somebody - now gone - whom you loved. Or sometime when you’re talking up a storm so brilliant, so charming that you can hardly believe how wonderful you are, pause just a moment and listen to yourself. It’s good for the soul to hear yourself as others hear you, and next time maybe, just maybe, you will not talk so much, so loudly, so brilliantly, so charmingly, so utterly shamefully foolishly.”
- Russell Baker, at Connecticut College in 1995
Valentine's Day
Dear People Who Think They’re Better Than Valentine’s Day,
Y’AINT.
Yes, this day encourages people to be nice to other people. Yes, people shouldn’t need these specific days to FORCE someone they care for to do something nice for them, because yes they should do those things on any old day of the week/month/whatever. But you see, the thing is – NOBODY DOES NICE THINGS ON ANY OLD DAY. That isn’t how it works. Or rather, it’s rare. We’re all so busy, it appears. People typically don’t have the energy to be kind all the time, and that’s just the way it goes for the most part, which I understand. Each of our daily lives get clouded with junk that consumes most of our hourly thoughts and in turn, time goes on, and so does stress and worry and that doesn’t ever stop, I’m assuming. So yes, I think it’s great that we have these kinds of days to force others into remembering how great certain people are. I’m past my early twenties now and I no longer can respect anyone for saying, “Oh nah, so-and-so doesn’t BELIEVE in Valentine’s Day and neither do I and BLAH BLAH BLAH we’re better than that.” ‘Cause NO ONE is better than that. No matter what you say or who you are. You may honestly think these are stupid days to celebrate, I understand that, but to put yourself above it – is so far past unattractive to me now and should be to you as well. The only way I can understand someone adhering to that policy is if that someone is telling their loved ones at least once a month how utterly fucking amazing they are, then I’ll understand. And I am in no way saying that a person needs a gift from their partner as a sign of affection. I am saying that when that person can give a shit enough so that they can spend two minutes out of their day trying to think of something/some act that may possibly make their mate’s day a little brighter, well, that I’m on board with. It has nothing to do with money, it has nothing to do with whatever is given. It has to do with the fact that we are all busy. And everyday life DOES get in the way of thoughts unexpressed. (And as a tiny sidenote, I think it’s so strange when a man gives a woman a gift on an anniversary or Valentine’s day but the woman does not give him anything? That’s fucking weird to me.)
And more importantly, when did this day become just about your partner? What the hell is with that? Yeah, my boyfriend’s lovely as fuck, but there are tons of other people in my life whom I care for as well and should fucking be celebrated today.
I think it’s very clear that our society needs these days to make individuals feel great for a moment since we’re all so goddam consumed with the meaningless minutia of being on certain paths that blind us to the great people in our lives.
(Just re-read this post, didn’t realize I sound angry as a madman in it. Sorry about that. It’s a beautiful day, and you’re sweet for reading.)
xx,
liz
Mom Says
“Never take a broom along when you move. Throw it out and buy a new one.”
GIRLS (HBO) Review - PART TWO (One Man's Trash episode)
All right, I just read a review that made me physically “UGH” numerous times, so I have to include a part two to that original review.
…I just deleted fifteen minutes of writing. Not because I didn’t think it was well written, but because I don’t want to emphasize any more negativity surrounding this episode (One Man’s Trash) that I feel like I really strongly want to defend, for some reason.
The two men who wrote the review that I will now only briefly comment on clearly can’t be of sound mind considering how it reeks of misogyny. These writers are not very well known, which leads me to believe that they’re each just really trying to make a name for themselves. And I’m not saying that no one is allowed to say anything bad about the show - but the review is so wretchedly hateful towards women that I can’t fully take it seriously and must force myself to believe that it was meant as some kind of farce. And honestly, to write something that would clearly upset a lot of people (women, specifically) and have people be outraged enough to talk about constantly - would make these guys even more relevant and noted. And I don’t want to do that, so I’m not gonna tell you where I read it or who they are, since it’s really the ideas put forth that made me so angry - and not the two who wrote it. So I’m only going to say a few things.
Excerpt from the review:
Hannah’s rude (“what did you do?” she asks Joshua, referring to his broken marriage), self-centered (“I’m too smart and too sensitive”), sexually ungenerous (“no, make me come”), and defiantly ungraceful (naked ping-pong).
“Sexually ungenerous”?!?! I could write pages and pages on why that phrase alone is abominable. But I won’t. If a man says, “Make me come first,” that is typically seen as assertive and so fucking commonplace that no one raises one question about it being uttered. But a woman says it and she’s fucking SEXUALLY UNGENEROUS?! Wow. That’s so far beyond fucked that I don’t want to get into it too deep because the foam frothing at my mouth from anger will short circuit my keyboard.
I gotta say that when I heard Hannah say that to Joshua in the episode I thought, “Fuck! Yeah!” - ESPECIALLY for her character to say that considering past situations when she has just done whatever the man she’s with wants to do, in whatever position he wants, etc.
Her character is said to be “defiantly ungraceful” while playing ping pong naked? Personally, I didn’t find that scene unrealistic. I like to do stuff naked. I’d be fucking naked all the time if I didn’t have roommates. It’s obvious that the men who wrote that just have such an issue with the constant sight of her body combined with the fact that, SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS, she’s actually pretty comfortable with her own fucking body, too.
The review goes on to mention how unbelievable the whole episode felt and how ludicrous it was for Hannah to get with such an intensely attractive man. Honestly, I didn’t find any of the episode unrealistic at all. I’ve been with men ten times better looking than me. IT HAPPENS, assholes. Get over it. And I absolutely have over-shared with emotional ramblings in a situation when I maybe shouldn’t have — and then was met with a brick wall-type face of, “Umm ok…” or even just silence.
And the thing that really pisses me off is that I have yet to read a review written by a woman who’s hated it. I’m sure they’re out there, I’m not saying that some women won’t hate it. It’s just the fact that, a day later, the majority of my Google search came up with a dozen reviews/articles written by different men condemning the whole episode and talking about how they “didn’t believe any of it” or “tuned out after the first five minutes”. That bugs me immensely because man… maybe it wasn’t fucking written for you to enjoy? Maybe the fact that you aren’t a woman in your twenties might hinder you JUST A FUCKING BIT? Or maybe, God forbid, you get a little bit of insight into the horrors of how it feels to BE a goddam woman in your twenties who hasn’t quite figured out her life yet. And maybe I wouldn’t be so mad about any of this if I weren’t also hit with a mountain of musings on Lena Dunham’s fucking weight or beauty or how ugly her clothes are. If you’re going to negatively criticize something, please don’t start with, “What was with that romper??” ‘cause you’ll likely sound like a simple moron. I’m not asking anyone to enjoy this episode. I just don’t understand why the criticism has to be a personal attack on someone who’s really fucking talented.
I know I said I wasn’t gonna get negative, but then it happened. I really should’ve just spared you and wrote this in a journal or something. Next time.
You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.
“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.”
Bill Cunningham New York (Documentary)
This man seems like the nicest man on the planet. The whole thing centers around this fashion photographer who works for The New York Times, and is known for his candid and street photography. I don’t follow fashion stuff, but this was so enjoyable to watch. And I think about this line from it often:
"Fashion is the armor to survive the reality of everyday life."
Girls (HBO) Review
If you watch the show, haven’t seen this past week’s episode (One Man’s Trash) and don’t like spoilers - then stop reading. (Edit note: actually, if you’re not caught up, then just don’t click on the final link in here and you should be safe.)
When I watched the first season last year, I waited until all of the season had aired and then streamed all the episodes within the span on two days. At the end of that time? I loved it. I’ve since gone back to watch individual episodes (well, I did this before the second season started) and found myself picking them apart and trying to justify why they actually weren’t, in reality, that good. Why? No idea.
I’ve been watching this second season and have found myself doing the same thing, and it’s something I can’t really figure out. Keep in mind, I really like Lena Dunham. She’s fun to read on Twitter. She’s a good writer (most of the time). I love all the times she’s naked and think it’s great for younger girls to see that especially. I don’t know what it my problem is, really.
It could have to do with the following:
The episodes are clearly better when they involve all the characters (and not Hannah-based)
I’m envious that she’s so successful and younger than I am
Could be a Mindy Kaling-type situation and I’m such a fan that I almost HAVE to pick it apart
I never believed for one second that Adam could exist as a character (going from a complete asshole to being totally committed to her? Ugh. No way, not a possibility, get real)
Anyway, these are ramblings, I apologize. I just want to make it known that I wasn’t all the way convinced that it’s a great show/she’s so great on it until this past Sunday’s episode. It was Hannah-based, so I was anticipating some disdain for it and what happened was completely the opposite. I think it was probably the best episode of the show so far. I could go further into why I think that, but I read this review of it that completely nails it, in my opinion. You can read it here, if you like. (Oh! I just read another really good one here.)
You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.
Martha Mattress Rotation Tip
This idea is solely from Martha. There is only one Martha, and I will not soil her good name by the inclusion of a surname.
"For even wear and a longer life, a mattress should be flipped four times a year (alternating between end-over-end and side-over-side rotation). Hotels keep track by marking each end of a mattress: one says “January” (right side up) and “April” (upside down), the other “October” (right side up) and “July” (upside down). Whenever one of those months rolls around, adjust the mattress so that the appropriate month’s name is right side up at the foot of the bed."
Since this tip was written in a 2003 issue of her magazine, pillow-top mattresses have been introduced, I’m aware. So this little tip obviously won’t apply/work in that case. So what if you do have a pillow-top mattress? Well, you must be doing very well for yourself to afford one of those. Congratulations.