Spa Castle in Queens, NY

I just went to a “bath house” and it was wicked. I’d never gone to one before, so I didn’t really know what to expect. I thought it would mostly be lounging in hot rooms and pretending I was relaxed. What was it actually? TONS OF POOLS! Outdoor ones, ones where you can take your drinks into, ones that have tons of different underwater mechanisms to relax your muscles, etc. There were also a ton of saunas, which I managed to enjoy after a little while. The outdoor pool was the best part of it all, in my opinion. 

The place I went to is in College Point in Queens (Spa Castle), which is probably closest to the last stop on the 7 train (and the place has a shuttle that runs to and from that subway stop). Definitely worth the trip, even if you don’t live near there. 

If you live in New York, and you aren’t currently at this establishment, well, that shocks me. Only because you’d be doing yourself a disservice by not going. It’s $35 for a weekday and $45 on weekends. 

UPDATE: There's a new location opening in Manhattan, you can find more details here. 

Mom Says

“It is bad luck to sing while eating.”

Secrets of White Teeth

If you’ve seen me in real life, have you wondered why I have such white teeth? It’s genetics.

(That’d be really funny if the post just ended there.)

Ignoring the fact that I compulsively like to talk about when I’m “being really funny”, the real answer is because of whitening toothpaste and mouthwash. Colgate Optic White, to be precise. The toothpaste and the mouthwash. Over the years, I’ve tried a bunch of different ones but, in my opinion, this one is the cheapest, the best tasting and the most effective. I was going to put a side by side photo comparison of my before teeth and after teeth, but then realized that I have been using this stuff so long that I only have after photos. I know, it’s a hard life.

Also, if you’re reading this and you’re a smoker? Wow. That’s cute. Stop smoking, dummy, and then you can benefit from my inadequate years of experience. 

Mouthwash Tip of The Day:

Don’t pour a whole lot into your mouth when mouthwashing, that’s a waste. Just put, say, less than 1/4 of a cup (why am I using baking measurements? Sorry, but those are the only I know). Anyway, just pour a tiny bit in your mouth, but then swish it around like a madman for double the amount of time it says on the back label (usually about a minute). You’ll go through your mouthwash much slower than you regularly do, but with double the results. 

I know this post sounds like a commercial. Frankly, someone should take these words, make it into a commercial somehow and pay me some money. It’s a great line of products. 

“There are plagues everywhere. There is sickness and disease that is everywhere. Everyone tries to hide from these things - the darkness and the shadows. It is just a matter of time till it finds you. I know that. I cannot outrun it. I can’t hide from it. There is nowhere to go. It is my wish to embrace it, to be alone in the middle of the crowd. I know this is all an illusion, a dream. It must come to an end. Nothing too good lasts too long. I can see the hope in everyone’s faces. I know they’re all searching for something. They’re all chasing a great dream. Each of them wants to better themselves. They’re all looking for answers. What they don’t realize is that they have found it already. They have found it in one another. And, as always, the world outside is waiting for us. Waiting patiently to take us away.”

— Harmony Korine, writer of the movie Mister Lonely

Best Garlic Bread

I saw this recipe on an episode of Big Daddy’s House years ago. That man (Aaron McCargo Jr.) just has a great presence, and maybe that’s a dumb reason to assume he makes good food, but he does. Also, his earrings are fantastic. I’ve made this tons of times and it is always amazing (I even burned it once and it still tasted better than most of what has come out of my kitchen). If you like garlic bread even a tiny bit, you must make this. Why does it taste so good? Maybe ‘cause it has A MILLION INGREDIENTS. And I trust that. 

You can see the recipe here. 

A Hamm A Day

These drawings are consistently funny and great. They’re done by Andrew Hamm, who is a darling of man. He’s been doing one a day for over a year now. If that’s not impressive, I don’t know what is. What have you done consistently every day for over a year? Nothing? Yeah. 

See for yourself. 

iMAginNiff Board Game

All right, if we’ve spoken in real life before, you may already be aware of this game’s existence. It is possibly the most fun game there is on the market (what market? The board game market, of course…?). Mind you, it’s especially fun if you’re playing with about four or more people.

Here’s how to play:

It’s simple to play. A set of names is chosen, usually the name of every player plus those of several absent friends. When it’s your turn, one name is selected as the subject of the question. You pick a card—one of hundreds—that poses a question and six possible answers (for example, “Imaginiff _____ were a crime. Which would he/she be?”). Read the question aloud, plugging in the subject’s name. Then read out the six answers (in this case, they range from “homicide” to “indecent exposure”). Each player picks an answer to fit the subject; those who have picked the most popular answer move forward. But though you win by advancing, winning is obviously not the point: laughter and arguments are. The questions on the cards range from the ridiculous (“Imaginiff _____ were a body part.”) to the provocative (“Imaginiff _____ had to decide which of the following values is most important.”). The game is a fun cross between Scruples and True Colors. —Elisa Murray, Amazon

There are a bunch of different versions with different covers, but they’re all the same game essentially. 

I can’t remember who, but someone I know was all, “I hate board games. They’re useless  and they waste time,” so I brought this baby out and they it took them five minutes to get totally into it. I don’t know if they’ll admit that, but their smiles were vast. 

Buy this game. Have a ton of fun. You’re not above board games. Maybe you think you are, but Y’AINT.

When I Have Exact Change

mylifethroughkristenwiig:

“It’s good to have one really great go-to impression of someone. And if that happens to be a Maggie Smith one, well, you’re absolutely tops.”

— #lizadvice

Snug Harbour in Mississauga

This is my favourite restaurant in Mississauga, Ontario. It was closed down for renovations a few months ago, but has just re-opened today, I’m told. The only thing I ever eat there is the Penne with Roasted Chicken. Been eating that for years. Ain’t gonna stop. That chicken tastes like nothing else. Maybe it’s due to the fact that it’s roasted? I don’t know, really. “Roasted chicken” doesn’t really sound that complicated and/or delicious, but boy oh boy, it is. Oooo, and that sauce? MAN. When I heard that they were changing up their menu, in fear, I emailed the owner to see if my pasta would make the cut. It did. Only now with fusilli instead of penne. I don’t want to express the relief I felt in that moment. It was only slightly pathetic.

Anywho, if you live anywhere near Mississauga, you should probably go if you haven’t already. It’s on lakeshore and it’s busy as hell in the summer (for good reason). Just amazing food. You can take a look at their new menu, if you like.

GO!