“At the end of a shower, rinse your hair with crazy cold water to boost shine.”

— #lizadvice

Crêpe Cake at Lady M in NYC

I've tasted heaven and it comes in the form of crêpes.  Twenty crêpes, to be precise. Twenty, paper-thin, chocolate crêpes that are ensconced in a pastry cream that's infused with banana, to be even more precise. This is the Chocolate-Banana Mille Crêpe cake that I ate today at Lady M in The Plaza Food Hall and it is finer than 95% of the cakes I've had in all of my time on this planet.

Also, relevant fact of the day? I hate crêpes. I feel like they have the texture of what skin would taste like. Always thought that. Never saw the appeal of them. Even now, I'll still never be that woman who drags her boyfriend to some crêperie for a charming night out. Gross. But this cake? Fucking nuts. So tasty. This is the one exception I will ever make.  

A slice will set you back $8, and a whole cake runs for $80. Now, if you're a human with a normal understanding of budgets and common sense, I understand that $80 is ludicrous to pay for one, lone cake. I wouldn't dare spend that much on something that I could possibly eat whole in under five minutes. But you? Maybe you're loftier than I. Or perhaps you're just living a fuller life than most, in which case - go buy this cake. Lady M has two locations in New York, but this flavour is only available at The Plaza location. Eat this, man. Eat it now. 

Jennifer Faylor

Buttons

by Jennifer Faylor

When she loves someone it’s the worst— they wake each morning to find a new button sewn to their jacket, until one day they’re covered in brightly colored bits of plastic and metal, the occasional pearl button swimming with city light. Her lovers never want to hurt her feelings, so they walk around all day looking ridiculous, constantly getting entangled with peoples scarves, dangling necklaces, loose hair. Then, they return home to her every evening with bits of the world still affixed.

People often ask why she’s sewn so many useless buttons to her dresses and sweaters. She tells them they aren’t useless. No, there’s an opening in the world where one of those buttons will fit perfectly someday. There’ll be a perfect man out there with a hole inside him just big enough for one of those buttons

She dreams of having a little girl, of naming her Coco. A name with buttonholes already built in, so people could hook their loving fingers into her, pull her out of sadness if she fell in. Even the idea of bearing a child seems simply a process of buttoning and unbuttoning another body from herself.

They are more useful than people understand. If someone inside her apartment is very, very sad, wants to jump out the window, she buttons them to the drapes so they have time to think about things. Or if someone who loves her wants to leave, she buttons them to the floor.

If you ask her why she has buttons everywhere, she will place a button in her mouth and kiss you. If you tell her you love her, she will swallow that button whole, never let it go.

That is one of my favourite pieces by the ridiculously talented Jennifer Faylor. Just a beautiful writer. 

The above was taken from here. 

And you can purchase her newly published work, The Case of the Missing Lover, through Dancing Girl Press. 

Mom Says

“Never point your finger at a graveyard, or else your finger is going to rot. If you do it mistakenly, bite each of your ten fingers to ward off bad luck.”

Tip of the Day - Use Lemon!

I love the smell of Pine-Sol. It's probably my favorite smell of all time. When I was a kid, my mom would specifically clean the whole house with Pine-Sol on my birthday, so that when I came home from school it would make my day even brighter. While I prefer the original, sometimes she'd try out their "lemon fresh" and it would affect me in the same, magnificent way. 

Anyway, I never really put any thought into why it put me in such a good mood until recently. Apparently, if you use lemon in more things in your daily routine, it has the ability to boost your state of mind and general happiness. Now I don't want you to scream at me demanding to know where I found this scientific information, so I'll just shut you up right now and say that I read about it in a bunch of aromatherapy research sites. All right? 

These sites basically just suggest that the scent of lemon oil can lift spirits. So if you were to add lemon zest to iced tea or water on a regular basis, that's supposed to do wonders.

“The beauty of things must be that they end.”

— Jack Kerouac, Tristessa

Recipe - Banana Nut Pancakes

As far as breakfast foods go, I'm not the biggest fan of pancakes. I really just don't understand them. They've always seemed like bland little pieces of nothingness that are trying so hard to be cake, and failing miserably. But that's just my opinion.

However, the act of making pancakes? One of the most fun things to do in the kitchen. I did it for the first time yesterday and it made me feel... fantastic. Why the hell did I feel that way? I don't know. Maybe it was the flipping that made it fun. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't burn them on my first try. Maybe the banana smell helped? No idea. But I could've stayed there and made them for hours, so fun.

And chances are - you know someone who enjoys these guys. Those people are everywhere. And they love talking about how much they adore them. And this recipe was a really good one, I was told. (I did eat some, and thought, "Yep. Banana pancakes. I guess these are something.") But keep in mind, no pancake will ever impress me. Ain't possible. Not even with chocolate in it. 

I'll for sure make these again since the reaction to them was good - and also, since it's a lighter version of the really-bad-for-you kind of pancakes. Go try. Or better yet, go try and make any kind of pancakes! The act of making them is way more fun than the outcome. Maybe eat a piece of real cake for yourself afterward so it feels more fulfilling. 

Cereal Container Trash Can - In a Car

Dumb idea? No way, man. I don't know about you and your filthy life, but I'm a clean person. I like things a certain way. A clean way. I'm not a freak about it, but this kind of thing probably gets worse with age and one day I will be a freak about it. Which is fine. I'll come to terms with that then. 

I don't own a car, but when I use one (my parent's) there is usually all kinds of crap laying around just being gross and hanging out. Why? Well, cars don't come with trash cans. Why don't they? I don't know, car-makers are idiots? No, I guess that's too rough. They're not idiots. But they clearly weren't smart enough to include some sort of repository. 

This is a great idea - to use a cereal container in place of a bulky trash can. So slim! Almost invisible! And keeps things tidy.

Do you really want to have a gross smelling/looking car interior? People are judging you on that, bud. Hate to tell you. Get it under control.

(Thanks to Real Simple for the beautiful idea.)

The Greatly Disappointing Gatsby - A Review

I didn’t hate The Great Gatsby. And I know that a lot of my reviews tend to get really angry really quickly, so I'm not gonna go crazy over-analyzing this one. But here are some things that bothered me:

• No way you can play a 32 year old anymore, Leo. No way. 
• Tobey Maguire. Yeah, just his essence bothered me. How has he lasted as an actor? He has one face! You know the face! This face! 

And that's it! There are no other expressions! I don’t understand why people keep putting him in movies. He’s like a houseplant or something – just someone who sort of hangs out near other stuff happening. 

• There were lots of really corny parts, especially that first "reveal" of Leonardo DiCaprio’s face at the party.
• Hated the way lines from the novel were plastered across the screen. Hated that so much.  
• Also, in almost all of their scenes together, I kept thinking that Gatsby and Nick Carraway were about point three seconds away from some hardcore making out. Which would've be great. Just the tension of it all was way too overacted and weird.  
• TOO. LONG. 

And yeah, the clothing and set design were great. But that's it. I heard some teenage girls leaving the theatre afterward and they loved it. So maybe this just wasn’t a movie that I was supposed to enjoy? That’s probably it. 

Anyway, suckfest.

Fury of the Day - New York Post

I think I can sum up my hatred for the New York Post in two images:

If you don't know the story of that second cover, you can read about it here. 

There aren't many words to describe how despicable this daily paper is, considering these are ACTUAL DAMN COVERS. I don't even love Hillary Clinton or anything, but are we serious here? The fact that such blatant sexism can pass as an acceptable tactic in getting more people to buy your trash? Wow. Sometimes I think women have come a really long way, and then I'll see something like that cover and just think, "Well. Fuck." The rage I felt at seeing that published still lingers inside me and is infuriating. 

And that second cover? I understand that "newspapers" are supposed to cover current events. But at the same time, is there not an amount of sensitivity that should go right along with that idea? That man's fucking family had to see that cover - which is so beyond fucked. I didn't want to see that photo and I didn't even know him! 

Just a lot of hate for the cretins who work at the New York Post. Absolute trash human beings.