While I never actually wear scarves in public, I do like to buy them, wear them in the privacy of my bedroom and imagine I'm some extremely well put together woman of the world. One day I'll confidently leave my house wearing one, but until then - I just need a beautiful way to store them in my closet. And this seemed like a great way since it's so clean and organized. Of course this idea came from Real Simple.
Mom Says
“If you put your handbag on the floor/ground you will never have money.”
Okay, this one is just good sense. Simply put - money on the floor means that you must not want that money. So don't do this. Also, floors are dirty. So again, don't do it.
My Dad
Look at that face. Look at it!
Look at that face. Look at it!
The kid in the middle? That's my Dad. His 90th birthday is today. He shot this ad in the early 1930s. This wasn't quite the beginning of his show business career since the hot lighting in the studio made him pass out in exhaustion - so this was his first and last ad. Lord love it, though.
Happy 90th Birthday, Dad. You're the greatest man I know and no one will ever hold a candle to you.
“Every great idea is on the verge of being stupid.”
Karl Shirt
This is on a shirt that I own that was made for me by one of my lovely brothers Gary and his wife Amanda as a Christmas gift years ago.
Still one of the best shirts I own.
Fake Eyelashes
Lady: "Your eyelashes are so long."
Me: "Oh, they're completely fake."
Lady: "Really? But they look good!"
Me: "Aren't you a peach, thank you!"
Lady: "I can never put them on correctly! But I really wish I could."
This conversation happens with me at least once a week. Now... other than me boasting about when people say nice things to me, this post does have a point. If you are a woman who has ever wanted longer lashes, buying fake (and relatively cheap) ones are the way to go. Why?
1. Having fancy eyelash extensions put on are 100% bullshit. I've had them done (probably about ten different times). Usually through a Groupon deal of some sort, and every time I do them I think, "No. THIS time will be a good experience." And that's never the case. Mostly because they're never as dramatic as I want them to be. And I don't mean dramatic like Kim Kardashian's fake ones, but dramatic like how lashes look in mascara commercials (Sidenote: I've never owned a mascara that does what the commercial says it does. No company has some revolutionary strategy that'll give you wicked lashes. This is a fable that has been told to young girls everywhere and needs to be stopped. ) The extensions say that they last for three to four weeks - which is not true if you ever, you know, wash your face. Now... I don't even wash my face that much (which is not actually that gross, I just don't think my face benefits from cleansing) and it's always still a hassle. They usually look good for about two days and you feel amazing, but for $50+ I need them to be amazing for way longer than that. Anyway, I hate them now. Don't do it.
2. If you fucking PRACTICE putting fake lashes on, then you will become amazing at it. As with anything in life, really. It literally took me over twenty times to perfect it. Now I'm a pro. And really, if there's anything that you don't know how to do - well, fucking keep at it until you get it. 'Cause I gotta tell you, the reaction I get 'cause of these lashes is excessively pleasant. I'm gonna say that 80% of people just linger there when they look at your face. And you want to look at yourself in mirrors constantly - just an unhealthy amount. It's great. Oh! And one tip: make sure to cut the lash strips a bit so that they don't irritate your eyes or hang off the ends in an unattractive manner.
Unfortunately, not every woman is blessed with beautiful, flowing lashes. But when it's so easy to fake, it's ridiculous not to try this out (if you are infact intrigued by the idea having longer ones).
All eyes are creepy up close, but mine especially are - sorry about that.
The lash glue that I use is Revlon's Precision Lash Adhesive and goes for about $5 at any drugstore, and looks like this:
And does it matter if people can tell they're fake? Not to me. If I think I look good, then I'm gonna go with that. I've had about 70% more sex when I chose to wear false ones on any particular night, so I must be doing something right.
Edit note: Where do I get all of the percentages listed above? Well, that's an intrusive question. Let's just assume that they've been researched and analyzed extensively. Good day.
Incase You Make Coffee At Home
(And you like it fresh.)
Came across this in an email forward from years ago from who knows where. Such a great idea.
Mouthwash Decanter
This idea has to happen. This week. I just saw this pinned on my sister-in-law Amanda's Pinterest page and I can't stop thinking about it. You can find all kinds of decanters at department stores, so the moment that I have more than $10 in my wallet, this baby IS BEING GOT. Ugh, so classy. So elegant! Imagine what a beautiful mess is would make if it shattered into a million pieces?! The radiant colour!! I'm... convulsing... Too beautiful for words.
“When someone important in your life has a birthday, pretend you’re writing his or her eulogy when you’re thinking of what to say in the birthday card. I do this a lot and it helps organize my thoughts about him/her much more clearly. It’s also complimentary as hell and for just a moment lets someone know deeply how you feel about them.”
"So here’s the thing about changing the world. It turns out that’s not even the question, because you don’t have a choice. You are going to change the world, because that is actually what the world is. You do not pass through this life, it passes through you. You experience it, you interpret it, you act, and then it is different. That happens constantly. You are changing the world. You always have been, and now, it becomes real on a level that it hasn’t been before. You will be so many things, and the one thing that I wish I’d known and want to say is, don’t just be yourself. Be all of yourselves. Don’t just live. Be that other thing connected to death. Be life. Live all of your life. Understand it, see it, appreciate it. And have fun."
– Joss Whedon, speaking to the Wesleyan University graduating class of 2013.