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Mom Says

“It’s bad luck to count the cars in a funeral cortege.”

Pearl River Mart in NYC

I've been going to this store since I first came to New York in 2005 and it's insane that it's closing. If I had to summarize what kind of store it is, I'd say it's basically a slightly-more-expensive dollar store with a heavy Asian flare and gorgeous dishware.

Pearl River's rent, currently hovering at just over $100,000 per month, will leap an astounding amount next year, to more than $500,000 per month. How is that possible? I don't know, New York is terrible sometimes? 

Their lease expires later this year in December, so if you find yourself in Soho - you should definitely drop in here and take a look around. I've been getting greeting cards here for ten years, so I'm not really sure where my next go-to card spot will be now. 

Apparently they have a pretty decent online store as well, so if you've never seen the store you can check out the kinds of things they have over here. 

Such a damn shame that it's closing.

“‎The pact of timelessness between the two of us was ended, and I went from him into the darkening tunnel of the years.”

— Farley Mowat, The Dog Who Wouldn't Be

Chia Seed Pudding

I can't tell you how much I love eating this pudding for breakfast - and it's not even bad for you (as long as you go easy on the maple syrup)!

Ingredients

• 1 cup vanilla-flavoured unsweetened almond milk
• 1 cup plain non-fat Greek yogurt (or whatever yogurt tastes good to you)
• 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup, plus 2 teaspoons for serving
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• Kosher salt
• 1/4 cup chia seeds
• 1 pint strawberries, hulled and chopped
• Raw pecan pieces

Directions

1. In a medium bowl, gently whisk the almond milk, yogurt, 2 tablespoons maple syrup, the vanilla and a pinch of salt until just blended. Whisk in the chia seeds; let stand 30 minutes. Stir to distribute the seeds if they have settled. Cover and refrigerate overnight.
2. The next day, in a medium bowl, toss the berries with the remaining 2 teaspoons maple syrup. Mix in the pecan pieces.
3. Spoon the pudding into bowls or glasses; mound the berry mixture on top and serve.

This recipe has been adapted slightly from Food Network.

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler - A Review

Note: I've never seen Chelsea Handler's show (or stand up) before, so there's basically no bias whatsoever in this review. 

With the exception of the chapter about her "mini me," I enjoyed this book! Some of my favourite parts ahead.

• "I have a very hard time maintaining my composure when I see anyone cry. It only takes a few seconds for me to start crying, too." I think I liked this line so much because, personally, I love criers. To anyone over the age of 30 who's comfortable with crying - I'm a big fan of you. It's hard to say why, really. I guess it has to do with the fact that criers are so comfortable with it in a world where we're all told constantly to stop crying. Also, I'm a crier. So I have to like criers.

• "Being in jail was similar to being in a hospital bed: You're fine until you see or speak to someone from your family, and then you completely lose your shit."

• "This woman/killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny."

• Honestly, the whole chapter about her being in jail was my favourite part of the book. Partially because it's so interesting to hear about, but also because she describes it so vividly.

Also, remember how I have that new words document that I'm constantly adding to? Well, any time I read a new book, there are usually a ton of words I didn't know the meanings of. So if anyone cares, the words from this book that were added to my list of new words were: egalitarian, alacrity, unctuously and effusive. I usually don't include those in these books reviews, but I thought that I should start since you might not have known these words either. And if you already did? I guess we know who's better than whom. (And if I used that "whom" in the wrong context, you can go right to hell.)

 You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.

Fifteen - Taylor Swift

I took my niece Tianna to her first concert years ago and it was to see Taylor Swift. I'd never really heard any of her songs at that point, but this one was the main one she did that stood out that night. I know it's kind of lame for a definitely-not-fifteen-year-old to love this song, but I tried to fight it for years before giving in. It's so goddam catchy. And the line, "Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday but I realized some bigger dreams of mine"?! C'mon, that's gold. 

In any case, I know this song's old and everyone knows it already, but it's literally still on my iPod and I love it to pieces.

Lenny & Carl

I know I'll never get a tattoo, but can someone I love please just get this one so I can look it all the time in real life?

View fullsize

I've seen so many good Simpsons tattoos on people, but this one is definitely my favourite.

I've tried to find out who designed it so I can credit them here and bow down to them eternally for creating it, but I haven't had any luck. If I do find out, I'll be sure to update this. 

“If you’d like your nail polish colour to pop, after you put on a base coat put on a layer of white nail polish and then the coloured polish on top of the white.”

Fury of the Day - Rain Boot Rage

No one wants wet feet. That's a universal truth, right? So by this logic, we all need to own a pair of rain boots. (Small sidenote: do men buy rain boots? Is that a thing? I've never seen them wearing them, if I really think about it. Is it 'cause they don't look manly? Fishermen wear them and they're a pretty manly type of man. Where the hell are all the men in rain boots? Does being a man mean that you just have a to endure bad weather with disgustingly wet feet all the time? Ugh. Well, I'm not a man, so I can't speak on this further. But if that is the case, men need to unite and make that not a thing. Dry feet for all!)

Worst Attributes of Rain Boots

1. They look childish. All of them. And it doesn't matter if the brand is Hunter or Dirty Laundry, they all look like you're on your way to a school bus. And there's no way to create an upscale boot since you're always going to have to work with rubber. Fucking rubber. 

2. Blisters. Everyone gets blisters from rain boots since your feet slide around so much inside of them. And I know what you're going to say, but maybe I don't want to wear two pairs of socks with grips on them! Next to wet feet, hot feet are absolutely disgusting.

3. Unless you have an umbrella, rain still falls into the top of the boot when you're walking! Why the hell am I working so hard to keep my feet dry from the puddles on the ground when all of this is going to go to hell anyway since the sky rain is going to flood my boots and screw me?!

Not a rain boot, but I still feel her rage.

Why the hell has the rain boot design not changed in the last hundred years? Why is no one working on a better boot? SOMEONE WORK ON A BETTER BOOT!

You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.