“To get more juice out of lemons, freeze them for an hour.”
“If you don’t own two brooms (one for inside and one for outside) then you can’t consider yourself a fully grown adult yet.”
“If you haven’t tried pineapple as a pizza topping, you haven’t lived.”
“Anytime someone tells you that they don’t know how to dance, tell them, “I can help you. All you have to do is write your name in cursive with your ass.” Try it. Always works.”
“As you get older, you should probably just stop being friends with those who are always late to see you. Your patience with people should always have an expiration date.”
“As a waitress, I’m telling you: tip whatever you want. It’s your choice, always. Anyone who tells you 15% is a minimum can go right to hell.”
“Always say hello to the person you sit next to on a plane. It’s so weird when humans don’t do this to other humans.”
“If you’re thinking about changing up your current wardrobe, I suggest watching old episodes of The Nanny for future inspiration.”
“If there are dirty dishes in your sink at night waiting to be cleaned up the morning sun... yuck.”
“If you blend up some almond milk, a frozen banana, some frozen pineapple chunks, vanilla protein powder & ice - it tastes exactly like Bananas-A-Whey from Booster Juice. EXACTLY.”