“As you get older, you should probably just stop being friends with those who are always late to see you. Your patience with people should always have an expiration date.”

The Rules of Being Late

Look, it's going to happen. You will be late at some point. Here's what to do when that happens.

1. Sincerely apologize. Express human remorse for wasting someone else's time. 
2. If you decide that you want to give an excuse for your lateness, explain it briefly and move on. Excuses are fine, but long excuses? They're typically boring and no one cares. Just own up and repeat #1.
3. If you're more than twenty minutes late, buy that person something. A drink. A chocolate. Something. It's kind and really lets the person know that you're sorry and that you don't take them for granted. No one wants to feel like that loser who's waiting for some rube to show up. It's a shitty feeling. 
4. Believe that you can do better next time. Make an effort to specifically not be late the next time you see that person.
5. Never believe or say the phrase, "I'm always late." Why? If you say this to another human being, and expect to have any ounce of respect thrown your way, you're a maniac. You have control over being on time or late. You do. We all do. We also set expectations for ourselves, and if this is what you're declaring about your own character? Wow. You deserve unhappiness. You really do. It's also abnormal to blindly just accept this trait. Not only do you have low expectations of yourself, but you're also telling others that their time isn't as important as yours - which is wildly obnoxious. If you've said this statement to people, you should consider yourself lucky that you have any friends at all. 

Can people change? Can the consistently-late people of this world change? I have to believe they can. I've been late before and I'll be late again. But if I'm ever KNOWN for that behaviour? Someone lock me up. It's so arrogant to be confident in one's lateness and to just assume others will adjust to it. That kind of selfishness is what turns people into serial killers. Right? Too much? No, I'm right. 

Also? If you think I'm talking about you specifically, that's hilarious. I can picture a few certain people I know reading this and thinking, "Yikes, she wrote this based on me" - maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong. I guess we'll never know.

The Importance of Cinema Etiquette

“When Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘Psycho’ premiered on Broadway, a sign hung over the cinema entrance that read, “No one... BUT NO ONE… will be admitted to the theatre after the start of each performance of Psycho.” According to Hitchcock, this was for the audience’s own good. But it was also part of a beautifully orchestrated marketing campaign that created excitement for the movie by driving home the importance of seeing it from the very beginning.”

Before Psycho hit theatres, apparently it was common culture to just waltz into a movie screening at any old time. As maddening as that is, this type of behaviour became less and less popular after Psycho's release and it suddenly became important to see the beginning, middle and end of a movie. Isn't it strange that it was ever acceptable to miss the beginning of a movie?

Keeping that in mind, why the hell do we allow late-comers into movies in this day and age? If a movie has begun, those doors should be locked at far as I'm concerned. Or at the very least, get some pimple-faced kid who works there to man the door and refuse entrance to anyone who shows up past the publicly displayed showtime. 

I hate when I need to shuffle my coat and purse around on the grimy floor, just because some late loser needs to shimmy on by me to sit down. That's bullshit. 

Why is lateness not more penalized in our society? It's weird that it's not. We shouldn't be as casual about it as we are because it's a sickness. And if we continue to just look the other way, it's only going to get worse. 

There's really so little you need to do in order to be a basic, decent human in a movie theatre.

1. Show up early.
2. Shut the fuck up.
3. Shove your phone up your own ass if you can't go for less than two hours without looking at it.

The three S's! Pretty simple stuff. And honestly, I really just think it comes down to having manners. Where the hell did the importance of having good manners go over the past few decades?