I just broke my foot for the second time in two years. I'm in crutches. Please send money.

...Imagine that was the tone of this post? Man, that’d be funny and great. Anyway, it’s not a big deal since I’ve gone through this before. How did it happen this time? I wish it was a better story, but I was walking at night, stumbled and voila. It’s definitely due to my poor eyesight, which has failed me many a time. I'm not trying to cry about it (oh that happened IMMENSELY the night this happened, I cried more in that one sitting than I have in the past two years combined), I'm just sharing what's going on with me. In a lot of other aspects of my life, though, I’m very lucky. So I feel like it all balances out somewhere. (And if you must know, I did adhere to these policies and took the fall with some dignity.)

Nathan: "Why don’t you do a post about your foot?"
Me: "But what is there to say about it? It’s broken - I’m sad."

But upon more thought, there ARE things I can tell you about it. Especially if, at some point in your future, you must deal with a broken foot, ankle or leg.

Things That Are Irritating

Unlimited weekly metro card rendered VIRTUALLY USELESS.
Having to do your own dishes is awful times a million when you’re balancing on one leg.
Making a bed. Some people might think this is silly to do in this condition, but man - are you an animal? Make your damn bed. I don't care how sickly you are. It's important.
Having the knowledge that my pilates teacher thinks I’m just slacking right now by not attending her classes BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW THE TRUTH.
Having to ask someone to grocery shop for you. Grocery lists are personal. I don't want to share that information with anyone. I don't want you to know what kind of stuff I buy. Back off. (But also, ugh, thank you for helping me.)
My gym membership being wasted, as we speak.
Showering. It’s just hell. Takes an hour and a half. And not only is the act itself difficult to maneuver, but there’s also the mighty fear inside me of falling in the shower. I can’t have that happen to me. I don't want to hold onto the story of having that happen to me. I feel like no one will ever be able to see me in a sexually pleasing way again if they know I’ve somehow managed to fall in the shower. There's no turning back once that happens to you.

Things I've Realized

Due to my current slow pace, I really feel like I’m getting a glimpse into what being an old, sickly person must feel like. I do not mean just any elderly person, I mean the downtrodden ones, who look visibly hurt as they move around. THOSE ones. And now I sympathize. (Did I not sympathize before? Honestly, can’t remember.) No one, young & hurt or old & hurt, likes to be passed on the sidewalk. It’s an upsetting feeling to overcome.
Even when hurt, you can still help others feel better if they’re sick. It’s hard to move around and get junk for them, but still – you can do it, slowly. And it perks you up actually – to not be the only ill person in the room.
I have an amazing excuse if someone gets me a Christmas gift and it didn't occur to me to get them one. "Sorry, dude - I'm broken."
Peppermint tea? I love you. I never would’ve cracked open my "guest tea box" if I weren’t in this position and learned that you’re wonderful.
It is a really sad occurrence to put one beautiful high-heeled shoe on your one good foot and look at it in the mirror just to remember better times.

Things I Hope To Do Once Said Foot Is Back In Action

Dance more. This sounds like an awful New Year’s resolution or something, yes, I agree. But I think about this constantly! The amount of secret, private parties I’ve thrown in my bedroom, with only me, my stereo and some real fucking nice moves is vast. And it’s always a great time. I should be doing this more out in the real world, since, well, everyone benefits from witnessing ALL DIS.
Walk very slow at night. People can wait for me.
JUMP out of bed in the morning. Not all the time like some kind of maniac, but at least once a month, let's say.
Become a foot model and make lots of money. Always been an interest.

Things I’m Thankful For

That it's only my foot and it wasn't my leg. That feels like it would take EONS to heal. Very thankful it’s just the foot.
That it’s almost winter and not summer. I would not cutely be writing a post about this if it were summer. I would be stewing in my own contempt for every single person who’s ever smiled.
That 90% of my Christmas gifts were wrapped and ready to go before this happened.
Animals. I don’t have a dog, but my boyfriend does. And he brought her over for a few nights. I can’t tell you what that did to my mood – I think I’ll be able to get by on that high for at least a few days before the inevitable low creeps backs in. Amazing!
My computer. I just... I can't even... How do I... WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU?!
It’s important to know how you’ll function individually (without family or friends around) when something bad like this happens because it’ll force you to learn some things about yourself. Is this good or bad? I can’t say, but I’m thankful for it. And when someone you love does come by to help you out, well, obviously that’s a way better alternative and is welcome as hell and a beautiful distraction.
This ice bag. Why do you not own one yet?
Home Improvement episodes on YouTube.
You, reading this.

Really, you're the best. Thanks for checking in!