Are you noticing how I am killing it with my book resolution? ARE YOU SEEING THIS? Spring just started and I'm already finished the book for this season! I don't want to blow your mind, but I may already be reading SPRING BOOK NUMBER TWO, watch out.

I've always liked Rachel Dratch, but I've never really known much about her. This book was great, she's super likable, and here were my favourite parts:

<When talking about the SNL after parties> "Outsiders picture the parties as these debauched crazy affairs with comedians hanging off the chandeliers. That may have been true in the old days, but in my time, looking around the room, you might think the drug of choice was calamari." - It's not crazy funny or anything, but that line really made me laugh.
<When she talks about this one time that her pants split on stage> "It all started with the sound of RRRIIIP, the loud sound of tearing fabric. I knew that sound could be only one thing... 'twas my pants splitting, and as luck would have it, this was the one night of my life that I wasn't wearing underwear." - I lost my mind at the word "'twas."
<And then later in that same paragraph> "At this point in the show, I was sitting on the floor onstage - that's when my pants had split, when I went to sit on the floor. How bad was it? I looked down again. I saw my own humanity." - Hahahahahah, "humanity" is so genius of a word there, I want to scream.
<When talking about Tina Fey> "I imagine we would both sign off on the statement that in dealing with feelings, she and I have different styles: I am a classic Pisces, prone to sensitivity and emotions, and she is German." - Hahah, love this line.
Her speaking this way about her childhood dog makes me really love this woman: "She has been gone for more than twenty years now and I still miss her and have dreams about her."
<When she went to a dog show> "A poodle with its fur in several hair ties and topknots walked endlessly in a circle, obviously insane." - Hahahahahah, "obviously insane"? Again, so funny, so perfect.
<When at a crib store, talking to a salesperson> "I peered into a high-end crib that had cute padding around all the sides. "Now," said David, "some people are against this padding that goes around the sides, because the baby can roll over and get their face pressed up against it and they can..." He trailed off and made a face of "and you know what happens next." I filled in the blank for him. "She dead."" - Hahahahahahah, this woman is hysterical.
<When thinking of what to name her baby> "I started to really like the name Hercules. Like for real. There were a few problems with the name, though. One: if I told my mom I was naming the baby Hercules, her head would fall off." - Hahahahah, I mean, am I alone in thinking this woman is the funniest person in the world right now? MAN.
<When she's started to go into labour and her boyfriend is helping her pack for the hospital> "Umm, pajamas, some baby clothes to bring him home in, uh, an iPod. John said, "Do you want to bring a book?" "No." I continued my frantic packing. Toothbrush! Phone charger! "You want to bring a book!?" "No." Underwear! Camera! Slippers? "Now you're sure you don't want a book." "I don't know how to make this any clearer--I DON'T READ."" - Hahahahahahah, oh man, this woman. Love love love love.

Those are the absolute best parts of the book, in my opinion. And man she seems like such a great person, read this book!