“No shaving cream? Use conditioner! (This is directed at both men and women, by the by.)”
The 10 Best End-of-School Movies
I've been out of high school for what feels like an eternity and yet I still have an affinity for watching these movies this time of year. Is it because I loved and really miss high school? God no, absolutely not. It’s because I remember watching some of these when I was in middle school and really, really anticipating my high school years and hoping they’d be something like these movies. They were not. But that’s cool, ‘cause, as it tends to, life gets a lot better once you turn 21. In so many respects. But that’s another post.
You may not agree with some of these choices since, you know, you’re a human with opinions of your own, so be forewarned.
With Honors
10. With Honors
Considering that I haven’t seen this movie in over twenty years, it still deserves to be list-worthy. When I was a kid I was bold enough to list it as my favourite movie up until I was twelve years old. I feel like Joe Pesci was really hoping for this to be the role he'd be remembered for (maybe I'm way off on that), and he made quite an impression on me at the time. I saw this and thought, “That man’s an actor.” He couldn’t be greater. Brendan Fraser's in it, too. I don't know why I told you that, though. That helps nothing here.
Pretty In Pink
9. Pretty In Pink
Now this is really on the list 'cause of James Spader. Look at that man. What a dick and what a dreamboat. I saw this movie when I was nine and it was the first time I thought, “God, he's such an asshole... but I could probably change him, though.” So that's memorable for me and made it even more enjoyable. (Sidenote: I never understood why any teen boy was ever into Molly Ringwald. I always thought it was 'cause of her adorable name 'Molly' but then abandoned that idea since boys seemed to care more about thinness and boobs and not how precious a girl's name was?)
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
8. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
I saw this when I was probably too young, but will cherish it forever. That moment when Judge Reinhold is dreaming about Phoebe Cates taking her swimsuit off? Christ. I was just a kid, but that was intense for anyone who saw it. Also, all the abortion stuff in the movie? That was pretty risqué for me to see at such a tender age, so that made me love it even more. The one thought that I remember having after seeing this at the time? "All those kids are having sex too young. Where the hell are their parents?" I also remember thinking, "Sean Penn doesn't seem like a good actor, I hope he has other skills."
Adventureland
7. Adventureland
I can't really pinpoint why I liked this one so much. Maybe 'cause it seems so hard to do an end-of-school movie that's actually good nowadays? Maybe that's what impressed me? Or maybe it's 'cause Kristen Wiig can do no wrong and Bill Hader is perfect. They should've had way more screen time.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
6. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Everything about this movie makes me happy. Cameron, the reckless driving, the sneakiness, the fancy lunch, the shitty sister, the pool, the dancing, the parade, all of it. Just makes me feel good inside. I've been waiting for the day that I can find a replica of Sloane Peterson's jacket so I can complete the finest Halloween costume that no one will ever get (those shorts were surprising easy to find).
Police Academy 2
5. Police Academy 2
Now this one definitely does not fall into the aforementioned category, I'm aware. Why am I including it? Only because I would watch this movie and the beautiful sequels almost every other day during any of my summers off school. It's hard to remember why I found them so entertaining, to be honest. It was probably their image of what "the city" was like. So rugged, so dangerous. To this day, they make me immensely happy. I think we've all been searching for our Sgt. Mahoney. Guttenberg was/is a gem. Did you see him on Party Down? Just great.
Can't Hardly Wait
4. Can't Hardly Wait
All right, all right, I know what you're thinking. But have you seen this movie? Did you see it when it came out? 'Cause it's still great. Maybe I'm swayed by my brother thinking that this was the greatest thing to come out of the nineties, or maybe in time you'll see how good this movie actually was. Ethan Embry just looks like a puppy in it, does that make sense? How is that a bad thing? Just sweet as hell.
Jack
3. Jack
This is my absolute favourite Francis Ford Coppola movie. Say what you will and cast your judgements - Robin Williams is perfection in this movie. PERFECTION. Love, love, love. And young Jennifer Lopez? Yikes. Too hot.
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
2. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
I love this movie intimately. Definitely better than Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. Why? No idea. Just watched it a billion times as a child and fell in love with the Robbi Rob song "In Time" that's on the soundtrack. Also, the story is original as hell (or it was to a child’s mind). My brother recently told me that he thought of the perfect way that someone should propose to me. (Is that normal? It's fine, we're just close.) He said that the man should play that song in the movie for me and strum his hands in the air à la Bill & Ted in this scene, and then say, "Let's be excellent to each other." ...And my mouth fucking DROPPED at how perfect an idea that was. In reality, I don't actually want that, but what a brilliant idea. Maybe if I marry Keanu Reeves - yeah, that'd be amazing in that case.
Dazed & Confused
1. Dazed & Confused
If this is an obvious choice for number one, well, good! I hope it is! There is no other option, in my opinion. I make sure to watch this every single June, I love it. Makes me feel young again. Maybe it's that Aerosmith song that makes it perfect - or maybe it's because it forces me to remember the incomparable Nicky Katt from Boston Public. Whatever it is, just a fine piece of movie right here.
Please don't raise your voice at the fact that movies like American Pie or Ghost World didn't make the cut. You want to include them on your list? Go ahead! I'd love to hear what you got and why. (Edit note: Sorry about being rough on Brendan Fraser. Don't know where that came from.)
2024 UPDATE: I might need to make this post a top 11 list instead of 10 because it’s a sin that Booksmart isn’t mentioned. Absolutely great movie.
These were done by my friend Adele nine years ago and I still love them to death. There are so many more that I've kept, but I thought I'd just give you a taste. (Hope it's okay that I'm posting them, Adele - they're so perfect.)
Mom Says
“Birthmarks on babies happen because the pregnant mother is craving a food that she didn’t get. Wherever she touches her body when she’s experiencing the craving is where the mark will appear on her unborn baby.”
Hair Tip of the Day
Never comb or brush your wet hair. Seriously, don't do it. It breaks the hair follicles and makes your hair fall out way quicker than it normally would. What should you do instead? Brush your dirty hair BEFORE you get into the shower and then once it's clean, just use your finger tips to get out tangles. Obviously this is easier to do if you use conditioner (side tip: only condition the hair that isn't on your scalp, 'cause if you condition your scalp it'll get greasier way quicker - only the ends need conditioning).
How do I know these things? Experience, son! My hair used to fall out like mad. For years. I only got a handle on this a few years back, and after trying these things there's no going back.
Also, if you have roommates, don't forget to clean out any hair in the drain after your shower. Blows my mind that people still don't adhere to this human courtesy. (I am in no way talking about my own roommates, they're wonderful. I'm talking to you other cretins who aren't doing this.)
“How fragile we are, between the few good moments.”
The Wolf of Wall Street
Not a super fan of anyone involved, but this looks really good.
“I think if I were to have any phrase tattooed on my body it would be: “I love you but...””
Overheard In New York
Once in awhile, this site has some real gems. I don't read it as often as I used to - why? Not really a concrete reason, there are just too many good sites to remember.
Here are some of my favourites from over the years:
Man: You look like the black Sigourney Weaver.
Woman: I'm not black.
Man: Are you Sigourney Weaver?
-- Oasis Coffee Shop
College guy #1: Yo, do you know who directed Jaws 2?
College guy #2: Yeah. Oh wait, you mean the second one?
-- 23rd & 3rd
Guy #1: So she fine?
Guy #2: Yeah, man, and get this, guy: she's got full benefits!
Guy #1: Yo man, you better marry that shit!
-- Elevator, 42nd & Madison
Crazy man: Why did Freddy Krueger kill Martin Luther King? 'Cause he had a dream!
-- 1 train
Boy: Mom? Mom? Can I get this?
Mom: No.
Boy: I see you as a stranger now.
-- Burlington Coat Factory, Atlantic Center Mall
Dude: Look at those people there on the bench?
Chick: Which ones?
Dude: Those six people, all sitting there, all talking and animated and engaged with each other, each a representative of a different family of hair colour. We totally just walked through their sitcom and we didn't even know it.
-- Washington Square Park
Man on stoop on cell: Son, it sounds like you got yourself an STD.
-- Windsor Terrace
White girl: I'm sorry, I don't have any money.
Black guy: I didn't ask you for nuthin', lady!
-- 57th & Lexington
Man: Oh my God, it's sold out. What do we do?
Woman: I don't know. Suicide?
-- Film Forum, Houston Street
Woman: Hi!….Oh, I thought you were someone else.
Man: I am.
-- 52nd & Broadway
Conductor: Watch your step as you exit the train, and if you're late, just remember that life is a lot like being on this train: we may not be there yet, but we’re getting there.
--2 Train
Oh Mandy - The Spinto Band
Still one of my most favourite music videos to watch. Just gorgeous.