Henry, age 8, watches Forrest Gump. →

by Liz Heather in ,

kellyoxford:

Henry: Wow, he doesn’t use commas when he talks.
Henry: Is Tom Hanks handicapped in real life?
Henry: Their house is huge.
Henry: I can’t believe Elvis stole his moves, gave him no credit. Not cool.
Henry: Is he going to sit on that bench and tell this story for the whole movie?
Henry: His braces broke off his legs and he’s a normal kid, running? He just left Jenny? Shouldn’t he be tired of running?
Henry: Oh man he joins the ARMY!? WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT!?
Henry: This Bubba guy is awesome, but he’s gonna die. In every army movie the first friend the main character meets, dies. Poor Bubba’s gonna die.
Henry: Oh my god, I love Bubba and this shrimp stuff.
Henry: Jenny is in Playboy? Is this a stripper show? She’s totally a stripper.
Henry: Jenny you can’t outrun a bullet. She told him to run.
Henry: YES. WAR SCENES. FINALLY. Why doesn’t Forrest have the cool gun?
Henry: Man, Vietnam would have been fun… until you had to go out and fight and die.
Henry: His platoon leader is just like my teacher. “Sit down. Shut up.”
Henry: I love Bubba.
Henry: I love how Forrest talks.
Henry: OH NO JENNY IS A HIPPIE.
Henry: Knew it. Is Bubba dead?
Henry: Was Forrest the only one who made it out, standing? Hey, this is what you have to do in Call of Duty. When you’re being carried out, you need to pull out a handgun.
Henry: Oh Bubba isn’t good. Man. I knew it. He died. Everyone’s best friend always gets shot.
Henry: Why would lieutant Dan rather be dead than get prosthetics? That’s dumb.
[Sal walks in]
Sal: Do hippies work? At all?
Henry: Dick Clark was so young then. He’s old now. He’s dead.
Henry: Jenny is so stupid.
Henry: Wait. BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP?!?! IS THIS A TRUE STORY?!
Sal: I like that the Apple symbol used to be rainbow.
Henry: I’d never cut grass for free.
Sal: Jenny is a mess.
Henry: Jenny is a mess.
Henry: He’s going to be really depressed now.
Sal: Jenny is terrible.
Henry: “His daddy’s name is Forrest? Just like me?” He’s an idiot.
Henry: Is it over? I want to know more about his cute little kid.
Sal: SEQUEL. That’s my new favorite movie.

Ban Toddlers From Any Screens, Please (link) →

by Liz Heather in , ,

I read this a few months ago and started sending it to all my friends with kids or those who were about to have kids - why? I don’t know, ‘cause when I see a baby staring at an iPad IT FREAKS ME THE HELL OUT, for some reason. It just shouldn’t… be. And it makes no sense whatsoever. I don’t care if there are games specifically AIMED at these children, no. Just no. Give them a fucking rattle or something. PLEASE. 

The Simpsons VS. Seinfeld (link) →

by Liz Heather in

I just read this great piece by David Lipsky. It’s a good read if you like either of these shows. (And if you somehow don’t have some kind of small space in your heart for either of those shows? May God help you.) 

Wishpot

by Liz Heather in , ,

Let me be clear, this post is not being written because my birthday is about a week away. 

There’s a site called Wishpot that I love. It’s an online (free) service that allows you to keep many types of lists with items that you find on other sites that you either need to purchase or would like to have as gifts. I know. That sounds kind of… gauche. And it is, a bit. But once you accept that general gaucheness, it’s really quite great. Once you have an account, you have an “Add to Wishpot” button installed in your bookmarks and whenever you come across something you want, you just add it to your pot.

I have two lists. One consists of “Things That I Eventually Need To Buy” and of course a “Wishlist” for when it’s gift giving times and someone asks me what I’d like. 

And honestly, if someone’s sweet enough to ask me what I’d want, my answer is usually, “Oh, I have everything. Don’t be silly. You’re so nice to even want to give me anything. You’re the best!” But the real answer would be, “Umm, of course there are frivolous things that would be great to get.” And that’s where this list comes in. In all honesty, the only people who have taken this list seriously and actually use it are my brothers and, like, two friends. So… is it really useful? I can’t really say. What I’m really hoping for is enough notoriety one day so that fans seek out this list and lavish me with these treats. That’s not gonna happen, maybe - but one can dream. 

Oh! I also forgot the best feature. If you do take a look at someone’s list and want to buy something for them, there’s a button to press to make sure no one else buys it since it’s then reserved. And at the same time, the person who the gift is for knows nothing because they don’t receive any notification that someone’s buying them something. Such secretism! 

In conclusion, if this post were being written solely because my birthday is about a week away - then I would’ve blogged about it sooner since there’s no way, with shipping, that’d I’d get any of those gifts on time. See? Not a horrible person. Not a great one either, but I’m comfortable with that.