Horror Movie Tip

Everyone either loves or hates horror movies, I've come to learn. While I certainly do not love them (with the slight exceptions of say The Blair Witch Project and, oh, the brilliant April Fool's Day) , I have learned not to hate them all as strongly. 

Reasons Why You're Allowed To Hate Them

• They're just too loud. No one needs that.
• When you're either falling asleep or walking those ten feet from your car to your front door or walking alone at night - you will inevitably think of something you saw in a horror movie once. Am I alone in this? This is a thing people do, yes?  And thus, you will become slightly... on edge. This feeling is awful. 
• The sight of so much blood makes your stomach feel rough. 

Reasons You're A Loser For Hating Them

• It's just a movie, dummy. Grow up.

Those first points are all acceptable reasons to hate these movies. However, at some point in your life, you will encounter someone (friend or mate) who loves them. What to do? Stand your ground and never see them? No, that's silly. (I'm looking at you, Paul AND Jenn). The surefire way to NOT become frightened when watching a scary movie is this: plug your ears. I swear to God this works. Obviously you still hear what's going on, but the fact that it becomes a bit muffled after you plug those ears? Totally tricks your brain into not feeling as much (if any) fear. I would tell you to close your eyes as well, but c'mon. We're adults.  

Try it out if you think I'm wrong. Swear it'll work. And have you seen April Fool's Day? Man. Get on that.

Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead - A Review

You need to watch this documentary. It's about this man who decides to do a 60 day juice cleanse, but then it becomes about a lot more - involving other people as well. Is that description vague? I hope it is. Just vague enough so you might be intrigued into seeing it. 

Honestly, it's just a crazy good film and ridiculously... heartfelt. Maybe that seems like the wrong word choice, but I'm sticking with it. There's this one man Phil in it that is just... I love him. You really have to see this. The whole thing can be viewed on YouTube here.  

Why did I enjoy it so much? Man, I wish it were one thing that I could place and tell you. But it was a lot of things. The fact that it started out as being about one idea with one specific man, and then turned into so much more? That's probably it. And everyone apart of it seemed so genuine and, as lame as it is to say, inspiring. Absolutely no reason not to see this one, guys.

The Imposter - A Recommendation

“A documentary centered on a young Frenchman who claims to a grieving Texas family that he is their 16-year-old son who has been missing for 3 years.”

— IMDB

You need to see this movie. I just watched it last night and man, it's really good. I don't really want to give away too much information, so I'll just leave it at that description above. I'd never heard of the documentary OR the story when it happened in real life, so maybe that's why I was so blown away? Or maybe it's just a really good watch. My brother Robbie told me to see it, and I was skeptical at first because, well, he likes almost every movie out there. I was going to list some of the worst ones he's liked, but realized that might be a bit rough to do since I'm really trying to commend his taste right now.

See it. Now. 

Her Trailer

Her - Spike Jonze

I feel like this could be really good.  

Meet Joe Black

 This is my favourite Brad Pitt movie that you probably haven't seen. Why is that? God only knows. I guess it didn't do so well in theatres? I can't really remember. Maybe 'cause it's a bit long? Whatever the reason, get over it and see it. Brad Pitt's good and all, but the main attraction here is Anthony Hopkins. Now there's a real man. Something about his voice... I just love him. Especially when he loses his temper, oh my how I love that. 

What's it about? It's about a man (Anthony Hopkins) who's turning 65 (who's this billionaire/cool guy) and he is visited by Death (who has taken the form of Brad Pitt's body) . Death wants to see what the world is like, so he visits Anthony Hopkins and asks him to be his guide for awhile before Death must take him away with him. What happens? Anthony Hopkins' daughter falls in love with Death - and, oh dear, Death falls in love with her! What will happen? Ah, well you have to go watch it. I can't tell if that's the worst description of this movie ever or a really intriguing pitch to make you want to see it. Either way, I am all about this movie. Just love it. 

I was gonna livetweet watching it with my mom the other day, but only came up with the idea half way through the movie, during the sex scene. These were some of her gems:

The hashtag would have been: #meetjoeblacksexscenewithmom

“Holy! Look at his body!”

“Whoa, careful! He’s a dead guy, girl!”

“Just remember, dead people can come back and do you.”

“Dead people are very gentle, nuh?”

Maybe those aren't actually that funny, but I was losing it. She says the perfect things sometimes and I love it.

Anyway, see this movie! Go!  

(Ugh, I shouldn't have told you how long it was. That's gonna make you not want to see it. But it really doesn't feel like three hours, I swear. I got my mom to stay up until past 1:30am 'cause she was so into it and she usually starts complaining to go to bed at 11:30pm max.)

Birth to Death As Told By Cinema

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Maybe I'm only excited for this 'cause of Kristen Wiig - or maybe it's just gonna be really good. You can see the trailer here. 

The Worst Movie of All Time

If there’s one movie that you should never ever see, that movie is 2008’s The Women. While I cannot fully explain in depth the reasons behind this recommendation, I can merely try. 

I tried watching this movie a very long time ago with a group of friends and had to excuse myself before the second half because of how violently sick it made my stomach. At first, I thought it was just something that I had eaten. So I left the living room that we were watching it in and went upstairs to lay down. I instantly felt better within twenty minutes of leaving that movie. And so, I sat up in bed (since I thought that it was just a random sickness), opened the bedroom door and just sat down for a minute. I began to hear the movie downstairs, and the sickness immediately rushed over me like a WAVE yet again. I shut the door and laid down again. This movie was making me physically ill. Why? I still can’t really place it. I’ve thought about this long and hard, and I’ve come to the conclusion that – this is the worst movie ever made. There are so many things wrong with it. It makes women seem like worthless, stupid moronic drones. And also? There are absolutely no men in this movie. Even as extras. NO MEN! Not that there’s anything wrong with that – but no, wait, there IS something wrong with that because it made me feel UNSETTLED IN MY STOMACH. I don’t WANT to see a movie exclusively full of women. It's too much. I hated it. And also, on a separate occasion, my brother Robbie and I were walking along the aisles of Blockbuster one day (I realize, this detail dates us immensely) and we came across a dvd for The Women and I instantly started to have an uneasy, bubbly feeling in my stomach again. IT WAS WEIRD. Even he was all, “This is messed up.” So I had to leave and wait in the parking lot for him. I honestly wish I could explain this phenomenon more, but that would mean watching it AGAIN and figuring it out more deeply, but you know that I can’t do that. I just… I can’t. Everything made me angry about it. Please never see this movie. 

The Heat - A Short Review

I really didn't think I was gonna like this movie. Not for any good reason really, just the dumb reasoning that I don't think I like any Sandra Bullock movies, never have. I try not to talk about that a lot infront of others 'cause not many people seem to agree with me (one of whom is my father and is convinced that Miss Congeniality is the hidden gem of the year 2000). But this is probably my first (and truthfully? Probably the last...) Sandra Bullock movie that's actually pretty great. But I don't want to dwell on her presence in it right now 'cause this was actually a pretty good time. I doubt I'd see it again, but it was definitely enjoyable. 

Honestly, Melissa McCarthy is perfect and so good and smart at everything. It makes me kind of mad that she wasted seven years in a completely uncomedic role on Gilmore Girls (and I kind of liked Gilmore Girls! So that's saying something.)  Woman's fantastic. And everyone loves her. What's that? You don't love her? Not possible. She's delightful! Infact, I don't think I want you in here. Get outta here, dummy. 

Thoughts During The Movie

• OH MY GOD! BIFF!
• Can't really remember what the context was, but if you remember the scene where Sandra Bullock is in Melissa McCarthy's apartment and she says something about there not being any "poached eggs and rubies" - Man... I fucking lost my mind at that line, so funny.

Okay, so it turns out that those are my only real thoughts. There really were just a billion Melissa lines that were so fucking good and funny that I really couldn't keep up and write them all down for you to see, she's the main reason you should see this movie. 

Conclusion? I will definitely make fun of Gilmore Girls with you if you want me to. Just 'cause I've seen the entire series does not mean I'm not aware of how bad it was.  

Mrs. Doubtfire as a Horror Film

This is a bit old, but man is it great.