I was originally going to post this as "Fury of the Day - Stop Asking Me Why I'm Not Married Yet" but quickly realized that's an overly negative way to talk about what I'm actually trying to say here. I'm gonna do a Q&A type thing ahead so turn away if disgusted.
Why do I feel the need to talk at such length about marriage? I feel like the majority of men I've dated have never expressed any interest in marriage (whether that was specific to a marriage to me or in general, I'm not sure, but the opinion is still relevant here). Other than being the biggest cliché of all time, I've become desensitized to hearing that thought. Personally I have never had the idea that I need to be married, ever. I've always seen it as kind of an ambitious dream, similar to winning the lottery or something. Maybe that's a naive thing to say. Anyway, my point is that I think it's as silly to say "I will never marry" as it is to say "I will be married someday."
Why should marriage be considered important (other than legal reasons) and why would anyone want to do it? The worst answers I've ever heard to this question have been "security" or "commitment." I don't care what any piece of paper says, there isn't a document in existence that can secure someone's devotion to you. The best answer I can think of to possibly want to marry someone would be because I would want to declare to the world that I love this person and I'm going to work my ass off to keep that love going. That's it. I think that might be the most romantic declaration that someone could make. It's so bold and full of faith, I think that's what marriage should be about. (Keep in mind that I know nothing of the matter since I'm not married.) And if you're reading this thinking, "This woman has no fucking idea what marriage is about." You're right! I don't! I only have my lofty ideas, which I think is probably a good thing.
Is it weird that people have such strong opinions about something they've never experienced? Absolutely. I feel just as much weirdness about someone who says they have to get married as compared with someone who absolutely knows they never want it. Both sides are such strange reactions to a completely alien topic. If you haven't done it, you know shit about it. How can you have such a strong opinion? Is it 'cause of your parents? You ain't them! And also, I'd love to hear the reasons why people would want it so badly or why they're so repulsed by the idea of it. I feel like if you're on either sides of those fences, you must have purely stereotypical reasons of what you think marriage is, which makes me (condescendingly) feel sorry for you.
If you believe in marriage, does that mean you have to be anti-divorce? God, I hope not. My parents have been together for almost forty years but that wouldn't have happened if my dad hadn't gone through two divorces before my mom came into the picture. I have to believe in divorce! I'm not saying that I would enter a marriage and expect a divorce, I'm not a maniac, but to be so naive in thinking you're amongst the few who exhibit equal parts hard work and luck? C'mon. Divorce is a reality. I understand now that your parents marriage does not dictate your own personal life. It's taken me a long time to actually believe that statement because growing up with parents who were in love made me think that it came so easily. It makes just as much sense to me why people who didn't experience my childhood have their own overtly negative views on it. But again, that doesn't determine your own choices and future.
Is it normal to get married and not say "forever" in your vows? I really fucking hope so. Instead can't someone just say, "I promise to love you to the fullest for as long as a time I'm given - but that's it. I can't promise your love to me, though. That's your choice. And if some day your love for me vanishes, I will leave you. I want that love. And I will find it from someone else." Is that too harsh for a vow? I feel like it is, but man it's all I could offer.
Are weddings the best? Yes. And I'm not saying this because all women want to get married. If anything, I hope you've never had that thought (otherwise: yikes). I will forever love weddings 'cause they're positive as hell. There's so much fucking optimism and love in that room, you can feel it. No matter what happens, in that moment - that day is fantastic. Even when I was single, I loved weddings. It's a celebration of a kind of faith in something that I've rarely ever felt, how could that not be a fun time? God, I love them.
This is way too long a post for someone who's never been married to be talking about marriage, so I'll stop. I just wish people could be a lot cooler about the subject. I think it's so strange that we're all supposed to have such great knowledge and strong opinions on a topic that we'll never really have any insight on until at least we're in our early eighties or something.
