The Imposter - A Recommendation

“A documentary centered on a young Frenchman who claims to a grieving Texas family that he is their 16-year-old son who has been missing for 3 years.”

— IMDB

You need to see this movie. I just watched it last night and man, it's really good. I don't really want to give away too much information, so I'll just leave it at that description above. I'd never heard of the documentary OR the story when it happened in real life, so maybe that's why I was so blown away? Or maybe it's just a really good watch. My brother Robbie told me to see it, and I was skeptical at first because, well, he likes almost every movie out there. I was going to list some of the worst ones he's liked, but realized that might be a bit rough to do since I'm really trying to commend his taste right now.

See it. Now. 

Poutine Pizza at Pizza Hut

The above is a photo of the Cheesy Beef Poutine Pizza from Pizza Hut (minus the beef and with extra fries) that I ordered at my parent's house in Mississauga, Ontario a few weeks ago. I'd been waiting a long time (two months) to finally try this bad boy. Verdict? Disappointing!  

Were my expectations high? God, yes! Was there any way that it could've been amazing? Probably not. But not because putting poutine on top of a pizza is a bad idea... moreso just because it was foolish for me to expect Pizza Hut to carefully concoct such a delicate Canadian creation.  

I was told that there would be gravy instead of pizza sauce. There was none (or none that my gentle eyes could detect). I was also told that actual Quebecois curds were being used, and not the generic Hut mozzarella. I was misinformed. 

Yes, maybe I shouldn't have made my substitutions (of the no beef and the added frie-age) , but am I not entitled to some actual deliverance of A POUTINE?! I think so. 

Honestly, the pizza wasn't terrible. I ate probably... three slices over the span of many hours. It was just dry as fuck. If anything, this whole experience has made me want to try and make my OWN version one day. You know, when I'm at a more stable point in my life and can undertake such a challenge. For now, though? I shall only express my disappointment.  

It was a courageous try, Pizza Hut. But please... you're embarrassing all Canadians by keeping that trash on your fine menu. Good day. 

(*EDIT NOTE: I just looked on their site and it's totally off the menu now. Either this blog post WORKED in the two seconds since I put it up, or the Hut really has a handle on things. Commendable.)

Bossypants By Tina Fey - A Review

I know that I'm about two years late in reviewing this, but I finally just got around to reading it only last night! I know... pathetic. Even my dad read it eons ago (though, to be fair, he's a much bigger Tina Fey fan than I am). I'm not even a busy person, so really there's no excuse for the lateness here. 

Thoughts & Parts I Loved

• Hearing the phrase "my thick virgin eyebrows" made me laugh for about three full minutes. 
•  "This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. "You're up for a promotion. If they go with a woman, it'll be between you and Barbara." Don't be fooled. You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone."
• When talking about her experience on a cruise: "There are some wonderful Filipinos who fold your towels in the shape of a different animal every night. It might be an elephant wearing your sunglasses, or a duck wearing your sunglasses. It's just fun. Don't overthink it." - I can't really put into words why exactly, but the "It's just fun. Don't overthink it." part of that made me laugh a lot.
• Honestly, the whole chapter about her honeymoon on a cruise ship is just wonderfully funny, especially her description of cruise ships in general: "Luxury cruises were designed to make something unbearable - a two-week transatlantic crossing - seem bearable. There's no need to do it now. There are planes. You wouldn't take a vacation where you ride on a stagecoach for two months but there's all-you-can-eat shrimp. You wouldn't take a vacation where you have an old-timey appendectomy without anesthesia while steel drums play. You might take a vacation where you ride a camel for two days if they gave you those animal towels wearing your sunglasses."
• The line, "At a certain point your body wants to be disgusting." Ugh, just love that. 
• The chapter "Remembrances of Being Very, Very Skinny" is too great for words. The final paragraph of it especially: "We should leave people alone about their weight. Being skinny for awhile (provided you actually eat food and don't take pills or smoke to get there) is a perfectly fine pastime. Everyone should try it once, like a super-short haircut or dating a white guy."
• My favourite lines from "Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat" are: 1. "Even though I only liked McDonald's fries, I believe it was more nutritious to make a meal of it and have two cheeseburgers as well." 2. "If I was really ambitious, I would get a Whopper Jr. at Burger King and then walk to McDonald's to get the fries. The shake could be from anywhere."
• When talking about the ever-issue of women being funny: "I think of this whenever someone says to me, "Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny," or "Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny," or "Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny....Do you have anything to say to that?"  Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it."
• When talking about the overuse of Photoshop: "I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society...unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool."  And "Photoshop is just like makeup. When it's done well it looks great, and when it's overdone you look like a crazy asshole. Unfortunately, most people don't do it well. I find, the fancier the magazine is, the worse the Photoshop. It's as if they are already so disgusted that a human has to be in the clothes, they can't stop erasing human features."
• Her description of Amy Poehler makes me really want Amy Poehler to write a book. She seems like the coolest woman alive. 
• "Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff?" 

Just a really great book, you should definitely read it - what am I saying, I'm sure you have already since it came out a billion years ago. In that case, read it again! She's an incredible woman and I sincerely hope that she writes another one sometime soon. You can purchase it here or peruse one of your friends bookshelves, 'cause I'm pretty sure you'll find it there, too. 

Meet Joe Black

 This is my favourite Brad Pitt movie that you probably haven't seen. Why is that? God only knows. I guess it didn't do so well in theatres? I can't really remember. Maybe 'cause it's a bit long? Whatever the reason, get over it and see it. Brad Pitt's good and all, but the main attraction here is Anthony Hopkins. Now there's a real man. Something about his voice... I just love him. Especially when he loses his temper, oh my how I love that. 

What's it about? It's about a man (Anthony Hopkins) who's turning 65 (who's this billionaire/cool guy) and he is visited by Death (who has taken the form of Brad Pitt's body) . Death wants to see what the world is like, so he visits Anthony Hopkins and asks him to be his guide for awhile before Death must take him away with him. What happens? Anthony Hopkins' daughter falls in love with Death - and, oh dear, Death falls in love with her! What will happen? Ah, well you have to go watch it. I can't tell if that's the worst description of this movie ever or a really intriguing pitch to make you want to see it. Either way, I am all about this movie. Just love it. 

I was gonna livetweet watching it with my mom the other day, but only came up with the idea half way through the movie, during the sex scene. These were some of her gems:

The hashtag would have been: #meetjoeblacksexscenewithmom

“Holy! Look at his body!”

“Whoa, careful! He’s a dead guy, girl!”

“Just remember, dead people can come back and do you.”

“Dead people are very gentle, nuh?”

Maybe those aren't actually that funny, but I was losing it. She says the perfect things sometimes and I love it.

Anyway, see this movie! Go!  

(Ugh, I shouldn't have told you how long it was. That's gonna make you not want to see it. But it really doesn't feel like three hours, I swear. I got my mom to stay up until past 1:30am 'cause she was so into it and she usually starts complaining to go to bed at 11:30pm max.)

The Worst Movie of All Time

If there’s one movie that you should never ever see, that movie is 2008’s The Women. While I cannot fully explain in depth the reasons behind this recommendation, I can merely try. 

I tried watching this movie a very long time ago with a group of friends and had to excuse myself before the second half because of how violently sick it made my stomach. At first, I thought it was just something that I had eaten. So I left the living room that we were watching it in and went upstairs to lay down. I instantly felt better within twenty minutes of leaving that movie. And so, I sat up in bed (since I thought that it was just a random sickness), opened the bedroom door and just sat down for a minute. I began to hear the movie downstairs, and the sickness immediately rushed over me like a WAVE yet again. I shut the door and laid down again. This movie was making me physically ill. Why? I still can’t really place it. I’ve thought about this long and hard, and I’ve come to the conclusion that – this is the worst movie ever made. There are so many things wrong with it. It makes women seem like worthless, stupid moronic drones. And also? There are absolutely no men in this movie. Even as extras. NO MEN! Not that there’s anything wrong with that – but no, wait, there IS something wrong with that because it made me feel UNSETTLED IN MY STOMACH. I don’t WANT to see a movie exclusively full of women. It's too much. I hated it. And also, on a separate occasion, my brother Robbie and I were walking along the aisles of Blockbuster one day (I realize, this detail dates us immensely) and we came across a dvd for The Women and I instantly started to have an uneasy, bubbly feeling in my stomach again. IT WAS WEIRD. Even he was all, “This is messed up.” So I had to leave and wait in the parking lot for him. I honestly wish I could explain this phenomenon more, but that would mean watching it AGAIN and figuring it out more deeply, but you know that I can’t do that. I just… I can’t. Everything made me angry about it. Please never see this movie. 

The Heat - A Short Review

I really didn't think I was gonna like this movie. Not for any good reason really, just the dumb reasoning that I don't think I like any Sandra Bullock movies, never have. I try not to talk about that a lot infront of others 'cause not many people seem to agree with me (one of whom is my father and is convinced that Miss Congeniality is the hidden gem of the year 2000). But this is probably my first (and truthfully? Probably the last...) Sandra Bullock movie that's actually pretty great. But I don't want to dwell on her presence in it right now 'cause this was actually a pretty good time. I doubt I'd see it again, but it was definitely enjoyable. 

Honestly, Melissa McCarthy is perfect and so good and smart at everything. It makes me kind of mad that she wasted seven years in a completely uncomedic role on Gilmore Girls (and I kind of liked Gilmore Girls! So that's saying something.)  Woman's fantastic. And everyone loves her. What's that? You don't love her? Not possible. She's delightful! Infact, I don't think I want you in here. Get outta here, dummy. 

Thoughts During The Movie

• OH MY GOD! BIFF!
• Can't really remember what the context was, but if you remember the scene where Sandra Bullock is in Melissa McCarthy's apartment and she says something about there not being any "poached eggs and rubies" - Man... I fucking lost my mind at that line, so funny.

Okay, so it turns out that those are my only real thoughts. There really were just a billion Melissa lines that were so fucking good and funny that I really couldn't keep up and write them all down for you to see, she's the main reason you should see this movie. 

Conclusion? I will definitely make fun of Gilmore Girls with you if you want me to. Just 'cause I've seen the entire series does not mean I'm not aware of how bad it was.  

Essence Sun Club 100% Splash-Proof Eyeliner Pen

This is the only eyeliner I use anymore. I found it in a Dollarama in Canada eons ago and have been using it ever since. I literally never fuck up my eyes when I use this pen. I've been told that you can find them in some Shoppers Drug Marts as well, but definitely look for them in any dollar store 'cause, obviously, they're way cheaper there. 

I used to only use this eyeliner in the summer, since it's really great in hot weather and it doesn't come off as you sweat (it's gross to imagine my eyelids sweating, but let it be known that it does infact happen) - but now I just use it year-round since I've come to love it so. I like the ultra black one, since, well, who the hell uses brown eyeliner? Weirdos, that's who.

Essie Apricot Oil & Base Coat

Women who wear nail polish love Essie. That's one of the few universal truths I've learned thus far in life. I, however, do not care for most of their colours. Why? Much too dull for my kind of living. The fact that they don't carry any fluorescent hues is the main reason I tend to steer clear of the brand as a whole.  

Their base coat, though? What a beaut. They have two different base coats available and I use the milky-looking one and love it. What's the difference between the milky one and the clear base coat? Absolutely no idea - and I don't really care to find out considering it took me about three days to finally figure out what the hell "cuticle oil" is even FOR (sidenote: it's for the benefit of your nail beds so they don't get all hard or hangnail-y and using the oil daily also helps manicured nails last longer since the polish is easier to chip if the nail beds are dry). So once I learned that, I used their Apricot Cuticle Oil and it made me feel fresh as hell when I put that junk on. Absolutely their two best products. Definitely buy these, if you're in the market for this kind of thing. 

The Bling Ring - A Review

Don't see it. Why?

• All of the acting was atrocious (with the exception of maybe two actors - and that's two OUT OF A WHOLE CAST).
• Emma Watson's accent will embarrass you and the audience that surrounds you.  My face squinched up every time she had a line, it was excruciating and too far past uncomfortable.
• Other than the robbing, absolutely nothing happens. There's no story. Really - none at all. I don't really understand how it came to be a full length movie since there's so little going on at all times.  
• The script is awful. All of it. Somehow it shocks me that notable people read it and gave it the go ahead.  

Those points don't convey what I'm trying to say. I think I was just excited to see it 'cause it was Sofia Coppola and it's been three years since her last movie - but the lesson has been learned, world. God, what a piece of trash.  

The 10 Best End-of-School Movies

I've been out of high school for what feels like an eternity and yet I still have an affinity for watching these movies this time of year. Is it because I loved and really miss high school? God no, absolutely not. It’s because I remember watching some of these when I was in middle school and really, really anticipating my high school years and hoping they’d be something like these movies. They were not. But that’s cool, ‘cause, as it tends to, life gets a lot better once you turn 21. In so many respects. But that’s another post. 

You may not agree with some of these choices since, you know, you’re a human with opinions of your own, so be forewarned. 

With Honors

10. With Honors

Considering that I haven’t seen this movie in over twenty years, it still deserves to be list-worthy. When I was a kid I was bold enough to list it as my favourite movie up until I was twelve years old. I feel like Joe Pesci was really hoping for this to be the role he'd be remembered for (maybe I'm way off on that), and he made quite an impression on me at the time. I saw this and thought, “That man’s an actor.” He couldn’t be greater. Brendan Fraser's in it, too. I don't know why I told you that, though. That helps nothing here. 

Pretty In Pink

9. Pretty In Pink

Now this is really on the list 'cause of James Spader. Look at that man. What a dick and what a dreamboat. I saw this movie when I was nine and it was the first time I thought, “God, he's such an asshole... but I could probably change him, though.” So that's memorable for me and made it even more enjoyable. (Sidenote: I never understood why any teen boy was ever into Molly Ringwald. I always thought it was 'cause of her adorable name 'Molly' but then abandoned that idea since boys seemed to care more about thinness and boobs and not how precious a girl's name was?) 

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

8. Fast Times at Ridgemont High

I saw this when I was probably too young, but will cherish it forever. That moment when Judge Reinhold is dreaming about Phoebe Cates taking her swimsuit off? Christ. I was just a kid, but that was intense for anyone who saw it. Also, all the abortion stuff in the movie? That was pretty risqué for me to see at such a tender age, so that made me love it even more. The one thought that I remember having after seeing this at the time? "All those kids are having sex too young. Where the hell are their parents?" I also remember thinking, "Sean Penn doesn't seem like a good actor, I hope he has other skills."

Adventureland

7. Adventureland

I can't really pinpoint why I liked this one so much. Maybe 'cause it seems so hard to do an end-of-school movie that's actually good nowadays? Maybe that's what impressed me? Or maybe it's 'cause Kristen Wiig can do no wrong and Bill Hader is perfect. They should've had way more screen time. 

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

6. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Everything about this movie makes me happy. Cameron, the reckless driving, the sneakiness, the fancy lunch, the shitty sister, the pool, the dancing, the parade, all of it. Just makes me feel good inside. I've been waiting for the day that I can find a replica of Sloane Peterson's jacket so I can complete the finest Halloween costume that no one will ever get (those shorts were surprising easy to find).

Police Academy 2

5. Police Academy 2

Now this one definitely does not fall into the aforementioned category, I'm aware. Why am I including it? Only because I would watch this movie and the beautiful sequels almost every other day during any of my summers off school. It's hard to remember why I found them so entertaining, to be honest. It was probably their image of what "the city" was like. So rugged, so dangerous. To this day, they make me immensely happy. I think we've all been searching for our Sgt. Mahoney. Guttenberg was/is a gem. Did you see him on Party Down? Just great.

Can't Hardly Wait

4. Can't Hardly Wait

All right, all right, I know what you're thinking. But have you seen this movie? Did you see it when it came out? 'Cause it's still great. Maybe I'm swayed by my brother thinking that this was the greatest thing to come out of the nineties, or maybe in time you'll see how good this movie actually was. Ethan Embry just looks like a puppy in it, does that make sense? How is that a bad thing? Just sweet as hell. 

Jack

3. Jack

This is my absolute favourite Francis Ford Coppola movie. Say what you will and cast your judgements - Robin Williams is perfection in this movie. PERFECTION. Love, love, love. And young Jennifer Lopez? Yikes. Too hot.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

2. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

I love this movie intimately. Definitely better than Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. Why? No idea. Just watched it a billion times as a child and fell in love with the Robbi Rob song "In Time" that's on the soundtrack. Also, the story is original as hell (or it was to a child’s mind). My brother recently told me that he thought of the perfect way that someone should propose to me.  (Is that normal? It's fine, we're just close.) He said that the man should play that song in the movie for me and strum his hands in the air à la Bill & Ted in this scene, and then say, "Let's be excellent to each other." ...And my mouth fucking DROPPED at how perfect an idea that was. In reality, I don't actually want that, but what a brilliant idea. Maybe if I marry Keanu Reeves - yeah, that'd be amazing in that case.

Dazed & Confused

1. Dazed & Confused

If this is an obvious choice for number one, well, good! I hope it is! There is no other option, in my opinion. I make sure to watch this every single June, I love it. Makes me feel young again. Maybe it's that Aerosmith song that makes it perfect - or maybe it's because it forces me to remember the incomparable Nicky Katt from Boston Public. Whatever it is, just a fine piece of movie right here. 

Please don't raise your voice at the fact that movies like American Pie or Ghost World didn't make the cut.  You want to include them on your list? Go ahead! I'd love to hear what you got and why. (Edit note: Sorry about being rough on Brendan Fraser. Don't know where that came from.)

2024 UPDATE: I might need to make this post a top 11 list instead of 10 because it’s a sin that Booksmart isn’t mentioned. Absolutely great movie.