Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) By Mindy Kaling - Review

Loved it. Duh. 

That really could be my complete analysis of this engaging and lovely-as-fuck little book. No, “little book” sounds condescending. And I won’t (errr, I’ll try not to) taint this post with any sort of hidden envy that is seething through my bones after reading such an extraordinary first book by this woman. (I say “first” book because honestly, if there aren’t more to come in the future, then she’s harming us all. Yes, harming.)

Observations While Reading

• Apparently, I laugh out loud while reading now. New. 
• If I ever meet this woman, I will forcibly make her talk to me about what specific lyrics from Joni Mitchell’s Blue album she loved and why. And I will then discuss mine because that album is magic.
• She mentioned the movie A Fish Called Wanda somewhere (in a very non-important way), and I made a note to watch it because I feel like people were constantly talking about that movie at some point in my life and I’d never seen it. Anyway, just watched it last night. No idea how Kevin Kline won that Oscar. Suck-fest.
• Her chapter about specific, odd things that make her cry? God. I loved reading that almost too much. I want to make a whole book devoted to those things. Infact, that might be an idea.

Here are a few of my favorite parts:

I don’t think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they’re “bad with names.” No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people’s names isn’t a neurological condition; it’s a choice. You choose not to make learning people’s names a priority. It’s like saying, “Hey, a disclaimer about me: I’m rude.” For heaven’s sake, if you don’t know someone’s name, just pretend you do. Do that thing everyone does, where you vaguely say, “Nice to see you!” and make weak eye contact. 

Without knowing me at all, Gail nicknamed me Minz. I respond very well to people being overly familiar with me a little too soon. It shows effort and kindness. I try to do this all the time. It makes me feel part of a big, familial, Olive Garden-y community.

A note about me: I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn’t conversation. It’ll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, “Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake.”

Why didn’t you talk about whether women are funny or not?

I just felt that by commenting on that in any real way, it would be tacit approval of it as a legitimate debate, which it isn’t. It would be the same as addressing the issue of “Should dogs and cats be able to care for our children? They’re in the house anyway.” I try not to make it a habit to seriously discuss nonsensical hot-button issues.

That last one is my very favorite. Anyway, such a great book. Please read it. I never read (well, rarely) and I read this in a day and just loved it. You can buy it here. 

(Ugh, I wish I didn’t tell you I never read. Fuck, that was stupid. I’m actually trying to make more time for it. It’s just hard sometimes ‘cause of, like, the internet fucking up my time.)

Biblio-Mat in Toronto

At The Monkey’s Paw on Dundas West. Seems neat.

“When sweeping the floors, do little bits of dirt stick to your feet or socks while you do it? Wear heels. A cleaner and sexier solution.”

— #lizadvice

Nathan Macintosh

I like to think that I’m right about a lot of things. Is it because I’m really smart and have a high IQ? Possibly. Could it be that I just know what’s up? Even more likely. 

This man is one of the funniest humans I’ve ever seen and/or known. His new website looks amazing (that main photo? c’mon, that’s gorgeous) and I’d be a fool not to share that with all of you kind little beauties who are currently reading this. I could go on and on about why he’s so talented, but you wouldn’t hear me. Nobody listens to why someone’s funny - you just watch a link and figure it out on your own. So just go watch any of these videos and you’ll see. He also writes great blogs.

There is no personal bias in this post, I assure you. (You really expect me to have a blog and NOT say anything about this man?! Wow. Get real, toad.)

Spa Castle in Queens, NY

I just went to a “bath house” and it was wicked. I’d never gone to one before, so I didn’t really know what to expect. I thought it would mostly be lounging in hot rooms and pretending I was relaxed. What was it actually? TONS OF POOLS! Outdoor ones, ones where you can take your drinks into, ones that have tons of different underwater mechanisms to relax your muscles, etc. There were also a ton of saunas, which I managed to enjoy after a little while. The outdoor pool was the best part of it all, in my opinion. 

The place I went to is in College Point in Queens (Spa Castle), which is probably closest to the last stop on the 7 train (and the place has a shuttle that runs to and from that subway stop). Definitely worth the trip, even if you don’t live near there. 

If you live in New York, and you aren’t currently at this establishment, well, that shocks me. Only because you’d be doing yourself a disservice by not going. It’s $35 for a weekday and $45 on weekends. 

UPDATE: There's a new location opening in Manhattan, you can find more details here. 

Mom Says

“It is bad luck to sing while eating.”

Secrets of White Teeth

If you’ve seen me in real life, have you wondered why I have such white teeth? It’s genetics.

(That’d be really funny if the post just ended there.)

Ignoring the fact that I compulsively like to talk about when I’m “being really funny”, the real answer is because of whitening toothpaste and mouthwash. Colgate Optic White, to be precise. The toothpaste and the mouthwash. Over the years, I’ve tried a bunch of different ones but, in my opinion, this one is the cheapest, the best tasting and the most effective. I was going to put a side by side photo comparison of my before teeth and after teeth, but then realized that I have been using this stuff so long that I only have after photos. I know, it’s a hard life.

Also, if you’re reading this and you’re a smoker? Wow. That’s cute. Stop smoking, dummy, and then you can benefit from my inadequate years of experience. 

Mouthwash Tip of The Day:

Don’t pour a whole lot into your mouth when mouthwashing, that’s a waste. Just put, say, less than 1/4 of a cup (why am I using baking measurements? Sorry, but those are the only I know). Anyway, just pour a tiny bit in your mouth, but then swish it around like a madman for double the amount of time it says on the back label (usually about a minute). You’ll go through your mouthwash much slower than you regularly do, but with double the results. 

I know this post sounds like a commercial. Frankly, someone should take these words, make it into a commercial somehow and pay me some money. It’s a great line of products.

You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.

“There are plagues everywhere. There is sickness and disease that is everywhere. Everyone tries to hide from these things - the darkness and the shadows. It is just a matter of time till it finds you. I know that. I cannot outrun it. I can’t hide from it. There is nowhere to go. It is my wish to embrace it, to be alone in the middle of the crowd. I know this is all an illusion, a dream. It must come to an end. Nothing too good lasts too long. I can see the hope in everyone’s faces. I know they’re all searching for something. They’re all chasing a great dream. Each of them wants to better themselves. They’re all looking for answers. What they don’t realize is that they have found it already. They have found it in one another. And, as always, the world outside is waiting for us. Waiting patiently to take us away.”

— Harmony Korine, writer of the movie Mister Lonely

Best Garlic Bread

I saw this recipe on an episode of Big Daddy’s House years ago. That man (Aaron McCargo Jr.) just has a great presence, and maybe that’s a dumb reason to assume he makes good food, but he does. Also, his earrings are fantastic. I’ve made this tons of times and it is always amazing (I even burned it once and it still tasted better than most of what has come out of my kitchen). If you like garlic bread even a tiny bit, you must make this. Why does it taste so good? Maybe ‘cause it has A MILLION INGREDIENTS. And I trust that. 

You can see the recipe here. 

A Hamm A Day

These drawings are consistently funny and great. They’re done by Andrew Hamm, who is a darling of man. He’s been doing one a day for over a year now. If that’s not impressive, I don’t know what is. What have you done consistently every day for over a year? Nothing? Yeah. 

See for yourself.