“I will always silently and secretly laugh at all women over the age of 18 who wear bras with clear plastic straps. Don’t do it. Clear does not mean invisible. We can all see the straps. You look foolish.”
Shake Shack Burgers
There is no other burger that tastes like these burgers. If you find yourself in NYC, Connecticut, Florida, Washington, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania or parts of the UK, Middle East or Turkey - seek it out. And eat the hell out of one of these burgers.
Some people think it’s the patty that makes it amazing - I would suggest that its glory comes from the potato bun. Those buns are too soft. Too dainty. Too fucking tasty. I really can’t say enough good things about these burgers. They make you want to live. (Edit note: not actually. They will definitely kill you if you overindulge over many years, don’t do that.)
Just go, all right? One of the very best I’ve ever ever ever had. The lineups are worth it. If you go with someone who’s all, “This line is too long, it can’t be worth it!” - I can only advise you to spit upon that person and say, “Good day.” These burgers are definitely worth waiting for.
Mom Says
If you say goodbye to a friend on a bridge, you will never see each other again.
Salmon Baked in Foil
Before last Monday, I had never baked any type of fish in my life. Seemed too hard to do. Like, how to to know when something’s cooked or not is the main reason I tend not to venture into uncharted cooking territory.
However, I’m a growing woman and I need to do things outside my comfort level once in awhile. Also, ya know… eating right and all that garbage helps, too.
I made this baked salmon and it tasted outrageously good. And keep in mind that the only fish I ever really eat/enjoy is the beautiful, hella deep-fried kind like the halibut at a Canadian fish and chips place (I have to specify and say Canadian since Americans do not know what amazing fish and chips taste like. I just… I refuse to ever get on board with cod as a substitute for halibut. Cod is just inferior. Go home, cod.)
It’s really easy to make (- I made it) and it tastes like something you’d pay someone to make for you. Plus, it’s a great meal to cook if you’re looking to impress someone since it looks fancy as hell.
“The awful thing about life is this: Everyone has their reasons.”
When I Fantasize About Getting Fit
Get This Ice Pack
I asked for and got this ice pack this past Christmas and it’s probably my best gift of 2012. No, I’m not sad. I just know what’s up. This ice pack is gonna last me fifty years. I can feel it.
I used it for the first time a few weeks ago when I was sick and it helped immensely. It was worlds better than the trashy, lopsided, ziplocked bag of melty ice I’ve had to use in years past.
There is absolutely no mess with this ice pack. The ice stays securely inside, with no water dripping ANYwhere on the outside. And you can balance it on both your head and/or forehead, depending on your preference. You will look like you fell out of an early nineteenth century novel with this in place and it will be glorious. Yeah, glorious.
Also, the material it’s made from feels indestructible, yet soft. You can buy one for $9.95 here.
How to Prevent Thigh Chafing & Foot Blistering
With the summer coming up (it’s barely spring, I know, calm down), there are many things that you need to prepare for. Not sure who this post is aimed at, but you might appreciate it if you’ve ever:
- Had a blister on your toe and/or heel because of a certain kind of shoe
- Had thighs that touch each other when you walk, whether it’s due to you having normal, human-sized thighs OR whether you wear really tight skirts and it forces your thighs to meet
- Experienced chafed thighs from running
And I do not intend for this to only be read by women. Most men I know do nothing or very little to try and prevent blisters - why is this? No idea. It’s weird. Take care of that stuff, everyone.
Anyway, the solution to all of these problems? Rub deodorant on the area that’s being a bitch, ie. directly onto the area of where you would presume you would get a blister (because of ill-fitting shoes you own or because in the past you’ve noticed getting blisters after wearing certain shoes) or directly on the areas where your thighs touch. It will solve the problem.
It has something to do with the ingredients in deodorant that makes this work - something about the slipperiness of it, if you want me to get technical.
I’ve tried this before (all of last summer) and it felt wonderful to not have that be a constant issue. Oh! And one more thing, if you try this and decide that it’s working for you as well, it’s really good to invest in one of those travel-sized deodorants to have in your purse/bag. Why? Well, things get sweaty in the summer and sometimes you need to re-apply midway through your day. Kinda gross, but just being real with you.
“A few times in my life, I’ve had moments of absolute clarity. When for a few brief seconds, the silence drowns out the noise - and I can feel rather than think. And things seem so sharp. And the world seems so fresh. It’s as though it had all just come into existence. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything - they fade. I’ve lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present. And I realize that everything is exactly as it’s meant to be.”
“Maya Rudolph’s impression of Gwen Stefani is so ridiculously great. Just lovely. Seek it out. Think she did it on a Jimmy Fallon. Not gonna give you the link. Fucking look for a change.”