The Racetrack at Belmont Park

“Can’t I just bet that all the horses will have a fun time?”

— Marge

Looking for things to do in the summer? Go to the track! I went over the weekend with my friend Jenn and we had a lovely time. Tip for the future? Bring your own food/drinks in a cooler. That way you have more money for bets. And also, $18 for a dank fast food meal is ludicrous. 

How'd we do? I lost a bit at first, then won it all back and Jenn won a bunch throughout the day. Honestly, all the yelling at the horses/jockeys is the best part. And if you're looking to meet newly single, middle-aged men? Then go no further, I have found the place for you.  

Oh, and one other thing? Never bet on someone to "place" (ie. never bet on someone to come in second place). Why? We decided that it seems too mean. Vote for a winner!

You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.

Tip of the Day - Silence Cabinets

An easy way to silence cabinet doors (or any kind of doors, really) that slam? Slice a cork into thin disks and superglue it onto the inside corners of the frame. And voila, peacefulness!

“Want to make your tan look even darker? Paint your nails a fluorescent colour.”

— #lizadvice

The Heat - A Short Review

I really didn't think I was gonna like this movie. Not for any good reason really, just the dumb reasoning that I don't think I like any Sandra Bullock movies, never have. I try not to talk about that a lot infront of others 'cause not many people seem to agree with me (one of whom is my father and is convinced that Miss Congeniality is the hidden gem of the year 2000). But this is probably my first (and truthfully? Probably the last...) Sandra Bullock movie that's actually pretty great. But I don't want to dwell on her presence in it right now 'cause this was actually a pretty good time. I doubt I'd see it again, but it was definitely enjoyable. 

Honestly, Melissa McCarthy is perfect and so good and smart at everything. It makes me kind of mad that she wasted seven years in a completely uncomedic role on Gilmore Girls (and I kind of liked Gilmore Girls! So that's saying something.)  Woman's fantastic. And everyone loves her. What's that? You don't love her? Not possible. She's delightful! Infact, I don't think I want you in here. Get outta here, dummy. 

Thoughts During The Movie

• OH MY GOD! BIFF!
• Can't really remember what the context was, but if you remember the scene where Sandra Bullock is in Melissa McCarthy's apartment and she says something about there not being any "poached eggs and rubies" - Man... I fucking lost my mind at that line, so funny.

Okay, so it turns out that those are my only real thoughts. There really were just a billion Melissa lines that were so fucking good and funny that I really couldn't keep up and write them all down for you to see, she's the main reason you should see this movie. 

Conclusion? I will definitely make fun of Gilmore Girls with you if you want me to. Just 'cause I've seen the entire series does not mean I'm not aware of how bad it was.  

Tip of the Day - Easy Deviled Eggs

Once the eggs are hard boiled, put the cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal it up, mash them up until they're all broken up. Then add the remainder of your ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing roughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. For an easy clean up, just throw bag away when done.

Read about that tip here. Just a devilishly good idea. (I know, I know. Boooooo!)

Great Tumblr = Reasons My Son Is Crying

Go look at this tumblr, it is great. 

Personal favourites of the bunch?

"She didn't want bangs."

"He didn't want to be Superman."

"He didn’t want to share his leg hole."

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

— Augusten Burroughs

Essence Sun Club 100% Splash-Proof Eyeliner Pen

This is the only eyeliner I use anymore. I found it in a Dollarama in Canada eons ago and have been using it ever since. I literally never fuck up my eyes when I use this pen. I've been told that you can find them in some Shoppers Drug Marts as well, but definitely look for them in any dollar store 'cause, obviously, they're way cheaper there. 

I used to only use this eyeliner in the summer, since it's really great in hot weather and it doesn't come off as you sweat (it's gross to imagine my eyelids sweating, but let it be known that it does infact happen) - but now I just use it year-round since I've come to love it so. I like the ultra black one, since, well, who the hell uses brown eyeliner? Weirdos, that's who.

Depuff-ifying Yo' Face

I like to sleep in. Every day. Or, you know, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Not because of laziness, but moreso because I feel that I'm owed more sleep.  

The most helpful tip I've ever read in a magazine about losing that too-sleepy look when you have to wake up when you would opt not to? This guy:

The best tip for making your face look fresh after a sleepless or sleep-heavy night is to soak a washcloth in very hot water, press it against your skin and give your face a hearty scrub. Then, rinse that off and splash your face with freezing cold water. Your capillaries will respond to the changes in heat, which will stimulate lymph vessels and blood flow for better depuffing.

And voila. A presentable human being.