Necklace Display

When I decide I'm gonna live somewhere longer than six months, I'm definitely doing this (though I really should just try this now since it's a gorgeous idea). Having all your necklaces proudly displayed like this? For the world to see? Get outta here. My room's gonna look like Anthropologie or some shit (and I say that in a positive way)! Gotta do it.

“If it is right, it happens - the main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”

— John Steinbeck

Underground Bands - Ronnie Johns Half Hour

This is really old, but I still love it.

"As a word document" still makes me fucking howl with laughter. 

Annoyance of the Day - Lottery Tickets as Gifts

I like to think that I'm good at choosing gifts for people. If I don't come up with the right gift for you on your actual birthday (and we're the sort of friends where gift giving is the norm), then you will receive your gift at some point within that birthday year. Always. And it will usually be quite good. Now, while I cannot pass that desirable quality along to you - I can tell you what gift not to give anyone, ever...

Lottery tickets. Or scratch cards. OF ANY KIND. 

Why? So many reasons. 

1. You would never buy a bag of Doritos or a pack of cigarettes as a present for anyone (hopefully, God, you wouldn't), so you should be human enough to know that something bought at a cashier's register is not a gift. 

2. In doing this, I know for a fact that you thought about what my "gift" would be about three seconds after you left your front door to come see me... WHICH IS WEAK. 

3. Not only are you not giving an object or experience or smile or even a goddam HUG as a gift - you're giving me the CHANCE of winning a lot of money?! Wow. Just wow. Gonna aim to remember that sentiment forever, bud.

4. I may be wrong here, but don't the people who buy and enjoy scratch cards LIKE picking out the cards themselves? Like, for luck or whatever? So even if someone LIKES this awful gift, you're still taking the fun out of letting them CHOOSE the damn card/s themselves. Wonderful.

5. If, infact, you DO give this as a gift - it can only go two bloody ways:

Option A

The ticket loses. And thus, you have given someone trash as a birthday gift. Just a worthless piece of garbage. 

Option B

The ticket wins. And then what? What the hell is the etiquette there? Do I get to keep all of the money? I didn't buy the ticket, I didn't even ask for the ticket. But surely there's some kind of unwritten code here. If I win $5, does that mean I get the whole $5? What if it's for $5000? If someone gave me a lottery ticket or scratch game and it won $5000, I would have to be the most impolite cretin alive to not give that "gift-giver" at least a percentage of my winnings. But what percentage?! We haven't agreed on anything upfront! How the hell am I supposed to decide what amount is appropriate?! You are making my life miserable by making me answer these questions. And I don't care how nice a person this gift-giver is, they are for sure gonna resent the hell out of me winning that money. So great, now I have an enemy. DO YOU SEE WHAT A BAD IDEA THIS WAS?! Nobody should be put through all of this.

Anyway, worst gift idea ever. Even as a stocking stuffing. Hate it so much. PUT MORE THOUGHT INTO GIFTS, EVERYONE.

(Sidenote: What are appropriate stocking stuffers? Fucking apples, oranges, a bite-sized Snickers and maybe a few Kool-Aid packets. Always hated those damn kids who got fucking CDs in their damn stockings. CDS ARE PROPER GIFTS.) 

The Racetrack at Belmont Park

“Can’t I just bet that all the horses will have a fun time?”

— Marge

Looking for things to do in the summer? Go to the track! I went over the weekend with my friend Jenn and we had a lovely time. Tip for the future? Bring your own food/drinks in a cooler. That way you have more money for bets. And also, $18 for a dank fast food meal is ludicrous. 

How'd we do? I lost a bit at first, then won it all back and Jenn won a bunch throughout the day. Honestly, all the yelling at the horses/jockeys is the best part. And if you're looking to meet newly single, middle-aged men? Then go no further, I have found the place for you.  

Oh, and one other thing? Never bet on someone to "place" (ie. never bet on someone to come in second place). Why? We decided that it seems too mean. Vote for a winner!

Tip of the Day - Silence Cabinets

An easy way to silence cabinet doors (or any kind of doors, really) that slam? Slice a cork into thin disks and superglue it onto the inside corners of the frame. And voila, peacefulness!

“Want to make your tan look even darker? Paint your nails a fluorescent colour.”

— #lizadvice

The Heat - A Short Review

I really didn't think I was gonna like this movie. Not for any good reason really, just the dumb reasoning that I don't think I like any Sandra Bullock movies, never have. I try not to talk about that a lot infront of others 'cause not many people seem to agree with me (one of whom is my father and is convinced that Miss Congeniality is the hidden gem of the year 2000). But this is probably my first (and truthfully? Probably the last...) Sandra Bullock movie that's actually pretty great. But I don't want to dwell on her presence in it right now 'cause this was actually a pretty good time. I doubt I'd see it again, but it was definitely enjoyable. 

Honestly, Melissa McCarthy is perfect and so good and smart at everything. It makes me kind of mad that she wasted seven years in a completely uncomedic role on Gilmore Girls (and I kind of liked Gilmore Girls! So that's saying something.)  Woman's fantastic. And everyone loves her. What's that? You don't love her? Not possible. She's delightful! Infact, I don't think I want you in here. Get outta here, dummy. 

Thoughts During The Movie

• OH MY GOD! BIFF!
• Can't really remember what the context was, but if you remember the scene where Sandra Bullock is in Melissa McCarthy's apartment and she says something about there not being any "poached eggs and rubies" - Man... I fucking lost my mind at that line, so funny.

Okay, so it turns out that those are my only real thoughts. There really were just a billion Melissa lines that were so fucking good and funny that I really couldn't keep up and write them all down for you to see, she's the main reason you should see this movie. 

Conclusion? I will definitely make fun of Gilmore Girls with you if you want me to. Just 'cause I've seen the entire series does not mean I'm not aware of how bad it was.  

Tip of the Day - Easy Deviled Eggs

Once the eggs are hard boiled, put the cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal it up, mash them up until they're all broken up. Then add the remainder of your ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing roughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. For an easy clean up, just throw bag away when done.

Read about that tip here. Just a devilishly good idea. (I know, I know. Boooooo!)