Fury of the Day - Comedians Who Do Impressions

by Liz Heather in

I'm not talking about your Uncle Bob here (though I silently doubt that his Walken is amazing). I'm talking about comedians who do impressions. Oh, and also the people WHO LOVE HEARING THESE IMPRESSIONS - you're a big part of this problem. 

Before I go on, let me state that I absolutely can admit when I hear a great impression of someone. Bill Hader's version of Alan Alda? Get out of here. I will be the first one to stand and say, "Hey! That was great! Good on you." I cannot, however, encourage comedians on a stage who do them in excess. If you have more than five seconds of impressions in a set? Walk slowly into the ocean. 

I wish I could shake every comedian alive and beg them not to do them - for three main reasons.

  1. Impressions are never funny. A "funny impression" of a person does not exist. If it's a good one, then it's just accurate. And if it's accurate - then cool, you have the ability to sound like that other guy. Wicked. And if it's a bad impression? Oh man, I couldn't hate you more. You're not even good at the thing that you think I want to see?! Fuck.

  2. The thought of someone sitting in their room, practicing some other person's voice or mannerisms makes me very sad. I apologize if that sounds condescending, but it's really fucking depressing to me. (Unless you're considering yourself an impressionist who ONLY does impressions, that is. But that's never the case.) They could be using that time to fucking think up original or personal insights to offer people, maybe.

  3. Jokes and stories are memorable - your fucking DeNiro is not. I will likely vomit if I'm subjected to it. It's come to a point now that when I see someone even slightly attempt any kind of impression on stage, my eyes close gently as my mind shuts down in a furious rage. It's at that moment that I'll definitely think this person is awful to the core and also sort of dumb, for some reason. And I don't want to hold that prejudice! Years of witnessing impressions has forced me into this, unfortunately.

I understand why people want to get good at impressions - it's because almost everyone fucking loves hearing them. Why the hell is this? I wish I could fucking tell you, but I have no idea.

Oh hey, you know that guy in that movie you loved? Well, we don't have him. Yeah, he's crazy busy. But we got this other guy... and you're gonna be blown away by how much they sound alike. Like, it's eerie. AND IT WILL MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND IN EXCITEMENT.

And I know that I can't stop them. At this very moment, somewhere out there someone is perfecting the hell out of their goddam Seinfeld and there's nothing I can do about it. Makes me so mad.

You can see more posts like this on my latest newsletter.

People To Follow - The Mindy Project Cast

by Liz Heather in

This was going to be a post encouraging you to follow Ike Barinholtz, but upon closer inspection - almost everyone I follow on The Mindy Project appears to be pretty great.

Maximizing Your Instagram Photos

by Liz Heather in

Apparently, there are dozens of places on the internet where you can turn your Instagram photos into other things. Things like:

I would probably get the magnets done at some point, too. Such a sweet little idea. What these sites should really have is a way to purchase these as gifts to give to other people. As of right now, you need an Instagram password and login to choose what you want to print, but it's such a good gift idea for another person since receiving one's own photos as magnets would be such a welcome surprise since we all think we're individually such great photographers. (We are... right?)

Mako Hair Architects & Spa - Brampton, ON

by Liz Heather in ,

Let me start this by saying that I am not very loyal to any hairdresser. I like to shop around, and I get my hair cut maybe once every two years so it isn't a high priority for me since I've had the same hairstyle since grade three. Let us casually move past how abnormal that fact is, though, yes?

When I do force myself to get a trim, it's always too expensive. That's why I tend to go for Groupon hair deals instead. And this was the first actually amazing Groupon experience I've had. (Why were past Groupon deals bad? I don't know, just added on fees, a lot of attitudes when I present my coupon, silent judgement, etc.) I feel like I'm almost definitely going to make this place my go-to salon now. Why?

  • Every single woman in there was RIDICULOUSLY nice and talkative, but not in that boring "How's the weather? What do you do?" type way. That's probably what I loved most. Most hair places are all about chit chat, and that's fine if you're into that, but usually I find it boring, awkward and nobody's really that interested in anything the other is saying. Am I alone in thinking this? 
  • The hair stylist I had trimmed it exactly the way I wanted, WHICH IS RARE. Most of the ones I've had in the past do whatever they think would look good and it's usually always garbage. 
  • Somehow we started talking about some of the superstitions that my mom has passed on to me and she had totally heard of some of them before and GAVE ME MORE NEW ONES! So, obviously, lot of love for that. 
  • They also do coffee readings. And I think you already know that I'd be really into that. 

Just such a good experience. Definitely go here if you're looking for a new place that's actually good. It's near Main Street and Queen Street in Brampton. Also, the Groupon is still available here. 

Exact Address: 

20 Queen E, Brampton, ON

L6V 1A2, Canada

(905) 460 - 0500