“There was a time when I would have ordered a watery nest of zoodles without a moment’s hesitation. There was also a time when I couldn’t write or participate in life because I was so hungry and unsatisfied and obsessed with foods I didn’t allow myself to eat. I finally sought help last year, and now I see how problematic it is, this movement to pass off “healthy” foods as “unhealthy” foods. It sends the message — that lands particularly hard with women — that our hunger and appetites are things that must be controlled and manipulated and tricked by vegetable-shaped noodles and liters of water. I’ve used my voice as a writer to reclaim my dignity and self-respect, and one day it just clicked that the way I talked about myself to myself, and the way I ate in response to that nasty and unforgiving voice in my head, was about as far from empowered as it gets. I will no longer participate in a system that tells women we should eat less and weigh less and be less, and it is my dream for all of us to stop doing penance for eating pizza and to stop berating our perfectly fine bodies because it just makes it okay for guys to berate our perfectly fine bodies. You know the Bechdel test for movies and books? I want to create my own test that challenges women to have conversations about anything but our bodies. All this to say, fuck you, zucchini noodles. And you, too, cauliflower rice.”
Food: A Love Story by Jim Gaffigan - A Review
If I'm not blowing your mind with how many books I've been reading lately, then you're impossible to impress.
I'm not a huge fan of Jim Gaffigan, to be honest I think I've seen his standup maybe twice and thought that he was as good as anyone else? That sounds mean, but it's really not intended to. In any case, I like reading comedian's books. I had planned on reading his first book Dad Is Fat, but after reading the description... ugh, I really didn't want to read a book about fatherhood. Thankfully, his second book seemed more up my alley. Best parts ahead.
- "I think crudités is a French term meaning "toss in le garbage at end of le party."
- "I don't think fish even like fish. That is why fish are always frowning. "What's that smell? Oh, it's me. I'm a fish. Ugh." "
- "My brother Mike, like many other pickup truck owners, never seems to be picking anything up in his pickup. I find this confusing. It's like walking around with a big empty piece of luggage. "Are you about to travel somewhere?" "No, but I'm the type of guy who would." "
- "There should be way more poetry written about cheeseburgers."
- "If you are eating fries, you definitely are treating yourself. I think we should just rename taking vacations to "eating French fries." French fries are like Crocs. You know you shouldn't, but your life is pretty much over anyway."
- "Apart from its ill-fated name and frightening body, everything about the crab as a creature is creepy. It only moves sideways. To the right and then jerking to the left. It always looks like it's trying to avoid an awkward situation. "Uh-oh. I owe that guy money," as he sidesteps away."
All in all, it was an all right book. Honestly the idea of an entire book being about what one guy thinks of different kinds of food is amazing. I just wish I liked Jim Gaffigan more.
Timbit Bouquets
Sometimes I really miss Canada because of things like this. Tim Hortons will be offering Timbits bouquets ($12.99 each) for Mother’s Day this year. The bouquet consists of 24 long-stemmed Timbits in a variety of flavours (chocolate-glazed, jelly-filed, honey dip, old-fashioned plain, and more), which is presented in a box filled with tissue paper and wrapped with a ribbon.
They'll be available at participating locations across Canada on May 12 and 13 beginning at 8 a.m and are only around 10 bouquets per restaurant, so I suggest getting there early if you want to get your hands on one.
Also, you might want to keep in mind there’s always the do-it-yourself option: just get some skewers and gifting supplies at your local dollar store, and pick up two dozen or so Timbits to make your own Timbit bouquet. Canada, you're great.
This made me cry it's so sweet.
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
I really wanted to love this book because this is the first I've read of his, but I can't say that I did. Sure, there were a few parts I liked, but to be honest it wasn't that enjoyable to read. He sort of drones on and on about various things that I have no interest in. That sentence reads harsher than intended, but what can you do. In any case, here were the highlights.
- When speaking of his jazz-loving father and how he tried to get his children to love jazz as much as he did: "Aside from replaying the tune on your own instrument, how could you prove you were really listening? It was as if he expected us to change color at the end of each selection."
- When he described his father's excitement at all of his children learning instruments and creating a jazz band together: "You certainly couldn't accuse him of being unsupportive. His enthusiasm bordered on mania." - Hahahahah, "mania."
- "And then, eventually, the New York skyline would appear on the horizon and we'd all stop talking. If you happen to live there, it's always refreshing to view Manhattan from afar. Up close the city constitutes an oppressive series of staircases, but from a distance it inspires fantasies of wealth and power so profound that even our communists are temporarily rendered speechless."
- This next excerpt from the book just really made me laugh and I scanned it and printed it mainly so I could send it to my Dad who'll go nuts for it:
- When talking about NYC's motto: "I don't speak Latin but have always assumed that the city motto translates to either Go Home or We Don't Like You, Either."
All in all, not a huge fan of his so I don't think I'll read any more by him. But I will seek out his sister Amy Sedaris since all of his anecdotes about her were hysterical. Plus I've always intended to read something from her anyway so it's about time.
I Do Not Feel Bad For Cletus
I did Nathan’s podcast again! Talking The Problem With Apu & more!
“Never yet was a springtime, when the buds forgot to bloom.”
Spring List 2018
My favourite time of year has arrived. What's that? I say that constantly? Why the hell isn't it acceptable to have winter, spring and autumn all be tied for your favourite season? I can't choose! And I shouldn't have to. Why do I love it so much? Just a few reasons?
The buds of flowers because sometimes the buds are better than the bloom. So much more to anticipate when it's just the buds
The birds in the morning
So much more sun, but with none the unsightly sweatiness
Baseball's back
Here's what I'd love to do over the next few months.
Jog outdoors.
Go to a baseball game.
Plan a spring break vacation.
Bake a decadent spring cake.
See A Quiet Place.
Spring clean each room in the house.
Take Baby Dog to Boris & Horton.
Help plant something.
Buy a new swimsuit.
Take a bike ride.
WE SHALL SEE WHAT GETS DONE!