I know you know that I love gravy - this is a fact. But without the existence of French fries, I would not be able to love gravy as much as I do. So I guess you could say that I love fries more than gravy. That being said, I think I have some valid opinions when it comes to these new "satisfries" - ugh, kill me for even typing that word-atrocity. (Sidenote: if you're judging me for loving fries? Well, that's enough of that. You probably love all kinds of trash that some would scoff at, so check the 'tude at the door. I know for a fact that some people will never respect fry-lovers, and that's cool, you're entitled to that opinion. But still, calm it down.)

Why These Fries Are A Dumb Idea

I'm sorry, but only 30% less calories? What the hell? Not even a round number like 50%? Who the hell cares about eating something with 30% less of anything? THEY ARE STILL FRIES.
Idiotic name. Sounds like a joke name.
I am not of this opinion, but some people think Burger King's regular fries are the grossest of all the fast food places. In this case, why didn't Burger King just take their old ones off the menu and go to town with these? I would've at least understood that move. Plus, if BK suddenly really cares about my diet, why the fuck are you still offering me your old fatty, dirt fries? Get rid of them! It angers me to know that they want me in there, DECIDING between the two choices. That really makes me mad for some reason. Don't pander to me, Burger King.
It also enrages me to think that someone would order these and THEN FEEL GOOD & HEALTHIER ABOUT THEIR DECISION. These are still fucking French fries. You're still a piece of shit for ordering them. (I know this because I am this every now and again, and I am definitely a piece of garbage for ordering them, but at least I'm aware of this.)

People who love and/or eat fries should know that they're awful for you, always. On another note, this trend of making junk food healthy for you is usually just confusing. If you're changing the badness of a product, you have to change the complete name of what it is! For example, a vegetarian "pizza" with only cooked peppers and mushrooms, on a whole wheat tortilla, with NO cheese on it should no longer be considered a pizza. It has become some sort of unholy, vegetable-attacked type of bread. It can still be delicious like a pizza, but IT AIN'T ONE. Come up with a new name and call it that, 'cause that bitch ain't pizza.

This is a lot of complaining. What they really should have done was get rid of the old fries, introduce these news ones as their primary ones, tell you that they're trying to make people consume less fat and say, "Good day." They should've either done that or NOTHING AT ALL - just BE Burger King, the king of burgers, as you so indicate, and continue killing us all slowly. One or the other. Either one I'm totally cool with. But this? No. Just fucking no. Hate all of this. 'Cause if you're walking into any kind of fast food place, you're not getting something that's good for you. I don't care about any of their health conscious menus, it's all a ruse, you're in there? You're dying young.

Boooooo, Burger King. Boo.