Stay Out of the Ocean

I love swimming, you know this fact. But the ocean? You will RARELY* find me in there. I'm here to convince you to join me in this opinion.

Reasons To Stay Away

1. Dangerous creatures inhabit the ocean. So, as an example, if a shark lived in the house next door to me, I would not casually walk into their home, mess around with their belongings and then expect NOT to be eaten alive. They live there. I do not.
2. Cleanliness. There has to be a crazy amount of urine and feces floating around in these oceans, I don't think I would be able to handle the statistic itself, so thank God I don't know it. 
3. Ocean night swimming is just a scary idea. Does it not look horrifying in movies? When you can't see to the bottom? God, that's horrifying. The only good thing associated with night swimming is that R.E.M. song. THAT'S IT.
4. The movie Open Water.
5. Humans are not born with gills or any sort of apparatus to stay beneath water for longer than a minute or so. WHY DO WE NOT TAKE THIS AS A HINT TO STAY THE HELL OUT OF WATER? I do not know.

C'mon, those are some valid points, right? Maybe just think about it. Or just tell me that you'll stay out of it. I'll sleep a lot better if I hear you say that.

*Past ocean experiences have included instances of peer pressure, curiosity and teaching my boyfriend how to swim on our first vacation together. But never again, I vow!