(I’m putting this up now at 10am, since my Oz post was so delayed. Balance!)

Okay, this is just an advice post. A Liz Advice piece, if you will. Why am I doing this? Well, because it’s my birthday. I’ve been on this planet for twenty-eight years now and I like to think that I’ve learned some things. I, in no way, know it all. Duh. I’m not Beyonce. (Yet.) But here are a few things I’ve learned thus far…

Things You Should Do

Save emails that have compliments about you in them. They’ll make you feel nicer at times when you’re in low places.
Mail things. Everyone will always love mail. In the history of time, no one has ever angrily said, “Ah, God. Mail?!”
Try to attain soft elbows. Someone’s gonna be touching them at some point. Make sure they’re up to par.
Talk to your parents/parent a lot or more than a fair amount. They’re gonna say insightful things sometimes. A lot of it will be mediocre at best, but it’s best not to be a dick to humans who brought you here, dummy.
Take at least two vacations a year. Even if they’re only to places as far as the next city over. Everyone is in a better mood on vacation.
If/when you have nieces/nephews, be as present in their lives as you possibly can. It’s important for everyone involved.
See an ophthalmologist at least once a year, every year. Eyes are just as important as teeth and no one ever talks about that fact. Just go.
See a dentist twice a year. Not as important as the eye guy, but still up there.
Hold grudges. Or rather, don’t be afraid to hold grudges. Sometimes people are just dirt and it’s good to remember that and not give them too much of yourself.
Retweet.

Things You Shouldn’t Do

Obsess about your weight/body. No one cares. It’s boring to hear and talk about. Spare us all.
Be alone when you are sick. Call someone over. It helps your state of mind times a million. Having someone to complain to heals an illness 50% quicker, I’d imagine.
Eat fast food more than once a week. Are you simple? Don’t do that. You’re better than that.
Be weird about hugging.
Point and laugh at someone. Even as a joke. I really can’t stand this. Too mean.
Bungee jump. Have you ever seen a YouTube bungee jumping video before? Don’t. Do. It.
Say, “WHAT?!” with an angry face when you can’t hear someone.
Think that Beyonce’s better than you. Yeah, she’s got beauty/money/success/family/talent/style/security/thebesttumblr/etc., but I’m sure she has her own issues going on. You’re great, too. Don’t forget that.
Smile at anyone on the street after 11pm.
Favorite.

Thanks for reading, guys.

Birthdayly yours,

Liz