The Keep Your Distance Bug Vacuum

Not only does this device not need to be plugged in (or use batteries), but I'm pretty sure it KEEPS THE BUG ALIVE so you can dispose of him/her outside. 

Apparently it has some kind of suction power that holds the bug inside somewhere. In any case, I'm getting one because wow. 

The Pet High Chair

“Satisfying a mutual desire for companionship, this high chair permits your dog or cat to accompany you at the dinner table. The high chair clips securely to tables up to 2” thick and its height adjusts without tools to elevate your pet to near eye level. It has a frame of powder-coated 5/8” steel tubing and its arms are rubber-coated so they will not mar table surfaces. By providing an alternative to sitting on your lap, running disruptively underfoot, or outright banishment, the chair assuages a pet (and its owner’s) frustration, and promotes more refined behavior. The chair’s 600-denier tan/brown nylon fabric cleans easily. Two tethers on the chair protect your dinner guests against any lapses in etiquette. Folds for convenient storage and travel. For pets up to 10 lbs.”

— Hammacher Schlemmer

The people who brought you the dog umbrella are now touting this contraption. Am I writing a post about this item because I think it's ridiculous or because I think it's amazing? Honestly, I don't even know anymore. I used to think that I'd never be the type of person to carry a tiny dog in a purse before either and that's now a reality, so WHO KNOWS. I can say for sure that I wouldn't buy this high chair solely because I don't run with an eat-food-at-the-dinner-table kind of crowd. But if I did? Man, this might have to get bought. LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE.

Also, don't judge me for carrying a dog in a bag because:

1. I don't like the idea of tying her up outside a grocery store and leaving her alone since that seems kind of mean and also SHE'S GORGEOUS AND SOMEONE WILL TAKE HER.
2. She likes the air conditioning that she gets to experience inside said grocery store.
3. I do not do it for fashion, I do it for necessity. If we're outside, she's walking on her tiny paws, always.

The Oilless Fryer

If this is for real, well, I'm pretty sure it'll change the world. How does this work? No idea. I got a 58 in grade nine science. But here's what I read about it:

"The Oilless Fryer is capable of cooking crisp, succulent fried food – all without the need for any oil. Just how is this “magic” achieved? Well, there is an infrared heating element that will be able to heat to 400° F, while an internal fan circulates the dry hot air in order to cook golden-brown fried food using 80% less fat than deep-fried foodstuffs. This particular Oilless Fryer is capable of handling chicken wings, french fries, or spring rolls without batting an eyelid, delivering the same crunchy exterior and moist interior that you will find by using conventional deep fryers. The thing is, is this capable of handling a high volume at any one time? That depends on the appetite of your guests, as it can cook up to four cups of french fries simultaneously."

$249.95 at Hammacher Schlemmer.

So much want.