Love it.
Food For Thought
Do you have any idea how much I love it when someone I know (ie. an acquaintance or higher) eats off of my plate without asking? DO YOU KNOW? I understand why some people might be aggravated by such an act since it might be considered rude - but I love, love, love it. It's so bold and almost, like, a friendly kind of bold. I really think that we, as a society, need to stop viewing this act in such a negative light. Why? Here are some reasons.
- Sharing is caring. We learned that a long time ago, let's bring that phrase back.
- When someone is too hungry to ask for a bite, it's a lot faster to just take it - we've all been at that level of hunger before.
- It's so loving! I might have germs, but does this food-snatcher care? Nope! Not a care in the world! If I've got a cold, well, now you've got a cold, bud. Doesn't bother me, we're friends!
- Offering someone a taste of your meal with the hope that the person you're with will offer you some of their dish is almost MEDIEVAL at this point. JUST GRAB IT AND EAT IT.
- If I've made a bad decision when ordering my meal, I need a backup. Your meal is my backup. Get on board with this. If you find that to be selfish, please keep in mind that this is a two-way street.
Do you need more reasons that that? Seriously, I will email you more reasons if you ask me.
In any case, if you and I are ever in a restaurant together - be prepared to have your food eaten by me. It's 'cause I love you.
The Simpsons Photo Every Day Parody
This video is probably in my top three of favourite Simpsons moments and I'm shocked that I haven't posted it already.
I know that it's a parody, but sometimes remakes are better than the original (Vanilla Sky!). And I understand that parts of this are supposed to come across as funny, but I swear to you I get teary at the part where his dad (Abe) stands by the window after his wife leaves him. (I know what you're thinking - that it's impossible to get teary that fast (it happens in the span of maybe a split second), but I swear I'm telling you the truth. Play this for video for me the next time I see you if you want proof!)
The fact that Abe's wife leaves him, devastates him to the point of excessive drinking and ultimately becoming a terrible father, thus raising an alcoholic son?! Are you kidding me?! Do you see the levels here?! I know it's a fucking comedic cartoon, but c'mon, you gotta give it to me here. I love this show more than I know what to do with sometimes. I really do.
The Hot Chocolate at City Bakery
All I can say about the hot chocolate at City Bakery is this:
It's one of the most horrendous drinks you'll ever have the displeasure of putting into your body. The taste will linger within you for hours. Even if you get the small!
If you're wondering why I'm narrowing in on such a seemingly insignificant seasonal item in such a large city, well, you obviously haven't had to listen to the masses upon masses declare this concoction as the "city's greatest hot chocolate." I've heard that statement for years now and finally tried it for myself yesterday. Here are the reasons it ruined my day.
- A small sized cup costs $5. That's five American dollars. (And if you wanted a housemade marshmallow* - that would be an extra $2.)
*A housemade marshmallow? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not six. I will never want that. And if you're an adult who wants a housemade marshmallow? You need to reassess your entire life. You either have too much money and/or questionable eating habits. Either way, figure it out.
- I literally drank 1/4 of the whole cup and felt sick to my stomach. And I didn't even gulp it down! Drinking that 1/4 took me twenty minutes! I had to take breaks! Breaks that, ultimately, made me angrier and angrier that I'd wasted good money on this agony.
- What's so terrible tasting about it? IT'S LIQUID FUCKING CHOCOLATE. It tastes as though there's no water or milk or anything in that cup! It's 150% sweetness. And not the good kind of sweetness. Listen, I love chocolate. It's my second favourite thing to eat. But this was unholy - and not the good kind of unholy.
- I was thinking about who would possibly enjoy this drink - and came up with the answer that it would have to be children. Children make terrible decisions, food-wise. It must solely be for them. But then I thought that no child could afford $5 for a mere beverage. Maybe an NYC-raised child, sure, but that's another issue of its own. So does this drink only exist for parent-tourists who'll pay anything for something their kid wants? It has to. And if that's the case? Fuck you, City Bakery. That's garbage. I'm never a fan of gouging tourists.
- Look, I know I hate this drink. And I know it's too expensive. And I know I threw it out when it was 3/4 full. But LOOK at how small it actually is. (See below). For that kind of money, shouldn't I get something a little more human sized?! Yes, I know I'm complaining that they shouldn't be selling them at all, but since they are - can they get a little more decent with the cup size? C'mon!
Please never try this hot chocolate for two reasons: 1) If you try it and hate it, you'll regret losing that $5 and 2) If you try it and love it, there are way deeper issues going on inside of you that need to be addressed and treated.
(And if you didn't know my first favourite thing to eat is fries - well, that's disappointing 'cause you should know me by now. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense to bash a hot chocolate and then boast about the beauty of french fries, but I'm a complex woman.)
Springfield at Universal Studios
I feel like I should write this post in 36 point font or something. I won't, but please know that I'm fighting the urge.
Now, where the hell should I start?
As you may recall, I've been wanting to visit here for awhile now. That dream finally came true this past week and I just wanted to share a few reasons why you may want to go as well. Notice how I'm assuming we're all Simpsons fans here? My stream of logic is that if you're here reading this blog, then you somewhat like my opinions ie. you like me. And if you like me, I probably like you. And if I like you, there's an understanding between us that The Simpsons have forever changed us all (at least slightly) for the better since they first aired. Yes? Yes.
Why didn't I pass out from excitement standing at this sign? Lord only knows. Only Tianna will ever truly know how happy this place made me.
While there were a lot of options for food, we finally decided on Krusty Burger.
When you're ordering your food (we split the Krusty Burger as well as The Ribwich), the individual ingredients for the burger are all visible (similar to Subway) and the beef patties look absolutely disgusting. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I'm gonna go with yes it was intentional. And that kind of detail? Amazing. I was extremely nervous about eating something that looked SO bad (Tianna felt the same), but we did - and it was an amazing burger. I could've had another one. The Ribwich on the other hand? Yikes. That one was rough, man.
There's an attachment to Moe's Tavern from Krusty Burger so we got a booth at Moe's. I really just sat there in awe of how incredible they made Moe's look.
After we finished eating, I got a Duff and then sat at the bar for a bit. Tianna got a Buzz Cola and it was eons better than any Coke or Pepsi I've ever had. Just saying.
They had a working Love Tester machine in the corner, so obviously Tianna and I had a go at it.
Across from Moe's is the Duff Brewery. If you look closely, you may see some of my captured excitement between Edgy and Tipsy (if you don't know the names of The Seven Duffs - Edgy, Remorseful, Dizzy, Tipsy, Surly, Queasy and Sleazy - then I guess you have a life).
The fact that they had life sized monuments like these made my heart explode with joy.
In the Kwik-E-Mart, they were selling things like Yao Ming and Tom Hanks Simpsonized action figures. Why? Because heaven exists. The store employees even said, "Thank you, come again!" in a non-racist voice!
I'm thankful that a walking, talking Milhouse in costume wasn't around because even this moment made me feel a little weird... down there.
The Simpsons Ride was great, it reminded me of the old Back To The Future ride, which I always enjoyed. There's a new ride for kids called Kang & Kodos’ Twirl ‘n’ Hurl, which was as fun as a carnival ride should be. When the ride was half over, we finally realized that you can control your own car to rise and fall with a lever that's infront of you. To be fair, we were both in a general state of numbness from the overload of emotions going on within our very souls, so it makes sense that we didn't notice a small button.
We didn't play any games in Krustyland mostly because we had too much else to see, but the game operators seemed to know tons of Simpsons trivia and references and were shouting it out constantly, which I obviously loved.
And this donut? Not only was it the best tasting donut of my life, but also the prettiest. Please don't eat it all yourself. I cut it up into cake slices and ate it at home with my family as it is ginormous.
I don't really know where to go from here, to be honest. Marriage? Kids? Those things equally blow when compared with this wondrous land. My two regrets?
- Not having a Flaming Moe.
- Leaving.
Mike Reiss on Family Guy
All you have to know to read this excerpt is that Mike Reiss is a writer/producer on The Simpsons:
“I like Family Guy,” said Mike Reiss in a speech in 2009 at the 92nd Street Y in Tribeca. Reiss then related to a well-known story, how Family Guy’s creator, Seth MacFarlane, was scheduled to be on American Airlines Flight 11 on September 11, 2001. Because MacFarlane’s travel agent had given him the wrong departure time, MacFarlane narrowly missed the flight and watched on the airport TVs as his plane crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center. “The point,” said Reiss, “is that I may like Family Guy, but God fucking loves Family Guy.”
The Simpsons VS. Seinfeld (link) →
I just read this great piece by David Lipsky. It’s a good read if you like either of these shows. (And if you somehow don’t have some kind of small space in your heart for either of those shows? May God help you.)