August 31, 2024

Summer Saturdays Vol. 9

Welcome to the final Summer Saturdays! Yes, I missed the last two weeks of this series but all we can do is move forward. I know that summer technically ends in a few weeks, but this year it’s over for me as of August 31st (today). Autumn will start as usual on September 22nd, but I would like the first three weeks on the month to remain seasonless. I can decide that, right? I have no desire to prolong summer and I refuse to start buying pumpkins. I intend to use this period of time to focus on myself and myself alone. The most self-involved three weeks I can imagine. But for now, here’s how my final week of summer went.

BAKING

These bran muffins are so incredible with added blueberries.

COOKING

Corn-on-the-cob is perfect right now, so it’s the only reason I turn on my stove these days.

CRAVING

One final lap swim of the season.

DRINKING

Nathan got this peanut butter coffee that’s actually delicious.

EATING

I had this perfect baked haddock when we were upstate that I’m still thinking about.

EXPERIENCING

Jeez, so many things have happened in the past few weeks. My dear friend Marla came to visit me and we had such a great time. Nathan and I also went to Cooperstown, NY this week, which was last minute but so nice. (There are highlights from that trip over here.)

LISTENING

Since there was a roadtrip, I made this playlist for the drive.

LOVING

The gluten-free restaurant Thyme & Tonic on the upper west side. The noodles and the popcorn chicken were unholy.

SHOPPING

The autumn candle trio from Bath & Body Works.

WATCHING

Saw Longlegs in theatres and Nic Cage was great (duh). Love an original horror movie. My only notes? Legs could’ve been longer.

WEARING

I will continue to dream about this Dior skirt.

The previous Summer Saturdays Vol. 8 can be found over here and I have a summer highlights section over here.

Thank you for caring about any of these summer posts! I’ll likely be back for Fall Fridays on September 27th.

August 10, 2024

Summer Saturdays Vol. 8

by Liz Heather in Summer Saturdays

BAKING

I made these blue sky bran muffins because Nathan loves a bran muffin and they turned out great! Will add walnuts to the next batch.

COOKING

I was walking through the farmer’s market and was hit with the greatest idea of something to make: CAPRESE SCONES. So I found a recipe and it’s happening tonight. I’m going to use my already-made basil pesto (I use walnuts instead of pine nuts) instead of just plain basil leaves, so I can’t wait to see how it goes.

CRAVING

The baby tomatoes this time of year taste like candy. They are incredible.

Baby tomatoes from the Union Square Green Market, NYC

DRINKING

I made peach daiquiris for us and the only time I love an alcoholic frozen drink is at home. They’re so easy to make and it’s completely satisfying to just have one.

EATING

I tried a sample of the Tropicana orange soft serve at Milk Bar and wow was it gross. What is happening with Milk Bar? No Thanksgiving croissant last year and now this?

EXPERIENCING

I went to the restaurant Hillstone (my first time) and I have fallen in love (thank you to Irene for introducing me!). The service was outstanding and the food was ridiculously perfect. (And if you’re from Ontario, the vibe is extremely Canyon Creek-y, which obviously made me happier than I can express.) They bring you a chilled glass midway through drinking your cocktail and the salad plates come chilled, too. Is the secret to a perfect restaurant just chilling stuff? IT MIGHT BE.

LISTENING

It has been so rainy and windy this week, it’s been amazing. My desk is right between two large windows so I keep the windows open wide mainly to hear all the wild weather noise. It’s a nice change from the garbage trucks and horns that are usually the norm.

LOVING

I cannot get enough of the RFK jokes. Haven’t seen a bad one yet.

Can we please make, “Looks like the worm is at the wheel” a common expression when someone is acting insane?

SHOPPING

I stopped by the best post office in the city in Union Square and got an insanely good stamp haul. I’ve been looking for those Lichtenstein ones for months.

A beautiful stamp might cure depression?

WATCHING

Saw Trap in theatres and liked two thirds of it! I also watched the horror movie Thanksgiving, which was actually pretty great. Surprising for me because I don’t love Eli Roth.

WEARING

I’ve abandoned my pink nails in search of something new. ‘Seas the Day’ by Essie is a minty-blue that I’m kind of loving.

Last week’s Summer Saturdays Vol. 7 can be found over here and I’m keeping a summer highlights section over here.

July 27, 2024

Summer Saturdays Vol. 6

by Liz Heather in Summer Saturdays

BAKING

I made individual blueberry cakes from a reel I saw and they were perfect.

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COOKING

Incredibly soft ricotta meatballs.

CRAVING

Wild blueberries in season right now.

DRINKING

At-home mimosas because SHE FANCY.

EATING

Spinach and (fresh) corn quesadillas. Truly a perfect way to use fresh corn.

EXPERIENCING

Fantastic thai at Nimman Thai in Etobicoke.

LISTENING

The Dr. Mario theme is on a loop in my head right now, it’s offensive how good I’ve become.

LOVING

Freshii frozen yogurt, playing basketball behind the school, playing Jenga with the kids, night food markets, orange moons, constantly swimming, there are too many things to love this week.

SHOPPING

Excited to try these Ordinary products.

WATCHING

I saw Twisters in theatre and it was surprisingly good. Little annoyed that there was no Helen Hunt but what can you do. And <spoiler> they really did rob us of an incredible kiss scene.

always remember what they took from us https://t.co/bnZaDe9eJV pic.twitter.com/YYzsalplza
— Sarah | glen powell summer 🌪️ (@sydglenx) July 20, 2024

WEARING

The closet in your childhood bedroom might have some gems.

Last week’s Summer Saturdays Vol. 5 can be found over here and I’m keeping a summer highlights section over here.

July 20, 2024

Summer Saturdays Vol. 5

by Liz Heather in Summer Saturdays

BAKING

Made a batch of oven cooked bacon to add to the tomato toast for the week.

COOKING

Officially time to make the world’s greatest panzanella salad.

CRAVING

With all the rain from last week, the kids and I made paper sailboats but the winds were too strong so we decided to wait to sail them. Now we need another, lighter storm so I can finally sail them.

DRINKING

Got a cider flight with my niece Tianna at Spirit Tree Estate Cidery in Caledon and that place is the absolute best. Their seasonal soup is almost the main reason to go.

EATING

My dear friend Marla brought me plums she grew and they are heavenly. Summer produce solves all.

EXPERIENCING

Went to Activate again and I love that place, especially the hoops room. Maybe I should buy a basketball?

LISTENING

Swim playlist!

LOVING

Heirloom tomato season IS HERE. Right now I can only find them at Whole Foods, but I’ll take it.

SHOPPING

My jaw will forever drop at specialty butters. Fact.

WATCHING

I made the kids watch all of the Naked Gun movies and they were a massive hit.

WEARING

Summer outfits >>

Last week’s Summer Saturdays Vol. 4 can be found over here and I’m keeping a summer highlights section over here.

October 27, 2023

Fall Fridays Vol. 5

by Liz Heather in Fall Fridays

BAKING

I made apple cider doughnut cookies that were really good (although shouldn’t there be apple cider in a cookie with a name like that?), so I’d definitely make them again.

COOKING

Made Halloween cake pops with my niece Maya and they came out perfect. (Sprinkles and sticks from Michaels.)

CRAVING

The nutella-covered hazelnuts at Nuts Factory on Sixth Avenue.

DRINKING

The ‘This is Halloween’ cocktail from the bar Beetle House in the East Village and it was stellar.

EATING

Had dinner at Grano Ristorante with Harmeet and it was so lovely, I always forget what a sweet, dark place this can be.

EXPERIENCING

Two things: 1)The annoyingness of locating apple butter. I needed it for that cookie recipe above and couldn’t find it anywhere (I just subbed in applesauce). I hate when a recipe has one obnoxiously hard thing to find. It’s 2023, we don’t have time to be going to numerous grocery store for homemade baked goods. DO BETTER. 2) MOSQUITOES got into our bedroom last night because of how warm it was outside. Mosquitoes in late October. I woke up with ten bites and I wanted to murder someone.

LISTENING

Halloween playlists on Spotify while carving mini pumpkins and I’ve got to say - the song choices weren’t very good or unique. I’ve gotta make one this weekend.

LOVING

I visited my parent’s house and I can’t express how satisfying it is to rake leaves. It’s the second best outdoor chore next to shoveling snow.

SHOPPING

The sweetest felt Christmas ornaments just went on sale at Target and yes I’m breaking my rule of no-Christmas-activities before November 1st, but if I wait too long to buy them they’ll sell out because other psychos are Christmas shopping already.

WATCHING

The horror movie Thanksgiving looks kind of good maybe? I might be thinking that because I love a holiday-themed movie.

WEARING

I’ve decided I need to expand the feathered section of my closet because I’m wearing this one black top to death.

And I’ve created an autumn highlight reel on my Instagram incase you care!

September 29, 2023

Fall Fridays Vol. 1

by Liz Heather in Fall Fridays

Welcome to Fall Fridays! After the mild success of my Summer Saturdays series (and by mild success I mean that it made me happy), I wanted to start the weekly roundups again. There are too many things that go on this season to wait until the end-of-month post. Here’s what went on this week!

BAKING/COOKING

Making these sweet & spicy chicken (sometimes turkey) meatballs on rotation.

CRAVING

I might bite the bullet and buy this spooky front door wreath. $10 for some autumnal joy? Completely justified.

DRINKING

I made this pumpkin spice coffee syrup for my iced coffees at home and it’s heavenly. (If that seems like a ton of sugar, just use less - it still tastes great.) And if you prefer a creamier texture, then just add a bit of milk/half and half to it.

Ingredients for pumpkin spice coffee syrup

EATING

Currently obsessed with sriracha, soy sauce and garlic-drenched rice noodles.

EXPERIENCING

I met R.L. Stine! He did a book signing at Barnes & Noble and it was the best. I grew up on Goosebumps, so this was a big deal. Man’s a living legend.

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LISTENING

Currently updating and making the very best autumn playlist on Spotify.

LOVING

Global News in Canada interviewed my dad for celebrating his 100th birthday this year, which was very cool. Shoutout to my mom for keeping my glamour shot on the wall in the background when they taped it.

SHOPPING

Okay, so I may or may not have bought the Frosty Goes Ice Skating moving figurine for my Christmas village because it’ll be my first moving figurine and it’s important to find small pockets of happiness while we barrel towards death?

WATCHING

Nathan and I watched The Black Phone and WOOF. What a bad time. I like Ethan Hawke, but this was atrocious.

WEARING

One day I’ll stop wearing this Aritzia 1/2 zip sweatshirt daily, but I can’t give you any information on when that will be.

And I’ve created an autumn highlight reel on my Instagram incase you care!

July 15, 2023

Summer Saturdays Vol. 3

by Liz Heather in Summer Saturdays

EATING

The patatas bravas at Huertas were the best I’ve ever had.

DRINKING

An unholy amount of iced coffees with vanilla sweet cream.

COOKING

I had a piece of leftover steak, so I made Philly cheesesteak potatoes that were unexpectedly great. It was literally just sliced steak, sautéed onions and provolone atop some cubed, roasted potatoes with a basil dip. Am I entering my era of creating my own (albeit basic) recipes? I MIGHT BE.

BAKING

Absolutely nothing, it’s hot as hell.

CRAVING

Making a mental note to get the incredible Emmy burger cheeseburger dumplings (only available in July) at Mimi Cheng’s.

The cheeseburger dumplings at Mimi Cheng’s, NYC

LISTENING

How have I never heard of the song deja vu before? In love.

WATCHING

I watched the newest season of Black Mirror and my favourite was definitely Beyond the Sea. That scene after Josh Hartnett puts his kids to bed and goes downstairs with his wife? May have watched that scene more than once. I also started the newest season of The Summer I Turned Pretty, which can be pretty corny but can also make you teary? Can’t explain it. Love it.

WEARING

Living in these all-red running shoes.

EXPERIENCING

I took a brutal fall on a sidewalk in the East Village and the wound is… wild. I really didn’t want to pay for a doctor visit, so I just went to a CVS pharmacy and begged a pharmacist to take a look and tell me what to do (is that as sad/cheap as it sounds? yup!) and thank christ for pharmacists.

LOVING

I don’t tend to idolize anyone physically, it’s not really my style. (I mean, except for early-aughts Joshua Jackson, Pennywise-era Bill Skarsgård, Riverdale-era Skeet Ulrich and any-time-he-appears-in-water Jason Mamoa…) Okay, forget what I said, I pine like no other. And I can’t get these outfits on these men (below) out of my mind. Just flawless. And they’re all Gucci?? I’ve gotta start paying attention to the Gucci men’s collection runway shows.

Oh my jesus, I’m relooking at those photos and maybe I just like a half-open dress shirt?? Yep, cracked the code. Someone convince Nathan to stop buttoning up to his chin, please?

SHOPPING

Secured my Barbie ticket. Now we wait.

You can read Summer Saturdays Vol. 2 over here, and you can see my summer highlights on Instagram over here.

July 8, 2023

Summer Saturdays Vol. 2

by Liz Heather in Summer Saturdays

EATING

Finally tried the veggie burger at Superiority Burger and it’s as good as everyone claims.

DRINKING

Not Caesars, that’s for sure.

COOKING

I can’t stop making this steak salad.

BAKING

These protein cookies are perfect as breakfast side, but also great for when you’re traveling.

CRAVING

This garlic butter pasta sauce that looks incredible.

LISTENING

To the new Olivia Rodrigo song Vampire.

WATCHING

I rewatched the second season of Big Brother (mainly because of how much I loved Will Kirby when it first aired) and it’s a great summer rewatch. Also saw the new Indiana Jones, which was great (except for the last ten minutes).

WEARING

The OPI Barbie collaboration has a firm grip on me.

EXPERIENCING

After years of trying, I finally won a ticket to Shakespeare In The Park (Hamlet) and it was so good.

LOVING

Every single thing on the menu at Figlia in Astoria.

SHOPPING

The Holler and Glow self-heating eye masks finally got restocked at Target so I loaded up.

You can read Summer Saturdays Vol. 1 over here, and you can see my summer highlights on Instagram over here.

August 8, 2021

July Jiffs 2021

by Liz Heather in Beauty, Best of NYC, Food, Links, Movies, Personal, Products, Recipes, Television

All of the things I did in July 2021.

March 6, 2021

February Feats 2021

by Liz Heather in Advice, Beauty, Food, Ideas, Links, Movies, Personal, Products, Recipes, Television

The best month has arrived! I know this has been a full year of complete trash, but spring is coming and it’s always the most hope-filled season, in my eyes. So even if I’m living in a dream world, let’s pretend that things might get better.

First things first, I tested positive for COVID earlier this month, but I’ve recovered completely and I know that I’m crazy lucky to have had it so mildly. I lost my sense of taste and smell for only a few weeks and it’s almost 100% back now, which is amazing. Somehow, magically, I didn’t infect my parents and they both tested negative (I was staying with them since autumn of last year), so that was also another little miracle.
Some movies I rewatched in my isolation: Groundhog Day (it’s the perfect movie to watch in a pandemic), Titanic (I think I rewatch this maybe two or three times a year, it never stops being great), and Stepmom (haven’t seen this in years and though I don’t love the movie, the part when the little boy says to his mother, “No one will ever love you like I love you” is weep-worthy).
Some new things I watched:
- I finished the first five seasons of Superstore and it’s just a great show, with such good characters, fully recommend. The only part I hated was Sandra giving away Jerry to Carol, I just seethed at that joke for some reason.
- The new To All The Boys I’ve Loved movie that came out. Yes, it’s super corny at times but it’s also very cute.
- Emily in Paris, I don’t know why, it was a weird month. My two takeaways? The woman looks 12 years old, so I don’t know… the whole premise feels weird when you think you’re watching a child. And Darren Star must really find it truly hilarious when American women step in shit in France. His favourite joke on this planet, apparently.
- The new Britney Spears documentary. Love her, loved it, hope things turn out all right for her.
- Promising Young Woman, I loved it. Such an original, well done movie. Certain parts are slightly triggering if you’ve ever dealt with similar abuse situations, but overall it’s really, really good. (The soundtrack is great, too.)
- Stanley Tucci’s CNN show Searching For Italy. Amazing! Love this man! I’ve had this dream trip around Italy planned for years that I intend to take one day and this show allows me to bask in that dream even harder. I should do a post about the specifics of this trip (I have it all organized within a Word document and map outlines), that way I can get people to contribute any must-do things that I should add. Okay, yes, I’ll post that later this month.
- The Cecil Hotel series. Okay, look, the lam-Elisa tuberculosis part is intriguing as hell, but everything else? This could easily have been an hour long special. Also, fuck you Netflix for glazing over mental health issues, and giving such a strong voice to YOUTUBERS who know nothing and spout hurtful conspiracies. The whole series is so manipulatively done, absolutely do not recommend.
Have you ever been in a Food Basics? Because christ. It’s the most depressing grocery store chain I’ve ever had the misfortune of entering. Just a shocking vibe. Never again.
I’ll never understand why mixed bouquets exist when beautiful arrangements like this are an option. They’re always breathtaking.

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A post shared by Ira 🕊 (@doll_memories)

I tried a sample of a coffee body scrub from Mine Tan and I want to buy a full sized version immediately. It makes you so insanely soft that it’s completely worth the mess that it makes after using it in the shower.

I made hummingbird cake for the first time and it was incredible, everyone should make this cake. The photo isn’t good, but the cake absolutely was. Will totally make again. You can’t really even taste any of the pineapple, but it makes it so moist and enjoyable for days after you’ve made it.

I tried the TikTok leggings and they suhuuuuuuck. Don’t buy them. Shady material. Does nothing for any ass. In order for these to look like they do in the photo, you must have previously bought the ass that goes along with it.
I made queso that was TERRIBLE. Must remember to always use a recipe that uses Velveeta, anything else will result in a terrible queso.

Tried the carrot cake Oreos and of course they’re good. Oreo has been flawless these past few years at constantly reinventing themselves and succeeding. Love to see that in a cookie.

I made this orange pound cake with orange glaze and it makes your home smell like heaven. Taste was phenomenal, too. Such a good late winter recipe.
I tried to get into this Mark Twain biography and it was just too dense. I lasted a few pages before slowly shutting it and placing it far away from me. I know so little about the man (hence the reason I wanted to read his book) but you couldn’t pay me to finish that thing. He remains a mystery to me and I’ve come to terms with that.

@juliem717
#dogs #dog #dogsoftiktok #fyp #pups #puppy #viral #boredinthehouse #foryoupage
♬ Home - Edith Whiskers

I know it’s 2021 but I’ll always be excited to see a Shyamalan movie. The premise seems terrible, but maybe good terrible?
I didn’t even know that light switches were allowed to be this gorgeous.
I also tried to read Lindy West’s latest book Shit, Actually and… I hated it. Well, what I read I hated. I really didn’t find any of it funny, which is weird because I love her. The only good chapter that I read was the one about The Fugitive. Loved this part: “I was going to say that they don’t make movies like this anymore, where the last thirty minutes is just one continuous incredible chase, except they do, all the time, but they make it all CGI so it’s impossible to care about. Who cares about a drawing of a very fast exploding truck that a computer made? Not me!“
I finally watched the VHS from my fifth grade play Newsies and it did not disappoint. I was magical.

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My dad and I have been sending our stamps to Oxfam for awhile now, you should send them any of your used stamps, too! It’s such a good organization. We save up all our stamps that come in and then send them a package a few times a year.

Speaking of stamps, did you know that you can suggest a Canadian stamp theme? I do this every so often, one day I swear one of my ideas will make the cut. This is such a great idea for kids, too.
They finally opened a Detroit style pizza place in Mississauga! Gotta try it the next time I’m there.
I made Yorkshire pudding for the first time and it turned out well! I’m not a huge fan of the dull flavours, but I think if I used actual beef fat instead of shortening, then it would’ve tasted a bit stronger. Next time, for sure.

I bought this cake stand and dome from IKEA for my parent’s house and good god, what’s not perfect about a cake dome. What cake doesn’t benefit from its own little palace?
Best tweets of the month ahead.

Just did my own taxes . I should be in jail by Friday.
— THEMESS (@cityyyy___) February 1, 2021

When you scream out the lyrics of a song but it hasn’t gotten to that part yet. pic.twitter.com/hPj4EIPHBG
— 🌪⚡️Quiet Storm⚡️🌪 (@y0ur___highness) February 2, 2021

can’t sleep thinking about how new zealand has concerts and we have “wear two masks”
— 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 (@spinubzilla) February 5, 2021

tom brady is much like god, a big unkillable bitch who wants us to be unhappy
— bog person (@bromanconsul) February 8, 2021

america is the only country that would "honor" an icu nurse by having her do the coin toss before an openly sanctioned superspreader event
— Jack Crosbie (@jscros) February 7, 2021

for some awful reason my boyfriend and i keep accidentally wearing similar outfits but he's a foot taller than me so i look like a furious little doll of him
— Ariana Lenarsky (@aardvarsk) February 8, 2021

My toddler daughter spent 30 min telling me she don’t like crab legs and then sat in my damn lap and had me feeding her crab legs and gone tell me “dip it in butter good”
— Hueless P. Newton aka Shaun Scheme (@NotSoNewlywedPC) January 29, 2021

bro where do i even start 😔 pic.twitter.com/ehXFk0GjjX
— SOSA (@PLENTYCASH_WAVY) February 2, 2021

I hate when kids scream in public... you don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming. ME
— Jay Skutt (@JaySkuttt) February 1, 2021

the whole idea of a highschool reunion is so messy??? like what is there to gain?
— sarah lugor!! (@sarahlugor) February 6, 2021

me: why tf does my back hurt?

also me: pic.twitter.com/maaayXkf4u
— $AM𖤐 (@40SANDSHORTiEZ) January 30, 2021

someone gotta tell the waiter i ordered mashed potatoes and it aint gon be me https://t.co/Xs1Oei21BZ
— zoe papi (@negIed) February 7, 2021

i wonder what lessons i internalized as a little girl watching what society did to @MonicaLewinsky.
— crystal may snowball (@tashakaminsky) February 8, 2021

I miss the days where goalies looked like 59 year old LCBO employees. pic.twitter.com/XKnJcJRShK
— Rodrigo Fernandez-Stoll (@rodrigofstoll) February 8, 2021

BC stands for Before Coronavirus now. Sorry Jesus take a hike
— Rachel Kiki (@RachelKiki_) February 12, 2021

Someday we won’t be a hostage situation that’s dressed up as a country.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) February 13, 2021

paying $23 for a lukewarm hamburger delivered by a guy who has never had health insurance, our economy is running flawlessly
— Django Gold (@django) February 14, 2021

Actually, America got some fucking nerve asking for any taxes after how it showed its ass last year.
— Hype William Carlos Williams (@sheedemilio) February 13, 2021

Netflix documentaries are always like, here is the story of a teen murdered on a boat but before we get to that let’s do 3 episodes on the history of water.
— greg stone blue check mark (@gregstone_) February 14, 2021

Same energy pic.twitter.com/Hjl0Eompxe
— Nathan McDermott (@natemcdermott) February 14, 2021

the cOST???? of LIVING??????? has anybody even said that out loud lol
— nat “cops break laws to terrorize/intimidate” puff (@LeftAtLondon) February 13, 2021

7th grade Spanish teacher taught us that patatas bravas were called that because the potatoes were brave for going into the spicy sauce and I will cherish that thought for the rest of my life. Honor them. Honor their sacrifice
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) February 14, 2021

I walk out of showers with all the answers
— JP (@jpbrammer) February 14, 2021

In Mexico (probably other places too), Valentine’s Day is “the day of love and friendship.” But Americans only seem interested in the romantic connections, as if platonic relationships aren’t just or even more foundational to a person’s life. Friendship doesn’t get enough credit.
— Carlos Aguilar (@Carlos_Film) February 14, 2021

hello?? excuse me???? i will cry pic.twitter.com/kaqRU9xYLe
— sarah (@heavenbrat) February 13, 2021

Like 3 weeks ago Gen z discovered wearing baggy pants and started standing pigeon toed in fit pics now suddenly my skinny jeans are cringe? Suck yaself
— malik nimale⁉️ (@AshyMalik) February 14, 2021

This guy. Saw him in the airport once and got scared before I remembered he’s an actor. pic.twitter.com/UEGjZg3fgs
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) February 15, 2021

so much of the patriarchy is men creating an imaginary woman for people to hate
— ashley ray (@theeashleyray) February 14, 2021

This is Doc. He wants to be a beekeeper. Definitely didn’t get stuck going through the trash. 13/10 dream big buddy pic.twitter.com/KHWsFpADVj
— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) February 16, 2021

Genuinely never heard someone say a man’s voice is annoying. So maybe we replace that phrase with “I hate women” and save everyone some time.
— SCAM GODDESS (@DivaLaci) February 16, 2021

Why are the “are you a robot tests” which of these are a fire hydrants ? They should be like, describe love.
— greg stone blue check mark (@gregstone_) February 17, 2021

A short story about decisions 🙂 pic.twitter.com/smdHGQ8bwR
— Paul 😂🤣🤪 (@PaulLaugh45) February 16, 2021

Every year on NYE I think “no way they can turn this number into glasses” and every year I am wrong
— Lola Buncher (@bolaluncher) February 9, 2021

babe what’s wrong? you’ve hardly embodied my idealized version of you today
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 16, 2021

My post covid prediction is that it will bring a sudden, strong revival of 2007-style party photography
— 𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖑 𝖗𝖆𝖇𝖇𝖎𝖙 𝖜𝖍𝖎𝖙𝖊 🎡🎟 (@rabbitwhite) February 17, 2021

Instagram is a dating app and a PR firm and nothing else.
— Irene Morales (@irenesmoraless) February 17, 2021

This is what they meant by no one could recognize Superman with glasses on pic.twitter.com/uuBU4WpUI0
— Darceimus Prime 🤖 (@MissDarcei) February 17, 2021

i love contactless delivery they just throw the slop at your door and i run out like a little pig
— oatmeal influencer (@acechhh) February 11, 2021

me waiting for them to drive away so i can do it in peace 🐷 pic.twitter.com/prc4F0jVvW
— MADELEINE 🥀 (@madeleinemua) February 11, 2021

Idolizing a politician is like believing the stripper really likes you.
— Larinzo (@LarinzoMosley) February 17, 2021

I hate when the washing machine is on the scary part.
— CLS (@CurtisLSharkey) February 17, 2021

Turns out believing in yourself is something you have to do over and over again. Cool.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) February 18, 2021

Sorry to get so political, but I just don’t think anyone deserves to freeze to death
— Larry (@lahreigh) February 17, 2021

Scientists have successfully combined every Seinfeld character pic.twitter.com/wmxFAl4Odm
— the responsible uncle (@DaveMcNamee3000) February 19, 2021

If you were in your 20’s circa 2003 in Toronto you were unfortunately a member of broken social scene and you are entitled to compensation
— Sailor Sad 🌹 (@abaquan) February 19, 2021

I love games like the Sims and animal crossing like "imagine how you could decorate a home if you had money"
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) February 19, 2021

Jesus, one of the saddest things about living in America is watching people realize in real time that no help is coming
— Lesbian Death Bed: The Bed That Eats Pussy (@bitterkarella) February 19, 2021

Welcome to the weekend! 💕 pic.twitter.com/5jPsdO6z6u
— Katie S. Phang (@KatiePhang) February 20, 2021

Couples on onlyfans captioning their videos like “oiled up slut takes bbc” like sir, that is your wife.
— Majin Buu (@Jessieraee5) February 19, 2021

My glass of wine is starting to taste like I’m Friends With Everyone Online
— Grace Bahler (@oatmilkforever) February 20, 2021

black parents really treat you like you asked to be here😂😂😂
— Monaee🧞‍♀️ (@brimonaee_) February 19, 2021

i miss going to the airport and having sexual tension between you and anyone who's remotely your age
— rebecca jennings (@rebexxxxa) February 22, 2021

an essay is complete when i cannot bear to look at it any longer
— m (@mary__retta) February 22, 2021

Been drinking outta the same giant blue cup for a year now and I think everyone I zoom with really hates the sight of the fucking thing.
— David Stassen (@davidstassen) February 24, 2021

parents can tell when ur drunk or high but can’t tell when ur 8 years into having an eating disorder
— angel baby (@unwh0retunate) February 24, 2021

How I think I look in a scarf How I really look in a scarf pic.twitter.com/FYvWiGCD2E
— Fiona Taylor (@fionaleslie) February 24, 2021

Nobody:
My mom: they’re just jealous of you.
— CAELI K. (@OnlyCaeliK) February 25, 2021

I don’t watch marvel movies because it just feels unrealistic that Americans would uhh... save the world
— Sailor Sad 🌹 (@abaquan) February 26, 2021

'Why fit in when you were born to stand out?' says yet another bio from a mother of three who's engagement photos of her and her bearded plaid shirt wearing partner were taken in a pumpkin patch
— Nathan Macintosh (@Nathanmacintosh) February 26, 2021

there are 7-10 women i could text at any point in time that will justify a fucked up purchase for me and i’d die for them
— corie johnson (@corietjohnson) February 25, 2021

I hate that going out and getting a little exercise actually makes me less depressed. Fuck you
— Sophie (@jil_slander) February 25, 2021

$15/hr is only just over $31k a year. We’re begging to be just poor instead of severely impoverish and we can’t even get that.
— not accepting applicants at this time (@_fohsarah) February 26, 2021

Whatever’s going on in outer space is literally none of my business
— Rachel Davies (@rachelcomplains) February 26, 2021

every time kevin from Backstreet Boys gets to sing a line i think ‘good for him’
— jamieloftus 🏂 (@jamieloftusHELP) February 27, 2021

normalize women putting as many, or as little, exclamation marks as they want to in emails and still respecting them either way🤝
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) February 27, 2021

Didn’t know I needed this pic.twitter.com/g8UQau46s0
— Steve Braband (@stevebraband) February 27, 2021

me telling my computer i’ll update everything tomorrow pic.twitter.com/5NIGfcJfB7
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) February 28, 2021

would be a huge power move for kanye to wheel out the robert kardashian hologram as his divorce lawyer
— louisa (@louisakeight) February 20, 2021

It’s like I always say, any girlfriend of my friend is a girlfriend of mine
— Diego Lopez (@thisdiegolopez) February 28, 2021

Some things that I’m looking forward to this month: can’t wait to make this kale caesar with breadcrumbs, there are surprisingly good Sephora rewards available right now (I just got the Charlotte Tilbury Magic Serum Crystal Elixir reward that I can’t wait to try even though I have zero idea what it does), I’m going to do some research into all of these books and try to find the best ones at the library, I’m so excited that Shrill has a release date (May 7th), I’d love to get a haircut, and I can’t wait to get my free birthday gifts from The Body Shop, Sephora, and Ulta. Oh, and I plan on eating the hell out of this leek focaccia at Lilia.

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A post shared by Lilia Ristorante (@lilianewyork)

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in January over here.