Fury of the Day - Hotmail Hostility

I have a Hotmail address that I still use as my main email address. And it enrages me that I need to defend this fact to some people. 

Do you know what still having a Hotmail account means? I'm loyal. That's it! Why is it not seen as such? Why are people so embarrassed by their Hotmail accounts? I guarantee that if you're too embarrassed by the thought of having a Hotmail account, then you're definitely one of the types to be embarrassed by the thought of ever having an out-of-date cell phone. You know the types I mean - maybe you are one of them. I'll never understand what the big issue is, to be honest. I mean, if something is still working for you - what the hell need is there to replace it with someone else? What is this obsession with newest = best? 

I've had my Hotmail account since 2001. That's fourteen years. Do you not think that's amazing? Do you have any idea the gems that I've been able to save for years in there? DO YOU?! I like the idea that I can keep the same address for the rest of my life. Who wouldn't want that? That kind of stability seems attractive to me. 

Anyway, I don't really have a point here. And if I had to have one it would be: back the fuck off - Hotmail's fantastic. 

Fury of the Day - "Are You Beach Body Ready?"

You know where I'm going to go with this. You must. Or you really have no idea who I am as a human being. In any case, this is what's plastered along NYC subway trains right now (below).

I've heard the phrase "beach body ready" since I was... 10 years old. I think the first time was probably in a Seventeen magazine and it has been a constant fear nestled inside my brain throughout my entire life. I think I stayed out of pools for about eight years because I was so afraid of how god-awful I thought I looked in swimwear. EIGHT YEARS. Are we all aware of how nuts that is? When you're a kid and someone's telling you (or you're reading about how) you need to look a certain way to feel good about yourself in a swimsuit, that will always and forever be fucked up. 

I think I finally realized its negative impact on my life only a few years ago. Do you have any idea how sad that is that it took me so long? The idea that there are grown women walking around right now thinking, "Fuck, it's almost summer. My beach body isn't ready." HOW IS THAT A REAL THOUGHT?! If you're not yet aware, YES - your body is beach ready. It's also grocery store ready. YOUR BODY IS ALWAYS READY.

Honestly, I hope these kinds of ads make you mad, too. I really do. And not just because grown-ass women are still timid about wearing swimsuits in public, but because there's a whole fucking generation of young girls who are subjected to this same kind of nonsense that I read about twenty years ago. The fact that it's still socially acceptable to mention the phrase "beach body" makes me want to smash windows. Smash them with my thick, meaty arms.

And just for the record, you can't get me OUT of a pool these days and I'm happy that I can genuinely enjoy myself in public in a swimsuit. And if you ever wonder why I'm so keen to post swimsuit photos on my Instagram, I think it's because I was so ashamed of not looking a certain way for so long that being coerced into wanting to hide my body for so many years has made me want to embrace the skin I'm in today. Does that sound lame? I'm comfortable with that. I'd rather be lame and happy than cool and deathly afraid of a bikini.

Fury of the Day - Rain Boot Rage

No one wants wet feet. That's a universal truth, right? So by this logic, we all need to own a pair of rain boots. (Small sidenote: do men buy rain boots? Is that a thing? I've never seen them wearing them, if I really think about it. Is it 'cause they don't look manly? Fishermen wear them and they're a pretty manly type of man. Where the hell are all the men in rain boots? Does being a man mean that you just have a to endure bad weather with disgustingly wet feet all the time? Ugh. Well, I'm not a man, so I can't speak on this further. But if that is the case, men need to unite and make that not a thing. Dry feet for all!)

Worst Attributes of Rain Boots

1. They look childish. All of them. And it doesn't matter if the brand is Hunter or Dirty Laundry, they all look like you're on your way to a school bus. And there's no way to create an upscale boot since you're always going to have to work with rubber. Fucking rubber. 
2. Blisters. Everyone gets blisters from rain boots since your feet slide around so much inside of them. And I know what you're going to say, but maybe I don't want to wear two pairs of socks with grips on them! Next to wet feet, hot feet are absolutely disgusting.
3. Unless you have an umbrella, rain still falls into the top of the boot when you're walking! Why the hell am I working so hard to keep my feet dry from the puddles on the ground when all of this is going to go to hell anyway since the sky rain is going to flood my boots and screw me?!

Not a rain boot, but I still feel her rage.

Why the hell has the rain boot design not changed in the last hundred years? Why is no one working on a better boot? SOMEONE WORK ON A BETTER BOOT!

Fury of the Day - Beyonce & Pepsi

Why does no one seem bothered by the Beyonce and Pepsi partnership? Is it because celebrities are constantly endorsing such terrible-for-everyone products? Have we all become immune to it but me? Why the hell am I so bothered by this? In amongst every other awful thing that is currently going on in this world today, why would this be something that sends me into a rage-filled diatribe?

These are questions that I don’t have the answers to. I have ideas on why, but no concrete answers. Possible ideas are listed below, in the form of a letter.

Dear Bey,

Are you going to be doing something amazingly kind and generous with this money that you’re making in this fifty million dollar endorsement? Are you going to end world hunger? Do you somehow have plans of secretly solving many world problems, that I just haven’t heard about yet? Surely, there is a greater good that will come out of this awful, awful idea to endorse such a company. Do you just hate Coke? Please tell me that’s what this is about. I could understand that. Do you honestly want people to see your beautiful mug on the side on a Pepsi can and encourage them to ruin their lives with such childish desires? Seriously, no judgment here - I just want to know what’s up. Why the hell would you be into this? You’re a billionaire. With a billionaire husband. And this doesn’t make you a “businesswoman”, this makes you seem like a joke. And you aren’t ‘cause, like, you promote a lot of healthy, great things for women in general, but also for people. So you can see why this just leaves me confused. 

Liz

I think the real thing that angers me is the fact that no one should glamorize/idealize this woman. I do that myself! Do I want to?! Of course not! That’s pathetic! But I can feel myself doing it because I’m but a mere mortal and can’t always ignore the subliminal things in my daily life that are constantly telling, “You must love Beyonce. Beyonce is perfect. You must love Beyonce.” In the past year or so, I feel like everyone and their brother has felt this way in some smaller form or another and it isn’t normal or healthy. It isn’t realistic or human to do that with anyone, but especially someone whom none of us know. I understand that management teams are especially amazing at what they do in this day and age (hers especially), but I just think that it’s getting out of control how we are all expected to worship this human/icon/product/whatever-you’d-like-to-call-her and freely accept with open arms whatever they endorse or tell us or encourage. I feel the same way about how some people are just in love about Oprah, no matter what. (Now, this is a personal thing, but I loathe Oprah for my own reasons, but have always thought that it’s so weird how she has such a cult-like following.)

Honestly, this whole post might as well be summed up as:

Yo, Beyonce… you know that Pepsi is terrible for you, right? What the fuck’s up with you telling me it’s great? Lame. People listen to you! What are you doing?! I guess you’re not that great afterall. Boooo! Peace.

Fury of the Day

Dear Construction Workers of the past, present and future,

If I drive past your work area where there are roads and/or lanes being blocked off with construction tape/pylons/what-have-you, with the intention of, you know, construction work being done - then, please oh please, BE FUCKING WORKING AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME. 

When I see an area guarded off due of construction and whole lanes of cars getting screwed by empty areas with NO CONSTRUCTION ACTIVITY going on and thus CREATING TRAFFIC, and notice there isn’t work being done at that second?! Fuck you. Just fuck you to hell. You’re a piece of dirt, construction industry. This is why people hate you. ‘Cause you don’t give a shit about anyone. You’re purposely screwing tons of people with your ANTICIPATION of work being done and it’s bullshit. Go to hell.

Edit note: Sorry. This was just on my mind today. And is on my mind often. I, in no way, hate all construction workers. Just the industry. I feel like at some point in time, we all come up with a certain career we hate. Like how my dad will always hate firefighters (his words: “What do they do all day?! Nothing.”) and one of my brothers will always hate tow truck drivers, no matter what (“It’s unfair that they think they own the road. No one’s allowed to run stop signs, jerks.”).