Tabloids

When I go into a drugstore, grocery store, book store or anywhere that sells magazines, I have a little tendency that’s begun to take over my body/being. What is this tendency? I turn most (or all) the covers of tabloid magazines over, so that their back cover is what shows on a magazine stand.

Why do I do this? I did it once a few years ago, and now I can’t really stop. There aren’t words to describe how much I loathe People Magazine. And US Magazine. And any “story” TMZ would jump to “cover”. Absolutely anything tabloid related. (Sidenote: this is my absolute favourite blog post about tabloids that I’ve ever read, written by a beautiful man who’s very funny.) This hatred has grown over the years to an extent that is almost unmanageable today. And I’m really only sharing this because it makes me so mad and I’ll feel less crazy if it isn’t a secret thing that I do anymore.

Also, I’m not talking about this now with the intent of saying that you should be doing this as well… this is a stupid thing to do. I know that. But every time I do it, I literally believe that maybe ONE less of these awful, hate-filled pieces of trash will be sold. I know that’s a naive thought, and I’m okay with that. People are allowed to read whatever they want. If they want to read these magazines that badly then they’ll turn them over and FIND the goddam one they’re looking for and then buy it. And that’s fine. BUT my feeling is that people do NOT want to buy these magazines, but are swayed by the ridiculously stupid headings and glamorized photos of PEOPLE WE DO NOT KNOW PERSONALLY.

I know now I’m really just getting into the idea of celebrity and the absurdness that surrounds it, but that’s really another topic. 

The root of this all? I don’t want to see a plethora of “post-baby bodies” or who’s getting divorced or Blue fucking Ivy’s first fetus photo or ANY kind of details on someone’s “secret wedding” — I DON’T CARE. NO ONE INTELLIGENT SHOULD CARE. Does reading this trash make me feel good about myself?! Does criticizing others make my goddam day a little easier? FUCK. OFF. 

People complain about reality television a lot these days, but these magazines are a billion times worse. It makes no sense to me why we as a SOCIETY are being encouraged to analyze and excessively compliment or condemn people we do not know. What on earth is there to gain by being so invested in the details of their lives? 

I, in no way, can fully place blame on the people who read this kind of trash (yes, they aren’t helping the problem), but since these magazines, entertainment shows, the E! network and endless awards shows are all attributes constantly occupying your field of vision and your television sets, it makes sense that they’re so popular. I doubt they’ll stop printing them, ever. I’m not trying to start a movement here, guys. But maybe, if you agree with ANY of this post, then turn over one of these magazines the next time you’re waiting in line. And maybe for one mere moment you’ll save someone the agony of having to hear about Kim Kardashian’s baby bump being compared to the size of her ass.

Mindy Kaling

All right, this is really just an appreciation post. You know her already (probably initially from The Office). Everyone loves her. This isn’t a new and undiscovered territory here, guys. Let’s be real. 

This woman is fantastic. That’s really only based on what little I know of her, too. I thought her new show The Mindy Project started off sort of a bit slow, but all right - but each episode has been better than the previous one and I absolutely love it (for the most part) now. Why is it so great? I want to say it’s because Ike Barinholtz is so untouchable and funny - but maybe I just say that and give him the credit for making me love the show so much since I’m so silently and deeply jealous/envious of Mindy Kaling’s career/life/fucking-AURA that I can’t fully give HER the credit? …Not sure. It’s complicated. 

That photo up there is her as a child and it’s the back cover of her book. I’m currently reading it, so I’m sure I’ll have more to say on that in the future. But anyway, my point was - that photo. Not only is it the most adorable photo of a human being on this planet, but to have it on the back cover of your first book? Fuck you, you’re fantastic. And so lovely. She used to have this great blog (Why’d it end at all? Not sure, but it’s upsetting that she doesn’t still do it) that just consisted of stuff she bought and her thoughts on each item, which is obviously something that I would of course be into, and was. Also, she’s likable as hell on Twitter. 

Granted, I do not know her. She could be awful in real life, who knows. And I do think it’s dumb when people have strong opinions on celebrities or famous people in general since we do not know these people and shouldn’t have opinions on anyone whom we don’t know. But when it’s someone who’s such a great writer and has a goddam face like that one (LOOK AT THOSE GLASSES!), I make exceptions. Anyway, sorry this is longer than normal. Conclusion? What a woman. 

Mom Says

“He pass you like an exam!”

- This happened when a man I wanted to talk to walked right past me to talk to someone else

Great Steak in Ontario - Canyon Creek

You think you’re better than chain restaurants? I bet you do. I got news for you, brother. Y’AINT.

My favourite steak to eat (that isn’t maddeningly expensive) is the Chipotle Sirloin at Canyon Creek. This dude is $24 damn dollars. And it is beautiful. There’s this goat cheese butter melted on top of it and the meat appears as though it went swimming in a spicy little sauce (that you shouldn’t ask for extra of ‘cause it’ll ruin it, I’ve lived and learned) for hours. Every time I go back to Canada for a visit, I eat this at least once. It’s heavenly. (Also, one last note: the Caesar salad is crazy. Like, outrageously good.)

The restaurant in general is great, but this piece of meat is wonderful. Unfortunately I do not possess the vocabulary necessary to accurately explain how scrumptious this dish is. So maybe go and see for yourself? Really, go. Tell me I’m wrong! (Sidenote: if you tell me I’m wrong, be prepared for a lengthy discussion on why you’re not intelligent.) 

MEAT! 

“Do the right thing and buy an air conditioner, you piece of shit.”

— My friend, Jenn, expressing her thoughts on the crazy sexy ice cube/sex scene in the movie Do The Right Thing

Sling - Victoria's Secret

Full Disclosure: if you’re a man, you probably won’t get anything out of reading this post. It may contain some things you just don’t want/need to hear about, and you know what? That’s fine. What can I offer you instead? Perhaps this little link will do. 

Okay, now onto real business. Let it be known that I have breasts. Pretty great ones, too. However, whenever I’m shopping for underwear/lingerie/what-have-you, I am always wanting to make them appear even greater. 

I came across this garment called a sling at Victoria’s Secret sometime in 2011 and I use it about three times a week at least. When do I use it, you ask? When I’m in a mood to specifically feel more amazing. They’re made of nylon and spandex, I believe, and have a little bit of boning in the front. You wear it overtop your bra for added push-up magic, essentially. I know that sounds like it would feel bulky, having two things on overtop one another, but it really doesn’t feel that way at all. To be honest, I’m not sure how well it works on smaller breasts, but I implore you to try one on and find out. It makes large breasts look ludicrous. And I mean that in the most positive sense. They cost approximately $40 or so at Victoria’s Secret - I imagine that they sell them at most bra places, but it’s easiest to just find them there.

This post was half put up to tell women about slings and half an excuse to post an Adriana Lima photo. That woman? Goddam. 

Catching Hell - ESPN Documentary

I saw this documentary for the first time about a year ago, and since then I’ve probably seen it maybe three or four more times. I can’t really pinpoint what’s so interesting about it, to be honest, but for some reason I feel the urge to watch it again when I forget about it after a little while. Anyway, before I go on, here’s a summary of it taken from when it was at the Tribeca Film Festival:

When Chicagoan Steve Bartman fatefully deflected a foul ball in Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS, the city’s long-suffering Cubs fans found someone new to blame for their cursed century without a World Series title. Director Alex Gibney explores the psychology of die-hard sports fans, the frightening phenomenon of scapegoating, and the hysteria that turned mild-mannered Bartman into the most hated man in Chicago. 

If you’re not into sports, I think it’s still possible for you to get something outta seeing this. I’m really not that into sports, but I do have a soft spot for baseball, so maybe that has something to do with why I think this is so worth seeing. Also, if I ever meet this man, I will want to continuously hug him for five straight minutes. Let the record show.  

You can see all the parts on YouTube here. 

Monday Nights at the Rivoli

All right, this’ll be a bit of an obvious post if you know me in real life. I’ve been going to see stand up on Mondays at the Rivoli in Toronto since I was 19 years old. That’s a long time, so that’s gotta mean SOMEthing. It’s a great room and I deeply suggest you go some time if you’re in the city. You can see the weekly lineup here. I’m keeping this short ‘cause you really just have to go to see how much fun it can be. I could go on to list amazing people who perform there often, but that would be excessive and the list would be too long and you’d be all, “Ugh, this list is too long. I’m not gonna click on any of these since there’s so many. I’m too busy. SO BUSY.” So I’ll just link this one lovely lady who can always make me laugh. Oh! And this beautiful specimen too, since he’s hosting tonight. 

“I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.”

— Margaret Atwood, "Variations on the Word Sleep"

“No matter how much you want extra cream cheese on that bagel, do not order extra. You will feel quite ill afterward.”

— #lizadvice