Steve Harvey’s face in the second last square just made me laugh a lot.
Mom Says
“When someone’s lying down, never walk across them. The person lying down will not continue to grow if you walk across them.”
If People Talked About Seinfeld Like They Talk About Girls
Just read - so great. (Even though this was already queued up to be posted, thanks to Adele for sending it to me and knowing me so well.)
“If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
The Old Farmer's Almanac
This is a reference book that is pretty dominant in my life. I primarily use it for the dates and times that it tells you to do certain activities - these times are supposed to be the most advantageous times to do these things. Does that make sense? If I’m unclear explaining the book, maybe it’s better to just go on over here to read about it.
There’s a website (which is easier to browse as opposed to the book) that is pretty useful, if you’re… what’s a kind word for it… *unique* and you place a lot of value in this kind of stuff. I, unfortunately, do. Thanks to my mother, who has read it for years. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been as into this stuff as I am now if it weren’t for her influence.
I really only go to the site to see what days I should wax my legs on, since there are specific days when you can cut your hair and it’ll grow less/more depending on what you want and what day it is. If that sounds like witchcraft, well, it sort of is, I suspect. And I don’t know how hardcore I believe in this stuff, but I still do it, so I guess that says it all really.
For example, the upcoming days you should cut so your hair so it won’t grow quickly are:
March: 5th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 27th, 28th, 31st
April: 1st, 5th, 6th, 27th, 28th, 29th
May: 2nd, 3rd
And there are a ton of other specific dates to do things other than cutting hair, such as the perfect days to go hunting, quit smoking, harvest, buy a home, host a party and even slaughter. There are a few nutty ones like that last one, but I didn’t want to list all the absurb ones ‘cause I thought it would lessen the validity of me telling you, “Hey! Try this! It’s neat!”
But seriously, c’mon, take a look, it’s pretty neat.
Peardrax
This is a drink from Trinidad. It is delicious. I suggest you seek it out and drink it.
Sorry to be so blunt. It’s just that fabulous, so I don’t need to get wordy. Also, jesus, do I have to have a million reasons why you should try it? Trust that I’m not an idiot in my recommendations, please. You’re embarrassing us both.
If you want to pay way too much for a bottle online, you can order them here. Or you can be a human being and just find a West Indian or Caribbean market in your neighborhood and get a bottle there.
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) By Mindy Kaling - Review
Loved it. Duh.
That really could be my complete analysis of this engaging and lovely-as-fuck little book. No, “little book” sounds condescending. And I won’t (errr, I’ll try not to) taint this post with any sort of hidden envy that is seething through my bones after reading such an extraordinary first book by this woman. (I say “first” book because honestly, if there aren’t more to come in the future, then she’s harming us all. Yes, harming.)
Observations While Reading
- Apparently, I laugh out loud while reading now. New.
- If I ever meet this woman, I will forcibly make her talk to me about what specific lyrics from Joni Mitchell’s Blue album she loved and why. And I will then discuss mine because that album is magic.
- She mentioned the movie A Fish Called Wanda somewhere (in a very non-important way), and I made a note to watch it because I feel like people were constantly talking about that movie at some point in my life and I’d never seen it. Anyway, just watched it last night. No idea how Kevin Kline won that Oscar. Suck-fest.
- Her chapter about specific, odd things that make her cry? God. I loved reading that almost too much. I want to make a whole book devoted to those things. Infact, that might be an idea.
Here are a few of my favorite parts:
I don’t think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they’re “bad with names.” No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people’s names isn’t a neurological condition; it’s a choice. You choose not to make learning people’s names a priority. It’s like saying, “Hey, a disclaimer about me: I’m rude.” For heaven’s sake, if you don’t know someone’s name, just pretend you do. Do that thing everyone does, where you vaguely say, “Nice to see you!” and make weak eye contact.
Without knowing me at all, Gail nicknamed me Minz. I respond very well to people being overly familiar with me a little too soon. It shows effort and kindness. I try to do this all the time. It makes me feel part of a big, familial, Olive Garden-y community.
A note about me: I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn’t conversation. It’ll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, “Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake.”
Why didn’t you talk about whether women are funny or not?
I just felt that by commenting on that in any real way, it would be tacit approval of it as a legitimate debate, which it isn’t. It would be the same as addressing the issue of “Should dogs and cats be able to care for our children? They’re in the house anyway.” I try not to make it a habit to seriously discuss nonsensical hot-button issues.
That last one is my very favorite. Anyway, such a great book. Please read it. I never read (well, rarely) and I read this in a day and just loved it. You can buy it here.
(Ugh, I wish I didn’t tell you I never read. Fuck, that was stupid. I’m actually trying to make more time for it. It’s just hard sometimes ‘cause of, like, the internet fucking up my time.)
Biblio-Mat in Toronto
In Toronto, a vending machine that sells random books for $2 apiece.
In Toronto, a vending machine that sells random books for $2 apiece.
At The Monkey’s Paw on Dundas West. Seems neat.
“When sweeping the floors, do little bits of dirt stick to your feet or socks while you do it? Wear heels. A cleaner and sexier solution.”
Nathan Macintosh
I like to think that I’m right about a lot of things. Is it because I’m really smart and have a high IQ? Possibly. Could it be that I just know what’s up? Even more likely.
This man is one of the funniest humans I’ve ever seen and/or known. His new website looks amazing (that main photo? c’mon, that’s gorgeous) and I’d be a fool not to share that with all of you kind little beauties who are currently reading this. I could go on and on about why he’s so talented, but you wouldn’t hear me. Nobody listens to why someone’s funny - you just watch a link and figure it out on your own. So just go watch any of these videos and you’ll see. He also writes great blogs.
There is no personal bias in this post, I assure you. (You really expect me to have a blog and NOT say anything about this man?! Wow. Get real, toad.)