The Worst Movie of All Time

by Liz Heather in ,

If there’s one movie that you should never ever see, that movie is 2008’s The Women. While I cannot fully explain in depth the reasons behind this recommendation, I can merely try. 

I tried watching this movie a very long time ago with a group of friends and had to excuse myself before the second half because of how violently sick it made my stomach. At first, I thought it was just something that I had eaten. So I left the living room that we were watching it in and went upstairs to lay down. I instantly felt better within twenty minutes of leaving that movie. And so, I sat up in bed (since I thought that it was just a random sickness), opened the bedroom door and just sat down for a minute. I began to hear the movie downstairs, and the sickness immediately rushed over me like a WAVE yet again. I shut the door and laid down again. This movie was making me physically ill. Why? I still can’t really place it. I’ve thought about this long and hard, and I’ve come to the conclusion that – this is the worst movie ever made. There are so many things wrong with it. It makes women seem like worthless, stupid moronic drones. And also? There are absolutely no men in this movie. Even as extras. NO MEN! Not that there’s anything wrong with that – but no, wait, there IS something wrong with that because it made me feel UNSETTLED IN MY STOMACH. I don’t WANT to see a movie exclusively full of women. It's too much. I hated it. And also, on a separate occasion, my brother Robbie and I were walking along the aisles of Blockbuster one day (I realize, this detail dates us immensely) and we came across a dvd for The Women and I instantly started to have an uneasy, bubbly feeling in my stomach again. IT WAS WEIRD. Even he was all, “This is messed up.” So I had to leave and wait in the parking lot for him. I honestly wish I could explain this phenomenon more, but that would mean watching it AGAIN and figuring it out more deeply, but you know that I can’t do that. I just… I can’t. Everything made me angry about it. Please never see this movie. 

 

Notable Mini Golf Places Across North America

by Liz Heather in

I love mini golf. I'm not good at it or anything, not even slightly all right. But the act of playing it has always made me happy. Something to do with the lightheartedness of the courses, I suspect. Anyhow, here are some amazing courses that I would dream of playing on. 

Forewarning: this list is going to seem pretty excessive. But you know how when you start something fun and then you can't stop until your head starts to hurt? That's what happened here. I don't even care that much for mini golf (okay, maybe I do...). Or maybe it's just fun to do mini-projects that effectively don't matter... yes? Anyhow, here is a list of mini golf places I would thoroughly enjoy visiting one day. (Click on each photo to see more photos.)

1. Professor Hacker’s Lost Treasure Golf – (locations in South Carolina, Oregon, Missouri, Pennsylvania, Tennessee (this lacation has the insane Gold Course), and North Carolina)

  • Has a pirate ship, an airplane and a ton of caves (that you play through)

  • To get to the beginning of the course you ride a mining train to the top of the hill (!)

2. Around The World in 18 Holes (Lake George, New York)

  • Each hole represents a different nation

3. Ahlgrim’s Acres (Palatine, Illinois)

  • It’s an actual funeral home with a free round of mini-golf at their mortuary-themed course with every standard funeral package. This sounds crazy. I can’t even tell if I mean crazy/great or crazy/nuts.

4. Ripley’s Old MacDonald’s Farm and Mini Golf (Sevierville, Tennessee)

  • 18-hole course with animatronic farm animals that moo, bark, and cluck

5. Mayday Golf (Myrtle Beach, South Carolina)

  • A golf course version of the abandoned tropical island on Lost, basically

6. Par-King Skill (Suburb of Chicago, Illinois)

  • Features an elaborate roller-coaster hole made out of over 750 wood pieces, and a Sears Tower hole

  • Obviously the best name of a mini putt course

  • Once referred to as the Taj Majal of miniature golf

  • Has rotating holes

  • Has a roulette hole!

  • There is one hole where you putt into the center, and your ball foes up the elevator and them comes out at the top of a loop-de-loop!!

  • Today, the miniature golf course houses several unique wooden figures and mechanical objects, including a moving clown and an incredible wooden roller-coaster

  • Seems AMAZING

7.  Timber Creek (outside Toronto, ON)

  • Rushing waterfalls, turning sawmills

  • 19 holes with a lighthouse, shipwreck and lookout tower all set up off a boardwalk overlooking a pond

8. Vic Hadfield’s Mini Putt (Oakville, ON)

  • All the holes are named after NHL hockey players and the final hole is all set up like a hockey rink and if you sink the puttthrough a goalies legs who stands in a regulation net, the red light will go off

 

9. Dolphin Mini Golf (Boothbay, Maine)

  • Full size lighthouse

  • This place even has tournaments (like in that Simpsons episode! Isn’t that adorable? Yes, that is adorable.)

  • Completely surrounded by lakes and streams

 

10. Disney’s Winter Summerland (Orlando, Florida) 

  • There are two distinct golf courses contained within the Winter Summerland course, one with a snow theme and one with a sand theme

 

11. Pirate Island Golf (Avalon, New Jersey)

  • Featuring talking pirates, cascading waterfalls, and pirate ships

 

12. Goofy Golf (Panama City Beach, Florida)

  • One of the oldest mini golfs in the world

13. Hawaiian Rumble (Myrtle Beach, South Carolina)

  • The centerpiece is a huge volcano which makes the ground tremble and causes flames to erupt every 20 minutes

 

14. Skokies Sports Park

  • Okay, this is a kid’s course – BUT after you hit your ball at one of the holes, you get to slide down a slide to get to it – and uh, that’s incredible

  • And then there’s another hole where you’re supposed to putt it in the water, and then there’s a strong current and your ball gets washed upon shore (where the green is!)

 

15. Mini Golf On A Roof (Igualada, Spain)

  • It’s on a fucking roof!

 

I've also included some single photos of just some wicked/crazy looking holes. So cool.