When You Fall...

I fall down a lot. I’m not a moron, I just have poor eyesight and no depth perception. (Not being cute here, they’re seriously just bad eyes.) And since I’ve fallen down hundreds of times, I have some advice for you. Or rather, some things that you shouldn’t do when recovering from said fall.

Things Not To Do When You Fall

• Completely act like nothing happened. People do this one a lot and it’s really funny to see. I never think the actual fall is funny, but people ignoring it makes me hysterical. It’s so weird to not acknowledge, and almost robotic.
• Get mad. I don’t know who you think you’re mad at – maybe the sidewalk? Or the city for not fixing that step? Nope, it was you. You’re at fault. And if you’re mad about that, well, there are some deeper issues going on inside of you and you should maybe calm down a bit.
• Cry. I’ve seen this twice before. From adult women. I’m pretty sure they were drunk, but still. Don’t do it. The attention you’re craving from this crying is massive and uninteresting to everyone around you.
• Be embarrassed. Now, this is hard. I think after years of falls, I’m only beginning to adhere to this point. It’s extremely hard to fight off embarrassment in any situation. But honestly, one of the most unattractive sights alive is an embarrassed adult. Some people fawn over the embarrassed – I do not. This is not an emotion we should cater to. We all feel it sometimes, but you can’t give in to it and let it overtake you because it’s so stupid. Dumb things happen to everyone! We’re all idiots! Sometimes we accidentally walk into trees or walls. Deal with it with dignity at least. And witnessing a grown adult who’s red-faced with embarrassment? Ugh. Grossest sight you can see.

Things You Should Do When You Fall

• Try to grab onto someone on your way down. You’ll either take them down with you (which is great always) or they’ll save your ass. 
• Smile immediately. It shows that you’re a human, with human emotions, and can take these things light-heartedly.
• Laugh. Especially if you’re alone. It’s such a silly thing to happen to a grown person who knows how to walk, so you need to have a sense of humour about it. Also, if I saw a guy walking who tripped or fell and then started laughing about it? That man is a real man. He’s a human who isn’t so serious at all times. 

What To Do When You See Someone Fall

• Never laugh. This is the meanest thing to happen in life. (Okay, not actually the meanest, but in the top three.) This makes my heart fall to pieces when I see someone laughing at a stranger. Never do it. Such a dick move. Don’t do it.
• Don’t say, “Whoa. That was bad.” Saying this offers nothing. I’ve heard this phrase maybe… five different times and it always hurts. I know it was bad. I don’t really want to talk about it right this moment. Even if I am smiling, I might be in pain. Also, I don’t know you. And I’ll never have a response for this sentiment.
• Be concerned, but not overly concerned. There's a fine line between someone who doesn't give a shit at all and someone who overly wants to talk about it. Try to find the balance between the two and be that person. 

Honestly, it’s harder to see someone fall than actually experience it yourself. Why is this? I think it’s because no one knows how to act when it happens to them. And most people are awkward as hell. It doesn’t have to be this way. I really think the worst thing you can do is just ignore it completely when it happens to you. Please stop doing that, everybody. 

Edit Note: I know this is a long post. I apologize. I have very strong feelings on the matter and I couldn't condense it down. Won't happen again. 

One last thing? These signs always make me giggle. Look at that little guy! Just great. 

Ford Ad

This is an ad I just saw on the back of a magazine. I'm posting it here because I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS. Is it some sort of play on the name Trinidad AND Tobago? And if so... that doesn't make any sense? 'Cause you can't drive to either of those places since they are physically two islands, separated by water. Is that the joke? That you can't drive there but a Ford will allow you to? I DON'T GET IT. And I think I'm maybe 50% smart (maybe even 90% smart when it comes to ads). Anyway, if you understand it, please either email me what it means or tell me privately. I've already sent Ford an email that I probably won't get a response to since people aren't keen to explain jokes, I'd imagine.

EDIT NOTE: My dear cousin Jackie just explained what they're trying to do: "Their new campaign scheme has been the benefits of "and" rather than "or". But you're right, this example is just geographically flawed. And clearly the tourist's choice would be Tobago." Thank you, Jackie! And yes, Tobago is fantastic, go there, everyone.

“These are the days that must happen to you.”

— Walt Whitman

Best Missed Connection

This is all great. Really hope he contacts her. 

Monster Mash

I can't even tell you how much this gets played on my iPod every October. CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU. Also, it always reminds me of that great Simpsons Valentine's episode. 

Hocus Pocus

All of my Octobers include this movie. I first saw it in theatres when I was eight. I went with my brothers and some church friends (we had church friends when we were kids) and I cried my eyes out at the end and they all laughed and pointed at me (yeah, even the church kids). It was the first time that a movie made me cry and I'll never forget that. I didn't care that much about all of them laughing at me, 'cause I was more struck by the thought of, "Why aren't these mutants WITH me crying right now? Probably 'cause they're teenagers and their souls are dead."

Anyhow, this movie is great. It will always be great. And I swear this will be the only Buzzfeed "article" that I tell you to go read, but if you've ever liked this movie then go read this. I love everything about that list. 

This gem is only $7 on Amazon. Get on it.

The Urban Peasant

If you grew up in Canada in the nineties, please tell me that you remember this man. The Urban Peasant was a Canadian cooking show starring James Barber and it aired on CBC (and also aired in some states on TLC, I'm told). This was the first cooking show I'd ever seen (this was long before the Food Network) and I loved it dearly. Why? I don't know, maybe 'cause this man was GENTLE AS HELL! And so likable. And everything he made looked deLIGHTful.

I was thinking about him the other day when I saw a man on the street who looked exactly like him, so when I got home I Googled him and found his website. A ton of his recipes can be found there, as well as a DVD of some of the episodes. Can't believe that I forgot about this food pioneer. What a fine man.

(Also, that man on the street was not James Barber. The internet tells me he's quite dead.) 

“If you can remember, don’t talk to anyone about how busy you are. This is even more boring than talking about the weather.”

— #lizadvice

The Most Astounding Fact

"Astrophysicist Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson was asked in an interview with TIME magazine, "What is the most astounding fact you can share with us about the Universe?" This is his answer."

This is kind of an old video, but it still gives me shivers when I watch it.