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LIZ HEATHER

October 3, 2024

September Shenanigans 2024

by Liz Heather in Beauty, Food, Ideas, Links, Movies, Personal, Products, Quotes, Recipes, Television


Early autumn sunsets >>

Early autumn sunsets >>

Welcome to the absolute best time of year.

  • The best tweets of the month can be found over here.

  • I wrote about going to Cooperstown, New York.

  • I compiled my favourite summer photos.

  • I recapped how my summer list went.

  • I made an autumn list of things I’d like to do.

  • The AirTrain at JFK was half price for the entire summer! Am I the only one who finds that crazy? In a city where everything costs more with each passing day. Blown away by that. It’s back to the ridiculous/normal pricing now, but still.

  • I went to my first dog swim event (!) and it was absolutely heaven on earth. At the end of summer, public pools open up their pools on the last swim day of the season to let dogs go swimming and it’s as great as it sounds. (Baby Dog is too delicate to partake, but we watched from a safe distance.)

  • Forever a lover of autumn mums. And $9 for 9” ones at Home Depot? Get the hell out of here with that pricing. Amazing.

Autumn mums

  • I’ve been using GrandeLASH for almost a month now and I’m not really noticing that much of a difference, so if this doesn’t work I’ll give Revitalash a try and if that doesn’t work? I think I can officially say goodbye to lash serums at last. It’s too exhausting. I can’t care about tiny little pieces of hair for the rest of my life.

  • I will never shut up about how incredible this foot peel is from Target. I only need to use it twice a year and it gives you BABY SOFT feet.

  • Went to Dyments Farm in Dundas to try their burger and whoa. Definitely worth the drive.

Burger at Dyments Farm in Dundas, ON

  • In love with everything at Aerie right now, they’re reminding me of early Aritzia pieces (at the old Aritzia prices) and I should really shut up about it before it becomes like current Aritzia and therefore is way too expensive.

  • Came across a new way to do beach waves with a straightener and it totally works.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Julia Perfetto (@juliaperfetto)

  • Are you aware that Staples recycles all old electronics? I brought in some old printers and it’s way easier than taking it to a dump.

  • Is The Ordinary a con? I have never had a positive experience with any of their products. Even the name makes me think they’re just messing with us?

  • Tried and absolutely loved the gluten-free Costco frozen pizza. Makes no sense.

  • The smash burgers at Oklahoma Burgers in Mississauga are decadent as hell.

Oklahoma Burgers in Mississauga, ON

  • Went to the Toronto Vintage Clothing Show for the first time in years and got an insanely nice coat. I only want fun coats for the rest of my life. Also got a mini glass bottle of perfume from the 40s to stay in my purse that was $5.

Perfumes at the Toronto Vintage Clothing Show

  • In love with this Simons belt.

  • I made these turkey meatballs from the LCBO magazine Food & Drink and they were pretty disappointing. Must remember to not trust all their recipes.

  • The dark chocolate pistachios from Trader Joe’s are unholy. Could eat bags and bags of them.

  • Ridiculously in love with the Whole Foods pumpkin bites. A perfect autumn bite.

Pumpkin bites at Whole Foods

  • Some things I watched:

    • The Perfect Couple: Okay, I could argue for an hour about how bad this was. Yes, a whodunit is fun. But that’s where the fun ended. It was so badly written and terribly shot. God, anything can be made these days.

    • The Trini episode of Atlanta: what a great episode. Makes me want to watch the rest of the show.

    • Only Murders in the Building: Really liking this season. The Perfect Strangers moments? Wonderful. I kind of need Richard Kind and Martin Short in a scene together soon though (Clifford reunion!).

    • English Teacher: best new show I’ve seen in SUCH a long time. I love the kid Jeff. The music choices are so good. So many good lines, I can’t even quote them all.

    • Mamma Mia: I’d never seen it, so we put it on and yikes. I truly hate singing in (most) movies. Fast-forwarded all the songs. Other than that, not a terrible movie.

    • Emily in Paris: this tweet really sums up the show.

    • Transformers: Rise of the Beasts: Only my ten year old nephew could get me to watch something like this. It wasn’t terrible! Weird to hear Pete Davidson in it, but definitely not the worst thing I’ve ever seen.

    • Hustlers: Not good. But Mister Bruce was the best part.

    • Rewatched: The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, Dangerous Minds, Barbarian, Old. All still great.

    • I’m watching tons of Twilight Zones episodes each night and this quote (below) from the episode Passage on the Lady Anne just swallowed me up.

“Love has its own particular point of view. It sees everything larger than life. Nothing is too ornate, too fanciful, too dramatic. Love demands the theatrical, and then transfigures it. It turns the grotesque into the lovely, as a child does. With it, we can see what we wish to see in other people. Without it, we can’t see anything at all. We can search forever, and never find.”
— The Twilight Zone

Some things I’m looking forward to this month: finishing up my Halloween costume, cooking everything for Thanksgiving, making the leftover sandwich and I really want to see the movie Hush.

Will forever love sunflowers at night

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in August over here.

TAGS: Liz Heather, September 2024, September Shenanigans 2024, monthly, monthly roundup, monthly post, Baby Dog, Dyments Farm, Oklahoma Burgers, burgers Ontario, best burgers Ontario, sunflowers at night, The Twilight Zone, love quote, Passage on the Lady Anne, Old, Barbarian, The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, Dangerous Minds, Hustlers, Mister Bruce, Pete Davidson, Transformers, rise of the beasts, Emily in Paris, television, Mamma Mia, The Perfect Couple, English Teacher, best new show, Only Murders in the Building, Richard Kind, Martin Short, Clifford, Atlanta, Trini, pumpkin bites, pumpkin bites Whole Foods, Simons, Simons belt, dark chocolate pistachios Trader Joe's, turkey meatballs, Food and Drink, Toronto Vintage Clothing Show, vintage perfume, mohair coat, smash burgers Mississauga, GF Costco pizza, best GF pizza, The Ordinary, Staples recycles, recycle electronics, beach waves straightener, Aritzia, Aerie, Dyments Farm Dundas, foot peel, best foot peel, Target foot peel, Revitalash, GrandeLASH, lash serum, autumn mums, Home Depot, dog swim, airtrain JFK, NYC


December 8, 2020

Navigating November 2020

by Liz Heather in Beauty, Family, Food, Ideas, Links, Movies, Music, Personal, Products, Recipes, Reviews


Wonderful, another month has come and gone. It’s hard to tell when I’m in a bad mood these days. I feel like all of my moods are sprinkled with bits of sadness since it’s been such a rough year on everyone. It seems hard to be hopeful and optimistic for the coming months because of everything that has gone on already, but I think I’ll continue on with my internal mantra of “fake it ‘til you make it” - that’s healthy, right? In any case, here’s what happened last month:

  • I usually don’t mention the things that I don’t do, but this one is notable: I didn’t have the Thanksgiving croissant from Milk Bar this year (because I’m in Canada at the moment). So this is really just a reminder to myself to go hog-wild on them next November.

  • I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned them before, but the ready-made roast beef sandwiches at San Remo’s in Etobicoke? A PERFECT SANDWICH.

  • I rewatched the original (better) Jumanji and goddamit what a great movie. How did I forget what a perfect movie that was? Miss Robin Williams so much. Which reminds me: I gotta rewatch Jack soon (Coppola’s greatest movie, in my humble opinion). Haven’t seen that one in ages.

  • Some thoughts on how to have a less expensive Christmas.

  • Love the new “Oat Milk Latte” nail polish colour at Urban Outfitters. Something about a boring neutral has been really turning me on lately.

  • The best new hand lotion I’ve used in a long time: this Kiehl’s Hand Salve. I put it on once in the morning and once before bed and it’s crazy how soft it makes them, even if you wash your hands numerous times a day (which, god, I hope you’re doing).

  • I know that I tend to live in the past at times, but are you ever needing to print some photos fast and don’t know where to get it done? Years ago, they had machines at Shoppers and then they disappeared. And I just discovered that Staples has those print-right-now machines! It takes seconds to print from your phone and it’s crazy cheap. I think you can only get 4 x 6 in size, but still. That’s great!

  • I’ll always love Cobs Bread (thanks to Marla years ago for introducing me) but I just tried their garlic focaccia and my god. Heavenly. It also makes a great base for any kind of at-home grilled cheese or even an at-home garlic bread using garlic butter.

  • So I tried the Popeye’s chicken sandwich that people were stabbing each other for and… I fully understand the murdering mentality. It’s an incredible chicken sandwich. I was expecting not to understand the hype, but here I stand before you, four chicken sandwiches deep.

  • I’ve been consistently using the Luna Night Oil from Sunday Riley (a small version that came with a gift set) and I think it’s really working well. My skin looks amazing in the morning after each use. So I might bite the bullet and buy the full size when I run out.

  • Just so sad to see this man pass away.

  • And I can’t forget this great one, too.

  • I simply cannot stop ordering the vegetable fried rice from Fortune Dragon in Mississauga. Can’t and WON’T.

  • I had such a terrible experience using Skip The Dishes the other night (there was a problem with an order and the restaurant refused to fix the problem and I was on the phone with STD (hahah, can we all call them this from now on PLEASE) for over an hour, just disgusting). So now they’re banned in our house.

  • And speaking of annoying food experiences, Scaddabush got rid of the best sandwich on their menu. What. the. hell. It was a prosciutto cotto grilled cheese with Italian cured ham, caramelized onions, mozzarella, and fig jam on a focaccia bun and IT IS NO MORE. I did attempt to make it at home one night and it was actually really good, but still. Who wants to spend their evenings caramelizing onions for hours in the kitchen? Well, I do, for one. But regardless! Bad move, Scaddabush.

  • I came across these actually helpful, fast TikTok beauty tips.

  • Excited to visit this new food hall in Long Island City one day.

  • Love these two new Tierra Whack songs.

  • I love hearing these kinds of butterfly effect stories, always.

  • This whole listicle made me laugh.

@himesmeaghan12

When online school causes you to have to video yourself for “weightlifting” do not mind me I’m not trying at all I’m over it 💀#foryoupage #corona

♬ Pretty Boy Swag - Soulja Boy
  • How on earth can someone build a roller coaster in their backyard? People continue to impress me. This is amazing.

  • It’s pure and complete trash that chihuahuas never win dog shows. Look at this beauty from The National Dog Show.

  • Considering this beautiful palette for purchase even though I have plans to go nowhere, every night, for the rest of time.

  • I made these fondant potatoes and they were good! Love a new way to cook a potato.

Fondant potatoes

  • I watched Coneheads for the first time and it was a surprisingly fun movie. It also happens to be the ultimate pro-immigration movie. Loved it.

  • I watched the Fresh Prince reunion and it was good! It was nice to see Nicky.

  • If you’re looking for a dog groomer in Mississauga, I can’t say enough good things about You Lucky Dog Grooming. They cut Baby Dog’s nails perfectly for $10 and it took less than five minutes. They were so gentle and caring, definitely only gonna go here from now on.

  • There were a few massive holes in the ceiling in my parents basement (an estimate said it would be $1000 to fix) so I went to Home Depot, got the supplies and did it myself. This is something I would never even want to do, let alone actually do, so the fact that it’s fixed now is insane. Here's what it looked like.

This whole job cost $17 from Home Depot. Nothing is impossible.

  • I made my niece Layla watch Sleeping With The Enemy and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button for the first time and I think she liked both, which obviously I love. Love making people I love watch things I love.

  • Absolutely in love with this song. And this one, too.

  • So I got fake nails. Here they are.

  • Yes, I love them. Yes, they look perfect every single day and that’s amazing. But no one tells you the cons, so let me tell you what they are.

    • Pressing buttons is an annoyance. The buttons of debit machines especially (I’ve incorrectly put in my pin about three times so far), but also remote controls and car radio dials.

    • Peeling onions or garlic. Or cutting anything on a cutting board in the kitchen, basically.

    • You know after a shower when you towel off the wet parts of the inside of your ears? Can’t be done.

    • All zippers and buttons add at least five minutes to your life.

    • Look, I’m not an animal but sometimes your nose needs a little cleaning when a tissue ain’t gonna cut it. That being said, it is IMPOSSIBLE to pick your nose with these.

    • Typing at your regular speed.

    • Peeling clementines is simply out of the question (which is annoying because they’re so in season right now).

    • Putting on and taking off necklaces.

    • And most of all, yes you can still scratch parts of your body, but it’s an unfulfilling scratch. These nails aren’t as sharp as my real ones, so the scratch is lackluster.

  • That being said, I do love them. I’m not sure if I’ll get them again, but they’re beautiful and I can definitely see the appeal.

  • I watched a few episodes of Somebody Feed Phil with my brother Robbie and it’s a pretty cute show. I only watched the New York, New Orleans, Venice & San Francisco episodes, but I’m sure I’ll watch the rest soon. I think I liked it because the host really lets the guests be the charming, endearing ones, and most TV hosts aren’t very good at that.

  • So since we missed both Thanksgivings this year, we picked a random day to do our turkey dinner and this year I did the rub for the bird (Mom handled all the gross stuff) and it came out amazing! Also made my favourite salad dressing (love a shallot in a dressing), this perfect cranberry sauce and best garlic bread. And instead of a whole pie, we just got mini pumpkin tarts from Whole Foods. The next day, I finally made the moist maker sandwich (from Friends) and it turned out really well.

Turkey a la Liz

The leftover sandwich, the next day

  • Best tweets of the month ahead:

men be like ”I love a girl with confidence” and then destroys it

— 𝔫𝔦𝔞𝔪𝔥🕊 (@niumphhh) October 18, 2020

you let a man in your life now you irritated before 9 am

— ruthie (@ruthayeeee) October 15, 2020

Y’all getting real creative for Halloween. I want no parts 😭😭 pic.twitter.com/wBsw9bp7Zt

— Kara (@UndeniableLOVE7) October 28, 2020

You never know what day of quarantine someone is in. Be kind. Always

— Nathan Macintosh (@Nathanmacintosh) November 1, 2020

Saying "I don't know" https://t.co/Ns94tEhPwA

— Ma$on (@FirstGentleman) November 1, 2020

Make Politics Boring Again

— Nathan Macintosh (@Nathanmacintosh) November 2, 2020

my heart would explode https://t.co/Uer85MUTdD

— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 2, 2020

CNN just said “don’t look at the maps it’s too early” and my mom goes “DONT SHOW IT THEN!” 😂😂😩😩

— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) November 4, 2020

me reheating leftover pizza on the stove instead of using the microwave pic.twitter.com/SfyEuEro8H

— dan the rock yang (@realDANYANG) November 3, 2020

Gotta say I’m shocked that an election system developed by slaveowners is so bad at dealing with racism.

— Kashana (@kashanacauley) November 4, 2020

2020: Even the good news is slow and painful

— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) November 5, 2020

are we sure life is short

— JP (@jpbrammer) November 5, 2020

I see tweets like, “Dems are winning, act like it!” What these fail to take into account is the country’s on the verge of breaking up with an abuser. We’ve been bombarded, traumatized for 4 years. The joy of being out is tempered by uncertainty over whether it’s really over.

— Daniel Zucker (@DirectFromDZ) November 5, 2020

Good morning! If you only look at one map today, make it this one. This is what red/blue states really look like. Land doesn't vote. People do. #ElectionResults2020 pic.twitter.com/dfpl4N2MLq

— Ray Kwong (@raykwong) November 5, 2020

Every other outlet making Fox News be the one to call it pic.twitter.com/E0BxPVsewn

— Jason Kirk, This American Life's cornhole expert (@thejasonkirk) November 6, 2020

Crying and holding my daughter, “look baby, she looks like us.” pic.twitter.com/Gy4MAPoNjy

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) November 7, 2020

Sleepy Joe is the perfect nickname for the man who gave us our first good night’s sleep in 4 years

— Remy Kassimir (@RemyKassimir) November 8, 2020

Someone wanna tell me why this (perfect) baby can talk on the phone in Japanese better than me even though I've been doing it longer!! 😭🥰 pic.twitter.com/gRVTWBgg2u

— K△Z・カズ 𓂃 𓈒𓏸 (@am_kaz) November 8, 2020

I could write jokes for 800 years and I'd never think of something funnier than Trump booking the Four Seasons for his big presser, and it turning out to be the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot between a dildo store and a crematorium. pic.twitter.com/P45HV1daD9

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) November 8, 2020

Being a huge asshole at 3AM is apparently exhausting. pic.twitter.com/LDcEuoZIRh

— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) November 8, 2020

My wife was driving us home and said “the sky is so beautiful.” I pointed to a weird old man on the street and said “this guy?” Anyway if you were in the car you would’ve laughed.

— Casey James Salengo (@caseyJsalengo) November 9, 2020

Dancing mailboxes making out in the streets to “Show Me Love” is all you need to know about how #Philly is feeling today. #JoyToThePeople #CountEveryVote #EveryVoteCounts pic.twitter.com/9LJGvYy56R

— #JoyToThePolls (@JoyToThePolls) November 7, 2020

This font. https://t.co/ZG7KHbNche pic.twitter.com/IPUYICVjHl

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) November 10, 2020

i think society won't be satisfied with BEFORE & AFTER weight loss pictures until there's a woman on the left side & just an empty pile of clothes on the ground on the right side WOW WHAT'S HER SECRET?!

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 10, 2020

Nothing is more humiliating than trying to pick up a low bouncing ping pong ball

— Max 🦃 Ash (@mynameisntdave) November 13, 2020

Nothing to see here. Just a lil bunny having a snack snack pic.twitter.com/JwX8sGNT4i

— Nature and Animals (@_NatureAnimals) November 12, 2020

i pray my friends get through the battles that they don't tell me about

— ‎‏ޮ (@Vibelyy) November 12, 2020

In college I have discovered that I actually have a passion for nothing. My dream job is no job and a mansion by the sea with lots of windows. Manifesting xoxo ✨

— IG: clarkebetz 🕊 (@_cinnamoro11_) November 13, 2020

women leaving the shower https://t.co/RxSfqZpaNB

— cell (@mtvcell) November 14, 2020

You ever start masturbating and be like nah that ain’t it maybe I’m hungry 🤔

— Cybergoth (@Guiltysadist1) November 13, 2020

going to the movies alone https://t.co/40GFghNlwL

— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) November 14, 2020

i present to you, dogs on mushrooms: pic.twitter.com/w8RXR1EUgJ

— *:.。. drew .。.:* (@lofidrew) November 14, 2020

All the problems in Gotham would be solved if Bruce Wayne were properly taxed.

— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) November 15, 2020

its always "wyd" and never "you have bewitched me, body and soul"

— samantha ♐︎ sag season! (@DECOUTURIZE) November 14, 2020

bitches wanna buy their boyfriends the latest consoles but when was the last time he CONSOLED you? ps 5 years ago

— cal? (@cal_gif) November 14, 2020

"you've lost weight!!!!" https://t.co/9Wg897UMnY

— Kristin Chirico (@lolacoaster) November 16, 2020

buy that book from an indie seller. you don’t need it in two days. you aren’t going to read it for six months anyway.

— shea martin (@sheathescholar) November 14, 2020

True power is being the only girl in fifth grade with boobs

— Alysia Hush (@AlysiaHush) November 15, 2020

Imagine meeting any person in real life who acted like any character Nicolas Cage has ever played. You'd talk about that guy for YEARS.

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 16, 2020

Why are they called paintings. Ur done. That there's a Painted

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) November 15, 2020

Having sex is not gone heal no heartbreak 💔 DRUGS....you gotta do drugs

— PackMahomes (@SuperDuperAj239) November 15, 2020

A simple, free, kind, thing we can all do is never ask anyone who declines an alcoholic beverage for an explanation.

— Keith Humphreys (@KeithNHumphreys) November 15, 2020

Guess who decided to eat the inkjet cartridge? pic.twitter.com/qYWpemcRBZ

— Dave M (@SpotTheLoon2010) November 16, 2020

Y'all ever bring your pet to the mirror and be like that's you

— 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕥🙆🏾‍♀️ (@Neyogems) November 14, 2020

Me on a Zoom call pretending I’m listening and not just looking at myself

pic.twitter.com/NzcZhZQvIt

— Hannah Tindle (@hannahtindle) November 16, 2020

no more being the bigger person ima start biting ppl

— ً (@blndls) November 16, 2020

Fun fact: The most powerful person in any family is the person who tells the other family members what to bring to Thanksgiving dinner.

— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) November 22, 2019

Perfect plan for when your family asks if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend this Thanksgiving pic.twitter.com/UwTzEk5WZJ

— Ana Bretón (@missbreton) November 14, 2019

folks the holidays are coming up fast don't forget black friday is the last day to catch covid if you want to be dead by christmas

— Ian Dukes Injustice Rejecter (@ianpauldukes) November 16, 2020

Hey sorry my assignment was late, the entire world is engulfed in flames in case you didn’t notice.

— ale☭andra (@_Al3x4ndr4) November 16, 2020

me pretending to pay attention when someone is explaining a board game pic.twitter.com/Blc5pxrS23

— Melissa Lozada-Oliva (@ellomelissa) November 16, 2020

Me in the locker room in 9th grade pretending I was focusing on changing.
pic.twitter.com/K7gCWODi1U

— sam greisman (@SAMGREIS) November 17, 2020

Let's be clear: Dolly Parton is a millionaire and not a billionaire because she *keeps giving money away*. Being a billionaire is a MORAL FAILING. She gives away shockingly large amounts of money every year and is STILL RICHER THAN YOU AND I WILL EVER BE.

— Jerome Comeau is social-media-distancing (@Heronymus) November 17, 2020

bring back landlines i wanna be on my phone while i’m on the phone

— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 17, 2020

“babies havin babies” -me seeing women i went to college with start families with their husbands

— sydney battle (@SydneyBattle) November 18, 2020

I'm sure dead people did vote –– early voting began on Sept. 18 and 50,000 Americans have died from coronavirus since then.

— Jesse Lehrich (@JesseLehrich) November 18, 2020

😭 pic.twitter.com/BruVUn3pXt

— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) November 18, 2020

Can the kids go to school in restaurants

— Jessica Winter (@winterjessica) November 18, 2020

Truly one of the worst publishing decisions in a year of particularly bad decisions was allowing Cuomo to put out a book about how he solved COVID-19 for NY.

— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) November 18, 2020

does your stomach ever hurt so bad that you get completely naked on the toilet?

— duo (@moistkombucha) May 5, 2020

One thing no one ever talks about being an adult is how much time you debate yourself on keeping a cardboard box because it's, like, a really good box.

— Madame Anthro ✨💀 (@madameanthro) January 10, 2020

This is Khan. He’s the sneakiest shoe stealer on the planet. Has never ever been caught... until now. 14/10 (IG: khantheweenie) pic.twitter.com/qyAQzDWuju

— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) November 19, 2020

Every single 45 y/o man living in NYC thinks they are Leonardo DiCaprio in the year 2002.

— Lindsay Theisen (@lindsaytheis) November 19, 2020

It’s fuckin wild how the solution is as simple as “just pay places to be closed and pay people to stay home” and that’s been the solution this whole time and the government is just like “nah”

— claire de lune (@ClaireMPLS) November 18, 2020

If you believe the virus is a hoax and the election is rigged what exactly do you believe is real?

— Larry Charles (@larrycharlesism) November 18, 2020

The need to manage the egos of fragile men is going to ruin this country.

— Jessica Huseman (@JessicaHuseman) November 19, 2020

I hate citations why cant u just trust me

— Aaisha (@AaishaSKhan) November 17, 2020

Pretty incredible that homelessness isn’t even a mainstream political issue at all. Neither party gives a shit. We could solve it tomorrow and wouldn’t even miss the money but there’s no profit in that so it’s not a possibility. One of the most glaring US human rights atrocities.

— kris kringles in your area! (@babadookspinoza) November 18, 2020

capitalism is the only system that works, which is why every viral tweet has a follow-up reply from the OP linking a gofundme for a close friend who is dying

— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) November 19, 2020

We’re being held hostage by a psychopath in kitten heels and a fake tan and his lunatic lawyer with hair dye dripping down his face because some of you thought a woman would be too emotional to run the country.

— B H (@barbhaynes) November 19, 2020

so u can read his birth chart but not his red flags? lol.

— doaa. (@pettyreligion) November 18, 2020

me coming back to the party after throwing up in the bathroom pic.twitter.com/WI1HddT1ce

— jess (@oxojesss) November 19, 2020

Simply cannot stop thinking about a girl I knew who dated a guy she couldn’t STAND - all because his ex died in a plane crash, & her biggest fear was dying in a plane crash, & she figured there was no way the universe would let both of this guy’s girlfriends die in a plane crash

— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) November 19, 2020

PSA: The pandemic is FAR worse now than when you took it more seriously.

— Payman Benz (@PaymanBenz) November 19, 2020

Bringing back saying “take a hike.” It’s so wildly dismissive without being vulgar. A classic

— Justin🦩Boldaji بلداجي (@justinboldaji) November 18, 2020

My 2 year old daughter is a mansplainer who has no actual information.

— Natasha Leggero (@natashaleggero) November 20, 2020

current government messaging is like don’t go out ❤️ but bars and restaurants are open ❤️ but don’t go there ❤️ but support local businesses and restaurants they need it ❤️ but again don’t go out ❤️

— cait (@thecaitdiaries) November 20, 2020

Me in the middle of the night thinking about that shirt I haven’t seen in a while pic.twitter.com/2a4AIp8xrT

— Kelsey (@notorious_KRG) November 20, 2020

do u think everything is a sign from the universe or are u normal

— ً (@blndls) November 21, 2020

men take one good picture and coast on that shit for 5 years

— sydney battle (@SydneyBattle) November 21, 2020

I wish we all gave a shit about each other

— ye 🌍 (@yedoye_) November 21, 2020

I'm not worried about a second lockdown, because I already know all the best places in my house to cry.

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) November 22, 2020

This dog I saw on an adoption site has major “this is fine” energy pic.twitter.com/qgermukXI6

— dave horwitz (@Dave_Horwitz) November 22, 2020

girls nudes look like they could be in an art museum and boys nudes look like crime scene photographs

— Chloe Hutton (@chloehuttonv) November 21, 2020

My dog after I fart directly in her face: pic.twitter.com/IPIiINGHVg

— nick naney (@nicknaney) November 23, 2020

The government has had 6 months to prepare for a second wave and have done absolutely nothing. Now we are punishing small businesses and workers that will not survive while our leaders eat Arctic char indoors. This is genuinely an upside down backwards society.

— Tim Dillon (@TimJDillon) November 23, 2020

y’all don’t have to go to bat for celebrities, they don’t know you<3

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) November 22, 2020

Sometime a Florida Man can be a hero!! https://t.co/ZiaYsjD3Cd

— bert kreischer (@bertkreischer) November 22, 2020

Do other people’s Thanksgivings operate the way my house did where dinner might be ready any time between 3pm and 9:30pm and the people cooking get very angry if you ask

— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) November 23, 2020

you’re gonna like the way you look, you fuckin bitch pic.twitter.com/s33Ft0Sclm

— Josh (@FLITTER) November 23, 2020

Being the hotttest person in th grocery store has nothing to do w appearance its all vibes

— helena (@freshhel) November 22, 2020

My ass got bigger and I’m still struggling financially.. make it make sense.

— Sydnee Washington (@Justsydnyc) November 23, 2020

Me looking at my weed vs. my weed looking back at me pic.twitter.com/Bfc51nb7th

— “ROOM TO GROW!!” (@YoooItsO) November 23, 2020

You should be able to send your friends a push notification that says you’re around if they want to chat

— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) November 11, 2020

Waking up with no children to feed never gets old

— troythedesigner 🦂 (@troythedesigner) November 19, 2020

dads sneeze so loud bc it’s the only way they know how to express their emotions

— nozzy (@schnooozle) November 25, 2020

Everything feels so weird right now, but at least it will for months.

— Jessica Kirson (@JessicaKirson) November 23, 2020

Never will get used to the beauty of a Canadian child being born. pic.twitter.com/OudHSpAXOB

— Lloyd Legalist (@LloydLegalist) November 23, 2020

everybody in America thinks they could one day become a billionaire but nobody thinks they could get covid

— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) November 25, 2020

is movie bad? or is phone just better?

— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) November 26, 2020

Haven't done this for a while. Open the picture for awesomeness. pic.twitter.com/mlk8CzXFAq

— Mark Pinsent (@markpinsent) November 25, 2020

My dads gonna break up the family trying to figure out who’s glass of water this is.

— Jake Noll (@jakersnoll) November 25, 2020

Imagine if they fought for the end of homelessness and poverty like they do for indoor BBQ. 🤷🏾‍♂️ #adamsonbarbeque https://t.co/bwayBtTOts

— Doctors For Defunding Police (@DrsDefundPolice) November 26, 2020

“HERE SAY HI TO YOUR AUNTY” pic.twitter.com/XIhKrrhi0l

— 👨🏾‍💻 (@ifehndrxx_) November 26, 2020

my mom telling a story https://t.co/R9AI5KvOMT pic.twitter.com/H0CAkZ44SA

— maggie (@olmsdead) November 27, 2020

I hate the fake convo before someone asks me for a favour lol

— Alfie (@alfieugh) November 27, 2020

I can't unsee it pic.twitter.com/Y30KZoc8Pz

— COVID and Cambria (@BoringDrew) November 28, 2020

All it took to get Santa Con canceled was to have 34,000 people die.

— MattBachus (@Mattbachus) November 28, 2020

High School was a wild place......you really could get yo ass beat at 7:30 AM.

— Rob (@ROBMORGAN217) November 28, 2020

My kid just started watching freaks and geeks...without me. I always wanted to watch it with her. But I get it. Because even if you start out Kim fucking Kelly, eventually you just end up someone’s uncool mom. 😭

— Busy Philipps (@BusyPhilipps) November 29, 2020

pic.twitter.com/wVNDC7nmIg

— black af. (@RalphLevel) November 29, 2020

I Hate PENDING Payments. Just Take That Shit So I Can Start My HEALING PROCESS😭😒

— Mr.Ceo (@Ceopreme) November 30, 2020

I’ve seen The Nightmare Before Christmas at least fifty times and I’m still not sure what Oogie Boogie wants

— ben mekler (@benmekler) November 30, 2020

my doctor: you have to stay hydrated

me: https://t.co/Zv2KLMabx1

— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) November 30, 2020

NYT headlines are like:
"Do the poor have too much money?"

— Ramy (@GenZdemagogue) November 29, 2020

“Deaths are rising at alarming rates and this savory galette is divine.”
-The NYT morning briefing

— George Civeris (@georgeciveris) November 30, 2020

8 year old me tryna see what the fridge looks like closed pic.twitter.com/JDYMUqwG3u

— Jaidan (@jaidvn) November 27, 2020

cannot believe we’re still censoring cuss words on the radio. the ice caps are melting babe just let snoop dogg say “bitch.”

— 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗯 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗻 (@calebsaysthings) November 27, 2020

Some things that I’m looking forward to this month: watching the new season of Big Mouth, doing the Polar Drive experience, there have been only two snowstorms so far and I can’t wait for more to come, and I’ve already started baking the chocolate chip Nutella cookies that I love to make this time of year but I want to try something new as well so I’m thinking about giving these ones a try. Christmas will of course be different this year, it’s looking like it’ll be me, my parents (since I’ve been staying here since October), Nathan & Baby Dog on Christmas morning, which actually seems like it might be kind of intimate and nice. It’ll feel wrong in certain ways because I love having my entire family here, but I’m going to try and make the most of it.

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in October over here.

How can someone be this cute?!

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