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LIZ HEATHER

October 2, 2020

September Shenanigans 2020

by Liz Heather in Advice, Beauty, Best of NYC, Food, Ideas, Links, Movies, Music, Personal, Products, Recipes, Reviews, Television


animated haunted house scary autumn October animation ghosts pumpkins
animated haunted house scary autumn October animation ghosts pumpkins

The leaves are starting to fall, the colder winds are coming, the pumpkins are starting to appear and I’ve never wanted an October more than I do right now. This time of year stirs up so much inside of me, I can barely breathe. However you enjoy this season, I hope you take some time to bask in these autumn days that are typically so fleeting. Here’s what went down last month.

  • I recapped what happened off of my summer list.

  • I made an autumn list of things that I’d like to do this season.

  • I cannot stop playing this John Legend song on repeat. Especially in recent days.

  • Some other songs I have on repeat: Never Let Me Go by Alok & Bruno Martini & Zeeba, Savage Love by Jawsh 685 & Jason Derulo and that old Sarah McLachlan song Ice Cream for some reason.

  • Absolutely in love with the limited edition apple pie flavoured Kit Kats. Unreal.

  • I made these pumpkin pie overnight oats and they were a big hit. Great autumn breakfast idea.

  • I ate at Buvette and their snails were definitely the highlight.

  • I saw the movie The Car and it was phenomenal. You have to see it. The dialogue is atrocious, but a young, smokeshow James Brolin? Christ, he can get it. It’s a perfect bad movie.

  • I went to Gramercy Tavern and of course that place never disappoints. The service, the food, everything is impeccable. Some photos below.

Of course they have their own sanitizer

The Harvest Daiquiri with Frozen El Dorado 8 yr Rum, Green Chartreuse, Caradonna Farms Apple Cider, Lime

Chilled Corn Soup with Pickled Cauliflower, Beets, Avocado

Campanelle Bolognese with Kale, Basil, Pecorino

Tavern Bacon & Cheddar Burger with Smoked Onion Sauce, Duck Fat Potato Chips

  • Something new: did you know that Sephora has in-store rewards available that are different from the rewards shown on their website? Something to check out near the front cashier the next time you’re in a Sephora.

  • New favourite potato chips: Torres Selecta Black Truffle.

  • I bought the Mario Badescu Drying Lotion again because it’s such a great product for calming down acne and one bottle lasts at least six months or so.

  • A great piece about the arts scene in New York City right now.

  • I rarely listen to podcasts, but I listened to the Conan O’Brien episode of the Michelle Obama podcast and it was great. The episode is about marriage and I liked it so much because I love hearing about how couples first met and fell for one another.

  • With SNL returning this weekend, I rewatched one of my favourite sketches in recent memory.

  • As with every other person on earth this month, I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix and then immediately deleted all the games off of my phone. I know the whole message was to delete Instagram and Facebook, but I’ve never had Facebook on my phone (what am I, 90?) and I truly don’t go on Instagram that much (not by choice, I have a shite battery that lasts about eight minutes a day).

  • This girl helping senior dogs is an absolute angel on earth.

  • Fighting ever urge in my body to immediately buy this emerald beauty.

  • I started watching Girlfriends and even though the pilot is rooooough (as most pilots are), it’s an all right show. It’s insane that Sex And The City basically stole this entire premise. I did, however, stop watching because all of the women are so wildly tiny, it warps my brain to sit and stare at skinny women for long periods of time.

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  • I bought this scalp massager and holy hell, it’s incredible. It elevates a shower times a thousand.

  • I tried a sample of Fab Pharma’s Rescue Mask and it’s pretty great. It’s weird to not wash a mask off yes, but your skin feels amazing in the morning after use.

  • My friend Dusty had his movie reviewed by Roger Ebert’s website which is so huge and amazing. Wildly proud.

  • I started watching Sister, Sister on Netflix and Lisa is the greatest character of all time.

  • The new autumn candle at Trader Joe’s? Honeycrisp Apple! Already bought! Already sold out! Will I light it or just keep it to smell every so often? None of your business.

  • Another great New Yorker cover.

  • I was fortunate enough to eat at Atoboy (thank you Katie & Greg!) and it was perfection. I’ve never eaten tuna so heavenly. Such a wonderful meal and the service especially was warm as hell.

  • A roasted oyster cheat sheet for NYC, if you should find yourself in need.

  • A great piece talking about how people make up voices for their dogs.

  • I rewatched Grease and I can’t believe how often I forget how good the music is in that movie. Every song smashes.

  • One of my favourite restaurants in Astoria, Mars, opened for lunch recently, very grateful.

  • REVELATION: Not drinking before bed gives you a crazy, deep, restful sleep. How on earth did I not remember this?

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  • I finally bought those Aerie bike shorts I’ve wanted for months and they’re incredible. Bike shorts should always be this damn soft.

  • Finally ate at Arte Cafe on the Upper West Side and loved it.

  • I visited the Krispy Kreme flagship in Times Square and it was pretty great. Most locations in every suburban city have glass windows where you see the donuts being made, so I didn’t get the huge appeal?

  • I may or may not have indulged in some of the seasonal desserts at Comfortland in Astoria, I won’t tell you details because they weren’t anything amazing. Honestly, nothing compares to the apple fritters at San Remo’s in Etobicoke.

  • I watched the Surviving R. Kelly sequel on Netflix and it didn’t really have any new information, which makes sense because there hasn’t even been a trial yet.

  • I also watched all of season one and some of season two of Twin Peaks (for the first time) and I have some thoughts. First things first, the pilot is incredible. But… why is the background/theme music so terrible? It never matches any of the scenes in tone and it just leaves me confused most times. Some parts are so fucking off and bad (acting-wise, script-wise) that I literally googled certain scenes to see if they were supposed to be funny or if I was missing something. What the fuck is with all of the dancing? And THIS scene? What in the good holy fuck?? UGH, and then David Lynch SHOWS UP IN THE SHOW? Kill me. The entire series should’ve lasted one season. I can officially say that I don’t give one shit about who the fuck killed Laura Palmer, she’s the luckiest character of them all to be dead. Blow me, Lynch.

  • Hot tip: wine bottle as a ravioli maker!

  • Neve Campbell is definitely onboard for the next Scream!

  • Best tweets of the month ahead.

Me trying to watch a movie on 123 Movies : https://t.co/uwiPq16F5L

— Ollie (Olluwa) ⭕️ 🇳🇬 (@OllieOFB) August 31, 2020

The planet is straight up trolling us at this point. https://t.co/wAxiSrz72o

— Lindsay Theisen (@lindsaytheis) August 31, 2020

Godzilla being granted Japanese citizenship pic.twitter.com/HVmLuTAV6y

— N-MaTOP (@Htop_Gunder) August 31, 2020

*me slumping over after brief, terrible sex* "that's what it would be like with the other guys" https://t.co/GJDykfcdBS

— Sam Adler-Bell (@SamAdlerBell) September 1, 2020

physically / emotionally cannot stop buying scented candles

— Amy Miller (@amymiller) September 2, 2020

when you are definitely NOT mad because people aren’t giving you enough attention pic.twitter.com/atl680cJoZ

— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) September 2, 2020

disordered eating is so normalized that i truly believe the vast majority of people with eating disorders don't even know they have them

— rayne fisher-quann (@raynefq) September 2, 2020

Whatever happened to “Tahiti Treat”?

— Gerry Dee (@gerrydee) September 3, 2020

I think we need to start paying attention to the signs that we should stop making Batman movies good night

— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) September 4, 2020

Someone really let his son do this to me. https://t.co/VlTp5pJyqc

— Rudy Gobert (@rudygobert27) September 4, 2020

This the best thing on the internet this week pic.twitter.com/rWrIykpURs

— The Only Justice is Breonna Still Being Here (@hfdavis) September 4, 2020

Not sure who needs this right now, but you are wonderful and you are loved and you are the only you in this entire world and whatnot.

— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) September 5, 2020

us: we’re starving and can’t pay our rent

celebrities: vote ❤️

— greta gerNIG (@NILES100) September 4, 2020

Things always seem terrible around here, but yesterday my daughter saw her first waterfall and I got to watch her face. pic.twitter.com/Yn9MAd9hG2

— Lisa Fleisher (@lisafleisher) September 4, 2020

childhood was so weird. I used to be happy? to wake up at five am on a Saturday?? to watch one episode of Sailor Moon???

— i bless the rains down in castamere (@Chinchillazllla) September 5, 2020

It’s the confidence in every single answer for me😂😭😭 pic.twitter.com/u8cNaXLnsO

— the sun’s daughter🌞 (@ephrata) September 5, 2020

When Jhene said ‘I used to think I was introverted because I really liked being alone but it turns out that I just like my peace, and I am very extroverted around people who bring me peace.’ I FELT THAT IN MY CHEST.

— JOJO 🦋 (@jojoansett) September 6, 2020

entirely blonde families have dark energy

— chesse (@_jorts_) September 7, 2020

if i were shania twain, i would tweet “let’s go girls” every single morning for the rest of my life

— Liz Maupin (@LizMaupin) September 7, 2020

Turns out people who took videos at concerts on their phones were RIGHT this whole time.

— Brandie Posey (@Brandazzle) September 8, 2020

olive oil and balsamic vinegar...... the strength of that collaboration........

— charlie (@chunkbardey) September 8, 2020

its michael cera pic.twitter.com/LcI4Y86E0D

— diamond bean (@sh_wnee) September 8, 2020

Anyway this woman who re-enacts SATC scenes with her cat as Samantha is my only joy pic.twitter.com/vEovoLlpxC

— Alanna Bennett (@AlannaBennett) September 9, 2020

Once I waited on Yoko Ono and she tipped me 100%. Thank you queen you are a class act who gives a shit about the fucking Beatles

— Mike Recine (@mikerecine) September 9, 2020

hey look it's the filter we use for movies in mexico and india to make them look polluted and dangerous https://t.co/MLBoJdCuHu

— andrew wang (@andrwwang) September 9, 2020

"Rent is $1150, that does not include hydro, garbage is on Thursdays and here's a key"

- me giving my apartment to a centipede that landed on my bed

— alan “call 1-800-267-2001, ALARM FORCE” lewis (@TheAlanShane) September 11, 2020

do gen z know we used to upload 90 photos to a facebook album after every single night out? they’d be so mortified for us.

— 🎄dam (@adambyrne_) September 10, 2020

The pope wears that big hat cause Jesus is under there controlling him Ratatouille style

— Garf,,,the halloteen (@garfpoop) September 10, 2020

keep getting pissed at myself for letting such a small thing as national apocalypse get in the way of my productivity

— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) September 10, 2020

Timothee Chalamet looks like if Montreal was a person.

— Millenial Falcon (@Sergetacular) September 11, 2020

Ok I’m stoned but this seems like a good idea: what if there was an app that both you and your partner have where you both swipe right or left on movies that are on your streaming services and when you find a match it lets you know

— c a i t l i n (@hello__caitlin) September 11, 2020

I’d like to nominate cardboard humans watching baseball in a dystopian hell scape for photo of the year, thanks. pic.twitter.com/DeQmFjuM45

— 🇨🇦 Marshall Ferguson 🏈 (@TSN_Marsh) September 10, 2020

It is so crazy that a Trump rally literally killed Herman Caine and it was a news story for like 14 hours.

— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) September 11, 2020

i sit with my daughter while she falls asleep and i always whisper “i love you” in her ear as soon as she falls asleep& she says “i love you too” well tonight we had a little argument before she fell asleep i still whispered “i love you” & all she whispered back was “good” LMFAO

— CeciATL (@CeciATL) September 10, 2020

Just looked outside my window here in California wtf pic.twitter.com/VAdsdbjbyr

— D’laney (@brennanmdg) September 9, 2020

It should count for 4 if you swish it. There I said it.

— C.J. “Lakers Fan Since I Was A Baby” Toledano (@CJToledano) September 12, 2020

i like how nick nurse looks like a kid who is in the middle of a realistic dream where he woke up coaching a major league basketball team and is like "oh god, ok, im gonna try!"

— raina douris (@RahRahRaina) September 12, 2020

Come vibe with me pic.twitter.com/kZJNlwnoOO

— mufasa (@mufasatweetss) September 11, 2020

my girlfriend regularly tells me “if free public libraries didn’t already exist and someone tried to invent them, they would be condemned as a socialist plot” and I think about that a lot.

— The Library Owl 🌻🧙‍♀️🦉 (@SketchesbyBoze) September 11, 2020

i hate that weight gain is seen as ‘not looking after yourself’ when for a lot of people it’s a sign that we are enjoying food, maybe seeing our friends more, maybe going out more, maybe just letting go of societal standards for a bit! weight gain can be from happy changes too

— poppy (@_tattooedtears) September 11, 2020

I love how every airline is like “not to brag, but we actually clean the planes now.”

— Alexis Gay (@yayalexisgay) September 8, 2020

Capitalism is a disease. https://t.co/ixa5vXVpUS

— shar jossell (@SharSaysSo) September 11, 2020

I barked with laughter. pic.twitter.com/Dddl7dkxIY

— Ani Bundel Crossing (@anibundel) September 11, 2020

“overdressed” is a social construct created by hating hoes

— chideraogemezu. (@jcchib) September 11, 2020

men will tell you everything but what they’re feeling

— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 14, 2020

Dave Grohl goes above and beyond to make 2020 a little more tolerable. Man, this is just heartwarming as fuck! There goes my hero indeed. I wanna be Dave when I grow up. https://t.co/QCsuM0MHp8

— KevinSmith (@ThatKevinSmith) September 14, 2020

does anyone else constantly think about how Jessica Simpson was body shamed in 2009 for being a size 4? and how fatphobic our society has to be to think that even this very small body was unacceptable and worthy of global bullying? because whew I really really do. pic.twitter.com/mSj7GVyzgF

— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) September 14, 2020

Diving catch through smoke while wearing a face mask, what a demented universe we're all trying to bend into some semblance of normalcy https://t.co/cNKrXiPkdg

— Jon Tayler, Smiling Politely (@JATayler) September 14, 2020

I’m not “marriage material” I’m not “relationship material” I’m “crush material” which is a lot like the material they make cheap sweatpants out of.

— MattBachus (@Mattbachus) September 15, 2020

i will never scuba dive. what fish do down there is none of my business.

— b (@doyalikebaileys) September 14, 2020

I'll never forgive white people for making Joe Rogan anything more than that dude that use to host Fear Factor

— Jacquis (@jacquisneal) September 14, 2020

Y'all ever think about how indigenous people successfully lived in the Americas for 15,000 years then Europeans came here and 500 years later the whole nation is experiencing apocalyptic climate disaster.

— Not Brian (@LfeofCnsequence) September 15, 2020

it’s actually wild that there’s a lottery for affordable housing, like a basic necessity is being treated like a tour of willy wonka’s factory lmao

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) September 15, 2020

I know it’s rough now, but I really think some day we’ll be able to look back at all this and say, “That’s not a time I like to think about”

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) September 16, 2020

“The Clippers winning a ring!” pic.twitter.com/RUD8pHQNZf

— Josiah Johnson (@KingJosiah54) September 16, 2020

when i’m at dinner with people and they start talking about something that isn’t one of the three things i know about pic.twitter.com/QWfLS1wadm

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) September 16, 2020

my baby got his hearing aids today. look at his face 🥺😭 pic.twitter.com/IwwdsQVrSN

— finessa hudgins (@lil_lopeep) September 16, 2020

sometimes i remember that if a clown wants to trademark their makeup they have to paint it on an egg that is stored in a special clown egg warehouse and then i have to go lie down pic.twitter.com/5ltP6aQzL5

— jo murderous 🔪🔪🔪 (@jo_hauge) September 16, 2020

Just a reminder that Joe Biden’s dog is the Joe Biden of dogs. pic.twitter.com/8BQBO8HDA3

— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) September 16, 2020

Car commercials are really out here acting like the reason I don’t own a car is because I can’t make up my mind.

— MattBachus (@Mattbachus) September 17, 2020

stop asking “is everything okay?” start asking “is anything okay?”

— rosemary “reply gay” donahue (@rosadona) September 17, 2020

Can you imagine remembering the news from two days ago

— Dina Hashem (@dinahashem_) September 18, 2020

This is genuinely funny https://t.co/zsLftnifWT

— Erin GrudgePAC Ryan (@morninggloria) September 20, 2020

I still can't believe that the trick to defeating journalism was to just be so openly evil that reporting on it accurately sounds partisan.

— Johnny "The Crypt Renter" McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) September 19, 2020

who decided that eyes and teeth r not part of healthcare lmao

— ani (@aniacopian) September 19, 2020

tie ladies to train tracks in silent movies https://t.co/PABkniIyqw

— ☕netw3rk (@netw3rk) September 20, 2020

when you lose the emmy pic.twitter.com/ECkbGcoHBA

— ramy youssef (@ramy) September 21, 2020

pic.twitter.com/xcWSsvyxCV

— Sam Buzz (@SamBuzz9) March 23, 2020

Holding my nose and hoping for the best 🤞🏼 https://t.co/SDVjagEJ8c

— Ben O'Callaghan (@benocallaghan) September 23, 2020

was explaining “if you snooze you lose” to french husband and he said “so basically it’s if you are sleeping, fuck you”

— rachel de navailles (@racheldenav) September 24, 2020

20 years ago today Vince Carter dunked over an entire human being. Here’s a quick recap...pic.twitter.com/mCkZADeBmC

— Mike Camerlengo (@MCamerlengo) September 25, 2020

Me heading for the border on November 5th pic.twitter.com/5idgX2XVmu

— Ben Yahr (@benyahr) September 26, 2020

Why get a dog if you’re just gonna pull on it every time it stops to smell something? That’s what they do. Why not take a fish out the tank and throw it on the floor

— Nathan Macintosh (@Nathanmacintosh) September 26, 2020

Overturning roe will not end abortion in America.

It will end *safe* abortion.

This is violence against women, simple as that.

— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) September 26, 2020

Why don’t conservatives ever want to interfere with my body in a HELPFUL way? Fix this little bump on my leg! Exfoliate my elbows! Stretch my quads! Bitch, FLOSS ME.

— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) September 27, 2020

This is a reminder that the IRS audits way more people who make under $30,000 per year than they do millionaires because the GOP repeatedly stripped their funding and the poor don't have the resources to fight the IRS, while the rich have lawyers to fight them at every turn

— Ryan Rosenblatt (@RyanRosenblatt) September 27, 2020

once u start shoplifting there is no going back it literally rewires your neural pathways and thought patterns like I now get physically mad whenever I have to pay for something

— ☆ (@SAlGONDOLL) September 27, 2020

landlords be like “do you have a stable job” bro do you???

— Hopi💜 (@Hopihokte) September 27, 2020

Imagine you get murdered and some girl skips your episode of forensic files bc it’s boring

— itty 🥺 (@ittybittywhore) September 24, 2020

pic.twitter.com/2qOQwbZpdw

— ‏َ (@DIGIG00N) September 26, 2020

I wish anti-maskers weren’t a thing so us regular people could complain about masks being annoying without looking like a Q Anon dipshit who refuses to wear one. I just wanna be able to say “this sucks” without having to follow it up with “BUT I WILL BECAUSE IT’S MY CIVIC DUTY”

— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) September 29, 2020

Trump: we’ve had no problems with Covid at rallies

The ghost of Herman Cain: pic.twitter.com/uMCno7hmwz

— Robin Thede (@robinthede) September 30, 2020

pic.twitter.com/a4yomieMva

— Michael Tannenbaum (@iamTannenbaum) September 30, 2020

American Presidential Debates be like " Do Black people matter? you have two minutes."

— 𝕽✘𝖇𝖇i (@R0BB1_3) September 30, 2020

how do pornstars make porn without saying i love you each time??

— 🎶 this is Palloween 🎃 (@PallaviGunalan) September 30, 2020

me and the girls heading to michaels for a festive halloween wreath pic.twitter.com/sYF5ouWOcu

— oatmeal influencer (@acechhh) September 30, 2020

Mama Bear: The porridge is ready

Papa Bear: Perfect let’s leave for a couple of hours

— sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) September 30, 2020

Some things that I’m looking forward to doing this month: I must decorate, I really want to make this fall kale salad that sounds incredible, I’m planning a visit to Sleepy Hollow for the day, if I can find the time I really want to try these vegan burgers, I need to finalize the details for my costume this year, MUST BUY these winter stamps, I cannot wait to get my hands on these again, I’m intending on doing my 31-days-of-Halloween celebration yet again (which means that I’ll try to do at least one spookily themed thing each day), and I will definitely be watching some of these 90s sitcoms Halloween episodes. Also, I’m not a huge cronut fan but these flavours (below)?! Get out of here. Already pre-ordered.

View this post on Instagram

Heading into October in a few days, and our Cronut® of the month for NYC is Hazelnut Cappuccino, filled with creamy hazelnut ganache and cappuccino ganache. Starts October 1st in Soho (preorders are up now at NYC.CronutPreorder.com).

A post shared by dominiqueansel (@dominiqueansel) on Sep 23, 2020 at 7:19am PDT

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in August over here.

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November 24, 2014

I Must Say: My Life As a Humble Comedy Legend by Martin Short - A Review

by Liz Heather in Reviews


Available on Amazon

Available on Amazon

Available on Amazon

Available on Amazon

Is it stupid to say that I wanted to read this book solely because I wanted to hear a lot of Clifford talk? And while there certainly were a couple little juicy Clifford tidbits that made me smile (four, to be exact), I’m so glad I picked up this book. I can only label it with one word. AMAZING. I don’t know if it’s due to his writing, the stories in it or the palpable sense that Martin Short seems like the most genuine human being alive, but it’s, by far, the best book I’ve read in a very long time.

Remember how I told you about the New Words document that I keep? I should let you know that I wrote down a total of eighteen new words that I learned from this book. I’m not sure if that tells you that Martin Short is an especially learned man or that perhaps I’m an absolute dolt. In any case, here were my very favourite parts of the book.

  • "My mind has always worked systematically to begin with. For example, I still operate according to the school-year calendar, where September heralds a new start and May/June the conclusion of another grade; as I write this, in the spring of 2014, I am finishing up what I think of as Grade 59."

  • I loved the chapter detailing his personal mantra of sorts – what he calls his "Nine Categories" – it’s essentially his "course load of life." This line especially I liked, "Everything else in life unravels if you’re not perpetuating your own survival. You have to take care of yourself." (Also, I don’t want to just tell you what the nine categories are because you should be exiting your home immediately to go buy this book so you can find out the categories yourself.)

  • Hearing him describe his first (and only) standup experience with the phrase "crescendoing boos" made me really laugh.

I can't tell you how much I howled in joy at this photo.

  • When he described someone as "facially uninteresting."

  • "Thank heavens for Nan’s wise words, which forever echoed in my head: "If I ever find out that you’ve cheated on me, I won’t say anything during the day, but at night, when you are asleep, so help me God, I will take an empty wine bottle and smash it over your head.""

  • The chapter about his brother who passed away at a young age is so moving.

  • When talking about a review of Clifford: "Roger Ebert memorably wrote of it, "I’d love to hear a symposium of veteran producers, marketing guys, and exhibitors discuss this film. It’s not bad in any usual way. It’s bad in a new way all its own. There is something extraterrestrial about it, as if it’s based on the sense of humor of an alien race with a completely different relationship to the physical universe. The movie is so odd, it’s almost worth seeing just because we’ll never see anything like it again. I hope.""

  • I loved hearing about how much Nicholas Cage and Elizabeth Taylor loved Clifford as much as any normal, human person should. Nicholas Cage told him that he "broke his VCR watching it" because he "watched that dining room scene" –look at me like a human boy!— "twenty-five times in a row, and rewound it so much that the machine jammed and the tape broke."

Martin Short in (insane) Larry David makeup

  • The story in which him and his wife accidentally assume someone’s name is Bumpkiss and proceed to call this man ‘Bumpkiss’ for about twenty minutes made me laugh so much.

  • He offers this advice he got from Victor Garber about what you should immediately do if you find yourself ever too high: "Victor went into Gilda’s kitchen and brought back a little dish of honey and a Coca-Cola. Victor is a diabetic. "You’re having the same reaction to the pot that a diabetic has from a blood-sugar crash," he told me gently. "Everything’s going to be fine. Here, take this." He fed me a spoonful of honey like I was a sick child. Then he had me drink the Coke. And he was totally right. I was back to normal within minutes."

  • I don’t know quite how to put this, but the way in which he speaks about his wife Nancy (Nan) is so intimate and revealing – I couldn’t get enough. The way he describes her, "She made your heart beat like a little distant jungle drum," makes the reader feel sort of in on their love or something. I feel like this could be a memoir of him and Nan. He loves her so much that it SEEPS through the page. The final few chapters detailing her battle with cancer and the surrounding years of that time had me literally sobbing.

  • Describing life without his wife: "We were, as a couple, like a big 747 jet plane, powered by two engines. But now one engine is out. Nevertheless, the plane is still filled with passengers, and there’s a lot of responsibility, a lot of lives still to influence. So the plane must continue to fly with one engine. It travels onward, but with a bit more effort and struggle, and with no time to flirt with the stewardess or get a coffee."

  • After his wife died, people would call and give him advice on how to cope with such a loss: "Mike Nichols also called, urging me to "just keep the conversation going." This was valuable wisdom, because the constant banter I maintained with Nancy was like oxygen to me, and to suddenly no longer have it in my life seemed incomprehensible – and, in bad moments, suffocating."

  •  "After Nancy died, I read a 1910 sermon by the Oxford theologian Henry Scott Holland that has evolved over time into a funeral prayer. It begins:

Death is nothing at all.

It does not count.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

Everything remains as what it was.

The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.

Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.

Put no sorrow in your tone. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together."

  • I was going to write out the final paragraph here because it was one of my favourites parts as well, but I’m not sure it’ll mean as much to you as it did to me since I read the thing in full and you did not (yet).

Needless to say, this man is one of the most talented people alive today and I’m left completely speechless at how incredible this book was to read. (Well, I guess not really speechless since this is a pretty lengthy post, but you know what I mean.) Martin Short, you are perfect.

TAGS: Martin Short, Martin Short book, I Must Say, My Life As a Humble Comedy Legend, book, book review, Liz Heather, Larry David, Clifford, Elizabeth Taylor, Nicholas Cage, best book, new words, nine categories, washboard abs, Nancy Short, God, Roger Ebert, Victor Garber, Coco-Cola, too high, love, jungle drum, death, life, Mike Nichols, Henry Scott Holland, sermon, funeral