February 16, 2015

Meaty: Essays By Samantha Irby - A Review

REALLY liked it. I'd never heard of Samantha Irby or her blog before reading this book, so this is a completely unbiased post. Here are the notes I made during reading it.

"You have to order anal sex two days in advance, like peking duck."
The whole chapter on her mom is insanely interesting and if you're going to read one essay out of the whole book, make it this one.
Love The One You're With is kind of a really sad song.
I should re-watch The Wizard of Oz. I wonder if it's still a good movie.
"What gets me hot is all of the other shit. Dreaming about someone whose allergies I need to remember when I'm at the grocery store: that's where the real romance is. Because I've had sex before. What a fucking snooze, my dude. Sex is so dumb and boring and unless you're in really incredible shape or you have a ridiculous imagination and are into some really freaky shit, what you do and what I do is limited to a handful of very similar things. Even your grandmother has been choked and spit on and handcuffed. Why don't we instead dream up some motherfuckers who will set up the automatic renewal on our magazine subscriptions?"
"I don't want to fuck a dude who has a "hairstyle.""
Gotta remember to read some Chelsea Handler to see if I like her.
"I need to pick one when I go out: EATING THINGS or DRINKING THINGS because doing both makes me poor."
The recipes she includes at the end of the book? Not only is that adorable as hell, but also the coolest and smartest way to end a book EVER.

You can buy the book on Amazon and her blog can be found at Bitches Gotta Eat.

Special thank you to Adele for the recommendation and the loan!

February 9, 2015

Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man By Tim Allen - A Review

by Liz Heather in Reviews

I kind of knew that I probably wasn't going to enjoy this book after reading the first line on the first page, "This book is about many things I want to say about being a man." And I'm not saying that I wouldn't want to read any book starting with that line - but when it's written by a celebrity (in the mid 90s) who's had a successful show based on his thoughts on the gender divide... I should kind of know what I'm in for after hearing that opening statement.

To be honest, I really can't think of why I wanted to buy/read this book in the first place. And I hate it when that happens. Maybe the "New York Times Bestseller" swayed me? Maybe 'cause he's a gorgeous man? I don't know. But I need to be choosier with the next book I read since I haven't really gotten off to a good start this year.

The only things I kind of smiled at were:

"In the end, women are not much different from golf. With both, the mystery is never revealed. Right when you think you've got it, you suddenly feel like a beginner."
When he talks about the different temperatures that men and women prefer their tub water to be at: "You could boil fish in a woman's bathwater. And by the time it turns lukewarm, she's out."

But that's it! For the most part, there's a lot of "women love shoes and shopping" kind of talk that doesn't really go anywhere. But again, with that opening line - I should've seen it coming. All in all, it was a pretty disappointing book. Probably best to stick to the reruns of Home Improvement and skip this one altogether.

January 19, 2015

I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This and Other Things That Strike Me as Funny by Bob Newhart - A Review

by Liz Heather in Reviews

(Before I begin, I should tell you that I'm fighting the urge to be really negative about this book. Why am I fighting that urge? I don't know. Maybe it's 'cause I'm sure that Bob Newhart is a nice man. And also, I think I'm of the opinion that this book really isn't aimed at my demographic so maybe there was no chance in hell I'd ever have liked it.)

That being said, I intensely disliked this book. If you enjoy hearing the routines (in detailed length) of older comedians' bits, then you'll definitely want to read this. I do not. Nor will I ever. I'm also a fan of memoirs that go a little deeper into the mind of the writer/performer - and this one did no such thing, I thought. And that's fine! That's not his style, I guess. But God, it was a really hard read.

There, of course, were a few things that I did enjoy and I'll list them now.

"I've found that fights in marriage are generally about something other than the topic you are arguing over."
"Comedy can help us make it past something very painful, like death. Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event over which we have no control, deal with it, and then move on with our lives."

That's it. Those are the only parts I liked and/or want to remember. And maybe that makes sense 'cause I'm not an over-70 year old, white man. This book isn't for me! I get that now.

In any case, I'm glad it's over. All I can really say about it is that he's certainly no Martin Short.

December 16, 2014

Yes Please By Amy Poehler - A Review

by Liz Heather in Reviews

I've been waiting for this book for awhile now and it definitely delivered. The only thing I would change about it would be this: I wish she talked less about how inexperienced she is as a book writer. I'm a big fan of self-deprecation - but I thought that it was too excessive at times. But other than that one thing, this book was fantastic. My favourite parts are ahead.

"Nice manners are the secret keys to the universe."
"Did you know that when your water breaks the best thing to do is stand up? Your baby acts as a plug. Isn't that insane?"
The fact that she allots two blank pages for the reader to write down their own personal "Day I Was Born" story = so kind and too great.
"It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for. It takes years to find your voice and seize your real estate."
"Anger and embarrassment are often neighbors. Sometimes we get defensive about what we feel guilty about."
She mentions the book The Gift of Fear and made me really want to read it, so that'll have to go on my book list. (Nora Ephron's book Heartburn was also put on that list because of this book - I can't remember where she mentioned it, but it was enough of a mention to make me want to read it.)
"A word about apologizing: It's hard to do it without digging yourself in deeper. It's also scary and that's why we avoid the pain. We want so badly to plead our case and tell our story. The bad news is that everybody has a story."
In her ninety-year-old self advice paragraph she says to: "Make "No" a complete sentence." (Ugh, I can't tell you how much I love this one.)
If there's one chapter you definitely need to read, it's the one describing her two sons (on page 299). Not only does she sound like an amazing mother, but the things that she does with her kids makes me so envious that these little boys get to live the lives that they do.
"The only way we will survive is by being kind. The only way we can get by in this world is through the help we receive from others. No one can do it alone, no matter how great the machines are."

(On that second page scanned up there (with numbers seven through ten) you can see a strand of my hair. Sorry about that, that was an accident. There are strands of my hair all over my apartment and there's nothing I can do about it. My long, luxurious hair wants to seep into every aspect of my life. Apparently it really wanted to be in a blog post, so who am I to stop it? Hope you're not grossed out. And yes, I could have just re-scanned that page, but ugh - re-scanning? Who has the time.)

Anyway, it's a great book. You should definitely read it.

November 24, 2014

I Must Say: My Life As a Humble Comedy Legend by Martin Short - A Review

by Liz Heather in Reviews

Is it stupid to say that I wanted to read this book solely because I wanted to hear a lot of Clifford talk? And while there certainly were a couple little juicy Clifford tidbits that made me smile (four, to be exact), I’m so glad I picked up this book. I can only label it with one word. AMAZING. I don’t know if it’s due to his writing, the stories in it or the palpable sense that Martin Short seems like the most genuine human being alive, but it’s, by far, the best book I’ve read in a very long time.

Remember how I told you about the New Words document that I keep? I should let you know that I wrote down a total of eighteen new words that I learned from this book. I’m not sure if that tells you that Martin Short is an especially learned man or that perhaps I’m an absolute dolt. In any case, here were my very favourite parts of the book.

"My mind has always worked systematically to begin with. For example, I still operate according to the school-year calendar, where September heralds a new start and May/June the conclusion of another grade; as I write this, in the spring of 2014, I am finishing up what I think of as Grade 59."
I loved the chapter detailing his personal mantra of sorts – what he calls his "Nine Categories" – it’s essentially his "course load of life." This line especially I liked, "Everything else in life unravels if you’re not perpetuating your own survival. You have to take care of yourself." (Also, I don’t want to just tell you what the nine categories are because you should be exiting your home immediately to go buy this book so you can find out the categories yourself.)
Hearing him describe his first (and only) standup experience with the phrase "crescendoing boos" made me really laugh.

I can't tell you how much I howled in joy at this photo.

When he described someone as "facially uninteresting."
"Thank heavens for Nan’s wise words, which forever echoed in my head: "If I ever find out that you’ve cheated on me, I won’t say anything during the day, but at night, when you are asleep, so help me God, I will take an empty wine bottle and smash it over your head.""
The chapter about his brother who passed away at a young age is so moving.
When talking about a review of Clifford: "Roger Ebert memorably wrote of it, "I’d love to hear a symposium of veteran producers, marketing guys, and exhibitors discuss this film. It’s not bad in any usual way. It’s bad in a new way all its own. There is something extraterrestrial about it, as if it’s based on the sense of humor of an alien race with a completely different relationship to the physical universe. The movie is so odd, it’s almost worth seeing just because we’ll never see anything like it again. I hope.""
I loved hearing about how much Nicholas Cage and Elizabeth Taylor loved Clifford as much as any normal, human person should. Nicholas Cage told him that he "broke his VCR watching it" because he "watched that dining room scene" –look at me like a human boy!— "twenty-five times in a row, and rewound it so much that the machine jammed and the tape broke."

Martin Short in (insane) Larry David makeup

The story in which him and his wife accidentally assume someone’s name is Bumpkiss and proceed to call this man ‘Bumpkiss’ for about twenty minutes made me laugh so much.
He offers this advice he got from Victor Garber about what you should immediately do if you find yourself ever too high: "Victor went into Gilda’s kitchen and brought back a little dish of honey and a Coca-Cola. Victor is a diabetic. "You’re having the same reaction to the pot that a diabetic has from a blood-sugar crash," he told me gently. "Everything’s going to be fine. Here, take this." He fed me a spoonful of honey like I was a sick child. Then he had me drink the Coke. And he was totally right. I was back to normal within minutes."
I don’t know quite how to put this, but the way in which he speaks about his wife Nancy (Nan) is so intimate and revealing – I couldn’t get enough. The way he describes her, "She made your heart beat like a little distant jungle drum," makes the reader feel sort of in on their love or something. I feel like this could be a memoir of him and Nan. He loves her so much that it SEEPS through the page. The final few chapters detailing her battle with cancer and the surrounding years of that time had me literally sobbing.
Describing life without his wife: "We were, as a couple, like a big 747 jet plane, powered by two engines. But now one engine is out. Nevertheless, the plane is still filled with passengers, and there’s a lot of responsibility, a lot of lives still to influence. So the plane must continue to fly with one engine. It travels onward, but with a bit more effort and struggle, and with no time to flirt with the stewardess or get a coffee."
After his wife died, people would call and give him advice on how to cope with such a loss: "Mike Nichols also called, urging me to "just keep the conversation going." This was valuable wisdom, because the constant banter I maintained with Nancy was like oxygen to me, and to suddenly no longer have it in my life seemed incomprehensible – and, in bad moments, suffocating."
"After Nancy died, I read a 1910 sermon by the Oxford theologian Henry Scott Holland that has evolved over time into a funeral prayer. It begins:

Death is nothing at all.

It does not count.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

Everything remains as what it was.

The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.

Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.

Put no sorrow in your tone. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together."

I was going to write out the final paragraph here because it was one of my favourites parts as well, but I’m not sure it’ll mean as much to you as it did to me since I read the thing in full and you did not (yet).

Needless to say, this man is one of the most talented people alive today and I’m left completely speechless at how incredible this book was to read. (Well, I guess not really speechless since this is a pretty lengthy post, but you know what I mean.) Martin Short, you are perfect.

July 15, 2014

The Smith in NYC

by Liz Heather in Best of NYC, Food, Reviews

This is my favourite restaurant in New York. They've got three locations. You should probably go to one the next time you're in town.

I used to say that their filet mignon was my favourite thing on their menu (especially if you special order the truffle cream sauce listed amongst the pasta as a dipping sauce for this steak IF YOU WANT YOUR MIND SHATTERED), but since I've somewhat moved on from my love for steak (not totally, we're just on a break), it's really hard to pick a new favourite dish here. Everything I've tried (honestly) has been incredible.

The best?

Short ribs (they only make them on Tuesdays) are so fucking luxurious and wildly unforgettable, it's a sin to be there on a Tuesday and not order them.
Burrata. If you don't know what that is... yikes. It must be hard living a burrata-less life and frankly I don't want any more details of such an existence. One time, my friend Paul and I ordered three of these back to BACK (it was a hard time, I was going through stuff). If insanity had a taste, it would be of this burrata.
Trout. Who the hell knew a fish could be this good? I didn't, and now I do.
Jalapeno cheddar grits are not just a side dish, they are a lifestyle choice, as far as I'm concerned. And I am, in no way, a fan of grits. These are unreal and beautiful and I force everyone to try them.
Don't get me started on their brunch. I DON'T EVEN LIKE BRUNCH.

I've been here so many times over the past few years, it's always a good time. See the accompanying photos, all taken at this restaurant, for further proof. Notice the level of happiness and/or fullness.

Spring 2012, Sarah in the chair downstairs outside the photo booth

There's no excuse not to eat here. It can be noisy as hell, but goddam. Worth it.

May 29, 2014

B.J. Novak's One More Thing Stories and Other Stories - A Review

by Liz Heather in Reviews

Do you remember that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer gets a (fake) job at an office where he's working crazy hours (and has a briefcase full of crackers) - then his boss sits down with him to look over his recent work and the boss looks at it and goes, "I don't know what this is supposed to be..."? I could say that about this whole book.

This is not going to be an especially mean post, since I think it's great that he managed to write (and publish) something that I'm sure lots of (other) people (not me) will love. If anything, I'm a little blown away that I disliked it so intently. Remember when I was so excited to read it? What the hell was I basing that on? I'm going to assume I was basing that on his friendship with Mindy Kaling. I guess I thought that since her book was so good - well, maybe she would only surround herself with other great writers? I don't know. I hear how dumb that sounds.

Anyway, other than hating 99% of it - I did finish it. And here were my only favourite parts.

"I have never understood flourless chocolate cake. Is flour such a bad thing? I mean, compared to the other things in a chocolate cake? Flour is probably the least unhealthy thing I can think of in chocolate cake. Is that supposed to be the point? That the whole cake is just all eggs and sugar and butter? And anyway, who cares? It's chocolate cake. We know it's not a health food. Use whatever ingredients you want. All it has to do is taste good. We don't need to know how you did it - just make it."
The fact that he allotted an entire paragraph (and page) describing the typeface he used in the book. Man, I just loved that. Love type talk.

That's it. That's all I enjoyed. And that's pretty sad considering that first bullet point essentially sounds like a recycled and/or modernized version of a Woody Allen bit.

Booooooooo / 10

May 13, 2014

Dinner at Blue Hill at Stone Barns

by Liz Heather in Best of NYC, Food, Reviews

I've often tried to explain to you how lucky I am. I don't know what happened in a past life, but this one continues to treat me tremendously. The dinner that I had at Blue Hill at Stone Barns was the most elegant and (at twenty-plus courses, we stopped counting) definitely the most luxurious meal I've ever experienced. In a word? Epic.

How could I afford a farm-to-table restaurant like this? How could I even hear of such a magical spot nestled forty-five minutes outside of New York City? Who on earth would treat me to this decadent night of gluttonous desire? The one and only Paul. A man who repeatedly takes birthday celebrations to another level. There will never be an appropriate way to thank him, so I'll just have to outdo him come October 20th.

I was not at all joking when I mentioned that there were over twenty courses. We didn't even get bread until course nine! The plates began very modestly and tiny, then continued to grow and grow with no end in sight. I'll never know how we ate what we did that night. It's still sort of a haze. Here's one example of the beauty that we devoured.

When you arrive, you let your server know if you have any allergies and off you go. This place is not a restaurant, this place is an adventure. The menu changes with the seasons and whatever is at its peak in the season will be dominantly featured in the majority of the courses. We went in mid March, so we got beets. I know what you're thinking because at the time I thought it, too. But this night turned me into a lover of beets. It still feels weird to even say that. I don't know how to tell you how incredible everything tasted. I really wish I knew the words that would express how fresh and alive each course felt. It felt like hours of work went into each ingredient. God, the venison? Fuck. Never in your life are you gonna taste meat the way they cooked it here.

We even got taken into the kitchen to have a course at a table set up in there, which made me feel like a judge on Chopped (ie. better than you). There were over thirty people doing a billion things in there and it was neat as hell to see how a place like this could be run.

At the end of the night when the waiter came to our table with a birthday candle in a piece of cake, they had another waiter walk infront of him (blocking him) all the way to the table so that the candle wouldn't be visible. Is it just me or is that classy as hell?

Whenever I try to explain this night to anyone, I make sure that 50% of what I say will describe how amazing the food was - and the other 50% is devoted to the GORGEOUSNESS of the presentation of it all. I swear we probably saw one actual plate the entire night - food was instead served on slabs of heated rock, in eggshells, hanging from plants. I can't even begin to describe the dessert FOREST that was the finale. Does it sound like I'm making this up? It should, because these details are ridiculous AND WONDERFUL. I wish I would have taken more photos, but we were too busy enjoying it all.

I can only describe the experience as holy. Am I trying to say that my friend Paul is God-like? I guess I am. He's the most generous person I know and I'll never forget this night as long as I live.

May 6, 2014

Springfield at Universal Studios

by Liz Heather in Reviews, Travel

I feel like I should write this post in 36 point font or something. I won't, but please know that I'm fighting the urge.

Now, where the hell should I start?

As you may recall, I've been wanting to visit here for awhile now. That dream finally came true this past week and I just wanted to share a few reasons why you may want to go as well. Notice how I'm assuming we're all Simpsons fans here? My stream of logic is that if you're here reading this blog, then you somewhat like my opinions ie. you like me. And if you like me, I probably like you. And if I like you, there's an understanding between us that The Simpsons have forever changed us all (at least slightly) for the better since they first aired. Yes? Yes.

Why didn't I pass out from excitement standing at this sign? Lord only knows. Only Tianna will ever truly know how happy this place made me.

While there were a lot of options for food, we finally decided on Krusty Burger.

When you're ordering your food (we split the Krusty Burger as well as The Ribwich), the individual ingredients for the burger are all visible (similar to Subway) and the beef patties look absolutely disgusting. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I'm gonna go with yes it was intentional. And that kind of detail? Amazing. I was extremely nervous about eating something that looked SO bad (Tianna felt the same), but we did - and it was an amazing burger. I could've had another one. The Ribwich on the other hand? Yikes. That one was rough, man.

There's an attachment to Moe's Tavern from Krusty Burger so we got a booth at Moe's. I really just sat there in awe of how incredible they made Moe's look.

After we finished eating, I got a Duff and then sat at the bar for a bit. Tianna got a Buzz Cola and it was eons better than any Coke or Pepsi I've ever had. Just saying.

They had a working Love Tester machine in the corner, so obviously Tianna and I had a go at it.

Across from Moe's is the Duff Brewery. If you look closely, you may see some of my captured excitement between Edgy and Tipsy (if you don't know the names of The Seven Duffs - Edgy, Remorseful, Dizzy, Tipsy, Surly, Queasy and Sleazy - then I guess you have a life).

The fact that they had life sized monuments like these made my heart explode with joy.

In the Kwik-E-Mart, they were selling things like Yao Ming and Tom Hanks Simpsonized action figures. Why? Because heaven exists. The store employees even said, "Thank you, come again!" in a non-racist voice!

I'm thankful that a walking, talking Milhouse in costume wasn't around because even this moment made me feel a little weird... down there.

The Simpsons Ride was great, it reminded me of the old Back To The Future ride, which I always enjoyed. There's a new ride for kids called Kang & Kodos’ Twirl ‘n’ Hurl, which was as fun as a carnival ride should be. When the ride was half over, we finally realized that you can control your own car to rise and fall with a lever that's infront of you. To be fair, we were both in a general state of numbness from the overload of emotions going on within our very souls, so it makes sense that we didn't notice a small button.

We didn't play any games in Krustyland mostly because we had too much else to see, but the game operators seemed to know tons of Simpsons trivia and references and were shouting it out constantly, which I obviously loved.

And this donut? Not only was it the best tasting donut of my life, but also the prettiest. Please don't eat it all yourself. I cut it up into cake slices and ate it at home with my family as it is ginormous.

Yes, that donut is as large as an eight year old's head

I don't really know where to go from here, to be honest. Marriage? Kids? Those things equally blow when compared with this wondrous land. My two regrets?

Not having a Flaming Moe.
Leaving.

May 6, 2014

Universal Studios (Orlando, Florida)

by Liz Heather in Reviews, Travel

Let me stress how much you should go here. A one day adult pass is $136, but that's really for two parks (Universal Studios as well as Islands of Adventure). Is that steep? Maybe, I don't know. Personally I found it justified since, well, we had an amazing time.

Note: My beautiful niece Tianna was my companion for the day and happily posed for a lot of the coming photos.

Universal Studios Thoughts

E.T. Adventure will always be a great ride. The moment in the middle when you're flying across the moon? Get out of here, it's always going to be special. I don't care how dead you are inside, that has to bring a smile to your face. Everyone must ride this at some point in his/her life.

Twister... Ride It Out was... okay. It wasn't really anything, if that makes sense. You walk into a room, it gets windy, then you exit through the left - I get it. I would've rated this as completely terrible if the charmingly handsome Bill Paxton didn't make an instructional video appearance in the waiting area. God, he's gorgeous. Also, isn't the movie Twister almost twenty years old? I mean, you get rid of the Back to the Future ride and Jaws, but THIS stays? Seems like an odd choice.

Lucy: A Tribute is a small museum dedicated to Lucille Ball. As you know, I'm a big fan, so I had to stop in. And if you have any kind of appreciation for her, then you'll really enjoy this.

The Horror Makeup Show was moreso lame than bad, so definitely don't bother seeing it. Tianna and I happened to walk past it just as it was beginning, so we figured we'd go in. It's full of awful jokes and makes fun of celebrities a lot, so if you're into that kind of thing then you'll be into this one.

The Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit roller coaster was really good. This was our longest line of the day at thirty minutes, which is insanity. We got really lucky with ride wait times (tip: go on a week day in May) When you ride it, you get to pick from a selection of songs to individually listen to during the ride, which was neater than it sounds. They also offer photos and VIDEOS of you on the ride for sale. The incline is practically ninety degrees, so it makes for an entertaining video to watch afterward.

We went on the Revenge of the Mummy indoor coaster three times in a row. The line was great 'cause there were little levers to push that would make something fall from above and scare people way ahead of you in the line, too. Why are there not more online reviews about how great this ride is? I feel like Brendan Fraser's association with it may have something to do with that. Why am I continuously mean about Brenden Fraser? It's a mystery, even to me.

I also went to Springfield. And there's too much to say, so I'll post about that later today.

I really love the look of movie studio lots, so even the setup of the park just made me so happy.

Islands of Adventure Thoughts

The Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey indoor ride? I HAVE NO WORDS. But I guess I have to, so let me continue. I have never, in my entire life, experienced a ride such as this one. And please keep in mind, I'm not a Harry Potter fan. I saw... two of the movies? I don't know, I didn't care. I didn't hate them either, but anyway, just know that I don't have a secret I-love-Harry bias here. To get to this ride, you have to walk through Hogwarts Castle and it is AMAZING. There are a billion different rooms with the coolest kind of things happening in them (I'm being vague on purpose). There's even an area where IT SNOWS ON YOU. And then the ride happens. And, I swear to God, this ride makes you feel like you're apart of the movie. Like, FLYING and junk. This was probably the coolest ride I've ever been on in my life, which is weird to even write. How can it be so good, you ask? Man. I don't know. The amount of effort that went into it? It's incredible, this is the ONLY ride you must go on if you're at this park. And considering how great this ride was, I can't imagine how amazing the Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts one will be when it opens later this summer.

The Dragon Challenge roller coaster was the first ride of our day and it was great, but honestly I can't remember many details because of how blown my brain was from the effects of the last ride.

Umm, why is butterbeer so delicious? No idea, but it is. They serve it either cold or frozen, so we got both (I preferred the cold, Tianna loved the frozen). Drink it, love it, live it.

The Incredible Hulk Coaster is definitely in my top three of favourite roller coasters I've been on. Why? One reason: it shoots you into the sky. Like, alarmingly fast. You really feel like you'll die for a second, it's amazing.

Whatever you do, make sure to at least walk around the Seuss Landing area. It's gorgeous, fun and really looks cool. Also, in the Harry Potter area, you can buy the wands of individual characters and try on those robes. Are they called robes? Anyway, here's Tianna in one.

Honestly, there is nothing cooler than when a theme park makes their lines entertaining. Waiting in lines are the worst part of going to an amusement park, so when they're made to be exciting? Man, I'm gonna love you hard for that, ride engineers. Wait, is it even the engineers who do that stuff? Who the hell is in charge of that? I want that job!

Things We Didn’t Have Time For, But Wish We Did

Emeril’s Restaurant
Despicable Me Minion Mayhem ride
The entire Jurassic Park area

Verdict? Fuck Disney.