This made me cry it's so sweet.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

I really wanted to love this book because this is the first I've read of his, but I can't say that I did. Sure, there were a few parts I liked, but to be honest it wasn't that enjoyable to read. He sort of drones on and on about various things that I have no interest in. That sentence reads harsher than intended, but what can you do. In any case, here were the highlights.

• When speaking of his jazz-loving father and how he tried to get his children to love jazz as much as he did: "Aside from replaying the tune on your own instrument, how could you prove you were really listening? It was as if he expected us to change color at the end of each selection."
• When he described his father's excitement at all of his children learning instruments and creating a jazz band together: "You certainly couldn't accuse him of being unsupportive. His enthusiasm bordered on mania." - Hahahahah, "mania."
• "And then, eventually, the New York skyline would appear on the horizon and we'd all stop talking. If you happen to live there, it's always refreshing to view Manhattan from afar. Up close the city constitutes an oppressive series of staircases, but from a distance it inspires fantasies of wealth and power so profound that even our communists are temporarily rendered speechless."
• This next excerpt from the book just really made me laugh and I scanned it and printed it mainly so I could send it to my Dad who'll go nuts for it:

• When talking about NYC's motto: "I don't speak Latin but have always assumed that the city motto translates to either Go Home or We Don't Like You, Either."

All in all, not a huge fan of his so I don't think I'll read any more by him. But I will seek out his sister Amy Sedaris since all of his anecdotes about her were hysterical. Plus I've always intended to read something from her anyway so it's about time.

I Do Not Feel Bad For Cletus

I did Nathan’s podcast again! Talking The Problem With Apu & more!

http://thisislizheather.tumblr.com/post/172747816014/onepoint21jigawatts-morgan-tookers-animals

“Never yet was a springtime, when the buds forgot to bloom.”

— Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

Spring List

My favourite time of year has arrived. What's that? I say that constantly? Why the hell isn't it acceptable to have winter, spring and autumn all be tied for your favourite season? I can't choose! And I shouldn't have to. Why do I love it so much? Just a few reasons? 

• The buds of flowers because sometimes the buds are better than the bloom. So much more to anticipate when it's just the buds
• The birds in the morning
• So much more sun, but with none the unsightly sweatiness
• Baseball's back

Here's what I'd love to do over the next few months.

1. Jog outdoors.
2. Go to a baseball game.
3. Plan a spring break vacation.
4. Bake a decadent spring cake.
5. See A Quiet Place.
6. Spring clean each room in the house.
7. Take Baby Dog to Boris & Horton.
8. Help plant something.
9. Buy a new swimsuit.
10. Take a bike ride.

WE SHALL SEE WHAT GETS DONE!

http://mmmsimpsons.tumblr.com/post/172534020633

Winter List Revisited

I'm always shocked when winter ends. Everyone complains about it so much that I think it'll never end because we all can't shut up about it, but here we are! Here's how my many things I actually did off of my winter list from December.

1. Drink a white Russian.

• Didn't do it. Damnit! Every time I'd try to get myself psyched up to do it, I'd remember, "Ugh. All that cream, who needs it." Maybe some day!

2. Play board games with the family at Christmas.

• Did it! And it was great.

3. Finally eat at Raclette in NYC.

• Didn't do it. Excuse? You really need someone who's equally passionate about cheese to go to this place with.

4. Visit the new Oscar Wilde inspired bar.

• Yikes, didn't do this one either. What's wrong with me? I need to make more attainable goals. And if you're sitting there thinking, "Jesus Liz, if one of your "goals" is to go to a fucking bar and you can't even do that, YIKES. Ya suck!" then, well, kindly please leave. 

5. Build a snowman.

• Okay, so I didn't do this but I did witness it being done. I'm taking a half point.

6. Finally try whipped cream vodka in a hot chocolate.

• Did it! It was just okay.

7. Successfully make a souffle for the first time.

• Totally did it! With Marla! And it was magical as hell! Maybe the most impressive dessert I've ever made. It tasted as though a cake had a baby with a mousse and out came a souffle - and I'm not sure if that's what it was supposed to taste like, but it was pretty good to me. I also made a creme caramel for the first time, so maybe I should have more food based goals. 

8. Take at least five bubble baths.

• Yes! I think I may have even taken six, so suck on that! (Why is this attitude happening? Not sure.)

9. Literally just sit and watch the snow fall.

• Yes, of course. These are the types of activities that need to make appearances on all my lists, the easy ones that require little to no effort and give me an abnormal amount of pleasure.

10. Mail out holiday cards.

• You bet your ass.

6.5 out of 10, whoa! That's better than I thought I'd do. Look at that! Spring list coming tomorrow!

Girl Walks Into A Bar... By Rachel Dratch - A Review

Are you noticing how I am killing it with my book resolution? ARE YOU SEEING THIS? Spring just started and I'm already finished the book for this season! I don't want to blow your mind, but I may already be reading SPRING BOOK NUMBER TWO, watch out.

I've always liked Rachel Dratch, but I've never really known much about her. This book was great, she's super likable, and here were my favourite parts:

• <When talking about the SNL after parties> "Outsiders picture the parties as these debauched crazy affairs with comedians hanging off the chandeliers. That may have been true in the old days, but in my time, looking around the room, you might think the drug of choice was calamari." - It's not crazy funny or anything, but that line really made me laugh.
• <When she talks about this one time that her pants split on stage> "It all started with the sound of RRRIIIP, the loud sound of tearing fabric. I knew that sound could be only one thing... 'twas my pants splitting, and as luck would have it, this was the one night of my life that I wasn't wearing underwear." - I lost my mind at the word "'twas."
• <And then later in that same paragraph> "At this point in the show, I was sitting on the floor onstage - that's when my pants had split, when I went to sit on the floor. How bad was it? I looked down again. I saw my own humanity." - Hahahahahah, "humanity" is so genius of a word there, I want to scream.
• <When talking about Tina Fey> "I imagine we would both sign off on the statement that in dealing with feelings, she and I have different styles: I am a classic Pisces, prone to sensitivity and emotions, and she is German." - Hahah, love this line.
• Her speaking this way about her childhood dog makes me really love this woman: "She has been gone for more than twenty years now and I still miss her and have dreams about her."
• <When she went to a dog show> "A poodle with its fur in several hair ties and topknots walked endlessly in a circle, obviously insane." - Hahahahahah, "obviously insane"? Again, so funny, so perfect.
• <When at a crib store, talking to a salesperson> "I peered into a high-end crib that had cute padding around all the sides. "Now," said David, "some people are against this padding that goes around the sides, because the baby can roll over and get their face pressed up against it and they can..." He trailed off and made a face of "and you know what happens next." I filled in the blank for him. "She dead."" - Hahahahahahah, this woman is hysterical.
• <When thinking of what to name her baby> "I started to really like the name Hercules. Like for real. There were a few problems with the name, though. One: if I told my mom I was naming the baby Hercules, her head would fall off." - Hahahahah, I mean, am I alone in thinking this woman is the funniest person in the world right now? MAN.
• <When she's started to go into labour and her boyfriend is helping her pack for the hospital> "Umm, pajamas, some baby clothes to bring him home in, uh, an iPod. John said, "Do you want to bring a book?" "No." I continued my frantic packing. Toothbrush! Phone charger! "You want to bring a book!?" "No." Underwear! Camera! Slippers? "Now you're sure you don't want a book." "I don't know how to make this any clearer--I DON'T READ."" - Hahahahahahah, oh man, this woman. Love love love love.

Those are the absolute best parts of the book, in my opinion. And man she seems like such a great person, read this book!

So pumped for this.