Jordan Peele's Us - Halloween Horror Nights 2019

WHY DON’T I LIVE IN ORLANDO OR HOLLYWOOD DAMNIT!

I know I said I wouldn’t start any Halloween talk before the end of August, but this news just came out so I must share. If you're a fan of Jordan Peele, his movies, or horror in general then you'll be delighted to hear that Us is officially coming to Universal Studios' Halloween Horror Nights.

Peele himself said about the maze, "It's very exciting to know that fans of Us will get to experience firsthand the terror of being stalked and tormented by ‘The Tethered.'" He continued, "It’s been a lifelong ambition of mine to create a monster that would scare people on Halloween, so having ‘The Tethered’ join such esteemed company is a dream come true."

As of right now, there aren't any images of the maze yet, but it sounds like it will be incredible. The story will start in 1986 and take you on a journey that follows in the footsteps of young Adelaide on the Santa Cruz boardwalk. The maze will then transition into present day, thrusting you into the chaos of "The Tethered" uprising. GAAAAHHHHHHHHH, I love this idea so much.

Halloween Horror Nights begins Friday, Sept. 6 in Orlando and on Friday, Sept. 13 in Hollywood. PREVIEW BELOW!

Frank And The Fire Truck

My parents recently got me a Cooks Illustrated subscription (why doesn’t anyone give subscriptions as gifts any more? I love them) and I absolutely loved this short piece from the latest issue. Guarantee you’ll like it.

New Pornographers New Song

Listening to this gave me intense flashbacks to being 15 again for a minute, and not in a bad way. God, how I overplayed Mass Romantic back then.

July Jiffs 2019

So technically the end of August is the appropriate time to start any and all Halloween/autumn talk (I think I made up that rule, but it feels right), so I’ll respect that and wait. Just know that I’m inwardly filling up with joy in anticipation of the best time of the year. Here’s what went down this month!

• I made a list of some of my favourite summer vacation-y movies that I like to watch to pass the ungodly slow summer hours.

• I read and reviewed the book Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed (the woman who wrote Wild).

• We had a small party for July 4th and it was the best. Here’s what I made and loved: Panzanella Salad with Fresh Mozzarella (I used the How Sweet Eats recipe, but added mozzarella and omitted the corn and avocado - I also made the croutons the Ree Drummond way, because that’s the tastiest way), Spinach Bacon & Artichoke Stuffed Mushrooms (because they’re so delicious I want to scream), I used bell peppers as the bowls for holding the ranch for the vegetables, Slow Cooker Ribs, Eggplant Lasagna (I can’t remember the recipe I used, but it was pretty basic), Peanut Butter & Nutella Cheesecake Bars (this was the second time I’ve made these and it’s a perfect dessert to make a night or two before so that it can really set up), Blueberry Lemon Bread, and a charcuterie board (which is like assembling food art & I love it).

• My favourite fruit/vegetable season is the end of summer mainly because of the fresh tomatoes and corn, so I can’t wait to try some of these corn dishes available in NYC right now. Although I don’t know how any of them are going to compete with the corn gnocchi at Park Avenue Summer. (I just looked and there’s also a sweet corn agnolotti with black summer truffles on the menu now too, so things just got interesting.)

• Jenn sent me a link to this lovely poem Perhaps the World Ends Here by Joy Harjo that I just love.

• I watched the AOC documentary Knock Down The House on Netflix and it’s so, so good. Cried at the ending.

• I went on Nathan’s podcast to talk about dogs, cheating and movies.

• I went for lunch at the cafe at Lilia in Brooklyn and it was ONLY AVERAGE. So that was disappointing. Maybe I ordered badly? I got the prosciutto, parmigiano butter, balsamic mustard sandwich - and even though it looks great (love whole grain mustard), it was really just too bready and not very flavourful.

Prosciutto, parmigiano butter, balsamic mustard sandwich at Lilia Cafe, Brooklyn

• I saw Midsommar (by the same guy who did Hereditary last year) and I really liked it. Some parts are just unnecessarily graphic (and the slow motion shots of this stuff are insane to watch), but the plot was great. Love an original movie.

• Watched the entirety of Champions on Netflix and it really bums me out that it got cancelled, it was a really fun show.

• Made this chocolate chunk coconut banana bread and it was goooooood.

• I visited the new TWA Hotel at JFK and there’s too much to say about it, so I’m going to do a full post on it this coming week.

• So excited to hear that there will be three more seasons of Big Mouth!

• I also rewatched Dante’s Peak (still a great movie) and Twister (again, it holds up). I think I was in a natural disaster kinda mood that week.

• Do you remember experiencing or hearing about the ride Kongfrontation at Universal Studios in Florida? I’ve only ever heard of it, but it seems like it was probably the best ride that ever existed at that park. I hate how most rides these days are just 3D screens with no real interaction or animatronics, it’s bullshit.

• Fucking obsessed with this strawberry lemonade kombucha that’s apparently only available at Trader Joe’s. I thought their gingerade was the best flavour, but now I have to reassess everything. (Also tried the “watermelon wonder” but it’s pure trash.)

• Some songs that I can’t stop listening to: You Need To Calm Down by Taylor Swift, Blow Your Mind by Dua Lipa, Everybody by Elliphant feat. Azealia Banks, Boys by Lizzo, Let Me Go by Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso feat. Florida Georgia Line & watt, Doin’ Time by Lana Del Ray, We Were Young by Petit Biscuit feat. JP Cooper, Calma (Remix) by Pedro Capo & Farruko

• Apparently I can’t get enough of Bill Hader.

• I refuse to shut up about how great the (square bottle) nail polishes are at Urban Outfitters. They’ve been consistently great for years. I’ve been wearing their neon pink Hot Tub off and on for at least five years, and they keep putting out wicked new colours. There’s almost always a 3 for $10 deal and recently I got Coffee Creamer, Sun Bunny & Optic White and they’re BEAUTIFUL.

• It’s currently Restaurant Week again (it’s on until August 16th), so of course I went back to The Dutch for their beautiful wagyu steak tartare. I also had the corn cappelletti with chanterelle mushrooms and marjoram that was heavenly.

Wagyu steak tartare, The Dutch, NYC

Corn cappelletti, The Dutch, NYC

• I saw The Farewell and it’s everything I wanted it to be and more! Definitely go see it. It also reminded me of this beautiful song that I had to sing for a competition once years ago, Caro Mio Ben.

• There’s a deal with ClassPass where you can use the service for free for two weeks, so I tried it and it’s not that great. It’s just too expensive to justify having it when I already have a monthly gym membership somewhere else. I did try an aqua cycling class through Aqua Studio during the free trial and it was… only okay. I mean, it’s fun and great to be in the salt water, but it wasn’t all that challenging as a workout.

• I wasn’t planning on buying it, but I tried it, loved it, so had to buy it: Glossier’s Brow Flick. I’m still learning how to use it properly, but so far I’m really into it. It inspired this eyebrow products video that I posted last week.

• I saw Toy Story 4 and I really hope this is the final one they make because the ending was so good. That’s all I’ll say. Quality series of movies, right here.

• Some friends of mine recently opened up a small, late night food place called Foodstruck in Astoria and the food is really good. They’ve just opened, so they’re still figuring out their hours but I think they’re catering to the late night crowd, especially servers/bartenders who get off work late. Check out some of the food specials from this past week.

Burger with gruyere, onion marmalade, sun dried tomatoes & a rosemary garlic butter on a potato bun

Fried boneless chicken thighs with a garlic soy tamarind glaze

Fried chicken sandwich with a spicy mayo, cheese sauce & pickles on a potato bun

• My too-kind friend Irene got us a housewarming gift of a Diptyque candle (in eucalyptus) and somehow it’s still going after three months of daily use, which is incredible. Do not look up how expensive this candle is.

• I watched To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before on Netflix and really liked it! Especially the hot tub scene. But let’s not get into it. I double-checked to make sure they’re both over 21 and they are, so all’s good.

• Made this pappardelle pasta with mushroom ragu when Nathan was out of town (I like to get my mushroom recipes in when he’s gone) and it’s definitely going on my favourite-dinner-recipes list.

• I ate at Misi in Brooklyn because I’ve wanted to go for ages and the pasta was solid as hell, I’d definitely go back. We had the charred peppers, marjoram, and whipped ricotta crostini, the corzetti with marinated sungold (peeled) tomatoes, garlic, pecorino & summer herbs (have you ever eaten a PEELED tomato? It almost feels wrong. The good kind of wrong), the strangozzi with pork sugo, nutmeg and parmigiana and for dessert we had the strawberries and cream gelato (it was a special that night) and the espresso gelato. Everything was so crazy good. The service was fantastic and the space is huge. Is it better than Lilia or L'Artusi (pasta-wise)? Ugh, that's such a hard question. It's really good. I'll have to revisit to get more intel to make a final decision on that.

• I went to Coney Island with Irene and it was great, as it always should be.

Kill me, so cute

Oh yeah!

• I visited the Profundo Day Club (mainly to get my ass in a pool) earlier this month, and I highly doubt that I’ll return. Mostly because even though the pool was nice (small, but nice) and refreshing, the blaring house music in the middle of the day was a little excessive. There’s also a disco ball above the pool itself. And a unicorn floatie that drifts around the water. And waitresses who shoot sparklers off when someone buys a bottle of liquor. It’s… not for me, let’s say. And the cheapest pass was $70 (tax included), which is waaaay too expensive for Queens. Let’s be real.

• There’s a new season of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee and the Martin Short episode is just lovely. It almost killed me when he was talking about when he bought his house and said, “We bought it in 1986” even though his wife passed away years ago. Am I being ridiculous in thinking that him using the word “we” is so sad and sweet and nice? Or maybe that’s a normal thing to say and I’d melt at anything to come out of his mouth. And while it was a good episode, I got so fucking sick of all the filler shots of coffee being brewed, coffee being poured into a cup, beans being tossed in a can, flowers sitting in vases - for fuck sake JUST TALK TO MARTIN SHORT AND SHOW ME THAT. Annoying as hell.

• Nathan and I started watching season three of Stranger Things and… it’s not good? We saw all of the first season, which was pretty good. Attempted season two and never finished it because it became boring. And last week, we watched the first couple episodes of season three and I think we’ve silently agreed on just stopping it altogether. And look, I’m happy other people like it, but it’s just not for me. Demogorgons are too close to being dragons, maybe that’s why I can’t care about them?

• I like to go to at least one baseball game each season, so I went to a Mets game last weekend and got this beauty that was the giveaway (below) since it was the 50th anniversary of the moon landing.

Mr. Met Moon Landing Bobble Head

• I mean, there was even a promo video for it. How amazing is that?

My bobble head day is truly out of this world! 👨‍🚀🚀

Thanks @CradleAviation for letting me hangout!

Prepare for takeoff: https://t.co/OIPsrmubxx pic.twitter.com/BAKyxy54o1

— Mr. Met (@MrMet) July 10, 2019

• Honestly, this bobblehead makes me so happy for some reason. I love going to Citi Field especially ‘cause the food is always so good. We got the filet mignon steak sandwich from the aptly named Pat LaFrieda’s Original Filet Mignon Steak Sandwich, incredible fries from Box Frites, souvenir cups & drinks from Effen Vodka Bar, mozzarella sticks from Big Mozz, and chips & queso with ginger lime margaritas from Cantina.

Pat LaFrieda’s filet mignon steak sandwich, Citi Field

Fries with parmesan ranch and cheese sauce from Box Frites, Citi Field

• Two new things that I’m going to start doing:

  • 1. Buying less things off of Amazon. If there’s an alternative, independently run company that I can find the item at (and if the price isn’t wildly more expensive) then I’ll shop there instead. Every new thing I hear about Amazon makes me shudder, and I hate that it’s become my default place for me to buy anything.

  • 2. If a store/restaurant is cashless (ie. credit cards only), then I’ll refuse to shop there. It’s insane that this isn’t illegal everywhere yet. I’m so sick of it and cash should be accepted everywhere, it’s nuts that I even need to say that. (I was excited to have lunch at Ole & Steen in Union Square for lunch the other day, but they’re “cashfree” so fuck them!)

Some things that I’m looking forward to doing this month: I’ve already sent in my email requesting tickets for Saturday Night Live (you can only request tickets during the entire month of August), I can’t wait to see Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark with Layla, there’s a tomato gelato that I want to try that sounds either awful or life-affirming, going on our anniversary trip at the end of the month, excited for a Canyon Creek caesar salad with Harmeet, planning on going to the CNE with my mom (haven’t done this in years), going to two weddings (!!) and I love weddings, being in a pool with Marla and a bunch of our kids, and taking advantage of a few more Restaurant Week specials. Excited for the last month of trash weather!

God, I miss Bill Hader.

(And here’s him talking about the sketch, if you’re a maniac like me who enjoys knowing every single detail about something that makes you laugh.)

Old sketch, but a great one.

Favourite Eyebrow Products!

Honestly, I miss making these videos. I’ve gotta figure something out to start doing them again more regularly.

Anyway, these are my holy grail eyebrow products.

1. Glossier’s Brow Flick in Brown

2. Colourpop Brow Boss in Dark Brown or Brunette

3. Benefit’s Gimme Grow in # 4

Can’t say enough good about them, clearly.

New Positive Anger!

Did Nathan’s podcast again! Lots of bickering! Good times!

Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed - A Review

Other than seeing (and loving) the movie Wild, I haven’t heard much about Cheryl Strayed but after reading this, I’m officially a fan of this incredible woman. She used to write (I’m fairly certain she doesn’t do them anymore) an advice column online and the book is a collection of those pieces. Try to ignore the terrible subtitle (“Advice on Love and Life”) because it’s about so much more than that. Best parts ahead.

• One of the quotes on the inside cover is a tiny bit cringe-y, yes, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t great: “Inhabit the beauty that lives in your beastly body and strive to see the beauty in all the other beasts.“

• “I happen to believe that America is dying of loneliness, that we, as a people, have bought into the false dream of convenience, and turned away from a deep engagement with our internal lives.”

• “Compassion isn’t about solutions. It’s about giving all the love that you’ve got.”

• “You don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don’t have to explain what you plan to do with your life.”

• The end of the commencement speech she gives, “I hope you will be surprised and knowing at once. I hope you’ll always have love. I hope you’ll have days of ease and a good sense of humor. I hope when people ask what you’re going to do with your English and/or creative writing degree you’ll say: Continue my bookish examination of the contradictions and complexities of human motivation and desire; or maybe just: Carry it with me, as I do everything that matters. And then smile very serenely until they say, Oh.”

• “What if you allowed your God to exist in the simple words of compassion others offer to you? What if faith is the way it feels to lay your hand on your daughter’s sacred body? What if the greatest beauty of the day is the shaft of sunlight through your window? What if the worst thing happened and you rose anyway? What if you trusted in the human scale?”

• “The real work of deep grief is making a home there.”

In truth, this didn’t seem like the sort of book that I’d normally be interested in reading. My friend Irene gave it to me specifically because she thought it looked like something I’d enjoy. Not only is that a lovely thought for a friend to have, but it’s so great when a prediction like that is totally right.

Best Summer-Vacation-Ish Movies

There are few things better than a vacation movie (other than, like, taking a real vacation). But that can’t happen everyday. Here are the ones that I especially like to re-watch from time to time during the summer.

1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall - it vaguely concerns me that Jason Segal isn’t more famous. I mean yeah he’s experienced a moderate amount of fame, but he’s way funnier than 90% of men more famous than him. I don’t get it. He was great on Freaks & Geeks and he’s the best part of this movie.

2. Weekend At Bernie’s - I always forget about this movie. It’s just a fun time. The premise remains one of the most original of all time, fight me.

3. Vicky Cristina Barcelona - the yellow tinge that engulfs this entire movie MIGHT be the sole reason it’s on this list. That and the idea of European threesomes.

4. Camp Cucamonga - look, this might only be on here because when I watch this, I feel 12 again. It was a made-for-TV movie that no one’s really ever heard of, but I loved it. I never went to a summer camp for an entire summer (I had parents who loved me?), so watching this felt like another reality to me. One that I could safely experience from the comforts of my living room.

5. Under The Tuscan Sun - I vow to find a way to slide this movie into every single list I ever make, it’s just that good of a movie.

6. Do The Right Thing - I really used to hate this movie because I found Spike Lee so obnoxious. I still do. That being said, this movie defines the hellishness of living in a city during the summer.

7. Jaws - I still watch this every few years around July 4th because it is still legitimately terrifying.

8. I Know What You Did Last Summer - I try to save this one for late August since that’s when it’s socially acceptable to start watching horror movies. That part where he’s crossing the street, chasing Sarah Michelle Gellar and she’s trying to get into the locked store gets me every time. SO TENSE.

9. Sleepaway Camp - I almost don’t want to say too much about this one. It’s perfect. In every way. Even if you hate horror movies, this one is so accessible and good, I implore you to watch it.

10. Little Giants - I feel like this is what The Sandlot was trying to achieve, but didn’t. It’s a pure as hell movie about misfit kids finding acceptance. And honestly, Rick Moranis has never attached himself to anything that wasn’t great.

Of course there are more that I could add to the list, but these are my absolute favourites.

Let us continue on with this disgusting season!