New Coaster At Canada's Wonderland in 2019

Canada's Wonderland is introducing a record-setting roller coaster for the 2019 season: the Yukon Striker. It’s apparently the "longest, fastest and tallest dive roller coaster in the world," according to the park. There's a 90-degree drop “for three breathtaking seconds, staring 245 feet down into an underwater tunnel,” the website reads. “Then suddenly you dive, reaching speeds of 130 km/h and soaring through four dynamic inversions, including a complete 360-degree loop - the only one of its kind for a dive coaster.” It’s a three-minute, 25 second thrill with a 75 metre drop AND IT SOUNDS INSANE.

"The launch of Yukon Striker coincides with the official opening of Frontier Canada, a gold rush-themed attraction area in Canada’s Wonderland."

CANNOT. WAIT.

My Mother Was Nuts By Penny Marshall - A Review

No idea why I picked this one up at the library other than the fact that it looked like it might be a fun read, and it was! I knew nothing about the woman other than the fact that she had a small part in Hocus Pocus and the fact that I've always liked the sound of her brother Garry's voice. It's a crazy-detailed account of pretty much her entire life and whoa, what a life. The woman knows every person in Hollywood. Best parts ahead:

• "Sometimes you ignored the facts to make life easier."
• A moment she recalled with her siblings when her brother Garry says to her and her sister, "If something goes wrong, they <their parents & grandparents> aren't going to be there for us," he said. "That's just the way it is. So as we go forward in our lives, we have to stick together. We're the only ones who are going to understand each other." - I love this part so much because it's the sweetest thing in the world to think about a brother talking to his sisters this way as a young adult.
• She dated Art Garfunkel for awhile and good god he seems like one of the coolest men alive. They went on an open-ended motorcycle trip across Italy and France and I wish there were way more chapters on that trip alone. Romantic as hell.
• "I had asked my therapist why I had left a marriage that was comfortable and predictable for a great big question mark. "Were you happy?" he asked. "No," I said. He shrugged. That cost me a fortune, but he was right. Sometimes the most complicated questions have simple answers. Were you happy? I was learning that I didn't have to have everything figured out. Often the point was to live and see what happened."
• Have you ever heard of the volunteer position of being a hugger at a Special Olympics event? Because I hadn't and she wrote about doing it briefly, and it sounds amazing.
• "One day I got on my computer and searched for "What do people do with their lives after surviving cancer?" Nothing came up. Apparently people didn't do anything. I guess they either dropped dead from trying to pay their medical bills or they went back to whatever they had been doing before, because what the fuck else is there to do when, as in my case, you like your life?" - God, I love this part so much, I almost wish she ended the whole book right there.

It was really a great read! This woman lives an insanely cool life.

“I am not afraid of aging, but more afraid of people’s reactions to my aging.”

— Barbara Hershey

Highlights of Las Vegas

It's probably a little silly to write about this trip that I took in April now, but here we are! This was my second time coming to Vegas, and I liked it a whole lot more this time around. The first time I went was when I was 21 and I found the whole place wildly depressing, especially in the day time. But this recent visit definitely changed my view point of the city as a whole. I went with Jenn for our annual birthday trip and here's what was on our agenda for the week:

• We stayed at the Bellagio and it was as gorgeous as you'd imagine it to be

• Got pizza on the first night inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel that was really, really good - and I know you're probably rolling your eyes at the fact that all pizza is good, but no really, this was the best thin slice I've ever had outside of New York City
• Lunch at Emeril's New Orleans Fish House inside the MGM Grand (the Fall River clam chowder was OUT OF THIS WORLD)
• Dinner of onion soup and dessert at Jean Georges’ Prime (which was big time overrated)
• Found the Las Vegas welcome sign (it's not that crazy long of a walk either, so everyone should do this if they're in the city)
• Lunch at Lagasse Stadium inside The Palazzo (such great service, food was sports bar food but still good!)
• Ate a Lobster Tail (the dessert, not the seafood) at Carlo’s Bake Shop in the Grand Canal Shoppes (whoa)
• Visited Old Vegas to walk along Fremont Street and gambled inside the Golden Nugget and El Cortez (which is the oldest casino in the city and "one of the only places where the slot machines use actual coins” which I think is amazing)
• Dinner at Emeril's Delmonico Steakhouse (are you seeing a theme here? Yeah, we made a note of eating at all of Emeril's restaurants and each of them were fantastic)
• Saw the volcano at The Mirage (it erupts nightly at 8pm & 9pm)

There were so many other things that we'd planned on doing but didn't have the time for such as: 

• Visit the day spa at The Bellagio
• Brunch at Giada’s restaurant inside The Cromwell Hotel
• Eat at Wolfgang Puck's restaurant CUT in the Grand Canal Shoppes
• Eat at Wolfgang Puck Bar & Grill inside the MGM Grand, which is essentially the cheaper version of CUT
• In-N-Out Burger
• Luv It Frozen Custard for sundaes 
• Rao’s for Italian food in Caesars Palace
• Try a buffet at either the Bellagio or the Cosmopolitan (brunch is $28/per person and unlimited two-hour bottomless beverage packages are available for an additional $17 and include mimosas, champagne, Bloody Marys, house red or white wine)
• Mon Ami Gabi for steak frites
• Bars That Look Gorgeous or Have Gorgeous Views: The Chandelier, Mandarin Bar, Skyfall
• Visit Red Rock Canyon (this one I really, really wanted to do)
• Luxor offers free Craps, Black Jack and Roulette lessons daily at 12pm

Next time, for sure.

Such a short, fun trip!

July Jiffs

Summer is finally half over!

One more filthy month to go before the best time of the year! Here were the highlights of July:

• So you know how much I love the banana pudding from Magnolia already, but what you don't know is that it's probably my favourite summer dessert to make and bring to parties because people go fucking nuts for it. So for July 4th this year I made it, but I also bought some Coffee Crisp chocolate bars to Canadian it up (if you're in the U.S. then you can buy them in the international foods section at Bed Bath & Beyond), then dumped those bars into a food processor to make a COFFEE CRISP CRUMBLE TO GO ATOP THE BANANA PUDDING. And it was heaven.
• I ate some of the best fish tacos in NYC at Tacoway Beach in Rockaway near the beach. They're crazy simple but so good, I try to get them once a year so I never grow sick of them. Tip: definitely skip the black bean tacos AND the elote because they are both wildly unpleasing.
• I made this Sweet Potato Gnocchi in Spinach Cream Sauce but full disclosure: I bought the sweet potato gnocchi already put together at Trader Joe's, and then just made the sauce from the recipe and it still tasted amazing. There's something I'll never like about buying frozen food from Trader Joe's (I feel like I haven't completely given up on life yet?), but this gnocchi is the exception (this and their cauliflower pizza crust). Will definitely be keeping this one in the food rotation because it was delicious as hell.
• I read two books this month and I refuse to stop saying that out loud to people, but I guess I have to move on since it's August soon, so that sucks. The Simpsons one I read was great and the Ijeoma Oluo one was even better! 
• I did start to read Steve Martin's Born Standing Up and wow was it dull. Don't get me wrong, I think Steve Martin is great. But I read about half of it before collapsing in extreme dissatisfaction. IT'S SO BORING. Why do people think that it's such a good book? Famous comedians will gleefully prattle on about how great it is to one another, which is why I wanted to read it in the first place, so this just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I was going to just suck it up and keep going until I asked Nathan if it got any better and he very politely told me that it did not. Can someone tell me why it's supposed to be so good? It shoulda been called Bore Standing Up! Okay, that's not a good joke, I know, but it's better than WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE THIS BOOK.
• I tried the frozen Irish coffee at Passage in Astoria finally and... it was great! Duh.

Frozen Irish Coffee at Passage in Astoria, Queens

• I watched Hannah Gadsby's Nanette on Netflix and didn't really care for it for the first half. The only reason I kept watching was because a friend of mine echoed the same thoughts of the beginning not being good but it getting good the second half. And she was completely right because the second half was powerful as hell. My real thoughts are just a general annoyance at people who plainly say, "It isn't standup." And maybe my opinion on this matters in no way since I'm not a comedian, but it just bothers me that there's this weird line of what standup should or shouldn't be, as if the idea of anything more being said with no punchline isn't worthy enough for the untouchable standup stage. She's a comedian! She said jokes! She also had more to say, which is great. Especially with what's going on in the world right now, it seems weird to purposely not want to comment on that and focus solely on what a comedian "is supposed to do." That idea just seems strange to me.
• Nathan and I went to a wedding and it was fun and we looked great. Proof!

• I saw a bunch of movies. 
  • Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (in theatres) - I mean, a Macarena joke made me laugh so it obviously wasn't a good movie, but some of the kids had a good time so that makes it a success.
  • Can't Buy Me Love (Netflix) - I'd never seen it and it's a terrible eighties movie so I kind of needed to all of a sudden. Also it was on a list of things leaving Netflix in August so I suddenly felt the urge to grab on tightly before letting it go off into the distance? That's normal?
  • Girls Trip (HBOGO) - I have no idea why the urge to see this movie happened inside of me. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Not good, but not horrendous.
  • Ibiza (Netflix) - I guess I've been having real moments lately where I've just been missing certain groups of friends and watching these ridiculous movies puts me at ease a bit maybe? I don't know, let's not analyze it. Oh! The music from this one was really great, though. Also, Gillian Jacobs' eyes are so ginormous, I'm always shocked that men aren't looking for a woman with huge eyes instead of a huge ass or boobs, makes no fucking sense to me. Her eyes are insane!
  • Obvious Child (Netflix) - Jenny Slate can do no wrong and of course this movie was great. Other than all the cringe-inducing standup scenes (that are supposed to be cringe-inducing, I'm assuming), it was just a nice movie. The music from this one was pretty great, too.
• I tried the new Crispy Chicken at Swiss Chalet and it was really tasty because of course it was, anything fried is most likely amazing. It's funny to me that they're not just calling it fried chicken. Obviously it's purposeful too, like they're thinking that if they did call it fried chicken it'd sound too Americanized or something. That's definitely something they thought. "No, calling it Crispy Chicken just makes it seem healthier, like it was just slightly dunked into hot, frying oil and not, like, submerged for hours."
• I've had an iPhone 5 for three years and the battery had gone completely to shit (ie. dying at 80%) a few weeks ago, so I took it to Mobile Klinik (outside of Wal-Mart on the first floor of Square One in Mississauga) and they replaced the battery for me within an hour and it only cost me $60 and now it's been working amazingly. They were super nice and it came with a one year warranty, so definitely keep this in mind if you're ever in need of their services. 
• The only thing I've ever eaten at Dominique Ansel Kitchen was the burrata soft serve ice cream from a few years ago, but I stopped by recently and had the cold pear yogurt and hot toasted granola and maaaaaaan why can't the version I make at home taste as good as theirs. WHY.

Cold Pear Yogurt & Hot Toasted Granola, Dominique Ansel Kitched

• A friend told me about this great site Zaful that has gorgeous swimsuits for crazy cheap and are actually good quality. Are you even kidding me with how gorgeous those marbled ones look?!
• Tried the soft serve at Tom's Dairy Freeze in Etobicoke finally and it was goooooood because all ice cream is good.

Tom's Dairy Freeze in Etobicoke, ON

• I went to see the Scarborough Bluffs with Marla and some of my nieces and it's such a beautiful place. So glad we went.

Finn & Marla!

Layla, me, Maya!

• It's Restaurant Week in New York right now (it actually lasts a few weeks), so I'm hoping to eat at some places I've always wanted to go to. So far I've only gone to Astor Court inside the St. Regis hotel, but it was so, so good. Here's what I had.

And that was July! 

I'm a little shocked that I'm still keeping up with these monthly posts, here are the ones from May & June if you'd care to read about them.

Only three more months.

So You Want to Talk about Race by Ijeoma Oluo - A Review

I normally don't boast about how fast I read a book, but I read this in a day. I'm only mentioning that because I thought it would take me longer since it, in all honesty, seemed like it'd be a pretty heavy book to take in. But once I started reading, I felt like it was feeding me. I was going to start the next sentence as "Being a mixed race woman..." but no, fuck that, everyone can benefit from reading this book. I wish I could make you feel how I feel right now as I'm still sitting here, almost basking in it, wanting to read everything else Ijeoma Oluo has ever wrote. Here are the most memorable parts from it ahead:

• "Often, being a person of color in white-dominated society is like being in an abusive relationship with the world. Every day is a new little hurt, a new little dehumanization. We walk around flinching, still in pain from the last hurt and dreading the next. But when we say "this is hurting us," a spotlight is shown on the freshest hurt, the bruise just forming: "Look at how small it is, and I'm sure there is a good reason for it. Why are you making such a big deal about it? Everyone gets hurt from time to time" - while the world ignores that the rest of our bodies are covered in scars. But racial oppression is even harder to see than the abuse of a loved one, because the abuser is not one person, the abuser is the world around you, and the person inflicting pain in an individual instance may themselves have the best of intentions."
• The chapter on privilege is probably the most lasting one in my mind right now. It discusses how every individual has some sort of privilege and it's important to not be defensive or angry when someone asks that you check your privilege, since this is something that everyone needs to internally examine about his/herself to help better understand others who differ from you. 
• "I recommend practicing looking for your privilege at first when you are in a neutral situation. Sit down and think about the advantages you've had in life. Have you always had good mental health? Did you grow up middle class? Are you white? Are you male? Are you nondisabled? Are you neuro-typical? Are you a documented citizen of the country you live in? Did you grow up in a stable home environment? Do you have stable housing? Do you have reliable transportation? Are you cisgender? Are you straight? Are you thin, tall, or conventionally attractive? Take some time to really dig deep through all of the advantages that you have that others may not. Write them down."
• "Being privileged doesn't mean that you are always wrong and people without privilege are always right - it means that there is a good chance you are missing a few very important pieces of the puzzle."
• "I hated school cafeterias. Nothing lets you know that you're going to die alone like when you try to find a seat in a school cafeteria and everyone avoids eye contact like you are walking flatulence." - This really made me laugh, but good god, I've never agreed with something more.
• When she describes her experience going to a scholarship conference for promising students of color: "Not once in the two days I was at the conference did anybody make fun of my name. Not once in the two-day conference did anybody even glance at my hair. Not once in the two-day conference was I aware of the loudness of my voice or the size of my ass. Not once in the two-day conference did anybody question the academic achievements that had brought me there - we were all there because we were smart kids who had worked very hard. For two days I got to feel like the majority of my classmates had felt almost every day, like a complete human being. I don't know how to describe what those two days were like for me except to say that I hadn't known before then that there was so much air to breathe." - That last line. My god, that last line.
• "It is not your job as a person of color to educate people on their racist actions, please remember that, but it is always your right to stand up for yourself when you choose to."
• When her eight year old son perfectly explained why he didn't want to say the pledge of allegiance: "Because I'm an atheist, so I don't like pledging under god. I don't believe in pledging to countries, I think it encourages war. And I don't think this country treats people who look like me very well so the 'liberty and justice for all' part is a lie. And I don't think that every day we should all be excited about saying a lie."
• I'd never heard of the phrase tone policing before, but I have experienced it (never realizing there was a term for it): "Tone policing is when someone (usually the privileged person) in a conversation or situation about oppression shifts the focus of the conversation from the oppression being discussed to the way it is being discussed. Tone policing prioritizes the comfort of the privileged person in the situation over the oppression of the disadvantaged person."
• "If you are white, remember that White Supremacy is a system you benefit from and that your privilege has helped to uphold. Your efforts to dismantle White Supremacy are expected of decent people who believe in justice. You are not owed gratitude or friendship from people of color for your efforts. We are not thanked for cleaning our own houses." - OOOOOOO MAN, that last line. Love it. Love this woman. 

If I'm not making this book sound amazing, then I'm truly sorry to do it such a disservice. Literally every person, from every walk of life will benefit from reading this book. It should be mandatory in classrooms, handed out on sidewalks, in all of the waiting rooms, I can't express how it made me feel inside. Or how it could help so many people, especially if you're sitting there thinking, "I'm already an enlightened, good person." I was you! I even read a tiny bit about this book before reading it and thought, "Yeah, I'm sure it's good, but I doubt I'll really get anything out of it." You're allowed to be an idiot like me who thinks like that, because I swear even if it's something small, every person stands to benefit from even reading a few chapters. 

Thankyouthankyouthankyou to one of the best women I know, Marla, for recommending it to me and a million thank yous to Ijeoma Oluo for having the sensibility, understanding and brilliance to write it.

Springfield Confidential by Mike Reiss - A Review

I've been waiting forever for this book to come out, and it didn't disappoint. Although it's touted as a Simpsons book, it's actually half Simpsons/half Mike Reiss biography. And, I mean, I'm completely fine with that. I met him at a reading/signing last month in NYC, and he was a super nice man. Best parts ahead.

• On the first page, "Welcome to the humiliating world of professional writing." - Homer
• I had no idea he worked on the movie Airplane II, I loved that movie! Didn't know he created Teen Angel, either, I don't really remember that show too well but I do recall liking its Halloween episode. 
• The time they asked George Takei to guest star in the Marge vs. the Monorail episode and he declined and said, "I don't make fun of monorails." That made me laugh so much for some reason, apparently he's "an impassioned fan of public transit."
• When asked the question, "What do you say to people who say the show has gone downhill?" His response is perfect: "I love this question because no one ever asks, "Why has the show gone downhill?" It's always, "What do you say to people who say the show has gone downhill?" You're not fooling me. I'm still offended. It's like asking, "I'm not saying your sister's a slut... but what do you say to the hundreds of guys who say she is?" Here are the facts: TV shows age like people, and each episode is like a birthday. Many shows die in infancy. You can syndicate a show after seventy-two episodes - just like seventy-two years is the average life expectancy for an American man. When a show makes it to one hundred episodes, or a person makes it to a hundred years, that's cause for celebration. Our show is a 658-year-old man. And you're asking why it's not as cute as it used to be? We're lucky The Simpsons can still pee."
• His answer to the question of, "When will The Simpsons end?" is perfect: "My response is always the same. Stop asking. It's rude. It's like saying, "Grandma, when are you going to die?" She doesn't know, and she doesn't want to think about it."
• The episode Holidays of Future Passed was initially supposed to be their final episode back when they thought they were going to stop the show, but then they got renewed, so I've really gotta go back and re-watch that one. 
• He also worked on the movie Ice Age and I loved him saying this: "I went to a park in Kiev that was filled with statues of Scrat, the Ice Age squirrel who's always pursuing an acorn but never quite getting it. I asked a Ukranian woman why they loved Scrat so much. She said, "He teaches children that life is hopeless."" Hahahah, that's so great.

Okay, looking back on the book, it's probably 75% about The Simpsons and 25% about Mike Reiss. I think I'm just a greedy person when it comes to Simpsons stuff. In any case, great book!

The 10 Best Summer Episodes

I'm a big fan of summer episodes of TV shows. I think it has to do with the fact that I hate summer so much - so if I can watch other people enjoying it from the comfort of my physically cooler living room, then that brings me pleasure. Makes sense to me. Here are my very favourite ones to watch.

1. Beverly Hill 90210, season 3, episode 2, "The Twins, the Trustee, and the Very Big Trip": Brenda decides to go to Paris for the summer with Donna, leaving her best friend Kelly to stay in town her boyfriend Dylan. That final scene of Brenda driving away while Kelly and Dylan get a little too chummy has always been a favourite of mine for some reason. Don't leave Brenda! That bitch is gonna steal Dylan! And that asshole is gonna cheat on you!

2. The Simpsons, season 7, episode 25, "Summer of 4 Ft. 2": The family goes away for the summer, and Lisa decides that she wants to become cooler. The whole episode is about how she tries to change her identity and is pure magic. I could watch this one on a loop forever.

3. Bob's Burgers, season 3, episode 3, "Bob Fires the Kids": Bob fires the kids in an attempt to make sure they have happy childhood memories. The kids try a bunch of summer activities and end up hating each one and it's the best.

4. Seinfeld, season 5, episode 21, "The Hamptons": Honestly, there are so many great things about this episode: the ugly baby being "breathtaking," shrinkage, Hamptons tomatoes, lobster poaching, I love this episode so much. 

5. Saved By The Bell, season 3, episode 23, "Cut Day": Everyone takes the day off school since it's cut day, except for Zack who can't because he'll get suspended if he misses one more day. So he spends the day ducking in and out of class because he bet Slater that he could get away with doing both.

6. The Simpsons, season 4, episode 1, "Kamp Krusty": WON'T apologize for having numerous Simpsons episodes in here. This one is great because yes, it's early Simpsons, but also because it's just nice as hell to see kids hating summer camp since I always did and growing up, that wasn't the norm response. 

7. The Simpsons, season 6, episode 1, "Bart of Darkness": Okay, this is probably the best one on the list. The Alfred Hitchcock references, the broken leg in the summer, the pool mobile, I love this episode. Everything about it is perfect.

8. Full House, season 7, episode 1, "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night": The girls return home from summer camp and can't stop talking about it, to the annoyance of the guys. They return to the camp to take a rabbit back to the woods and realize that it's a lot scarier than they recall. The whole episode is great. Man, Full House was way better than Fuller House. Slowly realizing this.

9. Sex & The City, season 5, episode 8, "I Love A Charade": The women go to the Hamptons for a wedding. The pool scene and the final one with Miranda and Brady are my favourite moments of this one.

10. Melrose Place, season 4, episode 34 "Dead Sisters Walking": Honestly, I can barely remember most of the episode but the ending?! My god. I remember seeing this right before school ended, so that's really why I'm putting in this summer category. Even if you have watched ZERO of these videos I've posted on here, you have to watch this one. One of the best endings to a season OF ALL TIME.

That's the list! I'll probably re-watch all of these this week since now I'm really jonesing. God, that Melrose Place one still gives me chills. (This one too!)

This song is everything to me right now.