I Know What I'm Doing - and Other Lies I Tell Myself: Dispatches from a Life Under Construction by Jen Kirkman - A Review

Jumping right in here, I absolutely loved this book. I didn't know too much about Jen Kirkman before reading it, but good god do I want more from this woman. Best parts ahead.

• "Bob Odenkirk once said that people should make their art, whatever it is, "as though their parents were dead."" - Love this, will continue to remember this from here on out.
• "I would never want to go through another wedding--a wedding that involves, literally, everyone and their brother attending. What's romantic about making out with someone in front of your uncles? I think the sexiest man in the world is the guy who could approach me at a bar and say, "Hi, I'm an orphan."" - Hahah, love this woman.
• This idea: "Go visit your family on the Fourth of July. There's a lot less drama because nothing is expected of anyone. Without the pressure of having to buy gifts or feel merry and bright - it was the best holiday we ever spent together."
• I will forever enjoy any person who expresses disdain for any kind of Live, Laugh, Love paraphernalia. 
• The idea that she buys a new coat in every new country she visits as that country's souvenir to herself IS JUST A GREAT IDEA.
• Love, love, love: "I saw a burrata appetizer that looked like a small bag of heavenly, oozy cheese - I guess because that's what it is. People should feel bad for people who don't have burrata - not boyfriends."
• "Trust me: traveling with a man doesn't always mean that everything in your life is perfect."
• "...and gazed at the unstoppable stars in the sky." God, I love the way she speaks. Am I, like, IN love with her?!
• "I never understood why traveling is something reserved for lovers only." YES.
• "Having someone who is more frightened than you is the greatest gift to someone who is a little bit frightened. It gives the less frightened person the chance to soothe someone else - which in turn self-soothes."
• "I don't know if I'm a true romantic or just an idiot with an ample imagination or if there's even a difference."
• "A female customer said to me, "You may not have direction but you have style. Your outfit is fantastic. And I hate people and talking to people so for me to even say this - you know you've got it going on." Those kinds of interactions always make me think that if women ran the world there could be world peace."
• "There's no reason to stress out about what you do for your fortieth or whatever-ith birthday. It's not about doing something one night to make memories for the rest of your life - it's about looking at the rest of your life and say, "Am I going where I want to go? Am I who I want to be? Am I defining my personal success based on other people's morals or goals? Can I only achieve happiness with outside validation or would I be truly happy just sitting in a pile of wood chips, being me? How can this year not be a repeat of last year's mistakes and patterns?""
• "All my romantic relationships have ended. Were those relationships not successes? Is success in a relationship only determined by it never ending? That's like saying that someone's life was a failure because... well, death."
• Mental Note: I've got to remember to read Joan Rivers' book Enter Talking because of how fondly she spoke of it. 

Those were just a few of my favourite parts of the book. She also included quotes at the beginning of each chapter, and I know we all think we're above a really good quote, but the fact is that we are not. Quotes are the fucking best. If you're in denial about that, well, I don't wish to debate your sorry ass. I purposely didn't include the quotes from the book that I especially loved in this post because I intend on posting them over the coming weeks. No one wants to be bombarded with twenty phenomenal quotes all at once, your heart can only really take on one at a time, there's a science behind this, I'm telling you. So I'll dole those out in good time. I wish I could endlessly read about this woman's life, she's so funny and great. I can't believe it took me this long to discover her.

If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face? By Alan Alda - A Review

We're all aware of my feelings for Alan Alda. Man's got heart. So it only makes sense that I'd read his latest book. He actually did a signing at Barnes and Noble for this one, but I couldn't make it 'cause of work. In retrospect, I should've just called in sick. I will meet this gem of a man one day and it will be wonderful. Anyway, onto the book!

All right, so this isn't your typical Alda book. In other words, it's in no way autobiographical. It's about communication and empathy, essentially. And at first that really bummed me out 'cause I was expecting it to be another memoir filled with stories and anecdotes. This is not that. It was, however, something I would've never finished had it not been written with his voice. Thoughts ahead.

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Dedication

• I mean, c'mon. The dedication to his wife? How can something be so loving and succinct at the same bloody time!? Love this guy.
• "I was starting to think of the possible failure of the study as a public service, and we hadn't even begun it yet. In science, as in art, I thought, you only arrive at success after you run the gauntlet of failures. People should be aware of that. I'd be glad to write about the failure of this idea."
• I really have to try meditation again. I always attempt it briefly and then get side-tracked or busy or a dozen other excuses. I really want to maintain it as an activity in my life. Can't remember what part in the book mentioned it, but he obviously spoke of it lovingly.
• There was also a chapter that went into detail about this one thing that sounds kind of stupid at first. But a study was done that essentially if you lock eyes with a dog and maintain that eye contact for longer than a few seconds or so, the dog will feel more of a bond with you and trust you easier. From there, the study went on to suggest that doing that, actively, with a person you're close with will only strengthen your bond with that person. Especially over time. So what you're supposed to do is start with staring into someone's eyes for ten seconds one day, then thirty seconds the next day, and just add more time as each day goes on. I sort of forgot about this experiment, but I did try it for ten seconds after begging Nathan to try it with me. It's definitely weird at first, but I could see it becoming stronger the more you do it. I really want to try it again to see what would happen and I encourage you to as well if you're so inclined.
• There's this "Reading The Mind In The Eyes" test that you can take online to test your empathy levels that was pretty fun. (I got 26/36, which was surprising, I thought I'd do way better.)
• "There are times we know what the rational action should be, but don't take it until we consider what the other person is feeling. I know, in my own life, I sometimes respond to a question with an answer that isn't really helpful. "Have you seen the can opener?" is not fully answered by saying, "No, I haven't seen it." The other person is still at a loss. I know it seems obvious,  but sometimes remembering what it feels like to be facing a can without an opener can produce a little spark of empathy. If I respond to that spark, I might add a few words: "Maybe it's in that other drawer with the soup spoons." Boom. I'm cooperating, and the spurt of reward hormones in my brain is a sign it's been worth the effort. But as good as those reward hormones feel, I'm not thinking, in this book, of empathy as the basis of good behavior or morality; I'm looking at it as a tool for communication. I think it's an essential tool, and while it can be misused, it can help us make those important connections that lead to understanding."
• "But genuine humor and true, open laughter almost always lead to engagement. As Larry Cahill said, quoting the great Danish comedian Victor Borge, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.""
• "Not being able to communicate is the Siberia of everyday life - a place that, crazily, we often send ourselves to."

It was actually a really great book and I'm so glad I finished it. This man can write about anything and engage absolutely any reader.

When You Find Out the World Is Against You by Kelly Oxford - A Review

You're already aware of how much I like Kelly Oxford. And her new book is equally as good as her last one. If anything, it's a little more intimate than her first one in a way that I didn't expect. Here are my favourite parts:

• The part about how she's a teenager going through depression and compares her mother at home with her to the movie Misery made me laugh so much, maybe also because it reminds me so much of that great Who's The Boss episode, too. 
• The chapter about how she takes Bea out of Montessori school because the teacher is a bitch is so funny and great - partially because of my own, personal hatred of daycare institutions and partially because it's so relatable to hear about. I wish there were more chapters on Bea in general.
• Hahahah, the line, "Did she just say I have NO CLASS WITH NO DOODLE?" in response to an internet troll.
• This exchange with her adolescent son:

Wait, he was calling a girl?

"Henry, are you into girls already?"

He smiles, "All day and all night, son!"

• The entire chapter about her family friend John passing away was too much to handle in one sitting. It took me a few tries to get through it, not because reading about people handling death is so hard, but moreso because her description of this man and her relationship to him in her youth is so descriptive and empathetic. It's beautifully written and my favourite part of it was the final paragraph, "Bea runs over to me and holds my hand. I look down at the table set up at the entrance of the hall. On it rests John's hat, his Royal Order of the Horn leather necklace, and the condolences book. I touch the feather on the hat, then the necklace. Bea does the same. Then I look over at the condolences book and I read, "I remember first meeting John in the 1960s; he came through the door at Dyke's cabin and said, 'Hi, I'm John, the good guy.'" And I cry a flood of tears."
• This 1000% relatable paragraph:

"I've always felt like rape is the invisible vampire that I had to run from, if vampires were real and everywhere, all the time. Because I've never been raped, I've always waited for it, wondering where and when. Dark parking lots, elevators, bathrooms, hotel rooms, my front yard, my bed. I feel it could happen. Anytime. All the time. I'm ready to fight, but I'm almost forty. I'm fucking tired, you guys."

• The absolute best way she could have ended the book:

"I don't know when this will all stop. Or when women will truly be equals. Sometimes I feel so alone, and other times I open my mouth or reach out and find that everyone is feeling the same way that I'm feeling. And what the world is sharing is maybe the thing that helps us see that the world isn't really against us after all. Maybe."

It was a really great book, you should check it out.

Fahrenheit 451 By Ray Bradbury - A Review

I kind of wish they wouldn't force you to read great books in high school. There's so much else going on in a teenager's mind, and nine times out of ten - kids that age won't remember and/or appreciate whatever they're told to read. Am I wrong?

This is the only book I remember actually enjoying. And to be honest, I watched the movie first because of course I did. You don't earn a 62 in grade nine English by reading the book. My point here? I really liked the story, which made me want to re-read it now. Here are the best parts.

• "We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at least one which makes the heart run over."
• "Time has fallen asleep in the afternoon sunshine."
• "In the morning he would not have needed sleep, for all the warm odors and sights of a complete country night would have rested and slept him while his eyes were wide and his mouth, when he thought to test it, was half a smile."
• "Don't ask for guarantees. And don't look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing that you were headed for shore."
• And this drawing, good god look at this beautiful drawing.

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Okay, maybe I take it back. It's good to force this kind of stuff on kids. How else would they want to re-discover it later and enjoy it even more? I wish I could remember if I liked it as much back then as I do now. I also wish I understood One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest better. People in my class seemed to love that book so much and I just sat there like a moron thinking, "What the fuck is going on?"

Heartburn by Nora Ephron - A Review

Clearly, I've become a Nora Ephron fan. Not a crazy huge one, but a mild one. The best parts of this book? Here they are:

• I love this line so much: "...simply because you've been raised to believe that the only polite response to the words "I love you" is "I love you, too."
• How to properly cook mushrooms: "He taught me to cook mushrooms. He taught me that if you heat the butter very hot and put just a very few mushrooms into the frying pan, they come out nice and brown and crispy, whereas if the butter is only moderately hot and you crowd the mushrooms, they get all mushy and wet."
• I can't describe how much I relate to parts of this story and it makes me very happy: "I  felt really sad when Arnold (<their hamster>) died, because Charlie (<her ex-husband>) was devoted to Arnold and had invented a fairly elaborate personality for Arnold that Arnold did his best to live up to. Hamsters don't really do that much, but Charlie had built an entire character for Arnold and made up a lot of hamster jokes he claimed Arnold had come up with, mostly having to do with chopped lettuce. Also, and I'm sorry to tell you this, Charlie often talked in a high, squeaky voice that was meant to be Arnold's, and I'm even sorrier to tell you that I often replied in a high, squeaky voice that was meant to be Shirley's (<their other hamster>). You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets, but I didn't care."
• The recipe for her favourite vinaigrette: "Mix two tablespoons of Grey Poupon mustard with two tablespoons good red wine vinegar. Then, whisking constantly with a fork, slowly add six tablespoons olive oil, until the vinaigrette is thick and creamy; this makes a very strong vinaigrette that's perfect for salad greens like arugula and watercress and endive."

I Remember Nothing and Other Reflections by Nora Ephron - A Review

This book was fantastic and I didn't expect it to be, which made it even better. I really hadn't heard a ton about Nora Ephron before reading it and I've really only ever known her name because of the gem that is Julie & Julia (but more on that in another post). So glad I picked it up, though. Best parts are ahead.

• I will always love hearing someone's mother's advice about anything/everything and this piece of advice I loved: "Red meat keeps your hair from turning gray."
• I love this description of her time in New York: "I'd known since I was a child that I was going to live in New York eventually, and that everything in between would just be an intermission. I'd spent all those years imagining what New York was going to be like. I thought it was going to be the most exciting, magical, fraught-with-possibility place that you could ever live; a place where if you really wanted something you might be able to get it; a place where I'd be surrounded by people I was dying to know; a place where I might be able to become the only thing worth being, a journalist. And I'd turned out to be right."
• Here's some really sound advice from the chapter where she criticizes people who prefer egg white omelettes: "You don't make an omelette by taking out the yolks. You make one by putting additional yolks in. A really good omelette has two whole eggs and one extra yolk, and by the way, the same thing goes for scrambled eggs."
• I don't fully agree with her sentiments here, but I loved the way she put this: "I have a pile of her letters. When I look through them, it all comes back to me - how much I'd loved the early letters, how charmed I'd been, how flattered, how much less charming they began to seem, how burdensome they became, and then, finally, how boring. The story of love."
• The idea of putting your own recipes alongside your own essays or personal stories in a book is so lovely, I can barely stand it.
• When she defines divorce as "a slice of anger in the pie of your brain."
• "One good thing I'd like to say about divorce is that it sometimes makes it possible for you to be a much better wife to your next husband because you have a place for your anger; it's not directed at the person you're currently with."
• I love how much she loves the frozen custards from Shake Shack, which reminds me that I still have to try one someday. It's so hard to go to Shake Shack to get a burger and a custard, it's all so heavy - and it's not like I can go there and not get a burger. C'mon.
• She mentioned the restaurant Orso in NYC and now I must go there.
• "We would drive out with the kids the day they got out of school and we wouldn't come back until Labor Day. We were always there for the end of June, my favorite time of the year, when the sun doesn't set until nine-thirty at night and you feel as if you will live forever."
• My favorite things on her "What I Won't Miss" list: technology in general, dead flowers, panels on women in film & taking off makeup every night.
• My favorite things on her "What I Will Miss" list: the idea of a walk in the park, the bed, reading in bed, laughs, the Christmas tree, taking a bath & pie.

Just a great book, definitely give it a read.

Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling - Review

(Of course Mindy Kaling names this book after the thought that I often have when comparing myself constantly to this wonder of a woman: Why Not Me?)

All right, obvously I enjoyed it - just not as much as I thought I would, but a pretty decent amount. Her first book was so alarmingly charming and great, so it makes sense that it would be hard to top. Don't get me wrong, though, this one's definitely a great read. The main different between this one and her first one? Why Not Me? felt way more intimate, if that makes any sense. I know that both books are about her and her life, but this one just felt way more personal in terms of her day-to-day life. Here were my favourite parts:

"I'm the kind of person who becomes silent when I get scared, because I hope Death will not notice me if I am very still and very quiet."

"A heartfelt hug coming from a straight man who has spent the evening drinking with you is like him buying a billboard in Times Square that says I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU."

The whole chapter (around page 192) concerning her body image comments is fantastic. I loved it all. I could list some great lines here, but I started to and they were a' plenty. So just go read that chapter (like, at the book store, if you're too cheap to get it).

"No food is as delicious as food you can eat standing a foot away from a trash can."

Maybe the best paragraph of the book: "If you've got it, flaunt it. And if you don't got it? Flaunt it. 'Cause what are we even doing here if we're not flaunting it?"

In the paragraph about the thoughts that keep her awake at night, one thought listed made me laugh a lot: "What if that commenter on the message boards who posts constantly that I'm an "ugly fat Indian girl who looks like a turd" is someone I know socially?" and another one listed that was so sweet: "Is my father lonely? Would he tell me if he was?"

Reasons To Stay Alive By Matt Haig - A Review

I'd first heard of Matt Haig and this book when I came across an excerpt from his book (Reasons To Stay Alive) a few months ago and thought, "I should read that." I didn't look any further into what the book itself was about, but I should have.

In no way did I hate it, but I kind of wish I hadn't read it. Or rather, I wish I'd read it at some later point in my life. I think I thought that the book was supposed to be about something else (especially based on that one page I initially saw).  I didn't expect it to be as heavy as it was and it really brought me down at times in a way I didn't anticipate. If you've ever suffered from depression or anxiety (or if you've been close with someone who has experienced these things), then I think you'll probably get a lot out of this book. There were definitely memorable things that I took away from reading it (and I'll list those below), but I was so happy when it finally ended. I think it really just came down to the fact that I don't read books like this one typically and now I know why. 

Highlights

• "One of the key symptoms of depression is to see no hope. No future. Far from the tunnel having light at the end of it, it seems like it is blocked at both ends, and you are inside it." 
• "To other people, it (depression) sometimes seems like nothing at all. You are walking around with your head on fire and no one can see the flames."
• "Depression, for me, wasn't a dulling but a sharpening, an intensifying, as though I had been living my life in a shell and now the shell wasn't there. It was total exposure. A red-raw, naked mind. A skinned personality."
• "There is this idea that you either read to escape or you read to find yourself. I don't really see the difference. We find ourselves through the process of escaping."
• "Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person. You can walk through a storm and feel the wind but you know you are not the wind. That is how we must be with our minds. We must allow ourselves to feel their gales and downpours, but all the time knowing this is just necessary weather."
• "Hate is a pointless emotion to have inside you. It is like eating a scorpion to punish it for stinging you."
• "Laughing so hard it hurts. Laughing as you bend forward and as your abdomen actually starts to hurt from so much pleasure, so much release, and then as you sit back and audibly groan and inhale deeply, staring at the person next to you, mopping up the joy." - I just fell in love with that phrase "mopping up the joy" it's so perfect. 
• The new words I learned from this book were quixotic, languor and avaricious.

It's definitely well written and insightful as hell. My only advice to you if you read it? Take your time. I didn't take my time with it and maybe that's why I felt so overwhelmed. 

The Bedwetter by Sarah Silverman - A Review

I really enjoyed it (which you may have anticipated) and you should definitely check it out if you haven't already. Best parts ahead.

• "If you're a comic, sooner or later you will either befriend, financially support, or become a homeless person."
• There's a story about the death of her younger brother that's insanely sad, but she tells it in such a delicate way that's so memorable. 
• She wrote a whole page describing how great Garry Shandling is and how he's such an influence to her. "Garry emphasized that it would be up to me to set limits, to know what I can and cannot do, and that "quality of life" does not mean "the most money to can possibly make."
• "After Saturday-night sleepovers I'd go to church on Sundays with my Christian friends and their families far more than I ever went to temple. But both places of worship seemed to be these bizarre forums where authority figures told fucked-up ghost stories between spurts of loving encouragement."

And just incase you're keeping track (you aren't), I'm very much on track with my resolution of reading two books a season. (Winter: Tim Allen & Samantha Irby & Spring: Chelsea Hander & Sarah Silverman)

The Beauty of Yelp

Do you use Yelp? 'Cause you should. Reasons?

1. Everyone goes out to eat.
2. Your opinions matter (but only when they're passionate).

Seems simple enough, doesn't it? Personally, I love Yelp 'cause I wholly encourage overly negative or positive reviews of anything. I used to be the kind of Yelper to give two, three and four stars - but lately I'll only ever give a place either one star or five. There really should be no middle ground. And if the place you're reviewing IS a regular, basic kind of place, then that really isn't the type of restaurant that requires a Yelp review in the first place.

I can't stand it when someone reviews something with phrases like "It was all right" or "The food was adequate." What the hell?! WHO CARES?! How boring of a person are you to think that this average experience you had MATTERS TO ANYONE ELSE? It makes me so mad. Especially when I get tricked into reading those types of reviews. I've learned that the greatly written posts are usually in the one star or five star category, too. And that makes sense! One star/five star reviews elicit passion and/or rage! And that's what everyone wants.

Conclusion? I want you to Yelp. But only when you have an experience that you must inform society about.