September Shenanigans 2023

September has come and gone! Welcome to grade 33, as Martin Short would say. Before we can sing the praises of this perfect time of year, here’s what went down last month:

• The best tweets of September can be found over here.

• I compiled my favourite photos from the summer.

• I finally wrote about my dad’s 100th birthday party from June and Global News Canada did a short segment on my dad!

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Mom & dad at his 100th party

• I started a new series (Fall Fridays) and I’m probably more excited about it than you are? And that’s okay?

• I found 20 new Halloween decor/kitchen things that I need to buy immediately.

• I recapped how I did with my summer list, then made a new autumn one for the season.

• Had my favourite meal of the entire season at Shukette.

• I made this tomato tart and it was pretty good. It felt cool to make the bread base even though I have zero bread-making abilities (though next time I might just stick with store-bought puff pastry since it’s eons better).

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Heirloom tomato tart

• Made this chocolate zucchini banana cake for Nathan’s birthday because he loves it and it’s always so good.

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Zucchini chocolate banana cake with coffee cream cheese frosting

• This batch of pumpkin spice coffee syrup is my new favourite seasonal recipe (especially if you add milk to it before adding to iced coffee).

• So I made these pecan pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and yes they’re good, but they need some sort of frosting I think. Cookie recipes are so plain these days and someone needs to take a stand against them.

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Pecan pumpkin chocolate chip cookies

• Jimmy Buffett passed away Labour Day weekend, so I finally made my way to Margaritaville in Times Square and it was actually great. The food was rough, but the drinks and the key lime pie were perfection.

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Just realized now that I wore funeral clothing to Margaritaville in Times Square, NYC

• Got drinks at the Chelsea Hotel and saw Matthew Broderick sitting with John Slattery, who were both babes.

• Caught up with my dear friend Sarah who was visiting from Montreal!

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Margaritas with Sarah

• I went to Shopsin’s in Essex Market and whoa. Any time I’m craving a sandwich, I should always just come here. It’s hard for a chicken sandwich to impress anyone these days, but theirs was memorably fantastic. All sandwich bread should be garlic bread.

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Fried chicken sandwich at Shopsin’s

• Nathan and I went to Shot of Art to paint and it was kind of really fun.

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I mean… we’re really cute here

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• I have been using the scar cream Mederma on this brutal wound that I’ve had since July and it’s almost magical. The scar isn’t completely gone yet, but as soon as it is I’ll do a side-by-side comparison.

• I met R.L. Stine!

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• Some things I’ve watched:

  • Night Beast: great. Tubi has such good old horror movies.

  • Tourist Trap: okay, not a great example of a good Tubi horror movie, but definitely unique. Loved the ending.

  • The Black Phone: YIKES. Not good. To everyone who enjoyed this movie: it’s sad that your love for Ethan Hawke has clouded your vision because this was utter trash.

Some things I’m looking forward to this month: I have to get my hands on these snow globes stamps as soon as heavenly possible, I have to put the final touches on my Halloween costume, seeing The Shark is Broken on Broadway with Nathan and spending Thanksgiving in Canada with the family.

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went on in August over here. And my autumn highlights on Instagram can be seen here.

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September Shenanigans 2022

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Early fall sunsets are easily the best ones all year

Officially the latest monthly post I’ve ever done, I’m sorry! I promise it will never happen again. We’re right in the middle of autumn and everything is overwhelming, but a good kind of overwhelming. Here’s what went down in September (oh god that feels like a year ago).

• You can find my favourite tweets of the month over here and here.

• I finally went to visit the video rental space Kim’s Video downtown.

• I made a collection of my favourite photos from the summer.

• I recapped what I did off my summer list of things to do.

• I wrote my autumn list of things that I intend to do this season.

• I did a podcast with Nathan that can be heard over here.

• I know I’ve mentioned how good Aquaphor is for ashy elbows, but I’ve also discovered that it’s incredible at healing damaged pimple areas. For instance, when you pop one and it goes so wrong. I did this recently and then put some of it right on top and it was completely healed in two days.

• I’ve tried the Carbone jarred pasta sauce and it was great! It’s overpriced, so I’d only buy it on sale. And some flavours can be a little too oily, but overall it tastes great.

• I finally saw Nope and I think I liked it. It’s probably my least favourite of his movies, but it was enjoyable to watch. That shoe standing upright bothered me for way too long before I looked it up and connected the idea of “bad miracles” but other than that, it was all right. Love the way that man promotes a movie.

• I had dinner at Fiaschetteria Pistoia and the duck ragu was really good. It’s an aggressively tiny restaurant, but the food made it worth it.

• Since it’s illegal to operate any cashless operation in New York City, if you ever see a place trying to tell you otherwise - report them! To consumers@dca.nyc.gov - I do it all the time.

• Some things I watched:

  • The Woodstock documentary on Netflix: only three episodes, great watch. You will hate all concert promoters by the end of it.

  • Volcano: okay, I can finally settle this debate. It is NOT better than Dante’s Peak.

  • Never Have I Ever (newest season): I almost wanted to hate it (why? I’ve watched all the seasons? I can’t explain this?) but I keep loving it. I can acknowledge that younger people have every right to hate this show. The supplementary characters just keep getting better and better.

  • The Keaton episode of New Girl: I’ve never seen this show because it looks bad and I wouldn’t like it. That being said, I watched this one because it was a Halloween episode and I also thought there was a chance of Michael Keaton being in it. God, what a mistake. This episode only confirms what a terrible show it really is. Can we retire fat suits already?

  • Killing Me Softly: honestly just a wild ride of a movie. Everyone should watch it.

  • Hocus Pocus 2: okay, let me start this by saying that this movie isn’t for me. It’s for children. And I can respect that. I just wish that more characters from the original were in this one, that would’ve made me so much more into it. Nothing will beat the original in my mind and that’s perfectly acceptable.

• So I went to Las Vegas again and I got to eat at the new Martha Stewart restaurant The Bedford. Of course my expectations were high because 1) I love her and 2) she’s never opened a restaurant before. The servers are extremely well trained (which is wonderful, I love this detail) they have even been taught to say “cheers” in Polish. The attention to detail on the decor of the individual tables as well as the entire space is perfection, even the temperature was just right. However, there had to be cons. All burgers should have round buns, what reason is there to mess with that simple fact? The smashed potato (which is smashed table-side) is an incredibly stupid idea and almost seems like a joke on the white people who would actually enjoy it. Small side orders of sauces should absolutely never cost $9, that’s ludicrous. The fries were wildly overcooked in overused oil (how does one mess up french fries?) and the prices, sure, they were outrageous but that fact tracks since it’s in Las Vegas. The homemade mustard was really tasty (maybe because you never come across homemade?) and her béarnaise sauce was perfect. The oysters Rockefeller were good, if only a little bit chilly. All in all, it was an experience. One that I’ll happily never have to have again.

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The Bedford in Las Vegas

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Oysters Rockefeller at The Bedford in Las Vegas

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Am I wrong or does this burger bun belong at Wendy’s?

• I also ate at Bazaar Meat By Jose Andres in Vegas and it was spectacular. I got the cotton candy fois gras, the patatas bravas and the meatball. Love this man. Love his food.

• I tried the tacos at Dirty Taco (an LA street-style taco place) in Grand Central Terminal and the duck skin tacos were only all right, but the steak ones were fantastic. The tortillas were also great. Also, maybe it’s a bad idea to have the word dirty in your name?

• I made these pumpkin lasagna rollups that have the exact right amount of pumpkin in them.

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Pumpkin lasagna rollups

• Also made this blueberry buckle that tasted especially good with some maple syrup on top.

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What’s a buckle? Basically cake… yeah it’s just cake.

• I finally went to the Manhattan location of The Alamo and this theatre is great, but impossible to find. It’s also where the new Kim’s Video is hiding.

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Who on earth is expected to easily find this place, you tell me

• I had brunch at Sala in Astoria and just wow. I never thought I’d have the best BLT of my life at a tapas place. Everyone needs to go.

• I read the Chloe Hilliard book Fuck Your Diet: And Other Things My Thighs Tell Me and… meh. Can we all make a pact to never use the phrase eating clean ever again? The book was really very okay, I think I just wish it was more about her being a comedian and less about body stuff. It’s obviously my fault since the title really does say it all.

• If you aren’t watching the Halloween episodes of Bob’s Burgers this month, you may not be cooler than I am.

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Some things that I’m looking forward to doing this month: oh god, so many Halloween related activities, I can’t wait to finalize our costumes, I’m definitely going to make these pumpkin cookies again, I’d love to make garlic chicken meatballs with orzo for dinner on a rainy night, I really want to walk around Central Park with Baby Dog since all the leaves are changing and I’d really love to have next month’s roundup post written on time. Fingers crossed. Oh and here’s a link to all of the fall festivals happening around NYC right now.

If you have any interest in what went on in August, come on over here. I also have an autumn highlight reel on Instagram if you care to see what I’m up to this season.

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Baby Dog with the last of the summer sunflowers, September 2022

September Shenanigans 2020

The leaves are starting to fall, the colder winds are coming, the pumpkins are starting to appear and I’ve never wanted an October more than I do right now. This time of year stirs up so much inside of me, I can barely breathe. However you enjoy this season, I hope you take some time to bask in these autumn days that are typically so fleeting. Here’s what went down last month.

• I recapped what happened off of my summer list.

• I made an autumn list of things that I’d like to do this season.

• I cannot stop playing this John Legend song on repeat. Especially in recent days.

• Some other songs I have on repeat: Never Let Me Go by Alok & Bruno Martini & Zeeba, Savage Love by Jawsh 685 & Jason Derulo and that old Sarah McLachlan song Ice Cream for some reason.

• Absolutely in love with the limited edition apple pie flavoured Kit Kats. Unreal.

• I made these pumpkin pie overnight oats and they were a big hit. Great autumn breakfast idea.

• I ate at Buvette and their snails were definitely the highlight.

• I saw the movie The Car and it was phenomenal. You have to see it. The dialogue is atrocious, but a young, smokeshow James Brolin? Christ, he can get it. It’s a perfect bad movie.

• I went to Gramercy Tavern and of course that place never disappoints. The service, the food, everything is impeccable. Some photos below.

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Of course they have their own sanitizer

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The Harvest Daiquiri with Frozen El Dorado 8 yr Rum, Green Chartreuse, Caradonna Farms Apple Cider, Lime

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Chilled Corn Soup with Pickled Cauliflower, Beets, Avocado

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Campanelle Bolognese with Kale, Basil, Pecorino

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Tavern Bacon & Cheddar Burger with Smoked Onion Sauce, Duck Fat Potato Chips

• Something new: did you know that Sephora has in-store rewards available that are different from the rewards shown on their website? Something to check out near the front cashier the next time you’re in a Sephora.

• New favourite potato chips: Torres Selecta Black Truffle.

• I bought the Mario Badescu Drying Lotion again because it’s such a great product for calming down acne and one bottle lasts at least six months or so.

• A great piece about the arts scene in New York City right now.

• I rarely listen to podcasts, but I listened to the Conan O’Brien episode of the Michelle Obama podcast and it was great. The episode is about marriage and I liked it so much because I love hearing about how couples first met and fell for one another.

• With SNL returning this weekend, I rewatched one of my favourite sketches in recent memory.

• As with every other person on earth this month, I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix and then immediately deleted all the games off of my phone. I know the whole message was to delete Instagram and Facebook, but I’ve never had Facebook on my phone (what am I, 90?) and I truly don’t go on Instagram that much (not by choice, I have a shite battery that lasts about eight minutes a day).

• This girl helping senior dogs is an absolute angel on earth.

• Fighting ever urge in my body to immediately buy this emerald beauty.

• I started watching Girlfriends and even though the pilot is rooooough (as most pilots are), it’s an all right show. It’s insane that Sex And The City basically stole this entire premise. I did, however, stop watching because all of the women are so wildly tiny, it warps my brain to sit and stare at skinny women for long periods of time.

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• I bought this scalp massager and holy hell, it’s incredible. It elevates a shower times a thousand.

• I tried a sample of Fab Pharma’s Rescue Mask and it’s pretty great. It’s weird to not wash a mask off yes, but your skin feels amazing in the morning after use.

• My friend Dusty had his movie reviewed by Roger Ebert’s website which is so huge and amazing. Wildly proud.

• I started watching Sister, Sister on Netflix and Lisa is the greatest character of all time.

• The new autumn candle at Trader Joe’s? Honeycrisp Apple! Already bought! Already sold out! Will I light it or just keep it to smell every so often? None of your business.

• Another great New Yorker cover.

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• I was fortunate enough to eat at Atoboy (thank you Katie & Greg!) and it was perfection. I’ve never eaten tuna so heavenly. Such a wonderful meal and the service especially was warm as hell.

• A roasted oyster cheat sheet for NYC, if you should find yourself in need.

• A great piece talking about how people make up voices for their dogs.

• I rewatched Grease and I can’t believe how often I forget how good the music is in that movie. Every song smashes.

• One of my favourite restaurants in Astoria, Mars, opened for lunch recently, very grateful.

• REVELATION: Not drinking before bed gives you a crazy, deep, restful sleep. How on earth did I not remember this?

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• I finally bought those Aerie bike shorts I’ve wanted for months and they’re incredible. Bike shorts should always be this damn soft.

• Finally ate at Arte Cafe on the Upper West Side and loved it.

• I visited the Krispy Kreme flagship in Times Square and it was pretty great. Most locations in every suburban city have glass windows where you see the donuts being made, so I didn’t get the huge appeal?

• I may or may not have indulged in some of the seasonal desserts at Comfortland in Astoria, I won’t tell you details because they weren’t anything amazing. Honestly, nothing compares to the apple fritters at San Remo’s in Etobicoke.

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• I watched the Surviving R. Kelly sequel on Netflix and it didn’t really have any new information, which makes sense because there hasn’t even been a trial yet.

• I also watched all of season one and some of season two of Twin Peaks (for the first time) and I have some thoughts. First things first, the pilot is incredible. But… why is the background/theme music so terrible? It never matches any of the scenes in tone and it just leaves me confused most times. Some parts are so fucking off and bad (acting-wise, script-wise) that I literally googled certain scenes to see if they were supposed to be funny or if I was missing something. What the fuck is with all of the dancing? And THIS scene? What in the good holy fuck?? UGH, and then David Lynch SHOWS UP IN THE SHOW? Kill me. The entire series should’ve lasted one season. I can officially say that I don’t give one shit about who the fuck killed Laura Palmer, she’s the luckiest character of them all to be dead. Blow me, Lynch.

• Hot tip: wine bottle as a ravioli maker!

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• Neve Campbell is definitely onboard for the next Scream!

• Best tweets of the month ahead.

Me trying to watch a movie on 123 Movies : https://t.co/uwiPq16F5L

— Ollie (Olluwa) ⭕️ 🇳🇬 (@OllieOFB) August 31, 2020

The planet is straight up trolling us at this point. https://t.co/wAxiSrz72o

— Lindsay Theisen (@lindsaytheis) August 31, 2020

Godzilla being granted Japanese citizenship pic.twitter.com/HVmLuTAV6y

— N-MaTOP (@Htop_Gunder) August 31, 2020

*me slumping over after brief, terrible sex* "that's what it would be like with the other guys" https://t.co/GJDykfcdBS

— Sam Adler-Bell (@SamAdlerBell) September 1, 2020

physically / emotionally cannot stop buying scented candles

— Amy Miller (@amymiller) September 2, 2020

when you are definitely NOT mad because people aren’t giving you enough attention pic.twitter.com/atl680cJoZ

— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) September 2, 2020

disordered eating is so normalized that i truly believe the vast majority of people with eating disorders don't even know they have them

— rayne fisher-quann (@raynefq) September 2, 2020

Whatever happened to “Tahiti Treat”?

— Gerry Dee (@gerrydee) September 3, 2020

I think we need to start paying attention to the signs that we should stop making Batman movies good night

— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) September 4, 2020

Someone really let his son do this to me. https://t.co/VlTp5pJyqc

— Rudy Gobert (@rudygobert27) September 4, 2020

This the best thing on the internet this week pic.twitter.com/rWrIykpURs

— The Only Justice is Breonna Still Being Here (@hfdavis) September 4, 2020

Not sure who needs this right now, but you are wonderful and you are loved and you are the only you in this entire world and whatnot.

— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) September 5, 2020

us: we’re starving and can’t pay our rent

celebrities: vote ❤️

— greta gerNIG (@NILES100) September 4, 2020

Things always seem terrible around here, but yesterday my daughter saw her first waterfall and I got to watch her face. pic.twitter.com/Yn9MAd9hG2

— Lisa Fleisher (@lisafleisher) September 4, 2020

childhood was so weird. I used to be happy? to wake up at five am on a Saturday?? to watch one episode of Sailor Moon???

— i bless the rains down in castamere (@Chinchillazllla) September 5, 2020

It’s the confidence in every single answer for me😂😭😭 pic.twitter.com/u8cNaXLnsO

— the sun’s daughter🌞 (@ephrata) September 5, 2020

When Jhene said ‘I used to think I was introverted because I really liked being alone but it turns out that I just like my peace, and I am very extroverted around people who bring me peace.’ I FELT THAT IN MY CHEST.

— JOJO 🦋 (@jojoansett) September 6, 2020

entirely blonde families have dark energy

— chesse (@_jorts_) September 7, 2020

if i were shania twain, i would tweet “let’s go girls” every single morning for the rest of my life

— Liz Maupin (@LizMaupin) September 7, 2020

Turns out people who took videos at concerts on their phones were RIGHT this whole time.

— Brandie Posey (@Brandazzle) September 8, 2020

olive oil and balsamic vinegar...... the strength of that collaboration........

— charlie (@chunkbardey) September 8, 2020

its michael cera pic.twitter.com/LcI4Y86E0D

— diamond bean (@sh_wnee) September 8, 2020

Anyway this woman who re-enacts SATC scenes with her cat as Samantha is my only joy pic.twitter.com/vEovoLlpxC

— Alanna Bennett (@AlannaBennett) September 9, 2020

Once I waited on Yoko Ono and she tipped me 100%. Thank you queen you are a class act who gives a shit about the fucking Beatles

— Mike Recine (@mikerecine) September 9, 2020

hey look it's the filter we use for movies in mexico and india to make them look polluted and dangerous https://t.co/MLBoJdCuHu

— andrew wang (@andrwwang) September 9, 2020

"Rent is $1150, that does not include hydro, garbage is on Thursdays and here's a key"

- me giving my apartment to a centipede that landed on my bed

— alan “call 1-800-267-2001, ALARM FORCE” lewis (@TheAlanShane) September 11, 2020

do gen z know we used to upload 90 photos to a facebook album after every single night out? they’d be so mortified for us.

— 🎄dam (@adambyrne_) September 10, 2020

The pope wears that big hat cause Jesus is under there controlling him Ratatouille style

— Garf,,,the halloteen (@garfpoop) September 10, 2020

keep getting pissed at myself for letting such a small thing as national apocalypse get in the way of my productivity

— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) September 10, 2020

Timothee Chalamet looks like if Montreal was a person.

— Millenial Falcon (@Sergetacular) September 11, 2020

Ok I’m stoned but this seems like a good idea: what if there was an app that both you and your partner have where you both swipe right or left on movies that are on your streaming services and when you find a match it lets you know

— c a i t l i n (@hello__caitlin) September 11, 2020

I’d like to nominate cardboard humans watching baseball in a dystopian hell scape for photo of the year, thanks. pic.twitter.com/DeQmFjuM45

— 🇨🇦 Marshall Ferguson 🏈 (@TSN_Marsh) September 10, 2020

It is so crazy that a Trump rally literally killed Herman Caine and it was a news story for like 14 hours.

— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) September 11, 2020

i sit with my daughter while she falls asleep and i always whisper “i love you” in her ear as soon as she falls asleep& she says “i love you too” well tonight we had a little argument before she fell asleep i still whispered “i love you” & all she whispered back was “good” LMFAO

— CeciATL (@CeciATL) September 10, 2020

Just looked outside my window here in California wtf pic.twitter.com/VAdsdbjbyr

— D’laney (@brennanmdg) September 9, 2020

It should count for 4 if you swish it. There I said it.

— C.J. “Lakers Fan Since I Was A Baby” Toledano (@CJToledano) September 12, 2020

i like how nick nurse looks like a kid who is in the middle of a realistic dream where he woke up coaching a major league basketball team and is like "oh god, ok, im gonna try!"

— raina douris (@RahRahRaina) September 12, 2020

Come vibe with me pic.twitter.com/kZJNlwnoOO

— mufasa (@mufasatweetss) September 11, 2020

my girlfriend regularly tells me “if free public libraries didn’t already exist and someone tried to invent them, they would be condemned as a socialist plot” and I think about that a lot.

— The Library Owl 🌻🧙‍♀️🦉 (@SketchesbyBoze) September 11, 2020

i hate that weight gain is seen as ‘not looking after yourself’ when for a lot of people it’s a sign that we are enjoying food, maybe seeing our friends more, maybe going out more, maybe just letting go of societal standards for a bit! weight gain can be from happy changes too

— poppy (@_tattooedtears) September 11, 2020

I love how every airline is like “not to brag, but we actually clean the planes now.”

— Alexis Gay (@yayalexisgay) September 8, 2020

Capitalism is a disease. https://t.co/ixa5vXVpUS

— shar jossell (@SharSaysSo) September 11, 2020

I barked with laughter. pic.twitter.com/Dddl7dkxIY

— Ani Bundel Crossing (@anibundel) September 11, 2020

“overdressed” is a social construct created by hating hoes

— chideraogemezu. (@jcchib) September 11, 2020

men will tell you everything but what they’re feeling

— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 14, 2020

Dave Grohl goes above and beyond to make 2020 a little more tolerable. Man, this is just heartwarming as fuck! There goes my hero indeed. I wanna be Dave when I grow up. https://t.co/QCsuM0MHp8

— KevinSmith (@ThatKevinSmith) September 14, 2020

does anyone else constantly think about how Jessica Simpson was body shamed in 2009 for being a size 4? and how fatphobic our society has to be to think that even this very small body was unacceptable and worthy of global bullying? because whew I really really do. pic.twitter.com/mSj7GVyzgF

— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) September 14, 2020

Diving catch through smoke while wearing a face mask, what a demented universe we're all trying to bend into some semblance of normalcy https://t.co/cNKrXiPkdg

— Jon Tayler, Smiling Politely (@JATayler) September 14, 2020

I’m not “marriage material” I’m not “relationship material” I’m “crush material” which is a lot like the material they make cheap sweatpants out of.

— MattBachus (@Mattbachus) September 15, 2020

i will never scuba dive. what fish do down there is none of my business.

— b (@doyalikebaileys) September 14, 2020

I'll never forgive white people for making Joe Rogan anything more than that dude that use to host Fear Factor

— Jacquis (@jacquisneal) September 14, 2020

Y'all ever think about how indigenous people successfully lived in the Americas for 15,000 years then Europeans came here and 500 years later the whole nation is experiencing apocalyptic climate disaster.

— Not Brian (@LfeofCnsequence) September 15, 2020

it’s actually wild that there’s a lottery for affordable housing, like a basic necessity is being treated like a tour of willy wonka’s factory lmao

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) September 15, 2020

I know it’s rough now, but I really think some day we’ll be able to look back at all this and say, “That’s not a time I like to think about”

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) September 16, 2020

“The Clippers winning a ring!” pic.twitter.com/RUD8pHQNZf

— Josiah Johnson (@KingJosiah54) September 16, 2020

when i’m at dinner with people and they start talking about something that isn’t one of the three things i know about pic.twitter.com/QWfLS1wadm

— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) September 16, 2020

my baby got his hearing aids today. look at his face 🥺😭 pic.twitter.com/IwwdsQVrSN

— finessa hudgins (@lil_lopeep) September 16, 2020

sometimes i remember that if a clown wants to trademark their makeup they have to paint it on an egg that is stored in a special clown egg warehouse and then i have to go lie down pic.twitter.com/5ltP6aQzL5

— jo murderous 🔪🔪🔪 (@jo_hauge) September 16, 2020

Just a reminder that Joe Biden’s dog is the Joe Biden of dogs. pic.twitter.com/8BQBO8HDA3

— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) September 16, 2020

Car commercials are really out here acting like the reason I don’t own a car is because I can’t make up my mind.

— MattBachus (@Mattbachus) September 17, 2020

stop asking “is everything okay?” start asking “is anything okay?”

— rosemary “reply gay” donahue (@rosadona) September 17, 2020

Can you imagine remembering the news from two days ago

— Dina Hashem (@dinahashem_) September 18, 2020

This is genuinely funny https://t.co/zsLftnifWT

— Erin GrudgePAC Ryan (@morninggloria) September 20, 2020

I still can't believe that the trick to defeating journalism was to just be so openly evil that reporting on it accurately sounds partisan.

— Johnny "The Crypt Renter" McNulty (@JohnnyMcNulty) September 19, 2020

who decided that eyes and teeth r not part of healthcare lmao

— ani (@aniacopian) September 19, 2020

tie ladies to train tracks in silent movies https://t.co/PABkniIyqw

— ☕netw3rk (@netw3rk) September 20, 2020

when you lose the emmy pic.twitter.com/ECkbGcoHBA

— ramy youssef (@ramy) September 21, 2020

pic.twitter.com/xcWSsvyxCV

— Sam Buzz (@SamBuzz9) March 23, 2020

Holding my nose and hoping for the best 🤞🏼 https://t.co/SDVjagEJ8c

— Ben O'Callaghan (@benocallaghan) September 23, 2020

was explaining “if you snooze you lose” to french husband and he said “so basically it’s if you are sleeping, fuck you”

— rachel de navailles (@racheldenav) September 24, 2020

20 years ago today Vince Carter dunked over an entire human being. Here’s a quick recap...pic.twitter.com/mCkZADeBmC

— Mike Camerlengo (@MCamerlengo) September 25, 2020

Me heading for the border on November 5th pic.twitter.com/5idgX2XVmu

— Ben Yahr (@benyahr) September 26, 2020

Why get a dog if you’re just gonna pull on it every time it stops to smell something? That’s what they do. Why not take a fish out the tank and throw it on the floor

— Nathan Macintosh (@Nathanmacintosh) September 26, 2020

Overturning roe will not end abortion in America.

It will end *safe* abortion.

This is violence against women, simple as that.

— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) September 26, 2020

Why don’t conservatives ever want to interfere with my body in a HELPFUL way? Fix this little bump on my leg! Exfoliate my elbows! Stretch my quads! Bitch, FLOSS ME.

— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) September 27, 2020

This is a reminder that the IRS audits way more people who make under $30,000 per year than they do millionaires because the GOP repeatedly stripped their funding and the poor don't have the resources to fight the IRS, while the rich have lawyers to fight them at every turn

— Ryan Rosenblatt (@RyanRosenblatt) September 27, 2020

once u start shoplifting there is no going back it literally rewires your neural pathways and thought patterns like I now get physically mad whenever I have to pay for something

— ☆ (@SAlGONDOLL) September 27, 2020

landlords be like “do you have a stable job” bro do you???

— Hopi💜 (@Hopihokte) September 27, 2020

Imagine you get murdered and some girl skips your episode of forensic files bc it’s boring

— itty 🥺 (@ittybittywhore) September 24, 2020

pic.twitter.com/2qOQwbZpdw

— ‏َ (@DIGIG00N) September 26, 2020

I wish anti-maskers weren’t a thing so us regular people could complain about masks being annoying without looking like a Q Anon dipshit who refuses to wear one. I just wanna be able to say “this sucks” without having to follow it up with “BUT I WILL BECAUSE IT’S MY CIVIC DUTY”

— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) September 29, 2020

Trump: we’ve had no problems with Covid at rallies

The ghost of Herman Cain: pic.twitter.com/uMCno7hmwz

— Robin Thede (@robinthede) September 30, 2020

pic.twitter.com/a4yomieMva

— Michael Tannenbaum (@iamTannenbaum) September 30, 2020

American Presidential Debates be like " Do Black people matter? you have two minutes."

— 𝕽✘𝖇𝖇i (@R0BB1_3) September 30, 2020

how do pornstars make porn without saying i love you each time??

— 🎶 this is Palloween 🎃 (@PallaviGunalan) September 30, 2020

me and the girls heading to michaels for a festive halloween wreath pic.twitter.com/sYF5ouWOcu

— oatmeal influencer (@acechhh) September 30, 2020

Mama Bear: The porridge is ready

Papa Bear: Perfect let’s leave for a couple of hours

— sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) September 30, 2020

Some things that I’m looking forward to doing this month: I must decorate, I really want to make this fall kale salad that sounds incredible, I’m planning a visit to Sleepy Hollow for the day, if I can find the time I really want to try these vegan burgers, I need to finalize the details for my costume this year, MUST BUY these winter stamps, I cannot wait to get my hands on these again, I’m intending on doing my 31-days-of-Halloween celebration yet again (which means that I’ll try to do at least one spookily themed thing each day), and I will definitely be watching some of these 90s sitcoms Halloween episodes. Also, I’m not a huge cronut fan but these flavours (below)?! Get out of here. Already pre-ordered.

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Heading into October in a few days, and our Cronut® of the month for NYC is Hazelnut Cappuccino, filled with creamy hazelnut ganache and cappuccino ganache. Starts October 1st in Soho (preorders are up now at NYC.CronutPreorder.com).

A post shared by dominiqueansel (@dominiqueansel) on Sep 23, 2020 at 7:19am PDT

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in August over here.