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LIZ HEATHER

April 4, 2023

March Magic 2023

by Liz Heather in Best of NYC, Food, Links, Movies, Personal, Recipes, Television


Nothing better than this view.

I do a million things the month of my birthday and I never regret it. Some people roll their eyes at the phrase “birthday week” or “birthday month” but those people tend to be supremely unhappy and I express my sympathy towards them. Here’s what happened in the birthday month!

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A post shared by Liz Heather (@lizheather)

  • The best tweets of the month can be found over here.

  • I recapped how I did with my winter list of things to do.

  • I made my new seasonal spring list of things I’d like to do.

  • Loving the new tomato leaf candle from Trader Joe’s as well as the great new sweet carrot cake from Bath & Body Works.

Tomato leaf candle from Trader Joe’s, March 2023

Sweet carrot cake candle from Bath & Body Works, March 2023

  • Ice skating in March with friends? Always a good idea.

75% of us bought skates for this hahahah, it’s called FRIENDSHIP

  • You know the food blog Grandbaby Cakes? She just put out a new cookbook and the two main things I want to make from it? The salted butterscotch apple whiskey snacking cake as well as the chocolate pecan pie shortbread bars.

  • If you have a NYC/Queens/Brooklyn library card, are you aware that you can get free tickets to museums all over the city?

  • I have made this chicken marsala at least three times this month, it might be my favourite way to eat chicken.

Chicken marsala should legally be eaten once a week

  • I bought this Banana Republic Factory funnel-neck sweater in black as well as white because it legit makes me feel like I have a 401k.

  • I know zero about coffee, but I’ve done this heating-the-press up method a few times now when I make iced coffee and I think it might taste better when you do it?? Nathan claims there’s no difference, so I might just be argumentative?

  • In love with the tomato potato chips from Eataly.

Available at Eataly, NYC

  • Will I ever use this pasta mold from Zara Home - or will I watch it sit on a kitchen shelf each day for twenty years while I yearn to be the type of person who uses a pasta mold?

  • Love this short article: Want to Lead a Better Life? The Secret Is in the Cemetery.

  • I had brunch at Quality Eats and the short rib hash was great, but really just inspired me to make it at home.

Short rib hash, Quality Eats

  • In birthday discount news…

    • Are you aware that Target gives you a measly 5% off one item on your birthday?! It’s so insulting, I wish they’d just do away with it altogether, it’s pathetic. Why are brands becoming such ingrates when it comes to customer loyalty?

    • I went to Ulta for my free March birthday gift and they were “out of stock” at TWO locations. And nothing was offered in its place. SWEET.

    • Milk Bar is supposed to offer some kind of birthday something, but since their loyalty “program” is so new, none of the employees have been taught what the benefits of the program even are. WHAT IS HAPPENING?? (Sidenote: am I the only one who think their cookies suck?)

    • You know the bra store I love, Journelle? They got rid of their birthday month discount, too! So I guess all these companies have decided that our collective slow march towards death with include ZERO BIRTHDAY PERKS. Cool cool cool.

  • I tried the crab rangoon March special at Mimi Cheng’s and they were only all right, why is everything disappointing me lately? They weren’t terrible, just too cream-cheesy. While we’re on the topic, on what planet does crab need cheese to accompany it? Seems dumb.

March Special (crab rangoon dumplings), Mimi Cheng’s

  • I also tried this newish Croatian restaurant in Astoria, Selo, and it was absolutely nothing special. I may have to stop giving such credence to the critics at Eater.

  • My niece Layla got me an incredible birthday gift - a ticket to Tao of Glass, which the New York Times called “a fantastical and often moving tribute to the composer Philip Glass and the power of art to flow through our lives.” IT WAS SO GOOD. Philip Glass was even there on opening night, which was too exciting and I was floored by the whole evening. God, I love it when someone knows you so well and can arrange the most perfect gift.

March 2023

  • I bought new jeans after maybe a decade and I can’t be more in love with these ribcage straight ankle Levi’s I got.

  • Some things I’ve watched:

    • Tusk: I absolutely hate when American directors talk about Canada in their films, it’s always embarrassing. And jesus, the dialogue in the scene with the girlfriend: has Kevin Smith ever spoke to a girlfriend before? Needless to say, I severely hated the entire movie. I hate torture stuff. Weird that even needs to be said because doesn’t everyone? Johnny Depp was terrible. One of the most originally awful movies I’ve ever seen.

    • Scream VI: THE WORST SCREAM OF THE ENTIRE SERIES. I vowed not to even see this because I remain #teamneve but Nathan insisted so I begrudgingly went. What a shit show. It was terrible. I’ll never go to another one again, which is a little sad but also fuck everyone involved who thought it was an acceptable idea to move forward without Neve Campbell.

    • Frantic: I didn’t even know it was a Polanski movie until the end since Harrison Ford was the main draw here. It’s actually a great idea for a movie, but it just trails off midway through so I can understand why no one talks about this movie.

    • Succession: So I’ve only seen the first few episodes and here’s the thing… it’s legitimately a bad show. The dialogue is so terribly written, I’m actually confused why people praise it so much. NOBODY CALLS THEIR SIBLING SIS. Words can’t express how much I hate the camera work. Shiv’s American accent is wildly bad. I know we’re all desperate for a good show to watch, but the lies need to stop. This is unwatchable.

  • I’m not sure that I can even speak about it, but I went to a private rehearsal of a play with Michael McKean and good god, I love that man. I met him afterward and he was so kind and lovely, it was unreal. I mean, it’s Mr. Green for god’s sake.

  • So in love with these new USPS railroad station stamps. I may or may not have made a list of where each station is incase I ever find myself in that city so I can see it in real life.

Can I meet and hug the person who came up with this stamp idea?

  • I’ve been looking for a real fur coat for a few years now and I finally found her at Exile Vintage in Toronto. It was such a steal because the inner lining was shred, but my mom sewed it all up and it’s absolutely perfect now. So excited to throw out my faux-fur teddy bear coat from Marshalls that every. single. woman. owns.

  • There was an insane sale at Steve Madden in Soho and I got these new wedge heels for $16. To be clear, that’s $8 PER SHOE.

But can they replace my Terminators? Time will tell.

  • I saw the new Broadway play Shucked and… yikes. Yes, it was corniness taken to a whole new level, but parts of it were okay. If you love Rodney Dangerfield jokes, then this production was made for you.

March 2023

  • I also saw Pictures From Home with Nathan Lane and it was slow at first, but really picked up and got good. Love that man.

March 2023

  • I made a tres leches cake and words cannot describe how heavenly it was. Even if you suffer from dairy issues, I’d recommend that you pound a few Lactaids and eat this immediately.

Tres leche cake

  • I finally had lunch at Wayan (Jean-Georges’ son’s place) and I can’t wait to return. Best dishes: the corn fritters, the spring rolls (maybe my favourite at any restaurant ever), the lamb kebabs and the chocolate chip cookie with cheddar ice cream. The crab fried rice (which I was most excited for) actually wasn’t anything that special, though.

  • I had my birthday dinner at The Grill in the Seagram Building (the office building from Scrooged) and it was so great, if not insanely priced. The pasta appetizer was the most incredible thing we ate - they used this crank-type machine table-side to make the broth for the pasta sauce out of MEAT BONES and I can’t stop thinking about it. The other highlight was the gluten-free zucchini cornbread, which was magical. The only downside? Do not get the crab cake - $50+ for the most underwhelming appetizer of your life.

Pasta appetizer, The Grill (a must order)

Vowing to wear more tulle on a daily basis

  • The Mets promotional giveaways were announced if you care!

  • Some spring recipes I’d love to make:

    • Lemony Green Pea Fritters with Cottage Cheese

    • Banana, Pecan, Coconut and Chocolate Chip Blondies

    • Cadbury Egg Blondies (I’ve never even made a blondie before, but the urge is strong this season)

    • Lemon Almond Pudding Cake (love a texturally weird cake)

    • Carrot Cake Ice Cream (no ice cream maker needed)

    • Spring Couscous Bowls with Lemon Feta Vinaigrette (I made this last year and it’s spring in a bowl)

Things I’m looking forward to: I visited the insanely gorgeous Kings Theatre in Brooklyn so I’ll do a post about it this week, finally trying the bone marrow gravy at Hawksmoor, I have to get my hands on the Easter Dove Milk Chocolate and Peanut Butter Eggs, I’m trying to get a last minute lottery to see the Phantom of the Opera in its final days, I will find all of the NYC cherry blossoms, seeing the rooftop exhibit when it opens at The Met on the 18th, and finally going on a tour of the old City Hall subway station (this has been a dream of mine for years).

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in February over here.

Baby Dog witnesses snow, March 2023

TAGS: March, March Magic, March Magic 2023, Liz Heather, monthly post, monthly roundup, birthday month, tomato leaf, tomato leaf candle, tomato leaf candle Trader Joe's, Trader Joe's, carrot cake candle, sweet carrot cake candle, Bath and Body Works, spring candles, ice skating, friends, Grandbaby Cakes, new cookbook, library card NYC, free museum NYC, chicken marsala, Banana Republic Factory, funnel neck sweater, French press, coffee, coffee method, tomato potato chips, Eataly, Eataly NYC, Shucked, Pictures From Home, Nathan Lane, Michael McKean, Philip Glass, Tao of Glass, NYU, best of NYC, Zara Home, pasta mold, ravioli mold, want to lead a better life, cemetery, Quality Eats, short rib hash, Target, birthday discount, Ulta, Milk Bar, Journelle, Mimi Cheng's, dumplings NYC, NYC dumplings, crab rangoon, Selo Astoria, Eater, Levi's, jeans, ribcage straight ankle jeans, Tusk, Kevin Smith, Canada, Johnny Depp, Scream 6, Neve Campbell new Scream, Neve Campbell, Frantic, Roman Polanski, Harrison Ford, Succession, Mr. Green, Clue, USPS railroad station stamps, Exile Vintage, Toronto vintage, fur coat, fur coat vintage, fur coat Toronto, Steve Madden, Soho, heels Soho, tres leche, tres leche cake, best tres leche recipe, dessert, Lactaid, Wayan, The Grill, Seagram Building, The Mets, The Mets promos


March 1, 2022

February Feats 2022

by Liz Heather in Beauty, Best of NYC, Food, Ideas, Links, Movies, Music, Personal, Products, Recipes, Television


The partially frozen fountain at Bryant Park, February 2022

The partially frozen fountain at Bryant Park, February 2022

My favourite month has arrived! Spring is coming and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

  • You can find my favourite tweets of the month over here and here.

  • I compiled my favourite tweets about love for Valentine’s Day.

  • I read and review Elvira’s new memoir.

  • I know that it’s older, but I’ve kept the song Gypsy by Lady Gaga on repeat for about two weeks now.

  • I made garlic confit and I’ll be real with you - it looks way better than it tastes. And that’s coming from someone who adores garlic. By cooking it down, it actually makes the garlic flavour quite mild so it’s truly not worth making again. I put a boatload of it on some toast and it was beyond lackluster. One more con? Expect to be gassy as hell if you eat this stuff.

  • I tried a sample of this Tata Harper (christ that name) cleanser and it was really good. Thankfully there are cheaper, better options out there (literally anything in the tea tree line at The Body Shop), but this was great to try.

  • I was getting pretty sick of the Spotify commercials in my (free) account, so I made to the movie to Apple Music to try their three month trial. We shall see how it goes. (That goddam Stone Cold Steve Austin & Ice-T commercial may have been the final straw to leave Spotify.)

  • I went to Sarabeth’s for their Restaurant Week lunch menu and it was extremely good. I love blue cheese and pear together in a salad, why can’t that be as common as caesar salads? And the mussels and fries were heavenly.

  • I have been in such a funk with nail polish lately, every colour seems to look disgusting. I got a short, red, gel manicure recently and had to remove it within a week, it was so repulsive to look at. What is my problem? …What’s that? You don’t care? Hahah. Honestly, same.

  • I finally tried SLT (it’s one of the options when you try ClassPass for a free month trial), and what even is SLT? It’s like if spin classes + pilates classes had an obnoxious baby. And you know what? NOT FOR ME. I think I hate any pilates class that uses a machine.

  • In love with the larger citrus green tea candles that just came out from Trader Joe’s. Fucking love a wooden wick.

Citrus Green Tea candle from Trader Joe’s, February 2022

  • Two new things I made for the first time this month? Risotto and scallops. It’s well known how annoying risotto is to make yourself since it’s such a long process, but I didn’t fully grasp that concept until I did it firsthand. And it wasn’t even that amazing, so that was a letdown. As for the scallops? Very fast and extremely easy.

  • Had dinner at the extremely cute French place La Petit Joie in Brooklyn with Diana. Love any place that does oysters rockefeller every night of the week. Also, can more restaurants bring back BYOB? It’s so thoughtful to even offer.

  • I tried out this Ulta eyeshadow palette and it came off with hand soap. The quality of makeup these days is just wild. And the prices keep going up, WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE?

  • Went to The Independent in midtown and their mussels and harvest salad were truly memorable. Great place to go if you’re in the area seeing a show.

  • Tried the new french toast soft serve at Milk Bar and yes it was good, but not as good as their apple pie soft serve.

  • I have found my new favourite hair mask: AG Hair Colour Savour Mask. I’m not sure if it’s for all blondes or just dyed blondes, but I love it. You’d think the bubblegum scent would repel me, but I find it whimsical. Of course it’s made by a Canadian company.

  • There was a beautiful, pre-spring day so I took Baby Dog to Central Park and just look at this mug.

Baby Dog in Central Park, February 2022

Baby Dog in Central Park, February 2022

  • I bought some gorgeous new address labels from Zazzle. Are you doing this? You really should. Don’t you want to be better than everyone else?

  • So I went to Suprema Provisions finally and look the burger was good, but not nearly as good as the burger at Sparrow Tavern in Astoria (or even The Spaniard). Their mushroom pasta was saucy and great. And I never thought I’d say this, but I think it’s time to retire burrata from all restaurant menus. It is always the same. Always uninspired. We need to move on with ours lives, I think.

  • Okay, so I bought some eucalyptus to hang from my shower head (pardon me for being DEEPLY ORIGINAL) and unlike every Pinterest pin that encourages you to do this, I fully recommend NOT EVEN BOTHERING. It’s pointless. There is no smell. There is no point. And I think it might attract moths (!), but that last point is unconfirmed. Instead, if you’re really obsessed with this idea, just buy a can of this eucalyptus shower mist. You spray it into the hot water and it does actually make it seem like a steam room for the length of your shower.

  • Went to Van Dam diner in Queens with Irene and it’s like you fell into 1983, loved it.

  • Truly sorry for telling you about this, but if I had to hear about it so do you: lip blushing. One more reason that this world hates women. If I had any real money, I’d buy up as much ad space as I could and just have signs that tell women, “Hey you! You’re good! You don’t need to buy anything to be better! Relax!”

  • And speaking of buying things to make you feel better, I just bought these strappy black heels and they feel so lovely & I can’t wait to destroy anyone in my path the first time I wear them.

  • I also bought these Steven Madden heels online and does that man hate women? Or just their feet? The most uncomfortable shoes I’ve ever owned. Returning as soon as possible.

  • I was in Harlem so I went to Oso for their happy hour (good guacamole, I want to go back mainly to try the cake place next door) and then to Lido for their happy hour, which was fantastic. I love when a happy hour menu gives a fuck. Definitely want to go back to Lido for a meal.

  • What I watched this month:

    • Tried rewatching The Mindy Project and while the first few seasons are pretty good (Morgan is the best character by far), I just couldn’t get into the entire series again for some reason. I think I stopped around the episode where she talks about how she doesn’t like men seeing her naked ever. Some things are just better as a memory, I guess.

    • I’m rewatching old Sex and the City episodes to get the AJLT taste out of my mouth and they’re all pretty hit or miss. Samantha is so much funnier than I remember, which was been great. Also, you know when Carrie is with Aiden and he has his dog Pete with him - did you ever notice that this dog is NEVER excited to see Carrie when she enters a scene? I get that it’s not real life and he’s just a dog on a set, but it made me laugh so much that this dog just does not fucking care about her. Pete was right all along. Also, for all the credit that this show gets for the outfits, good god are there a lot of terrible wardrobe decisions. But I guess that’s part of the good thing about it maybe? Like not everything has to be your taste or even look good - it’s more important to be fun and confident and have these characters wear what they think looks good? What side am I even on?? Do I hate the show or not?? Look, even I don’t know.

    • The John Mulaney SNL: Why did I watch this one specifically? Who knows. I don’t think I even like him, but it was a really good episode. Makes zero sense, but I was dying at the monkey sketch.

    • The Worst Person In The World: I liked it! Not as much as I thought I would given how highly praised it is, but it was nice to be in a theatre. (And that chocolate peanut butter pie slice at The Angelika? Oof. Always worth it.)

Chocolate peanut butter pie at The Angelika, NYC

  • I made this sesame garlic chili oil noodle dish that suhuuuuuucked. I think I need a moment away from Half Baked Harvest. So many misses lately.

  • Recipes I want to make this month:

    • Tuscan Kale Salad with Gorgonzola Croutons - I always forget how much I love blue cheese.

    • Truffled Garlic Bread with Ricotta - okay, this looks maddeningly incredible. I could either make this myself OR I could visit any North Italia restaurant where they have it on the menu… which is just a two hour drive from me to the Pennsylvania location… mental note…

    • Hummingbird Cake Scones with Mascarpone Glaze!! Christ!!

    • Prosciutto, Peas & Orzo - my love affair with orzo has not ended.

    • Banana Sheet Cake with Walnut Streusel and Rum Glaze - can sheet cake come back in style already? Fuck.

    • Grilled Asparagus Caesar Salad - love new ways to ingest caesar dressing.

    • Lemon Almond Pudding Cake - pudding CAKE? This must be the future.

Some things I’m looking forward to this month: I won a lottery ticket to see Harry Potter on Broadway this coming week, obviously I want to find and drink the space Coke, I really want to try the happy hour at Bistro Les Amis (the poutine looks Canadian), the second season of Stanley Tucci’s Searching For Italy starts on March 13th, my best friend Harmeet is coming for a visit (!), I found a place in NYC serving Steak Diane (!!!) so that’ll likely be my birthday meal, I got a ticket for opening night of the Broadway play Birthday Candles with Debra Messing on the 18th, and I will most certainly go get my free birthday gifts from The Body Shop, Sephora, and Ulta. (And I mean… should I drive two hours purely for some amazing garlic bread? I’m thinking I should? That sort of tracks with who I am as a person? Also it’s my birthday soon? And the world is slowly but surely burning? And garlic bread might solve everything? And by “might” I mean “definitely will”?)

If you have any interest in reading what went on in January, come on over here.

TAGS: Liz Heather, February Feats, February Feats 2022, monthly roundup, monthly post, Gypsy Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga, garlic confit, recipes, garlic, Tata Harper, facial cleanser, Spotify, Half Baked Harvest, How Sweet Eats, Apple Music, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Ice-T, music, Sarabeth's, Sarabeth's NYC, best of NYC, NYC, NYC restaurants, mussels NYC, blue cheese, spring recipes, spring recipes 2022, nail polish, beauty, SLT, pilates, fitness, ClassPass, spin, Trader Joe's, citrus green tea candle, citrus green tea candle Trader Joe's, TJ, candles NYC, risotto, scallops, La Petit Joie, Brooklyn, Brooklyn restaurant, French restaurant NYC, oysters rockefeller, BYOB NYC, Ulta, Ulta eyeshadow, The Independent NYC, french toast soft serve, Milk Bar, Milk Bar soft serve, AG Hair, AG Hair Colour Savour Mask, dyed blonde, Canadian company, Baby Dog, Central Park, Zazzle, address labels, Central Park winter, Suprema Provisions, best burger NYC, The Sparrow Tavern, The Spaniard, burger NYC, mushroom pasta NYC, eucalyptus, eucalypus shower mist, Van Dam diner Queens, Queens, lip blushing, women, feminism, strappy black heels, ASOS, ASOS heels, Steve Madden, high heels, Harlem, Oso, Lido, happy hour, happy hour NYC, good happy hour NYC, The Mindy Project, Ike Barinholtz, Sex And The City, And Just Like That..., And Just Like That, dogs, dog, John Mulaney, SNL, John Mulaney SNL, the monkey sketch SNL, The Worst Person In The World, The Angelika, chocolate peanut butter pie, sesame garlic chili oil noodles, best recipes, tuscan kale salad, gorgonzola croutons, truffled garlic bread with ricotta, North Italia restaurant, hummingbird cake scones with mascarpone glaze, prosciutto, orzo, peas, banana sheet cake, grilled asparagus caesar salad, lemon almond pudding cake


June 2, 2020

May Misery 2020

by Liz Heather in Ideas, Links, Movies, Personal, Products, Recipes, Reviews


How is it June? Imagine that this year is just a nightmare that we’re all simultaneously having? I should use this space to be uplifting, but hope is exhausting at the current moment. All I can tell you are the things that either brought me joy or displeasure from the last month. That’s all I can do at the moment. And that’s definitely a privilege right now, I understand. I feel helpless, hopeless and like nothing is going in the right direction. This is a terrible intro, so let’s just get into all the meaningless trash that I did last month.

  • My brother Gary made this great video on how to make KFC gravy and you might think I’m biased, but he’s just so fun to watch. Love it so much.

  • I rewatched two Alfred Hitchcock movies: Rope (still such a great motive, one of his best) and Rear Window (which is average as hell, the idea of the story is so much better than the execution of the movie). Also, it made me really laugh hearing Nathan say, “If you can’t kill your wife, whose wife CAN you kill?“

  • Are you aware that they’re still making new flavours of M&Ms? I tried the fudge brownie flavour and I gotta say, they just taste like regular ass M&Ms.

  • I had completely forgotten about this amazing ricotta toast (thank you, Marla) recipe that I loved from years ago. Everyone should make it. It sounds like such a boring recipe, but it’s incredible. Of course it’s from Ina.

  • A great article about apologizing.

  • We keep making these chickpea pitas and likely won’t stop.

  • Months ago I bought this white poncho on sale for basically nothing because I thought this was my year of travel. Yeah. Great purchase.

  • I watched the Michelle Obama documentary, Becoming, and it’s obviously inspiring and great. Love the woman.

  • I’ve mentioned before how walnuts in pesto are way tastier than pine nuts, right? Cheaper, too. In any case, I can’t stop making this walnut pesto.

  • I watched the first season of Awkwafina is Nora From Queens and it’s SUCH A GOOD SHOW. Every single character is great. Perfect show.

  • I made this banana cake again, mostly because of that damn frosting. Even if you’re just making a regular cake, you should do it with this coffee cream cheese frosting.

  • Every morning for the past few weeks, I’ve been making this iced coffee protein shake (below). It might be the only thing I look forward to at this point in time. (It tastes pretty similar to a Tim Horton’s Iced Capp, just less sugary.)

  • I only wear one perfume (Miracle by Lancome), but I’m almost completely out of it (and won’t repurchase anytime soon since these are not the times to be buying luxurious items) so I’ve been wearing Fresh Cream by Philosophy that I got as a gift last year and I kind of love it. It makes me smell like a cake.

  • I’m still making these halloumi hummus bowls for lunch, but I’ve amended the recipe slightly by adding chopped basil instead of oregano and slicing up the halloumi incredibly thin since I think it tastes better when it’s crispy and thin.

  • Some movies that I’ve rewatched: Dazed & Confused (a forever favourite, I love a movie where the plot happens over the course of one day), Crazy Rich Asians (still fantastic, although I truly hate the bride character or actress playing her, I can’t decide), I Know What You Did Last Summer (still holds up, solid movie), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (not a great sequel at ALL, but I do love the idea of a killer on vacation), and Back To The Future (this might be the perfect movie, the script is amazing, everything is so fun, the music is epic, I also love the fact that the writers Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale will never allow a remake or reboot during their lifetimes).

  • I got this cropped sweatshirt from Nordstrom that I wear approximately six days a week.

  • In love with this new Jackbox game that I’ve been playing with my family on Sundays: Mad Verse City.

  • I walked to Manhattan from Queens and wrote about it.

  • The peony blossom candle from Trader Joe’s smells beautiful.

  • The Body Shop gives you a free product worth $10 on your birthday month, so I got their tea tree body wash and I love it. What the hell did I do before tea tree?

  • Just learned: grating garlic is so much tastier than chopping garlic. Thank you, Bon Appetit!

  • I made this kung pao cauliflower and it was good as a side dish but definitely not as a main. Cauliflower as a main dish will always be offensive to me.

  • I watched Stephen King’s Graveyard Shift and absolutely hated it. Terrible movie. What kind of accent is that guy supposed to have???

  • I bought a cuticle cutter since the nail salons are still closed and I figured how hard could it be to use? Turns out: very hard. No idea how to use it on myself or anyone else for that matter.

  • I have been making these kale quesadillas for lunch and they’re so tasty. I just use whatever cheese I have, basil and white wine vinegar instead of champagne vinegar. Also, I omit the corn because frozen corn is always trash. Super simple recipe, too.

  • I watched two episodes of the Epstein documentary on Netflix and had assault nightmares that night so I thought maybe I don’t need to finish all the episodes. I’m not including the link here for it because I truly don’t think anyone needs to see it.

  • My friend Dusty made this great short film.

  • I argued with Nathan at least twice this month on camera. (And about 400 times in real life? Again, no link for that.)

  • My six year old nephew is beyond adorable in this video about the lockdown.

  • I bought these Steve Madden sandals for $22 when they were on sale the other day and I had a gift card, and I’m in love.

  • Forgot how good these black bean muffins are. Such a nice little snack. Ignore the fact that they sound disgusting.

  • Excited to hear that Tuca & Bertie are coming back for another season! (Thank you Harmeet for turning me onto this great show!)

  • We’ve been eating the Beyond Meat hamburger patties and they’re phenomenal. We’ve been putting this McCormick gravy on top of them and and I’ll add these pickled red onions too and wow. Heavenly. Never would’ve thought I could be into a homemade pickled onion. Growth!

  • This is wild and slightly horrifying.

  • Super interesting piece about the NYPD.

  • Favourite tweets from the month:

i was so angry at everything when i was 13. and i was right

— common sad girl (@sadgirlkms) April 27, 2020

time passing is not an apology.

— tray🦋 (@traydominic) May 2, 2020

Can we normalize not having to be busy in order to be left alone.

— Dyymond W-Y (@DWHPP) May 4, 2020

i'm so sick of my female traits....caring, yearning....kill me

— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) May 5, 2020

when i lost over 100 lbs, everyone suddenly loved me. everyone thought i was gorgeous. everyone thought i was powerful. i can assure you being congratulated for weight loss just feels like your greatest fear confirmed. you have to be thin to be valuable to the world. it sucks.

— kendra (@kendramorous) May 6, 2020

"start your free trial" "enter your card info" https://t.co/AgMKPwlbpi

— Adamz 💯 (@Philz_adamz) May 9, 2020

so my grandma gifted these to her daughters for Mother’s Day 😂🥺 pic.twitter.com/VtEvOm1X1i

— 𝐦𝐞𝐥 (@_melcheyenne) May 11, 2020

Lmao why she still look like she wanna talk to the manager https://t.co/4AbeVOetgY

— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) May 15, 2020

absolutely no one:
my dad doing virtual reality: pic.twitter.com/nkLmtEJlZj

— Ashley Madison (@ashleycacioppo) May 16, 2020

my Tia coming up to me at a family party trying to get me to dance with her https://t.co/rFf6LBfryh

— John💤 (@theytookmyinsta) May 17, 2020

Lil man said he was not gonna be left outta this TikTok😭🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/LXmAM3B7C3

— 🇧🇧 (@rahm3sh) May 17, 2020

I'm not wearing glasses anymore I seen enough

— Hoesncheetoes (@Hoesncheetoes) May 18, 2020

Y’all ever just be driving & you’re like..... yo was that light even green 😭😭😭

— toxic king (@777jorgeivan) May 5, 2020

Last night as I was putting my 3 year old to bed she looked deep into my eyes, lovingly stroked my face and whispered “are you garbage?”💀

— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) May 21, 2020

remember when britney showed up to the VMAs looking like this and the world decided that this is the body of someone who "let herself go" ...... the apology this world owes all women my god pic.twitter.com/2B4xfywrje

— Anya Volz (@AnyaVolz) May 22, 2020

My mom said we should speak Thai in public so we don’t get targeted for speaking Mandarin and I think it’s so sweet that she’s nice enough to believe that these stupid fucking racists can differentiate between Asian languages

— James Tang (@jamesthetang) May 14, 2020

Every Guyanese girl gotta dye their hair blonde at least once as a rite of passage

— Tupac Chopra (@N_Kognito) May 25, 2020

I just aggressively removed two bottles of prosecco from our trolley, proclaiming crossly “Neither of us likes prosecco. It’s bloody horrible”

The gentleman moved away from me at speed. We had not met before. It was neither my trolley nor my husband.

— jo aaron lilford (@jolilford) December 30, 2019

What’s the worst typo in an email you spotted immediately after hitting send? I think mine has to be: “I appreciate that you’re very busty.”

— David M Barnett (@davidmbarnett) August 23, 2019

I figured out why Nova had an attitude during our photo shoot 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭💀💀💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/kfwDQMI26p

— $arah 🥂 (@shh710) May 25, 2020

How is the computer gonna ask me if I am a robot? Bitch you're a robot

— Seth (@KingzNA) May 27, 2020

Your girl after reviewing the pics you took of her pic.twitter.com/yD8eqeT1EU

— Rayan (@Bellaboy23) May 25, 2020

The “your friendships are being tested rn, find out who your friends really are” crowd are demons actually. We’re in a pandemic, everyone is insane, we are all doing the best we can. Your relationships to others have to be elastic to survive. Calm tf down and stop keeping score

— arabelle sicardi (@arabellesicardi) May 18, 2020

Sometimes i sit and think about a simpler time... like, when the only thing you had to worry about was just a global pandemic

— greg stone blue check mark (@gregstone_) May 31, 2020

Funny how one bad protester labels the whole movement, but a few bad cops are never supposed to represent all cops. 🤔

— Trill Clinton (@aStatesman) May 31, 2020

Thank you for your Black Lives Matter graphic. May I please see a picture of your executive leadership team and company board?

— Brandi Riley (@BrandiJeter) June 2, 2020

Just a cute reminder that "unplugging" from the news cycle is privilege.

— Allana Reoch (@reochnroll) May 30, 2020

wait i forgot, are we under disease curfew or racism curfew

— Shaun Scott🌹🤝 (@eyesonthestorm) June 1, 2020

They’ll declare martial law instead of just not killing black people. Do y’all get it now?

— Britt Julious (@britticisms) June 2, 2020

Some things that I’d like to do this month: I promise that I will finally review the last two monthly Ipsy bags, I really want to make these salted thyme chocolate chip cookies, I want to make this midnight pasta that I heard about from Mindy Kaling, I want to read at least two books this month, I’m dying to make this ricotta jam jar, and I don’t know, maybe June won’t be a complete shitshow. Also, don’t forget about Father’s Day on the 21st. Just a reminder. If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in April over here.

And it’d be weird not to mention this at all right now, but there are so many awful and horrendous things going on, you know this. I completely support Black Lives Matter and it’s insane that there’s any kind of divide about whether you do or you don’t. It makes me sick that saying something as simple as “black people are human beings” could ever be considered complicated or political, but I guess here we are. I have no magical words to offer and I wish I did. I have no quote that’ll make everything make sense because nothing right now makes any sense. People are not being treated like human beings and it’s disgusting, it’s that simple. I don’t know what’s ahead of us, but for fuck’s sake I hope it’s better than where we’re at right now.

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