Navigating November 2019

by Liz Heather in , , , , , , , , ,

I love being in the middle of the holiday season. So many get togethers, fat-ass blankets are on the bed, the snow is on its way, presents are coming, I love it all. It’s finally time for reflection and to celebrate the entire year that has come and gone. It’s the best time of the damn year. So excited for December to start. Here’s what happened last month:

  • Chrissy Teigen started her own website and though I haven’t tried any of her recipes on it yet, I intend to soon. I’ll likely start with this Lemon & Walnut Pasta since it’s been pretty popular. One thing I do like so far about the site? The newsletter that she emails out. She gives restaurant recommendations in them, which I happen to love.

  • I rewatched The Game and it’s still as great as I remembered. Michael Douglas can do no wrong.

  • Quick question: does anyone ever change up their makeup routine? I want to and don’t know how. I’m thinking maybe I’ll go the YouTube-tutorials route, but they can be so boring. Any suggestions welcome. I do not want to watch James Charles. His face bothers me.

  • I tried the Hard Kombucha from Trader Joe’s and it’s absolutely nothing special at all. The regular non-alcoholic stuff is way tastier.

  • I rewatched Rosemary’s Baby (I first saw it as a teenager and did. not. enjoy. it.) and surprise surprise: adult-me didn’t enjoy it either. It’s just really frustrating to watch. Mia Farrow makes all these terrible decisions and her husband has sex with her when she’s unconscious (???) and it’s just a lot. Must remember to never watch again.

  • We bought a new couch! It’s been a very big deal.

  • The TWA Hotel just keeps getting cooler: they’re going to have an ice skating rink this winter.

  • Love this cartoon:

Elilis Rosen, The New Yorker

  • I tried the Staten Island-style pizza at Joe & Pat’s in the East Village and it was good, but nothing to write home about. Skinny pizza is skinny pizza.

  • We haven’t watched any old Twilight Zone episodes in forever, probably because we forgot about it but also maybe because I think we’ve already seen all the good ones. But we recently watched The Long Morrow episode (mainly because it’s mentioned in a Gilmore Girls episode where it’s noted how romantic this episode is supposed to be) and WOOF. It fucking blew! I was pissed. I should’ve known it would suck though because it was “Logan’s favourite episode.” Serves me right.

  • I tried these cauliflower crackers from ALDI and whoa. Greatest cracker. This was also the first time I’ve ever been to an ALDI and I was expecting a bit more, to be honest. It’s just a dumpy grocery store? Why all the caps?

  • I’ve been following this woman Arielle for a few years now and I like her a lot. She used to work for Buzzfeed and that’s where I’d first heard of her (don’t judge me) and now I just sort of like to keep up with her life and what she’s doing. Very sweet, likable person to follow. This sounds vague as hell, but I’m really just mentioning it here because I feel like it’s hard to come across good people to follow who don’t make you feel bad about your own life and are sort of inspiring.

  • You know how you’ll buy something that’s supposed to change your life and you use it for a week and then never again? Yeah, that’s me with every single thing on my dresser. ANYWAY, I’ve actually started to use the Origins GinZing Eye Cream every night for the past little while and it really works, I think. (God, this just reminded me that I need to start remembering to put on neck cream. I can’t remember where I heard someone say that no one cares about their neck when they’re young and then WHAM one day your neck looks like that of an elderly turkey.)

  • I really thought I wanted to buy this new Frozen Colourpop palette but then I realized that I actually only want that colour in the middle, soooo I might just get this Huda palette in Topaz instead. (Yeah, I just bought it.) I’m very in the mood to do holiday makeup this year.

  • I think I’ve decided that there are way better eyeliners out there than Fenty’s Flyliner. It sticks to your eyelashes so that a coat of mascara can’t go on smoothly! It sucks. There! I’ve said it! Still love the sponge, though.

  • I rewatched The Day After Tomorrow and I’ve gotta say… I love movies like these. Dante’s Peak. Twister. This one. Love watching the world get all fucked up. But really, did climate change WRITE this movie? It’s great.

  • I have been watching so much Living Single and maaaaaaaan, this show’s perfect. It’s funny, it’s got heart, it’s not a typical kind of sitcom, there are minimal white people, it’s got it all! Love it so much. Wish reruns were easier to find on TV.

  • Hulu is having a sale right now where it’s $2/per month for a year. Yeah, that can’t be right. Check it out, might be worth it. Sale ends Monday December 2nd.

  • I am in love with these socks I got from Express. Love a smooth, soft sock in the wintertime.

  • I posted about my trip to New Orleans last month.

  • I made this Melt In Your Mouth Chicken and it was actually pretty good. Never would’ve even thought about coating chicken in yogurt.

  • I rewatched Big and of course I love this movie, it’s got a wish-granting robot machine in it. I should’ve wrote this damn movie!

  • Words can’t fully describe how much I love the Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas themed episodes of Bob’s Burgers. They’re always the best.

2066454.jpg

  • I watched Rumble in the Bronx and wow. Just a fun movie. Best part is by far the moment he launches a toddler out of harm’s way.

  • I went to Mister Paradise in the East Village and I’m sorry, it’s too expensive to drink in public these days. It’s nuts. One drink should never cost more than $15, have we all gone insane to silently agree to these parameters? And if you’re advertising “fancy sauce” for your fries, it better not be fucking ketchup mixed with mayo. That is some bullshit.

  • I finished Lindy West’s new book The Witches Are Coming and wrote a post about my favourite parts from it.

  • I watched True Lies and holy shit, a lot happens in this movie. In a good way. Fun watch.

  • I tried a sample of this Belief cream and it is luxurious as hell. Feels like it might be the perfect neck cream, too. You know, if you’re looking for that kind of thing (YOU SHOULD BE).

  • So I watched the Mr. Rogers movie with Tom Hanks and it’s just an unnecessary movie. I’m not hating on Tom Hanks, he’s fine in it (although he looks nothing like the man, it isn’t a good impersonation, the story doesn’t need to be told, ETC.) but it really just didn’t need to be made. A great Mr. Rogers movie already exists. They already did it! That being said, I teared up whenever any of the Mr. Rogers songs were sung. I can’t NOT cry at those songs, I’ve got a beating heart, don’t I?

  • So when I did Nathan’s podcast earlier this month, we talked briefly about going vegan for a week (we watched The Game Changers documentary) and we did it and now our lives are changed. Hahah, no no no, but that’d be wild. It was a hard week to do (mostly to cut out the dairy) but it did feel really good, so we’re going to try to limit meat and dairy much more strictly and see where that takes us. I promise not to talk about this for the rest of time.

  • I tried Trader Joe’s Vegan Mozzarella and holy hell, it was bad. Tasted like cooked plastic. Returned it immediately.

  • In contrast, their vegan butter was really, really good and a great substitution for regular butter.

  • I will forever love and miss In Living Color.

  • In true November fashion, I had my Thanksgiving croissant from Momofuku Milk Bar and I got it at their new flagship store in the city that is huge. They also had (vegan) apple pie soft serve that was insanely good and the seasonal pumpkin dulce de leche truffles they have right now are amazing. And the flagship location accepts cash! This better be the start of all the damn locations accepting cash. Don’t GET ME STARTED on places not accepting human cash.

  • Some thoughts on how to have a cheaper Christmas.

Some things that I’m looking forward to this month: I’m going to attempt to make (rather than buy) some of the Christmas gifts I’ve giving this year but we’ll see if this actually pans out, I’m awaiting Jenny Slate’s new book from the library, I definitely have to find time to watch Krampus, putting up the (real) Christmas tree since this is the first year we’re getting a normal, adult sized one, the first day of snow is apparently tomorrow (in NYC) and I’m in looooove with the fact that it’ll also be December 1st when this happens, taking the family Christmas card, I have an obligation to make these Nutella cookies, and I will definitely watch a few of these. Santa, get your ass over here!

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in October over here!

Springfield at Universal Studios

by Liz Heather in ,

I feel like I should write this post in 36 point font or something. I won't, but please know that I'm fighting the urge. 

Now, where the hell should I start?

As you may recall, I've been wanting to visit here for awhile now. That dream finally came true this past week and I just wanted to share a few reasons why you may want to go as well. Notice how I'm assuming we're all Simpsons fans here? My stream of logic is that if you're here reading this blog, then you somewhat like my opinions ie. you like me. And if you like me, I probably like you. And if I like you, there's an understanding between us that The Simpsons have forever changed us all (at least slightly) for the better since they first aired. Yes? Yes.

Why didn't I pass out from excitement standing at this sign? Lord only knows. Only Tianna will ever truly know how happy this place made me. 

While there were a lot of options for food, we finally decided on Krusty Burger.

When you're ordering your food (we split the Krusty Burger as well as The Ribwich), the individual ingredients for the burger are all visible (similar to Subway) and the beef patties look absolutely disgusting. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I'm gonna go with yes it was intentional. And that kind of detail? Amazing. I was extremely nervous about eating something that looked SO bad (Tianna felt the same), but we did - and it was an amazing burger. I could've had another one. The Ribwich on the other hand? Yikes. That one was rough, man. 

Eating the Krusty Burger

Eating The Ribwich

There's an attachment to Moe's Tavern from Krusty Burger so we got a booth at Moe's. I really just sat there in awe of how incredible they made Moe's look.

After we finished eating, I got a Duff and then sat at the bar for a bit. Tianna got a Buzz Cola and it was eons better than any Coke or Pepsi I've ever had. Just saying.

They had a working Love Tester machine in the corner, so obviously Tianna and I had a go at it.

Across from Moe's is the Duff Brewery. If you look closely, you may see some of my captured excitement between Edgy and Tipsy (if you don't know the names of The Seven Duffs - Edgy, Remorseful, Dizzy, Tipsy, Surly, Queasy and Sleazy - then I guess you have a life).

The fact that they had life sized monuments like these made my heart explode with joy.

In the Kwik-E-Mart, they were selling things like Yao Ming and Tom Hanks Simpsonized action figures. Why? Because heaven exists. The store employees even said, "Thank you, come again!" in a non-racist voice! 

I'm thankful that a walking, talking Milhouse in costume wasn't around because even this moment made me feel a little weird... down there.

The Simpsons Ride was great, it reminded me of the old Back To The Future ride, which I always enjoyed. There's a new ride for kids called Kang & Kodos’ Twirl ‘n’ Hurl, which was as fun as a carnival ride should be. When the ride was half over, we finally realized that you can control your own car to rise and fall with a lever that's infront of you. To be fair, we were both in a general state of numbness from the overload of emotions going on within our very souls, so it makes sense that we didn't notice a small button.

Kang & Kodos’ Twirl ‘n’ Hurl

Krustyland

We didn't play any games in Krustyland mostly because we had too much else to see, but the game operators seemed to know tons of Simpsons trivia and references and were shouting it out constantly, which I obviously loved.

And this donut? Not only was it the best tasting donut of my life, but also the prettiest. Please don't eat it all yourself. I cut it up into cake slices and ate it at home with my family as it is ginormous. 

Yes, that donut is as large as an eight year old's head

I don't really know where to go from here, to be honest. Marriage? Kids? Those things equally blow when compared with this wondrous land. My two regrets?

  1. Not having a Flaming Moe.
  2. Leaving.

Henry, age 8, watches Forrest Gump. →

by Liz Heather in ,

kellyoxford:

Henry: Wow, he doesn’t use commas when he talks.
Henry: Is Tom Hanks handicapped in real life?
Henry: Their house is huge.
Henry: I can’t believe Elvis stole his moves, gave him no credit. Not cool.
Henry: Is he going to sit on that bench and tell this story for the whole movie?
Henry: His braces broke off his legs and he’s a normal kid, running? He just left Jenny? Shouldn’t he be tired of running?
Henry: Oh man he joins the ARMY!? WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT!?
Henry: This Bubba guy is awesome, but he’s gonna die. In every army movie the first friend the main character meets, dies. Poor Bubba’s gonna die.
Henry: Oh my god, I love Bubba and this shrimp stuff.
Henry: Jenny is in Playboy? Is this a stripper show? She’s totally a stripper.
Henry: Jenny you can’t outrun a bullet. She told him to run.
Henry: YES. WAR SCENES. FINALLY. Why doesn’t Forrest have the cool gun?
Henry: Man, Vietnam would have been fun… until you had to go out and fight and die.
Henry: His platoon leader is just like my teacher. “Sit down. Shut up.”
Henry: I love Bubba.
Henry: I love how Forrest talks.
Henry: OH NO JENNY IS A HIPPIE.
Henry: Knew it. Is Bubba dead?
Henry: Was Forrest the only one who made it out, standing? Hey, this is what you have to do in Call of Duty. When you’re being carried out, you need to pull out a handgun.
Henry: Oh Bubba isn’t good. Man. I knew it. He died. Everyone’s best friend always gets shot.
Henry: Why would lieutant Dan rather be dead than get prosthetics? That’s dumb.
[Sal walks in]
Sal: Do hippies work? At all?
Henry: Dick Clark was so young then. He’s old now. He’s dead.
Henry: Jenny is so stupid.
Henry: Wait. BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP?!?! IS THIS A TRUE STORY?!
Sal: I like that the Apple symbol used to be rainbow.
Henry: I’d never cut grass for free.
Sal: Jenny is a mess.
Henry: Jenny is a mess.
Henry: He’s going to be really depressed now.
Sal: Jenny is terrible.
Henry: “His daddy’s name is Forrest? Just like me?” He’s an idiot.
Henry: Is it over? I want to know more about his cute little kid.
Sal: SEQUEL. That’s my new favorite movie.