How is it already over?! It always feels like the shortest season. Did I make the most of it? LET'S SEE. Here's what I actually did off of my spring list.
1. Jog outdoors - Okay, look. I really wanted to do this one but it didn't get done. One day.
2. Go to a baseball game - Nope! Hopefully this'll still happen. I'm thinking September, probably.
3. Plan a spring break vacation - Did it! I went to Las Vegas with Jenn and then did a tiny trip to Atlantic City with Nathan. Come to think of it, I didn't even do a Vegas post, I'll try to get on that.
4. Bake a decadent spring cake - Oh yes. I attempted this Fresh Strawberry Cake and it actually came out pretty well for my Dad's birthday party.
Laminating labels is a sickness & I'm sorry
5. See A Quiet Place - Saw it! I liked it for the most part even though some scenes were frustrating (why didn't they just give birth to that baby by the waterfall?!), but it was a fun time. And thankfully we went to see it for free because of the magic that is Gofobo (that I mentioned in a post last month).
6. Spring clean each room in the house - I really intended on doing this one, but we didn't get around to it. Maybe I'd care more about this one if we weren't just renting? In any case, that's the lie I'll tell myself. I mean, I do mop maybe once a year, that's something.
7. Take Baby Dog to Boris & Horton - Oh yeah! Totally went. Great place! The coffee was good and new dogs came in every so often and BD actually kind of seemed to like it, if nervously so.
8. Help plant something - Damnit, I really wanted to do this one and forgot.
9. Buy a new swimsuit - I tried on so many and found nothing I liked. But this one is kind of a personal win because I'm trying to only purchase clothing that I love these days, so I'm taking a half point for really trying.
10. Take a bike ride - Again, totally forgot. Whoops.
So the final total is 4.5/10, which I'm very comfortable with. Maybe only because I feel like I did so many new things in May that I'm okay with this terrible score.
So this is the first post in what I hope to be a new series of posts that Iām going to try to do. (Have I said that before? About other things? Oh god, maybe I have. I have a tendency to start something enthusiastically and then immediately forget about it and sometimes even forget it ever even existed?) I will really try to not let that happen here.
ANYWAY, what Iād like to do here is talk about the new things Iāve done this month. In the old days, Iād devote whole posts to individual things that Iāve loved or hated, but honestly, some times a few sentences could suffice. So here are some of the things that Iāve encountered in the month of May.
I dry cleaned my winter coat and packed it away for the season. Do you do this when winter's over? You should.
I really donāt go to the movies a lot anymore and I miss not going. I used to go constantly when I was younger, but the real fun of that was because I was going with my brother Robbie. There were a solid fews years in the early 00ās where weād see everything that was playing in any given theatre. Just for the sake of seeing a movie. I mean, we had a lot of free time then so it just made sense. I go so rarely now that I really need to want to see a movie to get me into a theatre now. Thus, seeing RBG was an active decision, and a great one at that. I knew nothing of the woman before seeing it, and the trailer made it look great, so of course it was. If youāre a fan of women at all, you should see it.
I ate the banana bread with espresso mascarpone at Two Hands in Soho. And whoa. Here it is.
Banana Bread with Espresso Mascarpone from Two Hands
I ate the fried chicken at Blue Ribbon Chicken. I know so little about good fried chicken, but this was pretty incredible. Maybe a smidge more expensive than I thought it should be, but a kidās meal was a decently priced & sized pre-meal.
I attempted to read Jenny Lawsonās Let's Pretend This Never Happened and I really didn't care for it. I lasted about ten pages then gave up. Iām probably being too harsh here, but I found her toneā¦ irritating. Also, not to boast or anything, but Iām a tiny bit proud of being able to put a book down and inwardly say, āNo, thanks.ā
I tried Farsali's Jelly Beam Highlighter. I'd never heard of the brand, but they have a tiny section at Sephora that has, like, three items. No idea why. Especially because the highlighter itself is pretty incredible. I bought it solely because of the fact that it was a ājellyā (meaning that it jiggles) highlighter because Iām simple and that sounded fun. I think it looks especially amazing on collarbones.
Nathan and I ate at Rosemaryās in the west village on my monthly Nathan-must-date-me night. He got the roast chicken and I got a kale and celery caesar salad. His chicken was insanely good and my salad just reminded me why celery should never be a main ingredient. Itās not its fault, it doesnāt know any better, but humans should know enough to understand that chomping on celery in any form sucks. Restaurant was beautiful and if I ordered better, Iād have more glowing things to say. My fault.
I went for dinner at LāArtusi with a friend and had probably one of the top five best meals I've ever had in this city. We did wait awhile for a table, but we didn't have a reservation and it was a Saturday night so duh. We ordered one of the specials as an appetizer (the steak tartare) which was incredible then followed it with the insane garganelli with mushroom ragu that I will remember for the rest of my life. They also sent out a kale ravioli that was mind-blowing. And I'm not typically inclined to call kale-ANYthing "mind-blowing," so understand me clearly here. These pastas will change you. I can't wait to take more people here. The service was incredible. I really can't say enough good things about this place. Go nowhere else for pasta.
I finally went to the Birch Coffee near my house and I'll keep this brief. A small iced coffee shouldn't cost $4 in 2018. A coffee shop should have a bathroom. A coffee shop that is "wifi free" shouldn't boast about that fact. Any business that is "cashless" is obnoxious and nobody likes you. The coffee tasted all right. That is all.
Tried some of the burger and the chicken sandwich at The Spotted Pig and MEH. I mean, yeah, they were good, but theyāre ungodly expensive for whatās being put on your plate. And those skinny little fries that are piled up like a mountaintop? Deceiving. They tasted like air! They look like they're gonna be amazing, but you're left with a feeling of emptiness inside. Emptiness and hunger. A fry should taste like a fry. Basic physics here, guys. The main reason we went was because it was after midnight and for some reason their kitchen stays open late (possibly only to swindle you with $26 burgers when nothing else in the area is an option?)
Got an advance screening pass to the movie Gotti. I went. I lasted 25 minutes and then left. Good god, DID IT BLOW. But of course it did. Why didnāt I know that going in? Well, I kinda did but it was free. Wow, was it terrible, though. Comes out next month on the 15th. Don't go.
Last month I heard about Gofobo, which is a site that arranges free movie screenings near you and emails you to see if you want to go, it's amazing. I heard about it right before Nathan and I saw A Quiet Place last month (for free), so I just stayed on their mailing list. Unfortunately they also sent me my Gotti tickets, but I won't hold that against them since I'm the idiot who said, "Gotti? Sure, that seems fun!"
Tried the Ginger Scallion Noodles (with pickled shiitakes, cucumber, nori) at Momofuku Noodle Bar. Iāve been here only once before, years ago, and I really just was in a noodle mood so I came again. It wasnāt terrible, but again, I think I ordered bad. I really wanted the Chilled Spicy Noodles (with sichuan sausage, Thai basil, cashews) but I was dissuaded by my waiter because he said it was overly spicy and then made a face. But then I got a look at it when someone else ordered it and knew I shouldāve gotten it because it looked amazing, so Iāll get it next time and then tell you if itās too spicy. Also, the Soju Slushie that is Spicy Lychee flavored was crazy good. Although that makes sense to me because when I went here years ago, their Singapore Sling slushie was also pretty memorable.
I went in looking for the s'mores pie slice that I've wanted to try for ages, but instead found the salted caramel brownie from Dean & DeLuca. And wow. Just wow.
I finished watching Ugly Delicious on Netflix. I really canāt remember why I put this off for so long, considering how much I like well-shot food shows. For the most part, I thought it was all right, I wrote down a few food recommendations from it (like Lucali in Brooklyn). There were a few parts that made me not really like David Chang, though. They were such small parts, but I donāt know, they stayed with me. Like how during this one segment where heās doing pizza deliveries alongside a real Dominoes delivery person, theyāre going to a bunch of houses and then at the end David goes, āAre we done? Yeah, Iām not doing another fucking delivery.ā I don't know, I'm probably reading too much into it, but I just hated the way he said that right infront of the grown man delivery guy. It was rude and belittling and I really didn't like it. As I said, I'm probably reading too much into it, but it bothered me. Other than that souring part, it was an all right series to watch. There were lame parts sprinkled here and there. I feel like I progressively liked it less as each episode went on and I donāt really know why. You know what the problem is? I think he just thinks heās really cool and funny and doesnāt have a real sense of self and if he were a little more humble or warm as a person, it couldāve helped the overall tone of the series.
I also started watching Bill Hader's Barry on HBO because my brother Gary told me to. I'm only three episodes in and it's pretty good I guess? I mean, it is. I just haven't decided if I'll watch on or not.
Nathan and I have started watching The Twilight Zone (on Netflix) and it's one of the best shows I've seen in such a long time. Obviously not every episode is a great one, but the ones that are? Watch out. We've seen about 40 episodes or so already and there have been at least 20 really great ones, and we're only a quarter of the way through the series. Love watching these at night before bed. This was the final quote from a recent episode we watched that I just loved, "The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices - to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own - for the children and the children yet unborn. And the pity of it is that these things cannot be confined to The Twilight Zone." I mean, that's pretty good, yeah?! Love Rod Serling's voice so much, too. Such a great show. I wish I'd seen it when I was a kid.
Writing all of this down makes it seem like I have a great life, when in reality... oh my god I do. Excited for June!
I may be a year late on this, but Iām just grateful that Iām not, like, five years late on how great this song is. SONG OF MY SUMMER, most likely. Apologies in advance to my upstairs neighbors for how many times this will be on repeat.
“There was a time when I would have ordered a watery nest of zoodles without a momentās hesitation. There was also a time when I couldnāt write or participate in life because I was so hungry and unsatisfied and obsessed with foods I didnāt allow myself to eat. I finally sought help last year, and now I see how problematic it is, this movement to pass off āhealthyā foods as āunhealthyā foods. It sends the message ā that lands particularly hard with women ā that our hunger and appetites are things that must be controlled and manipulated and tricked by vegetable-shaped noodles and liters of water. Iāve used my voice as a writer to reclaim my dignity and self-respect, and one day it just clicked that the way I talked about myself to myself, and the way I ate in response to that nasty and unforgiving voice in my head, was about as far from empowered as it gets. I will no longer participate in a system that tells women we should eat less and weigh less and be less, and it is my dream for all of us to stop doing penance for eating pizza and to stop berating our perfectly fine bodies because it just makes it okay for guys to berate our perfectly fine bodies. You know the Bechdel test for movies and books? I want to create my own test that challenges women to have conversations about anything but our bodies. All this to say, fuck you, zucchini noodles. And you, too, cauliflower rice.”
If I'm not blowing your mind with howmanybooks I've been reading lately, then you're impossible to impress.
I'm not a huge fan of Jim Gaffigan, to be honest I think I've seen his standup maybe twice and thought that he was as good as anyone else? That sounds mean, but it's really not intended to. In any case, I like reading comedian's books. I had planned on reading his first book Dad Is Fat, but after reading the description... ugh, I really didn't want to read a book about fatherhood. Thankfully, his second book seemed more up my alley. Best parts ahead.
"I don't think fish even like fish. That is why fish are always frowning. "What's that smell? Oh, it's me. I'm a fish. Ugh." "
"My brother Mike, like many other pickup truck owners, never seems to be picking anything up in his pickup. I find this confusing. It's like walking around with a big empty piece of luggage. "Are you about to travel somewhere?" "No, but I'm the type of guy who would." "
"There should be way more poetry written about cheeseburgers."
"If you are eating fries, you definitely are treating yourself. I think we should just rename taking vacations to "eating French fries." French fries are like Crocs. You know you shouldn't, but your life is pretty much over anyway."
"Apart from its ill-fated name and frightening body, everything about the crab as a creature is creepy. It only moves sideways. To the right and then jerking to the left. It always looks like it's trying to avoid an awkward situation. "Uh-oh. I owe that guy money," as he sidesteps away."
All in all, it was an all right book. Honestly the idea of an entire book being about what one guy thinks of different kinds of food is amazing. I just wish I liked Jim Gaffigan more.
Sometimes I really miss Canada because of things like this. Tim Hortons will be offering Timbits bouquets ($12.99 each) for Motherās Day this year. The bouquet consists of 24 long-stemmed Timbits in a variety of flavours (chocolate-glazed, jelly-filed, honey dip, old-fashioned plain, and more), which is presented in a box filled with tissue paper and wrapped with a ribbon.
They'll be available at participating locations across Canada on May 12 and 13 beginning at 8 a.m and are only around 10 bouquets per restaurant, so I suggest getting there early if you want to get your hands on one.
Also, you might want to keep in mind thereās always the do-it-yourself option: just get some skewers and gifting supplies at your local dollar store, and pick up two dozen or so Timbits to make your own Timbit bouquet. Canada, you're great.
I really wanted to love this book because this is the first I've read of his, but I can't say that I did. Sure, there were a few parts I liked, but to be honest it wasn't that enjoyable to read. He sort of drones on and on about various things that I have no interest in. That sentence reads harsher than intended, but what can you do. In any case, here were the highlights.
When speaking of his jazz-loving father and how he tried to get his children to love jazz as much as he did: "Aside from replaying the tune on your own instrument, how could you prove you were really listening? It was as if he expected us to change color at the end of each selection."
When he described his father's excitement at all of his children learning instruments and creating a jazz band together: "You certainly couldn't accuse him of being unsupportive. His enthusiasm bordered on mania." - Hahahahah, "mania."
"And then, eventually, the New York skyline would appear on the horizon and we'd all stop talking. If you happen to live there, it's always refreshing to view Manhattan from afar. Up close the city constitutes an oppressive series of staircases, but from a distance it inspires fantasies of wealth and power so profound that even our communists are temporarily rendered speechless."
This next excerpt from the book just really made me laugh and I scanned it and printed it mainly so I could send it to my Dad who'll go nuts for it:
When talking about NYC's motto: "I don't speak Latin but have always assumed that the city motto translates to either Go Home or We Don't Like You, Either."
All in all, not a huge fan of his so I don't think I'll read any more by him. But I will seek out his sister Amy Sedaris since all of his anecdotes about her were hysterical. Plus I've always intended to read something from her anyway so it's about time.
