Sometimes you have to post photos of babes. Sometimes those babes are your brother and nephew.
Stay Out of the Ocean
I love swimming, you know this fact. But the ocean? You will RARELY* find me in there. I'm here to convince you to join me in this opinion.
Reasons To Stay Away
- Dangerous creatures inhabit the ocean. So, as an example, if a shark lived in the house next door to me, I would not casually walk into their home, mess around with their belongings and then expect NOT to be eaten alive. They live there. I do not.
- Cleanliness. There has to be a crazy amount of urine and feces floating around in these oceans, I don't think I would be able to handle the statistic itself, so thank God I don't know it.
- Ocean night swimming is just a scary idea. Does it not look horrifying in movies? When you can't see to the bottom? God, that's horrifying. The only good thing associated with night swimming is that R.E.M. song. THAT'S IT.
- The movie Open Water.
- Humans are not born with gills or any sort of apparatus to stay beneath water for longer than a minute or so. WHY DO WE NOT TAKE THIS AS A HINT TO STAY THE HELL OUT OF WATER? I do not know.
C'mon, those are some valid points, right? Maybe just think about it. Or just tell me that you'll stay out of it. I'll sleep a lot better if I hear you say that.
*Past ocean experiences have included instances of peer pressure, curiosity and teaching my boyfriend how to swim on our first vacation together. But never again, I vow!
I Grew Wheatgrass!
I've never successfully grown anything in my life, so this is sort of a big deal for me. Look.
Day 5
Day 7
If you've ever wanted to grow wheatgrass, I'm gonna go ahead and say it's the easiest thing to grow on the planet. Every question you could possibly have gets covered in the instructions if you get one of those grow-your-own-wheatgrass kits (which is what I got) (well, it was a gift - Nathan bought it for my 29th birthday and it took me a year and a half to finally attempt this growth). Honestly, I think I waited so long to give it a try because I truly thought that I'd fail miserably and then have to live with the shame of never having produced life. (Wheatgrass counts as life, yes? I'm telling myself it does.)
Oh, and if you think you can juice this stuff with any kind of juicer to make wheatgrass shots, you'd be dead wrong. It won't work. There are special juicers that are *wheatgrass only* that do that. And since I didn't want to be the world's biggest loser and buy one of those, we just blended the grass in with our smoothies. (Sidenote: if you actually do own a wheatgrass-specific juicer, I apologize. You're not a loser. You're just beyond my level of comprehension and your existence makes me question my own life choices.)
Food For Thought
Do you have any idea how much I love it when someone I know (ie. an acquaintance or higher) eats off of my plate without asking? DO YOU KNOW? I understand why some people might be aggravated by such an act since it might be considered rude - but I love, love, love it. It's so bold and almost, like, a friendly kind of bold. I really think that we, as a society, need to stop viewing this act in such a negative light. Why? Here are some reasons.
- Sharing is caring. We learned that a long time ago, let's bring that phrase back.
- When someone is too hungry to ask for a bite, it's a lot faster to just take it - we've all been at that level of hunger before.
- It's so loving! I might have germs, but does this food-snatcher care? Nope! Not a care in the world! If I've got a cold, well, now you've got a cold, bud. Doesn't bother me, we're friends!
- Offering someone a taste of your meal with the hope that the person you're with will offer you some of their dish is almost MEDIEVAL at this point. JUST GRAB IT AND EAT IT.
- If I've made a bad decision when ordering my meal, I need a backup. Your meal is my backup. Get on board with this. If you find that to be selfish, please keep in mind that this is a two-way street.
Do you need more reasons that that? Seriously, I will email you more reasons if you ask me.
In any case, if you and I are ever in a restaurant together - be prepared to have your food eaten by me. It's 'cause I love you.
The Importance of Cinema Etiquette
“When Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘Psycho’ premiered on Broadway, a sign hung over the cinema entrance that read, “No one... BUT NO ONE… will be admitted to the theatre after the start of each performance of Psycho.” According to Hitchcock, this was for the audience’s own good. But it was also part of a beautifully orchestrated marketing campaign that created excitement for the movie by driving home the importance of seeing it from the very beginning.”
Before Psycho hit theatres, apparently it was common culture to just waltz into a movie screening at any old time. As maddening as that is, this type of behaviour became less and less popular after Psycho's release and it suddenly became important to see the beginning, middle and end of a movie. Isn't it strange that it was ever acceptable to miss the beginning of a movie?
Keeping that in mind, why the hell do we allow late-comers into movies in this day and age? If a movie has begun, those doors should be locked at far as I'm concerned. Or at the very least, get some pimple-faced kid who works there to man the door and refuse entrance to anyone who shows up past the publicly displayed showtime.
I hate when I need to shuffle my coat and purse around on the grimy floor, just because some late loser needs to shimmy on by me to sit down. That's bullshit.
Why is lateness not more penalized in our society? It's weird that it's not. We shouldn't be as casual about it as we are because it's a sickness. And if we continue to just look the other way, it's only going to get worse.
There's really so little you need to do in order to be a basic, decent human in a movie theatre.
- Show up early.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Shove your phone up your own ass if you can't go for less than two hours without looking at it.
The three S's! Pretty simple stuff. And honestly, I really just think it comes down to having manners. Where the hell did the importance of having good manners go over the past few decades?
The Top 25 Most Viewed Blog Posts
I've maintained this blog for two and a half years now (yikes) and it's kind of a small miracle that it's somehow gone on this long. There have been so many posts in that time that I thought it might be all right to share some of the top viewed posts (thank you Google Analytics) that I've written so far. I don't expect anyone to follow this site along so closely that they've read everything, so hopefully there's a few on this list that are new to you.
Also, it's a huge compliment that the most popular posts have been the meatier/wordier ones - and for that I thank everyone who's ever clicked on one damn thing on this site. This blog is such a fun thing to do and I'll never tire from having an opinion on everything. Here are the top 25 most viewed posts (thus far).
- The Best Slow Cooker Ribs
- Tabloids
- Making Friends As An Adult
- The Things We Should Have Learned in High School
- In Defense of Marriage
- Free (or Crazy Cheap) Things To Do in NYC
- The Weirdness That Surrounds the Word 'Feminist'
- Universal Studios
- Mermaid School
- When You Fall
- Dark Knight Rises - Review
- Healthy Banana Pancakes
- Broken Foot: Part Deux
- New Year’s Day Checklist
- Dinner at Blue Hill at Stone Barns
- The 10 Sweaty, Summer Movies I Frequent
- Valentine’s Day
- Celebrating 29
- Oz: The Great & Powerful - A Review
- Fake Eyelashes
- The Wolf of Wall Street - A Review
- The 10 Best End of School Movies
- The Seinfeld Restaurant & More Gems
- Lottery Tickets as Gifts
- Grilled Chicken with Rosemary Aioli
12 Things I'm Doing This Summer
Summer has officially begun, so I think it makes sense to have a summer must-do list. Is it obvious that I love lists? I have tons of different kinds of lists going - movies to watch, work stuff that needs to be done, etc. But here's what my summer list looks like this year. Keep in mind, a lot of it is food/fun-based (AS ALL SUMMER LISTS SHOULD BE). Also, make one of your own! Otherwise I promise you that this summer will just pass you by.
SUMMER 2015
- Try the frozen hot chocolate at Astor Bake Shop (Queens)
- Finally visit the rooftop across the street - there's a hotel across the street from me that has a rooftop bar that I've always wanted to go to but never have (Queens)
- Finally eat a Nanaimo bar for the first time (Toronto)
- Go to City Island (Bronx)
- Go to Montauk (Montauk)
- See this year's installation at the rooftop at The Met (Manhattan)
- Successfully grow something in my backyard (Queens)
- Check out the Jefferson Market Garden (Manhattan)
- Get the burrata ice cream at Dominique Ansel (Manhattan)
- See a movie at that gorgeous AMC on the UWS @ 84 street (Manhattan)
- Try an egg cream in Forest Hills (Queens)
- Visit the Edgar Allan Poe cottage (Bronx)
Possible Blogs Posts To Do: Photograph Each Hour For A Day, Outfit Of The Day posts, Vlog!
A Love Letter To Martin's Potato Rolls
My love,
When we met in 2004, my life was permanently changed. It was on a warm, spring evening and I had no idea how my world would be altered forever. You were draped around my first Shack burger and I thought, "Good God, he's tender." My friends acted as though you were nothing special, but I knew that I felt something between us. I found myself thinking about you long after that initial meeting. And not because of your well-regarded popularity at the time (I knew you had many admirers), but because I felt that you were the heart of that establishment.
Oh sure, I'd been with your type before that night - brioche, whole-wheat, ciabatta and even an English muffin or two. But none of them compared to you. I don't think you ever ventured into Canada, so maybe that's why it took so long for us to meet.
I had you on my mind for many a night after our first time. Then came the day when I first spotted you in a supermarket and was blown away that you were available. I hadn't know that I could take you home with me whenever I wanted. Do you have any idea how difficult it was not to devour you right there in that aisle? With everyone watching? I knew I had to leave you at once. For fear of my own well being.
Recently, I finally decided to take you home with me so I brought you home to meet Nathan for turkey burgers. He didn't care for you at first (since he's trying to steer clear of the likes of you), but he allowed you in our house and we actually had a lovely night together, the three of us. He only requests that we don't make it a habit. Once in awhile is all I can get him to agree to. And maybe it's for the best. I don't know. I honestly don't make good decisions around you, you know that.
I love you more than you'll ever know. And when the day comes that I find myself in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania - you can be damn sure to find me walking up Potato Roll Lane, screaming your name in lust.
Forever yours,
Liz
(UPDATE: On August 30th, 2015, a dream came true.)
Fury of the Day - Hotmail Hostility
I have a Hotmail address that I still use as my main email address. And it enrages me that I need to defend this fact to some people.
Do you know what still having a Hotmail account means? I'm loyal. That's it! Why is it not seen as such? Why are people so embarrassed by their Hotmail accounts? I guarantee that if you're too embarrassed by the thought of having a Hotmail account, then you're definitely one of the types to be embarrassed by the thought of ever having an out-of-date cell phone. You know the types I mean - maybe you are one of them. I'll never understand what the big issue is, to be honest. I mean, if something is still working for you - what the hell need is there to replace it with someone else? What is this obsession with newest = best?
I've had my Hotmail account since 2001. That's fourteen years. Do you not think that's amazing? Do you have any idea the gems that I've been able to save for years in there? DO YOU?! I like the idea that I can keep the same address for the rest of my life. Who wouldn't want that? That kind of stability seems attractive to me.
Anyway, I don't really have a point here. And if I had to have one it would be: back the fuck off - Hotmail's fantastic.
Belle Meade Plantation
I think it's safe to say that this country should be fucking embarrassed by the fact that its plantations are considered "attractions." I recently went to one solely because I've always thought the idea of showcasing them as "museums" was appalling and I had questions as to what purpose they serve today. I was also curious as to how they would tell the history of such a place and if they would include every historically relevant detail (they didn't).
So I went - and of course, it went badly. I knew it would, but I didn't know quite the extent of it.
First of all, there's a tour of the Belle Meade mansion. They take you on a detailed tour of the main house and go into full detail about the Harding family who lived there (who, by the way, had no significant impact on American history in any way that I could surmise) and the horses that they bred. AND THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE. There's literally no mention of any slaves or of anything that would hold the estate in a negative light. Oh, and there's a wine tasting inside the gift shop at the conclusion of the tour.
...Is it just me or is that the whitest thing they could've put in that gift shop? What the fuck does wine have to do with a plantation? Other than the fact that it makes sense to bask in the delight of a glass of Chardonnay instead of questioning any of the "uncomfortableness" that the entire property is cloaked in.
Terrible things happened here. Human beings were treated barbarically. Why in the fuck does this place deserve any kind of notoriety? Especially when NOTHING IS SAID about what actually went on here. Even when questions about slavery were asked, there were no concise answers given. The woman leading the tour simply said she was only trained to discuss the grounds and the Harding family since there were "very limited records" in regards to slave conditions. I know I shouldn't be surprised/disgusted by that reasoning, but I was.
The whole estate should be condemned. I really don't see what anyone who visits Belle Meade is supposed to take away from the experience. If anything, it lessens what actually happened there in a way that's deplorable beyond measure.
I knew that going here would amount to a horrible day, but I didn't know how awful I would feel afterward. It felt gross to be in a crowd full of people who were talking about how beautiful the grounds were. How the interior of the bedrooms were so well maintained. And how it would be the perfect place to have a wedding (not even joking - someone said that and infact they do rent out the grounds for receptions, as sickening as that is). I hated myself for not knowing in advance that of course it would be like this.
There's really nothing else to say about this place.